I reluctantly agree to it, and he leads me out the door. We walk across the gravel driveway to the narrow sidewalk that leads into town.
"It's cold out here," I say, noticing the chill in the air. Or maybe the chill I'm feeling is from the tension between Aiden and me. "We need to go back."
He puts his arms around me and pulls me against him. "Is that better?"
I love it when he holds me like this, which is why I don't want it limited to weekends. If it was only for another week or two, I'd be okay with it, but months? That's too long.
"Sophie, please don't be mad at me. When all this is over I'll explain, but right now I need you to trust me."
"About what?" I look up at him. "What is it you need to explain?"
"I can't tell you yet. But if you knew, you'd understand."
"Then just tell me now."
He looks me in the eye. "I'm asking you to trust me. Can you do that?"
I want to trust him, but how can I trust him if he won't tell me what's going on?
"I want to go back," I say, pushing away from him. "I'll see you in the room."
I walk quickly back to the inn.
"Sophie, wait!" Aiden catches up to me. He tries to take my hand but I shove it in my pocket.
We get to the inn and go up to our room. I take my overnight bag from the chair and pull out a t-shirt to sleep in. It's the t-shirt I'd planned to wear on the drive home. I assumed I'd be wearing nothing to bed but plans have changed.
"Do you want me to leave?" Aiden asks.
"There's nowhere for you to go."
"I could drive to another town and find a place."
"There wouldn't be any rooms." I turn away from him and take off my sweater, then unhook my bra. "It's peak leaf season. Tourists are everywhere. No place is going to have rooms available." I slip the t-shirt on, then slide my jeans off and sit on the bed.
Aiden sits beside me. "I'll sleep in my car. I don't want you to be uncomfortable."
"I'm not uncomfortable. I'm just sad. Spending another night together, being close to you, being held in your arms, is just going to remind me what I can't have when we get back to New York. I don't know why we even started this if we can't be together."
"Sophie, don't say that." He turns me toward him, holding both my hands. "Don't say this was a mistake. My heart was in this long before I even let my head go there. That alone tells me this was never a mistake. You and I were meant to meet, and we'll find a way to be together. We just need more time."
"I don't need more time. You do, and I don't understand why. You keep saying you want to be with me, but then find excuses for why we can't."
"They aren't excuses. I wish I could explain more but I can't."
I get up and go in the bathroom and silently cry for several minutes, feeling like things are ending between Aiden and me. I know he says they're not, but I can't go months without seeing him and still call it a relationship.
I wash my face and brush my teeth, then go back to the room and get into bed. Aiden goes in the bathroom, then joins me in bed and shuts the light off. My back is to him but he slides up behind me, wrapping his arm around my waist and pulling my body flush against his.
"I'm sorry," he whispers. "I wish things could be different. But please don't give up on me, Sophie. What we have doesn't come along very often and we may never find it again. So please, just give it more time. That's all I ask."
I keep quiet, my mind going back and forth trying to decide if I should slow things down so I don't keep falling for him, or if I should do as he asks and give it more time.
Even if we slowed things down, took a break from each other, I wouldn't stop falling for him. My heart's already in this. Part of it already belongs to Aiden and I can't get it back. So for now, I'll give it more time.
My alarm goes off at six. It's earlier than I needed to get up but I set it early thinking Aiden and I might want some time in bed to do what we did last night. I don't see that happening now that there's tension between us. I push back the covers and start to get up.
Aiden's arm goes around me, pulling me back to him. "A few more minutes."
"I can't. I have to get ready.
"What time is it?"
"Six."
"You don't have to be there until eight."
"I know, but..." I try to come up with an excuse but none come to mind.
"Stay here with me. Just a little bit longer."
I relax into his arms, my back sinking into his chest. We fit so well together. All night long, no matter where I moved in the bed or how I was positioned, Aiden would find a way to hold me. I can feel how much he cares about me. I care about him too, but that doesn't solve our problem of having to hide this for the next month or two, or however long it takes for him to decide we can tell people.
He moves his hand up and down my arm, softly, tenderly. "I love this so much."
"What?"
"Being with you like this. Holding you."
"I like it too," I say, feeling a tingle of pleasure run through me as his hand continues its path up and down my arm. I press back into his body, craving more of his touch, more of him. Maybe it's wrong given our uncertain future and argument last night, but it doesn't feel wrong, not in the least.
He lowers his hand under the sheet, sliding it up and down my leg, making my breath hitch. I move my hips, feeling the length of him rub against my panties. A low groan escapes him as his hand makes its way to my breast, gently squeezing it as my hips continue their movement, pressing into him more deliberately now.
"Sophie," he whispers, almost like a warning, like if I keep this going it's going to be hard to stop. But I don't want it to stop. I want this, especially if I'll be going all next week without it.
I reach down and slip off my panties, then take his hand from my breast and guide it down to where I want it. He touches me, in just the right spot, with just the right amount of pressure. It takes only minutes for me to come, and after I do, I feel Aiden's body relax, his arm draped over me.
"Aiden," I whisper, thinking he might've fallen asleep.
"Yeah?" he whispers back.
