Faded Dreams

by Kari Lemor

  Flipping through the rack of sexy nighties, Elle focused on finding something that would complement her best attributes. Her breasts were big, more so now with nursing, though slightly droopy. But with a little support, they could look outstanding. Perhaps not as perky as Jade’s, but bigger for sure.

  She’d lost all of her weight, though it seemed to have shifted a bit, bigger top and hips. Fortunately, her waist had gotten back to size, except for some loose skin on her belly. Maybe a baby-doll type top with a flounce around the middle. Luke always seemed to like her long legs. Hmm, something that stopped at the hips.

  As she shoved aside hangers, a familiar voice squawked behind her like nails on a chalkboard. The long-held vowel let her know exactly who it was.

  “Murielle?”

  Twisting slowly, Elle wanted to crawl into a hole. Why did she have to run into Taylor of all people when she was at this low point in her life?

  Pasting on a fake smile, she replied, “Taylor.”

  The bitch examined her from head to toe and curled her lip. Oh, here it was. Taylor’s classic put down.

  “Didn’t you only have that baby a couple months ago?”

  What? The sneer on the woman’s face was familiar, but her meaning was unclear. Was she implying she didn’t look like she’d had a baby? Of course, Taylor had never had the most svelte body. Guys just liked her because she was an easy screw. A tiny bit of power seeped through Elle’s veins.

  “Yes, I did.” No sense prolonging any conversation, so Elle didn’t ask any questions.

  Taylor snorted. “Luke got you working out at the gym every day?”

  Her tone was still major bitchfest, but her meaning made Elle grin. Apparently, she looked like she’d been exercising. She had been doing lots of walking with the baby, but certainly not what Taylor thought she was doing.

  For some reason, Taylor’s bitchiness was contagious. Elle want desperately to give as much as she got. Straight back at the person who’d tormented her in high school. And the reunion.

  Fingering one of the skimpy nighties, Elle cocked her head. “Oh, he’s got me working out all right. Every night. Just not in any gym.” Elle winked, and a rush of pride swelled through her at the comeback. Along with the expression of distaste on Taylor’s face.

  “I’m shopping for some workout clothes.” She volleyed another shot at her nemesis. “They likely won’t stay on that long, but Luke does like a challenge. Something about unwrapping presents.”

  He had actually said that to her at one point, so she didn’t even feel bad about using the line.

  Taylor’s face grew pale, and her lips tightened. Elle wanted to raise her fists in the air in a gesture of triumph. Instead, she stood there, serene smile on her face.

  When Taylor’s mouth bunched in a look of disgust, Elle stiffened. But the words that came out bolstered her.

  “I can’t believe you got Luke Storm to fall in love and marry you.”

  Fall in love? Yes, but had Luke been sharing it with the masses?

  “When was the last time you saw my husband?”

  Taylor’s lips pursed. “At the reunion, where he thanked me for my prank with the condoms. If I had known the result, I never would have done it.”

  “It was an asshole thing to do. It just happened to work out for us.” Elle wouldn’t share that she and Luke were kind of in a mess at the moment. She had plans to make that right. It was great that, even back as far as the reunion, Luke had been giving people the impression they were happily married. No way Elle would dissuade anyone of that notion.

  The sour look on Taylor’s face intensified. “Can’t say I’m surprised, though. Luke always doted on you in high school. Ridiculous, since you were only a little kid. But, God, he was so protective of you then. Apparently, he still is.”

  “Well, as great as it’s been chatting with you, Taylor, I need to get going.”

  Elle pushed her shoulders back, showcasing her large boobs, then dropped her gaze to Taylor’s smaller ones. God, she’d never do this to another person, but after the hell this woman had put her through at different times of her life, Elle didn’t feel an ounce of remorse.

  “I’ve got our daughter to feed. Luke isn’t the only one who needs me. Take care.” With that, Elle swung around and marched to another rack of even more daring lingerie.

  When she couldn’t stand it any longer, she peeked over her shoulder, relieved that Taylor had left. She needed to get home, though. Dawn would want to eat soon.

