I’m such a mess, I got crap in my hair.
How’s that for responsible.
I try not to focus on the fact that my kids found me like they did. In a snack induced haze.
“Mom, do you want anything else to eat?” Dexter is sincere as he asks and sweet for thinking I would need anything else at this point or even that there’s anything left in the pantry.
Abby cuts either of us off though. “Please, look at her. She’s not going to eat anything healthy. She’s an addict.” Abby bustles around me and I lift my head to stare at her in horror.
“I’m not an addict.” But she’s right. I don’t want to talk about why she thinks that about her mother.
“Mom, please. Come on. You never let yourself eat it on a moderate basis and when you get started, you can’t stop. It’s insane. One of my friends at school said her mom has a problem with sugar which is why she started keto. I don’t know why you don’t just start it. I mean, you have a truck and everything.” Abby shrugs, continuing to clean me up as she moves.
Dexter shuffles to the pantry and calls out, “Mom, do you want Paul out? He looks kind of… abandoned.”
I’m still mad at Paul but now I’m thinking about what Abby has said. I know I have a problem with sugar, but I have an even bigger problem with control.
I’m not sure Paul is a help or a hindrance with that problem.
“I like Knox. He’s straight up. Even when he’s not being completely honest.” Abby starts in the small talk, having no idea it’s not small.
I blink at her, wiping at the crumbs still clinging to the sides of my mouth. “Not honest? What are you talking about?”
Abby laughs like she’s talking to a child. “Come on, Mom. No guy is completely honest. They’d probably end up dead, if they were. But like at Silverwood, we just got off the log ride and he said I looked pretty and not to worry about my hair. When we passed dad on our way out, he said I looked like drowned rat.” She laughed like her dad being insulting is completely okay. “Anyway, I like him.”
Is she giving me her blessing or something?
That can’t be it, because she doesn’t really know him. I don’t really know him.
But I keep my thoughts to myself. I don’t want to ruin Abby’s opinion of yet another man in her life. And yes, Knox is great with the kids, but for how long? And will he tell me the truth ever?
As the kids finish picking things up and then disappearing to their rooms, I sit and stare at Paul and my phone where Dexter has set them on the counter a few feet from where I sit.
The least Knox could do is tell the group the truth so I don’t have to. That’s the least he could do. Maybe I could forgive him, if he did that.
I reach for my phone, ignoring the sink of dishes to my left and the fact that I need to get dinner done for my children.
Opening the phone, I pull up the group thread that has a red icon indicating missed messages.
Apple: I haven’t heard from Savvy in a few days, has anyone else?
Dion: Hopefully, she’s busy with Spicy Buns.
Alex: I’m not sure. She seemed kind of off the other night.
Veve: Guy problems. I’m telling you, we need to branch out and expand our horizons. Maybe Savvy needs more exposure than to just the one guy. Maybe we need to introduce her to a bunch of guys.
Sara: Do you know a bunch of guys? Because if you know a bunch of guys, I know a group of women who might be up for dating.
Mandie: I’d love to date.
Sara: I meant us, Mandie.
KT: Hey, guys. I think I know why Savvy hasn’t been in the group for a few days. It’s the same reason I haven’t been.
Dion: Uh, oh, did we offend one of you guys? I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to do that.
KT: No, it’s nothing any of you did. In fact, even Savvy hasn’t done anything. This… has to do with me.
Apple: :popcorn:
Alex: Okay, what’s going on? Do you have a crush on Savvy or something?
KT: Yes, I do. Huge, but not as a woman. I’m actually a man.
Dion: Okay, so you’re saying you’re transgender? I don’t know any transgender people.
Alex: This explains the divorce.
KT: No, you guys. I’m Spicy Buns. I’ve been on this thread this whole time, hoping to learn from you ladies on what makes women tick and what makes men – me – fail at relationships.
KT: I just… Savvy somehow found out and I feel awful that it happened this way. I would have spoken up sooner, but I lost my phone and the group started and by the time I found my phone, the group was too far in and I’d already learned too much.
KT: You have no idea how helpful talking with all of you has been.
Dion: Okay, I’m going to speak first. You’re Spicy Buns? The hot guy with the tattoos?
KT: I’m not sure that I’m hot, but yes, I have ink.
Dion: Oh, honey, you’re delicious. If Savvy doesn’t want you, I’m next in line.