I turn to him. "What are you doing?"
"Holding you," he says, sounding slightly confused.
"Why aren't you...you know, finishing."
"I thought we were finished."
"I'm not. I mean, I am, but I'm up for more." I give him a flirty smile.
His tired eyes pop open. "I didn't think you wanted to."
"I do."
"But last night, you were so angry I thought—"
"Aiden, do you want to do this or not?" I say, sounding impatient but smiling so he knows I'm just kidding.
"Wait here." He races out of bed to the bathroom, then returns, naked and sliding on a condom. He gets back in bed.
"You didn't change your mind, did you?"
"No," I say, laughing.
"Good." He holds my face and kisses me, then looks me in the eye. "I wish you knew how much I want this." He sees my confused look and says, "Not sex. Us. How much I want us to be together. How much I care about you."
I kiss him to get him to stop talking. I don't want to talk about our relationship right now. It just makes me sad, and I don't want to be sad. I want to make the best of the time we have together. And so we do.
Aiden makes loves to me, but it's different than last night. The passion is still there, but there's also this undeniable feeling of love. It's almost too much for me. I don't want to feel like he loves me, only to have it taken away when we get back to New York. Why does it have to be this way? How can he make me feel so much love—make me believe that it's real—and then tell me we can't be together?
As I spend the day picking up trash, my mind keeps going back to Aiden.
"What's going on with you today?" Bess asks, stabbing a gum wrapper with the trash stick. "You keep walking by trash and not picking it up."
"I'm kind of out of it." I stab my trash stick into a banana peel and release it into the bag
.
"Want to talk about it?" Bess asks.
In the short time I've been on trash duty, Bess and I have become friends. She's a talker, and not afraid to open up. She's told me all about her ex-boyfriends, including the last one who left her with two kids and no child support. She can't find him and doesn't think she ever will, so she had to move back in with her parents.
"It's Aiden," I say as we walk farther down the road. The other workers are down in the trees. They're all guys. Bess and I are the only women.
"What about him?" she asks.
"We were supposed to have this romantic weekend, and we did, until he told me we can't tell anyone about us when we're back in New York."
"Why can't you tell anyone?"
I explain the story, starting with how I had to work with Celine on the client dinner and ending with what Aiden said last night.
"He didn't end it with her," Bess casually says as she spears a plastic bag with her stick.
"No. He did. He just thinks if she finds out about us, she'll ruin this deal he's trying to do at work."
"That's just what he tells you."
"What do you mean?"
She stops and turns to me. "He's lying to you. He's still with the other girl but he doesn't want you to find out."
"Aiden wouldn't do that. He has no reason to. If he wanted to stay with Celine, he could just tell me."
"And miss out on weekend sex with another woman?" She huffs. "You don't know men very well." She walks off, heading to some trash piled up by the side of a tree.
I meet her over there. "What are you saying? That Aiden is just using me?"
"Yep." She shrugs. "But hey, don't feel bad. It happens to all of us. My ex had me convinced he was working nights at the gas station. Turns out he was hooking up with his co-worker." She stabs a beef jerky wrapper with her stick. "I kept telling him I smelled perfume on him. He told me I was making it up just to start a fight. So one day I followed him, and sure enough, he drove straight to her apartment building."
"What did you do?"
"I waited for them to come out." She rolls her eyes. "His face was attached to hers as they walked out."
"Did you confront him?"
"Not until he got home. He denied it. Said I was making it up. We got in a big fight about it."
"Is that when he left?"
"No. We made up after he promised to never do it again. But then he did, with someone else. The point is, men cheat. They all do. It's just who they are. They like having more than one girl, and having one in a different town is even better. Less to worry about."
"I know a lot of people in relationships who don't cheat."
"That you know of," she says, going back to the road. "Let the guys do the stuff by the trees. Too many bugs down there."
"Aiden wouldn't cheat on me. That's not why he's doing this."
"If it makes you feel better, then go ahead and believe that," she says, reaching down to pick up a water bottle. She drops it in the sack. "Ugh, it was covered in slime. I just got it all over my glove."
"Go get a new one."
She walks down to the truck that has our supplies.
What she said about Aiden isn't true. He cares about me. He wouldn't cheat on me. He wouldn't still be with Celine. He doesn't even like her anymore.
But that night at the client dinner, they seemed like a couple. Aiden is either a really convincing actor or he's still with Celine.
What am I saying? He's not with Celine. Why am I even letting my mind go there?
When I'm done with my shift I go back to the inn, exhausted, but looking forward to another evening with Aiden. I'm still not happy we can't be together in New York but I'm over my anger and just want to have a nice time tonight. Dinner. A walk downtown. Then back to our room for a repeat of this morning.
"Sophie!" Tom calls out, catching me before I go upstairs.
"Yes?" I turn around.
"Did you get Aiden's message?"
"What message?"
"He had to go back to New York. You just missed him. He said he texted you."
I check my phone. He texted me five times but I didn't see the texts because I don't have a signal outside of town where we were picking up trash today. His texts all say he's sorry, but none of them say why he had to leave, other than a vague excuse about having to work. What could be that urgent that he'd have to leave and rush back?
