One of the things I thought about when I was getting back into teacher mode was how thrilling it is to be around a six-year-old’s enthusiasm for life. Sometimes that enthusiasm causes them to bite off more than they can chew, and I watch them get disappointed and upset when their extremely high expectations don’t get fulfilled. They crash and burn, getting exhausted after bursts of energy and effort. And it’s my job to help them reach their lofty goals by breaking them down into manageable parts so they don’t get disheartened and give up altogether.
I’m finally helping myself in the same way. Today, I’ll be grateful that I got to experience falling in love—twice. Tomorrow, I’ll wake up and be excited because I can feel that love whenever I want to.
I still haven’t heard from Vince since Indiana, and I haven’t reached out to him yet. I plan to, next weekend. Once the first week of school is behind me. Until then, we’re okay.
I’ve seen Russell in passing twice. He seems okay, although if he weren’t okay, he wouldn’t show it. We had a quick conversation about telling our co-workers that we’re no longer a couple, but only if they ask. We aren’t going to make a big announcement or anything. He didn’t say anything about whether he’s still with Sadie or not, and he didn’t ask me about Vince. I really think that on that front, for Russell and me, we’ll be fine.
I’m standing at the door to my classroom, waiting to greet my new students, when I look across the hall and see Tyler’s mom pass by the entrance from the big yard, looking around. My kids haven’t started to arrive yet, so I hurry over to the doors.
“Eve?”
“Oh, thank God.” She approaches. “I was hoping I’d catch you.”
“Hi. Everything okay?”
“Oh yeah. I just dropped Tyler off.”
“Oh good. Whose class is he in?”
“Mrs. Yee.”
“That’s great—she’s wonderful.”
“Yeah, she seems cool.”
We stare at each other for a second.
“So, you all had a good summer?” I ask.
“Yeah, really good. You?”
I smile. “It was the best.” Sighing, I finally ask the question I’ve wanted to ask ever since I spotted her: “How is he?”
She lets out a long exhale and puts her hands on her hips. “He’s…okay? I think. It’s so hard to tell with him. I mean, it was rough for a couple of days there. I was really worried about him. It seemed like he wasn’t sleeping, and I guess he drank a lot that first night after you…whatever…but…he’s been seeing his therapist a few times a week, and I think…”
She notices my eyes widen and realizes this might be news to me.
“I mean. It’s not my place to say this, but…”
“Yeah, sure. I’m sure you’re busy.”
“But I think you guys should talk.”
“Oh.”
“Like, soon.”
“Oh. Okay.” Oh…okay.
A horde of parents and five- and six-year-olds suddenly crowds in toward us, and Eve and I get separated. I hear her say “bye” and I have so many questions but no time to think about anything other than getting backpacks into cubby holes and kids into their desks.
By 3:20, when my classroom is miraculously emptied and quiet, I start to tidy up and reorganize and pack up my things. I can finally acknowledge the butterflies in my stomach and the re-emerging tingle in my lady parts in anticipation of talking to Vince, like soon.
There are no messages from him on my phone.
I have a text from Marnie that says: Staff room before home? Zonaforpthwak.
She really needs to learn to lock her screen before sliding her phone into her pocket.
I reply with: Heading home! Talk later.
When I’m three blocks toward home, composing a speech in my head, I hear a motorcycle engine approaching behind me and stop in my tracks.
Un, deux, trois, ohhh merde, please be him.
The man on the motorcycle pauses alongside me and pulls off his helmet with his strong, slightly rough, very capable hands. Seeing his beautiful face again takes my breath away.
“Hello, Miss Parks.”
I have to clear my throat. “Hi.”
From where I stand, his eyes look green with patches of brown and gold—the color of a summer lawn after a long day of welcome rain. I take a step toward him.
“Sorry I don’t have more of a grand gesture prepared,” he says with a sheepish grin that reminds me of Charlie. “I’ve been too busy going to therapy and working toward becoming a partner at my dad’s brokerage. So I’m kind of exhausted.” He shrugs. “But I’m doing it all for you.”
“I feel like I’ve been waiting my whole life to hear someone say that.”
“You want a ride home?”
I nod. “Yes. Yes I do.”
“Hop on.”
I put on the extra helmet and climb onto the seat behind him, hiking up my skirt. I wrap my arms around his waist, pressing my cheek against his back. He smells like a warm, musky forest that I want to run through naked and get lost in with him.
When he parks the bike in front of my building, he stays on after I climb off. He removes his helmet, runs his fingers through his hair, and says, “I didn’t call you because I figured you needed to get ready for school…”
“Yeah. I didn’t call you because I was getting ready for school, and…I just kind of knew we’d see each other when we were ready.”
He grins.
I love that grin.
“Can I come up?”
“Yes.”
He nods once. There’s a clarity in his gaze that I haven’t seen before. I’ve always felt like he could see right through me, but now I feel like I can see into him too. He locks both wheels of his bike and follows me upstairs. We don’t speak or touch or look at each other, but I feel the electricity of him on my skin, all over.
As soon as we’re through the door to my apartment, I drop my bag, he drops his motorcycle helmets and messenger bag, and my back is pressed up against the wall, his lips on mine, my hands all over him, and I finally feel like I’m home.