Apple: Me, next!
Alex: This is ridiculous. Although, if you’re taking a waitlist, I’ll sign up.
Veve: Oh, you guys. I would totally sign up, but tattoos aren’t really my thing.
Apple: I don’t think they’re Savvy’s either.
Sara; Oh, please. She ogled Spicy Buns more than any of us. She was going out on a date with him. How did that go, by the way?
KT: I’m not sure. I thought we were having fun on a few of the dates, but I think something spooked her. Which is terrible, because I really care about her.
Dion: Don’t say love because you’ll shoot down my chances. I can’t go for a guy my friends love. It doesn’t work that way.
KT: I completely understand. My heart is broken, Dion.
Alex: Oh, you’re cheeky. That’s funny.
KT: I really am sorry, ladies. I’m sure you must feel betrayed. I didn’t mean for it to get so out of hand.
Apple: I think I’m fine with it. At least Dion didn’t send a picture of anything other than her nose.
Mandie: I’m not upset so much as… confused. How did we help you?
Sara: This^^^
KT: All of you made me realize that men can be a lot more self-centered than I think I got. We need to listen more. It also helped me see what parts of a relationship need work and what parts shouldn’t be too hard.
Dion: Now go out and spread the good word.
Veve: Would that all men would hear what you just said.
I set the phone down. I couldn’t go back in the group. Not now, maybe not for a while.
So, what if I’m acting like a pouty child. Quite honestly, I feel a little betrayed by the group now, too. Why weren’t they upset like I am?
Worse, why did they see his side?
It doesn’t matter. He can say how much he cares about me all he wants. It’s too little, too late.
It’s time to get my head on straight. But maybe not until after we have dinner. And some dessert.
If there’s anything sweet left.
Chapter 34
Knox
Everyone knows and the only one who seems bothered by it is the one I want to talk to me.
But she won’t.
Every morning I watch her trailer until I see it’s the college girl running things. Then my day darkens.
She won’t answer my texts. And even though I know where she lives, I can’t make myself go there. I just can’t impose on her that much.
If Savvy wants anything to do with me, she’s going to have to reach out – even just a little bit. I’ll go the rest of the way, but I need her to try.
Even if it’s just a sneeze.
In order for that to happen, she needs to come to work.
An entire week passes and she never shows up. I take Sunday off, like normal, and finally do dinner at my parents’ which my dad disappears only fifteen minutes into it to watch baseball.
We don’t watch sports in my family. I have no idea why he’s mad at me. Maybe Mom told him to be nice an
d this is the only way he can be? I don’t know.
Monday morning dawns bright and I’m at my BBQ trailer first thing. I need to do brisket and pulled pork.
Unlocking the door, I turn and catch a glimpse of the spot the keto trailer is supposed to be in, but it’s gone.
Gone.
Just. Gone.
I leave my keys in the lock and turn away from the trailer, walking slowly as if my eyes might readjust before I get to where Savvy’s trailer is supposed to be.
Leonardo walks by, stopping beside me as he too stares at the spot where the trailer was. “Sucks, right? She must have pulled it out last night after we were all closed up and gone. It really bites, too, you know? I think she was close to going out with me.” Leonardo shakes his head and turns back to his trailer. “I can smell your brisket every week, man. I think I’m getting fat.”
“You don’t order my BBQ, Leonardo. If you’re getting fat, it’s not from my stuff.” I dust my hands off on my pants like I’d been touching something and I stare at her empty spot a moment longer.
“Ha ha. I know, man, but here’s the problem. When I smell your brisket, I get hungry and I grab the closest thing to me. And lasagna doesn’t help in the weight department.” He laughs and shakes his head.
Sylvia waves to me as she finishes setting things up. Some of the food trucks do all three meals.
David was never able to convince me that anyone would want brisket for breakfast. Plus, I can’t spend my entire life at my job. That’s what engineers do and I’m more interested in having a life than a career.
I climb into my trailer and mechanically go through the motions of setting my brisket up to go in the smoker.
David comes in two hours later and sees me, gasping as he does so. “Oh, crud, Knox, are you okay?”
I blink at him, feeling like I can’t breathe. Maybe I was kicked by a horse and just don’t remember. My lungs hurt and something in my chest feels like it’s been ripped out.