  As she quickly sifted through the nighties, she decided she should take the bull by the horns. She’d never want Luke to stick around in an unhappy marriage, but at the same time, they hadn’t even had time to figure the marriage thing out before they became parents. They could be excused for needing some extra time.

  Yet, she couldn’t be the one doing all the giving. Luke would be required to make some changes, as well. Starting with an explanation of where his toys had gone. They both had to put effort in.

  She would fight so their daughter had two loving parents raising her. Tonight, she and Luke needed to talk.

  Examining the rack, she latched onto an emerald green slip of lace and silk and headed to the register. The color matched her eyes.

  Chapter Thirty

  When she walked in the front door of the house, the first sound Elle heard was Dawn screaming. Then, Luke’s desperate voice trying to calm her. Crap. Their daughter had gone past her limit.

  Now that Elle had decided to go full force and work things out with Luke, she wanted to get down to business. That would have to wait.

  She marched into the living room where Luke stood rocking back and forth, rubbing the baby’s back. The child would not be placated.

  After dropping her purse and the bags on the floor near the couch, she reached for their daughter.

  “I’m sorry I’m late. I didn’t think she’d be hungry yet.” An apology could go a long way in getting back to their earlier closeness.

  Luke handed her over, his expression one of relief and annoyance. Maybe a tiny bit of regret. That he hadn’t been able to calm a hungry baby? “I just changed her diaper. She didn’t like that. Not when she wanted food.”

  Dawn wouldn’t wait for her to find her nursing pillow, so Elle settled on the couch, undid the latch on her bra and positioned the baby to feed.

  “You’re getting heavy, sweetie.” The infant suckled furiously like she’d been about to starve.

  Half a minute later, Luke appeared next to her holding out her nursing pillow. Elle hadn’t even seen him leave the room.

  “Thank you, hon. Appreciate it.” Should she say anything now? It was hardly the time to get into a deep conversation. Dawn could sense when Elle was aggravated or stressed. The last thing she needed was their daughter not eating enough and still being hungry.

  Lingering in the doorway between the kitchen and the living room, Luke shifted from foot to foot, his hands jammed into the pockets of his cargo pants. He obviously hadn’t changed since he’d gotten home from work. Because he’d had Dawn the whole time? Yeah, welcome to the club. She did that all day long.

  “Slow down, sweetie,” she cooed to the baby as she gulped the milk. “You aren’t going to die. You’re okay.”

  She kept up the whispered words until the baby settled to a more normal pace. Elle let her head drop back on the couch and closed her eyes. Breathing deeply, she rehearsed some of what she wanted to say to Luke.

  “Um, you usually have water when you feed her. Do you want some?” Why did Luke sound nervous? Did he know what she was planning? Or have plans of his own?

  “Yes, please. I would appreciate that.”

  Soon, her water bottle with the metal straw was next to her on the end table, and Luke took up his position at the door again.

  “Thank you. Did you just get home? You’re still in your work clothes.”

  His shoulders loosened and dropped a bit at her question. It was more than she’d said to him in over a week.
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  “A short while ago. I had some errands to run. If you don’t need me, I’ll go upstairs and change.”

  “I’m all set.” Even though she wanted to tell him exactly how much she needed him. In so many ways. Please, let their talk go well.

  Five minutes later, Luke’s footsteps pounded down the back stairs, and he appeared in the doorway again. He now wore a pair of shorts and a snug t-shirt that had been washed too many times. Elle burped Dawn and transferred her to the other breast to feed.

  He made her nervous hovering on the edge of the room, yet she didn’t want to start any kind of serious conversation while she was feeding Dawn. All the while, saying nothing was unsettling. Stroking the baby’s head, she inhaled her precious scent. The love that always filled her when she was with their daughter was so intense. It pushed her even more to make sure she and Luke would be all right.

  When Dawn had finally finished and had fallen asleep at her breast, Elle’s heart beat faster. It was time to have a conversation.