“I missed you so much,” he says. “I love you so fucking much. I’m sorry I was such a dick that day.”
“Vince, I’m more in love with you now than ever.” He kisses my neck as he unbuttons my blouse, and all these random words and sounds pour out of my mouth, until I’m finally able to form a sentence. “I realized I’m more me when I’m with you than when I’m by myself or with anyone else. I’m so sorry I had to hurt you to figure that out.”
“You don’t have to apologize to me.”
“No, I do. I have to say this—wait. Wait.” I hold him away from myself so I can get the words out before my brain drowns in a bath of hormones and relief. I place one hand over my chest and one on his. “I keep thinking it’s like I was hiding this hole in my heart. And you came along and revealed it to me. And then you patched it up.” We are just a few feet away from that part of the wall he punched the night we met, and I know he knows what I’m talking about. “And then I broke yours. I’ll never forgive myself for that…” I brace myself and wait for him to laugh at me for saying anything so corny out loud.
Instead, he says, “Baby, I would rather let you break my heart every day of my life than live without you.”
I cover my mouth. “Oh my God. Vince. We’re so cheesy.”
He leans down, his lips hovering an inch from mine. “I think we should stop talking now.”
I smile. “I have a surprise for you.” I slowly push the waistband of my skirt down past my hip.
“I like it so far,” he says with a smirk.
“You’re going to have to be gentle with me,” I say as I push the skirt down a couple more inches to reveal the tattoo I got when I was in Indiana. It’s healing nicely. I think Joni Mitchell would be proud to know that her lyrics have a permanent place on my lower abdomen.
I watch his eyes light up as he reads:
Oh I could drink a case of
you darling
And I would still be on my feet
I would still be on my feet
“For me?”
“For you, darling.”
He tugs my skirt down so that it falls to the floor, scoops me up in his arms, and carries me to my bed, placing me down on it ever so gently. He kisses all around the tattoo and keeps staring at it when he says, “Hey, Miss Parks—you got any big plans for the fall, or…the rest of your life?”
“Yeah,” I say, reaching for him and pulling him to me. I will always, always, reach for him and pull him to me. “I’ve got some pretty big plans.” I kiss his ear and whisper, “I know a guy.”
EPILOGUE – Vince
* Ten Months Later *
The wedding of Neil Devlin to Sharon Hale is warm and pleasant and understated, just as they wanted it to be. It’s a second marriage for both of them. I am as sure that my mom would like Sharon as I am that Charlie adores her and that my dad will love and cherish her for as long as she’ll put up with him. Watching him slowly give himself to her has been good for Gabe and me, as neither of us ever thought we’d see the day he’d look at any woman the way he looked at our mother.
Life does go on.
We are all, amazingly, okay.
My dad’s married again. Gabe’s been dating a great lady for over two months. Charlie even has a little girlfriend, as I had predicted. Russell and Sadie broke up like half a year ago, and I even sort of get along with him when we have to see each other.
As Dr. Glass would say: “All in good time.”
The good times with Nina continue. But I’ve been waiting patiently for what feels like an eternity to get to this moment.
The wedding reception at our friend’s restaurant is in full swing, and Nina looks warily at the drinks I’ve just made for us at the bar. I just invented this cocktail. It’s big and Irish green, and it contains twelve ingredients. One for each month I’ve known her.
“It’s called a Lucky Motherflorker,” I tell her.
She laughs and takes a sip. “Hmmm… It tastes so bitter and so sweet.”
“You got that right.” I pull something out of my left pocket and slide it across the bar counter toward her. “This is for you.”
Her eyes go wide at the sight of the little black velvet box, but she doesn’t hesitate to grab it and open it. That’s my girl.
She looks a little confused when she sees the key inside it. “But I already have a key to your place,” she says.
“This is just a metaphorical hypothetical key to our place. A couple of months ago I told a guy I know to keep an eye open for two bedrooms in Carroll Gardens or Cobble Hill. So you can still walk to work. And there’s a place about to come on the market that I want to show you tomorrow. I really think you’ll like it. And I’d really like to live there with you.”
She smirks.
God, I love it when she smirks.
“Well, that sounds great, but I’m not in the mood to get raped or murdered this summer.”
Ahh, memories. “I promise I’ll keep my hands where you can see them. So you know exactly what they’re doing to you at all times.”
She giggles. “People do this? Meet in a liquor store, rebound with each other, go on a double date with their exes, and then move in together?”
“We do.”
“Yeah. We do.”
“Good.” I pull another box out from my right pocket and walk out from behind the counter. It is too fucking priceless that the Beyoncé ballad she loves just happens to be playing when I get down on one knee in front of her.
I hear Eve scream from the other side of the room, and I don’t even care that all my co-workers are watching me do this. All I care about is the look on Nina’s amazing face.
“Thing is, I want to live there with you…as your husband. If you’re open to that.”
“I am. I am very open to that.”
“You’ll marry me?”
