Slow to Grow

by Lonny Cyrelle

Chapter 13

  One of Lloyd=s favorite courses was his creative writing class, and he found that he could express his humor through his essays. For one of his assignments he wrote a Ahumor@ piece about a famous cartoon character..

  Casper B A Ghost Before His Time. A Thesis

  Title: Dignity and Grace Personified in the Face of Anger

  Subtitle: Hidden Social Connotations Encompassing the Suppression and Hidden Undertones Involving the Negative Acceptance of Casper the Friendly Ghost in Common Society. A Dissertation.

  Page 788 - cont.

  Regarding the macabre premise that Casper is the spectral incarnation (re-incarnation?) of what one can only assume to be a dead little boy, if you refer back to page 581 chapter XIII, you can see where I laid the groundwork for that fundamental error in assumption. I presuppose that in fact Mr. Casper is in fact, the offspring of two ghosts, not a spirit of a recently deceased child. Debating the merits of how Ghosts can procreate was extrapolated earlier. Please refer to Chapter IX, page 433.

  Nevertheless, under these circumstances it is easy to postulate that if in fact his parents were ghosts, it only follows that Casper himself would be. The same holds true in nature with Star Trek nerds.

  The conception of Casper can be found in The Friendly Ghost, the first Noveltoon to feature him, released by Paramount in 1945. In this early stage of the young ghosts existence he found that his place in society was in the dregs, the ghost towns, if you will. This compartmentalization would manifest throughout his existence.

  In this first cartoon, Casper is a cute, pudgy ghost-child, who prefers making friends with people instead of scaring them, also a common theme pervasive throughout his life, as subsequent episodes would reflect. He has left his home at the local haunted house and is determined to go out and make friends. However, every person or animal he comes into contact with takes one horrified look at him and runs off in the other direction. A common and somewhat lazy assumption made by mid 20th Century sociologists was to speculate that this was an obvious racial allegory. The fatal flaw in that thinking is that Casper is white, something surely not lost on the animators. The argument that he was a member of the Ku Klux Klan was also unfounded, as future shorts would show that even the other white ghosts were not particularly fond of him for reasons never fully established. Until now.

  What is painfully obvious, seen through the prism of enlightenment of the year 1989, is that Casper represented not the stigma of the black man, but in fact was an amalgam of what would be referred to in the 1940=s as a dandy or lightshoe. Ladies and Gentleman the crux of my thesis boils down to this. Casper the Friendly Ghost was a homosexual. And an out one at that. He was happy with what he was and comfortable in his own skin, or ectoplasm. This gaiety was not acceptable in the social order and mores of the time. No. Casper the Ghost, while seemingly unrepressed, was an outcast, an unrepentant flamer. This was not a racial prejudice, this was a sexual one!

  It did not matter that he was a friendly ghost. In fact he was too friendly. It didn=t matter that he was pure of heart. He was an effeminate little boy who threatened the peaceful and innocent nature of the times. A white little ghost boy, whose exploits are shunned and gawked at by millions. A latter day equivalent to Michael Jackson if you will.

  The lessons learned and hammered home repeatedly over the course of the many shorts was, you stay on your side of the line and we=ll stay on ours. And we will shun you, regardless. Kind of like Texans.

  While the major subtext of Casper was his unabashed homosexuality, he was also an early martyr and flag bearer in the fight against mental illness. Returning to his initial feature, The Friendly Ghost, when we last left off, Casper has found himself disheartened and shunned by even the most gentle forest creatures and carefree children.

  At this point in his life, which mental health professionals refer to as the futile stage, Casper finds himself lost. Distressed and distraught, his mind is filled with wretched and raging thoughts of suicide. 1940=s society cast mental illness as a foible, a failure of an individual. It was the fault of a weak and diseased mind, the effects of which caused Casper to feel even more isolated and anguished. In what can only be referred to as a classic and desperate cry for help, he lay himself down on a railway track in an unsuccessful attempt to commit suicide (apparently forgetting that he's already dead). As one can imagine, the train passed right through him with no damage done to his body, but crushing his spirit even more, no pun intended.

  The cartoon ends with the archetypal tale of redemption as Casper meets two little children who look past his flamboyancy and see the person inside, a not so trifle task with a ghost, but I digress. Undaunted, they befriend him and redeem him as a ghoul if not as a person. A cynical viewer will note that the lesson learned is that only a child or an ignoramus can be friends with the ghost, i.e., the homosexual. A rational individual=s obvious natural reaction would be fear or disgust.

  The only conclusion that can be gleaned from Casper=s sad existence is that he must suffer the slings and arrows of those around him, but that future generations will look back upon him as a hero, A Jackie Robinson or Boy George of the Ghost movement.