  After fixing her nursing bra, she slipped the baby to her shoulder and patted her back. It was already after seven. She might sleep for four or five hours, if they were lucky.

  “I’m going to put her in her crib.” They’d started putting her in there, instead of the bassinet, a few times during the day to try and get her used to it. “I’ll be back down.”

  Luke’s face tightened. “Okay, but Ellie, we need to talk.”

  A black hole opened up in her chest, even though she had wanted a conversation, also. What was on Luke’s mind? Hopefully, the same thing as hers.

  As she climbed the stairs, the idea that Luke wanted to move out or something equally as horrible soared through her head. What could she say to that to convince him to stay? Sure, use their daughter as an excuse, but did she honestly want a man who didn’t want her?

  Dawn settled in her crib, and her thumb popped into her mouth. That thumb was a life saver. Elle adjusted a light blanket over her, then fussed for a few minutes. Even though she had been determined to have things out, now that the time had arrived, she was a bundle of anxiety.

  She couldn’t waste any more time, so she closed Dawn’s bedroom door, leaving it only slightly ajar. Then, she picked up the monitor from the dresser in their bedroom and went downstairs. Luke paced the den floor, his hands clenched at his side. When he pivoted and saw her there, he frowned.

  “I met with Sherman this morning. We’re doing a project together. I was kind of surprised when he mentioned working with you on your new schedule.”

  Is that why Luke was upset? Because she wanted to go back to her job? She needed a back-up in case Luke walked out.

  “Dawn’s three months old. My maternity leave is up, and he’s been good about not pushing. But something has to be decided.”

  Luke nodded. “Yup, but I figured we’d discuss it and make a decision together.”

  “We still can. Nothing’s been set in stone. I need to have a plan soon, though.”

  “Like your plan for child care for Dawn? Or maybe finding an apartment?”

  Shit. How did he know she’d been scrolling the internet for those?

  Before she could answer, he took a step closer. “Why were you looking for apartments, Ellie? You have a place to live right here.”

  Even though she had wanted to do everything to keep them together, she also needed to be absolutely truthful with him. “Yes, I do. But I also know you haven’t exactly been happy, Luke. This house is huge, and it’s a lot to take care of. Especially on top of taking care of Dawn. All that makes me exhausted at night, and I know we haven’t had sex as often as you’d like. I’ve tried, but I just can’t find the energy right now to do any more.”

  Luke cocked his head and glanced down for a second. When he focused on her again, he said, “Wait. You’re moving out because you think I want more sex?”

  She shrugged. “I figured you were the one moving out. You’ve taken all your toys somewhere. Your video games, the large screen TV, even your motorcycle. I won’t sit by while you make yourself a little love nest somewhere.”

  “A love nest? You still don’t trust me, Ellie. Do you have any idea how that makes me feel? That you think I’m cheating on you?”

  “I never said you already had, but obviously I can’t make you happy the way you want.” God, she wanted to more than anything. How did she ask him what he needed of her?

  When she glanced up to gauge his reaction, she was surprised to find his eyes glimmering. He swallowed hard, then took her hand. “What are you talking about, not making me happy? You do, Ellie. So much. I’m sorry I didn’t let you know this. So sorry. What can I do to make you stay? Tell me, please.”

  He squeezed her hand, and his words gave her the confidence to push further. “Where’s all your stuff?”

  Luke pressed closer and ran his hands down her bare arms. She loved the feel of his skin on hers.

  “I took all that stuff and sold it. I don’t have time for those toys any longer, and it’s time for me to grow up. I’ve got a buyer for the Camaro, too. He’s picking it up Saturday morning.”

  He got rid of his things. Seriously? “You sold the Camaro? What are you going to use for a car?”

  “I bought an SUV and hoped you’d give me a ride to pick it up Saturday afternoon. I thought it might be easier to haul all of Dawn’s stuff around in every time we go overnight either to Erik’s or Sara’s.”

  Her rapidly beating heart slowed down to a normal pace. “Don’t you think it would have been a good idea to tell me what you were doing? Maybe I wouldn’t have freaked out.”

