Eli’s eyes flicked to her hand on her cheek. “You okay?” he asked.
“I’ll be fine.” As long as no one knows I got injured trying to seduce my husband. “Are you coming to bed?”
“In a while.”
Natalie sighed long and loud. Eli would probably fall asleep on the couch in his clothes, like he had every other night for the last three months. She wrapped her arms around herself and headed down the hallway to her bedroom. She paused at the foot of the bed, hating that it had become her bedroom and not their bedroom.
She melted to her knees as the loneliness sank into her bones. Eli wasn’t a perfect man, but he had been her man, and she loved him with everything inside of her. Love had to go both ways, didn’t it?
While some women might think an unrequited love was romantic, Natalie knew one-sided love was deserted and cold. She missed Eli, her Eli, more with every passing day. During the long hours of the night, she missed his touch, his kisses. No one could kiss like Eli. The thought of his lips on hers sent a thrill up her arms and through her tummy. Was she pathetic for craving a man she couldn’t have? Maybe. But she was powerless to do anything about her feelings. The man who melted her reserves, who made her feel safe, who delighted her, couldn’t be gone. If he were, Natalie would have to mourn him and find some way to move on. As long as there was still a glimmer of the old Eli in that lump on the couch, she would hold on.
Chapter 5
Eli sipped his Pepsi while he waited for the computer to boot up. The kids said the download speed was too slow and they rarely used it for more than basic homework assignments. Since this was all they had, Eli was fine biding his time as the circle spun around and around on the screen. Besides, he didn’t have anywhere he needed to be.
He rubbed the spot on his neck where Natalie had kissed him last night. The skin still tingled. Her lips had shot right to his heart and jerked him out of the stupor he’d so easily slipped into when he got home. Being with Natalie was like coming home and finding something unique and new in every moment. Eli hadn’t meant to hurt her, though he was grateful he hadn’t taken more from her. He wasn’t worthy of her loving. He would earn her affection before he would take it. He had to, or he was going to wither away— like he almost had last night.
How he’d managed to spend hours staring at the television was beyond him. Before he’d lost his job, he never watched TV. Guys at work would talk about the latest Gold Discovery Biggest Nugget series, and he wouldn’t have a clue as to what they were talking about. Now he could name all five guys on the show, tell you where their claims were located, and give you an up-to-date total on their weigh-ins.
As useless as he felt taking up prime couch real estate, there was something encouraging in each episode that spoke to him. These miners took on nature in a primal way, with little more than their determination and grit. Yes, they failed, but they always came back the next week to push on, and they succeeded or failed on their own.
The computer dinged, and Eli typed in his password. He did a quick search for secondhand welding equipment. If he could get a welder and plasma cutter for cheap, he could take that job Chet called about. That job could lead to more and be something worthwhile— he would be something again. Then, maybe, when Natalie looked at him the way she had last night, he’d be able to take her up on that unspoken offer.
MontanaSuperAds.com didn’t have anything, and neither did Oodle.com. Pushing away from the desk, Eli decided to get outside and check the mail. He waved at Paul as he walked around the block. Eli kept his head down to discourage the guy from starting up a conversation; the last one had cost Eli a good forty-five minutes. On his way back in, he shuffled through the envelopes.
Bill.
Bill.
Credit card offer. He snorted. If they only knew what a bad investment he was, they’d stop wasting their money sending those stupid letters. Of course, the interest rate they offered was outlandish, so they were probably aware of his financial state. Great, the whole world knew he was a loser.
At the bottom of the stack were eight envelopes addressed to the Lawson family. Once inside, Eli tore one open, his curiosity getting the better of him. A ten-dollar bill fell onto the kitchen counter. Confused, Eli pulled out the card.
Hope you have a Happy Easter. Love, the Hopes.
What the …? Who were the Hopes?
Eli opened another one and found another ten-dollar bill.
Things will get better soon. Trust in the Lord. Love, Alice.
Alice? Eli set the note on the counter and stared at the image of the Savior on the front. He didn’t know anyone named Alice, and as far as he knew, neither did Natalie. Why would strangers send them money? He eyed the other envelopes wearily, the pit in his gut churning with mortification. Had his life come to this? To relying on strangers to meet the basic needs of food, shelter, and clothing? Gripping the edge of the table, Eli fought against the feeling of sinking in quicksand. He wanted to scream out to the world, to God, “What more can you ask?” but was afraid of the answer. The one answer he did want was to know where the envelopes had come from and who had broadcast his failures to strangers.
***
Natalie’s feet throbbed. Today had been one of those days where she believed her guardian angel had fallen asleep on the job. A register went completely bonkers in the middle of a two-cart checkout. Figuring out the issue took her thirty-five minutes, and fixing the problem took another twenty. The Adams twins had knocked over the St. Patrick’s Day display located inside the front doors. Their mom was apologetic and embarrassed, like she always was when her kids were mischievous. What she would do when those boys were teenagers, Natalie did not know.