"Did he say why he had to leave?" I ask Tom.
"He said it had something to do with work."
"That's all he said?"
"That's all he told me. You could call him and ask."
"Yeah, okay." I head up the stairs.
"Are you joining us for dinner?" he calls after me.
"No," I call back. "I'm not hungry."
I was, until I found out Aiden left. What if work wasn't the real reason he went back? What if Bess is right and Aiden's still with Celine but telling me he's not?
I'm starting to doubt Aiden and everything he's told me. I don't know if it's because of what Bess said or because I know Aiden's keeping something from me. He keeps saying he can't tell me what's going on, but what does that mean? And why can't he tell me? If he can't be honest with me, how can I trust him?
Chapter Twenty-One
Sophie
It's been three days since I saw Aiden. He's called me several times but I let it go to voicemail. When he texts me, I text him back that I'm busy at work. I know I can't keep avoiding him, which is why I've decided to call him tonight. I'm not sure what I'm going to say. I've thought about telling him we should take a break until he's ready to be with me here in New York, but that would mean not having weekends with him and my heart just won't let me do that.
Despite my doubts about him, I've fallen in love with Aiden. I didn't mean for it to happen, but it did, and now I don't know what to do. I don't think it's fair for him to expect me to keep hiding our relationship for months, but I'm not ready to end this.
"What did you want to talk about?" Bianca asks as she comes in her office. I've been in here waiting for her because I need to know about my promotion.
"I know I've asked you this a million times but I really need an answer. When am I getting the promotion? When is it going to be finalized?"
"Oh, that," she says, like it's no big deal. "It's done." She sits down behind her desk and types something on her laptop.
"Done, meaning the paperwork is signed?"
"Yes. Beverly signed it this morning," Bianca says, keeping her eyes on the laptop.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
She shrugs. "Guess I forgot."
I get up, standing in front of her desk. "Bianca, are you not happy about this?"
"About your promotion? Of course I'm happy. I took you out for drinks to celebrate." She glances at a file on her desk, then types something on the laptop. "Did you celebrate with your boyfriend?"
I pause, wondering who she's talking about. I never told her about Aiden.
She looks up at me. "Why aren't you saying anything? Did you break up with him?"
"Who?"
"That environmental guy. The lawyer. The one who's friends with Celine's boyfriend." She goes back to typing.
"Tanner? We stopped seeing each other weeks ago."
"Really? I don't remember you telling me that."
She called Aiden Celine's boyfriend, which means she doesn't know they broke up. How could she not know? She's had drinks with Celine twice this week.
"I didn't know Celine was still dating that guy," I casually say, taking out my phone and pretending to check it.
"Are you kidding? She talks about him all the time. It's so annoying, but then again, a lot of my friends do that when they're in love. They can't talk about anything else."
"Who's her boyfriend? I can't remember."
She looks at me, almost in a suspicious way. "Aiden? The reason you're cleaning up trash on weekends?"
"Oh. Yeah. I assumed that. I just wasn't sure they were still to
gether."
"Why wouldn't they be?" she asks, the suspicion now in her voice.
"I don't know," I say with a nervous laugh. "Anyway, back to my promotion. Does it start today?"
"It'll start with the next pay period, so a week from Monday."
"Which means I won't see the increase in my paycheck for a month."
"Yeah, I guess," she says like she's not even listening, her attention on whatever's on her computer.
"Bianca, I hate to ask you this but is there any way I could get an advance on my pay? I owe my landlord the rest of this month's rent, and then next month's rent will be due."
"Sorry, but we don't do that. Maybe ask your parents for a loan. Isn't that what parents are for?" She glances at me. "I need to get this spreadsheet done. Can we talk later?"
"Yeah." I leave her office and close the door. It's after six. I'd usually be stuck here working, but now that I'm no longer working for Bianca, I can leave. She didn't say what events I'd be assigned to in my new role but I don't want to ask her. I'll wait until tomorrow.
On the subway ride home, I can't stop thinking about what Bianca said. She made it sound like Celine is still with Aiden. Maybe Celine's just telling people they're still together. That has to be it. I can't imagine Aiden lying to me. It just doesn't seem possible.
When I'm back at my apartment, I call up Macie. We haven't talked in over a week so she doesn't know everything that's going on.
"Hey, I was just about to call you," she says when she answers. "How was your romantic weekend with Aiden?"
"It was okay."
"You don't sound too excited about it. Did something happen?"
I tell her about last weekend, about Aiden insisting we keep hiding our relationship, and how he took off on Saturday. Then I tell her what's happened since, how I've avoided him and how I'd planned to call him tonight until Bianca made that comment about him still dating Celine.
"I don't know what to do," I say. "I think I can trust him but then I have doubts. I know Celine lies, but I can't imagine Aiden doing it."
"Because you have feelings for him. You don't believe it because you don't want to."
"Are you saying it's true? That Aiden's still with Celine?"
"I don't know. It's hard to say since I've never met the guy. But I find it kind of suspicious that he's so insistent on not seeing you when you're in New York. That city is huge. What are the odds someone you know is going to see you two together?"
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