“Okay, enough. Tell me what’s going on. I know you’re keeping something from me. Now, talk.” David grabs his grill master apron and pulls it on, but focuses the fulness of his attention on me.
With the pulled pork finished and ready to be served and the brisket only two hours left to go, I sink to the bench and lean forward, resting my elbows on my knees and then place my head in my hands. “I’m an idiot.”
“Okay, go on.” David doesn’t argue, but he’s my brother. Why would he?
I proceed to tell him what I did, how I messed up and that I have no idea how to fix it.
The silence after my confession brings my head up. David stares at me as if I have three heads.
“You had access to a group of women and you didn’t ask fundamental questions? You had the opportunity to get information from them and you wasted your chance? I feel like I don’t even know you. How can you be my brother?” He throws his hands in the air.
“What do you mean? I couldn’t take advantage of the situation. What if they got mad at me?” Maybe David wasn’t listening. I couldn’t go through the entire thing again. It’s just too painful.
“Oh, but the only one who really matters is mad at you, agreed?” He doesn’t wait for a reply as he plows onward. “I just don’t understand how you mess these things up. Stop caring so much. Look, here comes a group of women. Watch how it’s done.” David turns to the approaching trio and winks, placing his hand on his hip and calling out to them. “Hey, ladies, looking for some hot meat today?”
I groan inwardly as the ladies glance at each other and then turn back to David. The one in front speaks. “Thanks, but your meat is probably overused and overstated.”
David slams his hand to his chest and tilts his head forward. “Ouch, okay. Good shot, but really, my pulled pork is phenomenal.”
“Pass. We’re looking for the keto trailer. Did she move?” The second woman looks bored with David’s display and motions toward Savvy’s empty spot.
I jump up. “She’s gone, but we’re not sure where.”
The third woman pulls out her phone and after a couple moments of clicking around, she holds up the device in triumph. “Found her! She’s in Post Falls. Come on. I can’t stop thinking about that lava cake. I need one. Maybe two.” They ignore us as they dart off toward their car.
Post Falls. So, Savvy ran from me. From everything we could have had and moved her business to Post Falls.
David holds up a hand. “Don’t even say it. I’ll get the next one.” He shakes his head and braces his hands on the counter. “I can’t believe that just happened. It’s like I have bad luck with you in here.”
“Yeah, you sucked on that one.” But I’m not interested in pursuing the line of teasing that should follow.
David holds up his hand again and shakes his head. “Shut up, man. That was a crash and burn and I’ve got nothing. I’ll do better.” He pushes back from the counter and shakes his arms and rolls his head side to side like he’s getting ready for battle.
I could care less.
But do I tell him so or just tell him to try again and again to get his heart broken?
How can I give him any advice, when my own heart is lying in a thousand pieces at my feet?
Chapter 35
Savvy
Everything about this new, amazing spot irritates me.
The perfect parking lot bugs me with its nice curbing, pavement, and clearly assigned parking spots.
The grassy and well-maintained eating area in the middle of the lot surrounded by the trailers. So irritating. Where’s the dirt and gravel?
The perky Jennifer as she walks around and checks to make sure we don’t need anything as trailer owners. Who does that? In the last spot, I paid my monthly rent and that was it. I never got things fixed in a timely manner and I didn’t expect it.
The Mexican trailer two spots down has gotten on my nerves in a huge way, as well. I miss seeing Sylvia and hearing her loud Spanish as she yelled orders inside her trailer. Plus, the woman working the trailer is obviously not Mexican or at least doesn’t under Mexican fare. She told me twice that fajitas are a dessert. I went back to my trailer and sat down, feeling more out of my comfort zone than anything else.
The mishap with the Mexican trailer kept me far away from the Italian trailer and the wanna-be burger trailer across the circle from me.
It’s irritating that the burger trailer just within eyeshot doesn’t have a hot, tattooed muscular man moving around in a black apron. Or that I can’t smell the BBQ sauce from here. Or that…
All of it is bugging me and nothing is helping.
I glare at Paul sitting on the counter across from me. Folding my arms, I huff. “This is all your fault.”
I can almost hear him talking back. He would say something like, “How is this my fault? I’m paper.”
Wrong Text, Right Reply: A Sweet Accidental Romance (An Accidental But Perfect Romance Book 1) Page 22