As she’d finished restacking the display, Buster ran into her from behind with a grocery cart. Why carts were designed so they had a bar that could take out a girl’s Achilles tendon were beyond her. Buster had apologized, but that didn’t take away the limp she had for the rest of her shift. To top that off, Joyce had come in and hounded her about going to this new spa she’d found in Billings.
Making her way into the kitchen, hoping there was a mug’s worth of hot chocolate left over from the holidays, she almost missed Eli sitting at the table, the mail strewn about in front of him. “What’s all that?” She ducked into the fridge and pulled out the milk.
“I was hoping you could tell me.”
Setting the milk on the counter, she crossed the room.
Eli handed her a stack of cards. “These came in the mail.”
Natalie flipped open the top one and read the handwritten note quickly. “Alice who?” she asked.
Leaning back, Eli held up his hands. “I don’t know. There’s a note and ten dollars in each one.”
Natalie slid into the seat across from him as she read the second and third cards. They each had handwritten notes of encouragement.
“Did you sign us up for a charity?” asked Eli, his voice hard.
“No.” Natalie moved to the next card. This one was much longer and had a personal story from “Jessica” about a time she was out of work and needed help. She ended with, “It will get better—hang in there.” “That was nice,” said Natalie as she refolded the paper. “There was this Easter dress—”
“I’m not taking their pity money,” declared Eli.
Natalie’s stomach twisted. She had no desire to take away more of Eli’s pride. On the other hand, the money would pay for Hailey’s dress and Natalie wouldn’t have to get up at four-thirty to make bread for the next month. Her husband’s pride, or her daughter’s dress? She wanted to scream because she had to choose. “It’s not pity money. Read the cards. These people understand what we’re going through and want to help. That’s empathy, and that only comes from the goodness in people’s hearts.”
“Not happening.” Eli folded his arms.
Wanting to spark Eli’s softer side, she asked, “You love giving to the food bank, and there was that year you were in charge of the annual coat drive at work.
What changed?”
“I don’t mind giving charity; it’s taking it that bugs me.”
“Why? If we need it …”
Eli leaned forward. “I’m not supposed to need it. Accepting charity is for those who can’t support themselves, and I can! I have two willing hands, an able body, and a sound mind. I shouldn’t have to ask someone else to pay my bills.”
Natalie kept her voice steady despite her desire to yell. She pushed aside her snide remark about his version of a sound mind and focused on the issue of the envelopes. “You didn’t ask. They volunteered.”
Eli laid his head on his arms. Natalie reached out to run her fingers through his hair, her hand stalling an inch away, remembering his reaction to her touch the night before. No dress was worth the price Eli paid. She hated seeing him stripped down to this … this shadow. “We’ll send it back,” she whispered.
“We can’t.” Eli’s voice echoed hollowly against the table top. “There are no return addresses and no last names.”
Natalie checked a postmark. “This one is from Utah.” She flipped over another envelope. “Arizona, Arizona, Michigan. How is this even possible?”
“I don’t know, but I don’t want it.”
Natalie studied the table. “You don’t think one of the kids …”
As if on cue, her children spilled into the house, fresh off the school bus, with their backpacks slung over their shoulders. “It’s starting to warm up out there. I think we might see dirt and fields by Easter,” said Hailey.
“Don’t count on it,” replied Ryan. “We’re always hunting eggs in the snow.”
“When was the last time you hunted eggs?” countered Hailey.
Ryan screwed up his face as if he were thinking really hard. “Fifth grade, I remember it like it was yesterday.”
“Probably because you still act like a fifth-grader.” Hailey squealed and dodged as Ryan reached out to hook an arm around her. Running to stand by her dad, Hailey blinked as she noticed the money on the table.
Ryan’s gaze went back and forth between his parents. “What’s up?” he asked.
Eli glanced at Natalie before saying, “Did either of you say anything on Facebook or Twitter about money being tight around here?”
Both kids looked mortified. “No!”
Eli shook his head.
Natalie picked up the conversation. “We got these cards in the mail from all over the country, and they each had money in them. We wondered if maybe either of you had put our situation out there.”
“Haven’t said—or typed—a word,” said Ryan, holding up his right hand like a scout.
“Me neither.” Hailey pulled out a chair and sat down. She’d left this morning with her hair in a braid that wrapped around her head, and this afternoon her tresses fell in soft waves across her shoulders. Natalie couldn’t help but see the adorable little girl in the young woman sitting across from her. She’d be driving soon …
And Ryan? Ryan was headed to college next year. With his good grades, his student council experience, and the volunteer work he did with Pastor James, he’d earned a scholarship that paid for tuition and books. His admissions advisor promised he could get an on-campus job that would cover housing and provide enough for food. Her kids were slipping away, and the idea of being left with Eli and his cantankerous ways had Natalie shifting in her seat.
“So they just showed up?” asked Hailey.
Natalie nodded, stunned that they hadn’t found an answer.
“Maybe they came from heaven,” said Hailey.
“Nope. Says right here—Florida.” Ryan smirked.
“Heaven could be in Florida—it’s where all the old people go.” Hailey guffawed at her own joke, and Ryan rolled his eyes.