  “You mean like finding out you were searching for apartments. Because that had such a calming effect.”

  A half-sob, half-laugh blurted out of her mouth. “In my defense, I thought you couldn’t stand being married to me and wanted someone like Jade.”

  Cupping her face, Luke pressed a kiss to her nose, then her forehead. “There is nothing about Jade that even appeals to me any longer. I love being married to you, Ellie. I love you. I think I have since I shipped off and couldn’t be with you. Those few hours we had together reminded me how good people could be. How good you could be.”

  She remembered the note she’d finally read. Her fragile ego was feeling better but still needed a boost. “You fell in love with me while we tossed back a bottle of champagne?”

  “Not because of the booze. Because of you. Your sweet, beautiful personality. Your super intelligence. How gorgeous you’d grown inside and out. You’ve always been special to me, but that night showed me exactly what I’d been waiting for, why I’d never wanted a permanent relationship with anyone else. My subconscious was telling me to bide my time until you were ready for me.”

  “Bide your time, huh?” She poked him in the ribs. “Did you have to do it with so many women?”

  “None of them compare to you, sweet Ellie. Not a single one of them even comes close. I love you so much. You love me, right?”

  She nodded. “Yes, I’ve told you I do. Pretty sure I’ve been in love with you since I was a kid. I mean, how do you not fall in love with a guy who slices open a frog and removes the internal organs for you?”

  Luke’s face transformed into one of joy and happiness. “Nothing says love quite like formaldehyde and dissection.”

  Resting against his strong chest, she said, “You were my hero, Luke. There was no way I could ever have fallen as deeply in love with anyone else.”

  “So you won’t move out?” He still seemed tense.

  Shrugging, she grinned. “Depends on if I get to drive the new SUV.”

  Luke tightened his arms around her, laughing. “It’s all yours. I’ll use your car for work.”

  Elle shifted her arms around his neck and placed her lips on his. Immediately, he kissed her back. That passion and desire she’d felt with him from that first night at the wedding was back in full force. But instead of pushing for more, Luke eased back.

  “I want to show you something, Ellie
, prove to you how much you’ve meant to me for a while. I don’t ever want you to think all of this is a ruse because of our daughter.”

  Digging his phone from his pocket, he scrolled for a bit, then tugged her to sit closer to him on the couch. Handing her the phone, he tapped a spot.

  “Here’s the draft folder for my e-mail. When I was overseas, I wrote to you often. I never actually sent them, obviously, but never deleted them either.”

  Elle skimmed the dates on the e-mails. The first was only a few weeks after he left. “Why didn’t you send them? I spent all that time thinking you ditched me, and I was just another notch in your bedpost.”

  His arm tugged her tighter to his side. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t have your e-mail, and even though I know I probably could have found it easy enough, I didn’t want you to get your hopes up and then have something happen to me.”

  “Oh, Luke.” She kissed his cheek, then stared at the phone again. “Can I read them now?”

  He smirked but nodded. “Sure. Some of them are probably kind of corny.”

  She scrolled through to the earliest one and started reading.

  Hey Ellie,

  It was great seeing you at Brad and Nicole’s wedding. Thanks for spending time with me and not laughing at my desire to be alone with my thoughts. I can’t tell you what it meant to me. To hold you. Kiss you. Love you. I can’t get you out of my mind.

  Even when I’m supposed to be focused on my job, you infiltrate my brain with your beauty and kindness. At night, when I’m in my bunk, I can’t stop the memories of us together and how beautiful and loving you are. I hope you are well and have fond memories of our time together.

  When I get back—Yes, when. I’m being positive that I’ll make it through this—I will come find you. I can’t wait to press my lips to yours again and taste your sweetness. Smell that intoxicating scent that fills me with joy. The joy of being with you. I have to get back to work, but know that I’m thinking of you every moment I can.

  Luke

  Elle wiped away the tears that fell and leaned into her husband’s shoulder. He kissed the top of her head and touched the phone.