“Oh. Hell. Yes.” She pulls me up off the floor—because that’s what she does, she pulls me up—takes the ring, and slides it onto her perfect finger. “Vince Devlin,” she says, kissing my cheek and saying into my ear, “I’m gonna marry the fuck out of you.”
And that’s how I know it’s summer again, and that for us, it always will be.
(Bonus) EPILOGUE TWO - Vince
“You look like you could use a little help,” I say to the most beautiful woman in Whole Foods. I’ve never felt the urge to hit on someone in the baby food aisle before, but she’s so hot I just can’t help myself.
She doesn’t turn to look at me, but she does smirk and check to see if anyone else is around before muttering, “You could help me by getting naked and putting your penis inside of me.”
I cover the baby’s ears before replying. “Whatever the lady wants. You want me to do this in your car so I can put the baby down first, or what?”
She shakes her head, blushing. I don’t think there will ever come a time when my wife will stop feeling embarrassed after saying something even vaguely dirty out loud. But that doesn’t stop her from playing along, and that is one of the million reasons why I am still so in love with her. “Do you work here?” she asks.
“No, but I do know my way around easily digestible mashed and pureed ingredients that can be gradually introduced to an infant’s diet. You looking for anything in particular?”
“Yes. Something organic that I can feed my child if circumstances prevent me or my husband from having the time to prepare something fresh for her at home.”
I nod and try to cross my arms in front of my chest like a sexy bad boy stranger who’s a great listener, but the seven-month-old I’m wearing on my torso keeps cooing and slapping my hands. “Circumstances, huh? Tell me about these circumstances. Do they involve…” I cover the baby’s ears again. “Do they involve me being naked while I’m putting my penis inside of you?”
“I wish.” Nina rolls her eyes. “Come on. Help me choose something.” She holds up a jar. “I’m thinking sweet potato and chicken.”
“Oh hell no. Store-bought SP and C? For a seven-month-old girl? Who’s only very recently graduated to stage two foods? I don’t think so.”
“Vince...”
“Let me just buy a bunch of organic ingredients here and you can come home with me. I will make everything from scratch, and we can freeze it.” I hold my hands up. “No funny business, I promise. You can watch my sexy hands the whole time.”
She stares at my hands for a couple of seconds and licks her lips before waving me off and saying, “We have to get some of these as back-up. It’s fine.” She takes a deep, unsteady breath. On an exhale, she says, “We can’t just stay at home making baby food and staring at Joni all the time when we aren’t working. We need to start going out again.”
“Oh I’ve got plans for taking you out again.”
Nina’s face lights up, so bright it kind of breaks my heart. “Yeah?”
“Yeah. When she’s in college. And still living at home with us. But I’m keeping a mental list of all the places I want to take you when she’s in class.”
Nina’s still smiling as she shakes her head, but she keeps grabbing jars of baby food and placing them in the cart. “Vince...”
“I know, I know.” I kiss Joni on the top of her head and grab on to her feet. These little feet. They’re always moving. She just started crawling. In a few months she’ll be walking and I’m dreading it. I mean, I’ll be really proud of her and take a million pictures and videos, but I’m gonna keep her strapped to my chest as much as possible until then.
I look up at Nina, who knows exactly what I’m thinking. She doesn’t make fun of me or call me a giant pussy the way my dad and Gabe do. She just rubs my back and says, “Honey, I think it’s time you made that call.”
“I know. I know.”
“She is absolutely the sweetest, most gorgeous thing. Her name’s Joni?”
“Joni Colette Devlin.” I lock the screen and put the phone back in my pocket.
Dr. Glass is tearing up a little, because she knows Colette was my mother’s name. “Beautiful. I’m so happy for you, Vince. Have a seat.”
Her office hasn’t changed in the past year, as far as I can tell. I still move the throw pillows out of the way when I take a seat on the couch, but it’s really more of a ritual at this point. Just like old times. We got through the abandonment stuff before I proposed to Nina and it’s been smooth sailing since then, but here we go again.
“Thanks for seeing me.”
“I can always find time for you,” she says, picking up her notebook and pen. “How are you?”
“Really great. Happy. Work’s great. Charlie and my brother and dad are great. Marriage is great. The sex is still great. Fatherhood is great. I’m head over heels in love with my wife and my baby.”
“Great. Good.” She waits for the “but…”
“But…my wife thinks I have separation anxiety. About Joni.”
Dr. Glass nods and makes a note. “What do you think?”
“I think my wife is right about everything.”
She smiles. “Sounds like the key to a happy marriage to me.”
“Is this a thing? Separation anxiety? For dads?”
“It certainly can be. Most men probably don’t feel comfortable talking about it.”
“Yeah no kidding. I brought it up with my dad and he laughed at me. It’s…I think I’m more worried about Joni getting scared if we aren’t around enough. Like what if she thinks we aren’t coming back?”
Dr. Glass nods and scribbles in her notebook. “Who looks after her when you’re at work?”
“Nina’s taking the year off from teaching. We’ll get a nanny when the next school year starts, but we decided it would be better for her to take the whole year off instead of maternity leave. The school was able to work things out with a temp replacement, so Nina won’t lose her job. Well—Russell worked it out, actually.”
The Brooklyn Book Boyfriends: a collection Page 20