Eli stayed silent.
A car horn honked in the driveway. “That’s my ride.” Hailey shot to her feet. “I’ll be home after choir practice,” she called over her shoulder as she ran out the door.
“Bye.” Natalie waved.
Eli pushed the money across the table. “Buy her the dress.” He stormed to the couch.
Natalie forced a smile for Ryan’s sake. Her victory was unfulfilling. Especially since she hadn’t wanted to argue in the first place. “How’s that history paper coming?”
Ryan groaned.
“Want some help?”
“Sure. I’d love some cookies.”
“Who said anything about cookies?”
“You asked if I wanted help, and cookies would definitely help me write a better paper.”
Natalie smacked his arm. “Chocolate chip or snickerdoodle?”
“Do you really have to ask?”
Natalie smiled as she pulled a package of chocolate chips from the cupboard. With the mysterious money, she could buy the very dress Hailey wanted. She couldn’t see any reason not to purchase the dress, and the excitement on Hailey’s face would soften the grudge Eli was surely building. She wondered if he understood the way his mood affected everyone in the house. The kids still joked, but he didn’t join in like he used to, and she could tell they noticed.
Chapter 6
Bracing himself against the cool spring breeze, Eli hurried out to the car. He planned to get a new flapper for the toilet in the kids’ bathroom, check on Aunt Sophie, and have the toilet fixed before anyone got home. Ryan had a student council meeting later this evening, and Hailey was going to have dinner with Chloe.
Usually the girls traded off houses, and technically they should be eating at Hailey’s house. However, Hailey had spent a lot more nights at Chloe’s house than she had at home. Eli sighed, unsure if Hailey’s distance was a result of his constant presence at home or if fifteen-year-old girls naturally wanted to get away from their parents. Sometimes he wished she was still his little princess who was happy with a glass of chocolate milk and some time with Dad. His kids were slipping away, and he felt powerless to do anything about the growing distance between them.
Eli let the car warm up before backing out. At least Hailey would have that new dress—even if he didn’t buy it. He didn’t begrudge his family anything; he just hated himself for not being able to give them the world. What was it Aunt Sophie had said? Stop focusing on what you don’t have and pay attention to what’s right in front of you … or something like that.
Eli flipped on the radio and caught the last few minutes of one of the morning talk shows.
“You’re telling me, if I think about a million dollars, the money’s going to show up on my doorstep,” snarked the host.
“No,” replied the caller. “You have to work for it. The Law of Attraction is all about putting your wants and desires out for the universe. Let’s say you run a small business and your goal is to bring in a million dollars a year. So, you put that out there. You write a check to yourself for a million dollars, and put that check on your vision board.”
“Okay,” the host prompted.
“Then you go to work, still keeping that goal in mind. What’s going to happen is, you will have opportunities come up that you’d never thought of that will build your business. You’ll meet people who can help you take your business to the next level and the one beyond that.”
Eli found himself nodding along. He wasn’t sure about the whole “universe” idea, but he was willing to try anything.
The caller continued, “Pretty soon, you realize you’ve made that million.”
The host laughed. “Then what?”
The caller chuckled. “Then you write a check for two million and keep going.”
Eli turned the radio off on their knowing laughter, the idea sticking with him like gum on the bottom of his shoe.
What you put out into the universe comes back.
What had he put out in the universe? Desperation? Anger? No wonder he got rejected at job interviews. What if he did change things up? Fake-it-till-ya-make-it kind of thinking.
If he understood the caller, then focusing only on not having things meant that he would never have things, bec
ause he was drawing failure to himself on a daily basis. If he focused on what he had, then he would draw goodness his way. Like, if he focused on having a truck, an even better truck would come into his life.
Gripping the steering wheel, he chuckled. Am I so desperate that I’m ready to try this? He checked both ways before leaving the driveway. Yeah, I kind of am that desperate.
Okay, here goes. I’ll start with the basics.
I have a house.
I have a family.
I have water.
I have food to eat.
I have transportation.
He gasped. I have smoke coming out of my truck!
Slamming on the brakes, Eli killed the engine and a big poof of white smoke belched out from under the hood. Plugging his nose against the stench, he jumped from the vehicle and waved his hand to clear the air. It didn’t help.
“Need some help?” called his neighbor Paul.
Eli pressed his fingers to the bridge of his nose. “I need somethin’.” A vacation from my life would be nice.
Paul ambled across his lawn, wet with spring melt, and waved his hand in front of his face. “Whew! Smells like the serpentine belt.”
“Belts smell?” Eli was handy around the house, not under the hood.
“Like burning rubber,” replied Paul. He dropped to the wet asphalt, his thin frame easily fitting between the bumper and the road, and reached under as he spoke. “What happens is, the belts are cold from sitting around and they can become brittle. Eventually …” He straightened, a long piece of rubber in his hand. “They crack and break. It’s a blessing you weren’t on the highway when this happened.”
“I am so blessed,” Eli said, coating his words in sarcasm.
Paul looked back and forth between his house and Eli’s truck. “Wait here,” he said before he trotted away.
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