  I posit that Casper would be an apt symbol for today=s homosexual movement, a throwback to the times of the garish Hollywood musicals popularized by Busby Berkeley and the incomparable Judy Garland. His campy antics and pallid color would now fit neatly into the fabric of the tightly wound homosexual lifestyle and his visage should be permanently sewn into the rainbow flags found commonplace throughout their stylish communities. Sadly, Casper is an anachronism, in a time when nostalgia is embraced unironically, which is doubly sad, considering the homosexual community=s embrace of the ironic. Right? That whole Liza Minneli, Female Comedian loving thing is ironic, right? Well maybe that is for another thesis.

  In closing, I would like you to gaze upon the poetry bestowed upon Casper in regards to his lifestyle. Poignancy personified. He was dignity unmatched. Float away, young Casper. Float away.

 

  Casper, the friendly ghostThe friendliest ghost you know.The grownups might look at him with fright,But the children all love him so.He always says helloAnd he's really glad to meet ya'Wherever he may go,He's kind to every living creature.Grownups don't understand,Why children love him the most,But kids all know that he loves them so,Casper the friendly ghost!

  Lloyd was proud of it and excited to see what his teacher thought of it. He received an A and was thrilled until he read the teacher=s comments. Apparently the teacher had taken it at face value and thought that Lloyd=s premise was spot on. The teacher mentioned that he was a homosexual himself and that he was going to spread this theory throughout his gay circle of friends.

  The success he had in the class gave him confidence to try submitting short stories to the school anthology magazine. He had some rejected, but eventually he got one published. It was a twist on those people who use public places to ask their sweetheart to marry them.

  A Special Message

  Kevin: I can=t believe you are going to do that on national television, man. Cindy is going to be so shocked!@

  Roger: I know, I am kind of nervous about it because that is a big thing to put out there in front of the world, but she deserves it. We have been together a long time, four years, and it=s time I let her know how I truly feel. It works out really well that I know the guy who works the scoreboard at the game. He said they are going to put the message up on the jumbotron and that the TV station will show it over the air live and then they will cut to us. It is going to be awesome.

  Kevin: Well, she is a great girl, you are lucky to have her. I really like her. In fact, I am stopping by her house on the way home tonight. I am glad you aren=t threatened that we are friends.

  Roger: Thanks, man, I appreciate it. You are one hell of a friend. Make sure you are watching, they are going to do it right before the seventh inning stretch, tomorrow. Perfect timing.

  At the ballgame:
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br />   Kevin: How do you like the seats, pretty awesome, huh?

  Cindy: Yeah, they are great, how did you get them?

  Kevin: You remember, my pal, Ritchie? He works for the team, he set me up good.

  Cindy: What is the matter, you seem nervous?

  Kevin: What, the sweating? Oh, it is just hot out, you know? Why do you ask?

  Cindy: Oh, nothing.

  Kevin: Did Roger tell you something last night that he shouldn=t have? Cause I will kill him.

  Cindy: Ummm, maybe.

  Kevin: Damn it.

  Cindy: Oh, don=t be mad, I think it is neat. I can=t wait.

  Kevin: Oh, but now the surprise is ruined.

  Cindy: I will make it look good for the camera. I promise.

  Kevin: Really! You promise! Cause it is about to happen.

  Stadium Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen, please direct your attention to the scoreboard for a special announcement.

  Cindy: Oh my god, I am so excited! My stomach hurts!

  Kevin: Here it comes!

  Message on Scoreboard: DEAR CINDY SIMMONS, YOU STUPID C*NT I KNOW YOU ARE CHEATING ON ME WITH ROGER SANDERS. NOW THE WHOLE WORLD KNOWS. GO F*CK YOURSELF.

  Fade out.

  It was his own take on O Henry. And it was intoxicating to see his name in print, and it felt good to get some positive feedback from his friends. But of course his brain had other ideas.

  Hey, what=s your name? Linda? How you doing Linda, my name is Lloyd. I write humor stories for the Jayhawker. What=s that? You saw my little thing about the fuck yourself being broadcast on the scoreboard, oh yeah, that was just a throwaway thing I came up with. What=s that, you told yourself you were going to meet that author and throw yourself at him? Well I am flattered, thanks, I think you are attractive and would love to touch your ample breasts. Sure, next week is fine.

  See? What the fuck was wrong with him, even in his fantasies he was putting it off. Bang her tonight you homo. It=s a fantasy, Jesus.

  So year three of college had come and gone and Lloyd had finally made contact with the aliens. It wasn=t quite a full on anal probe, but he was now aware of what the texture of their skin felt like. He was resilient, like a Camel in desert, who just had its first taste of water after 20 years of wandering the Sahara.