by T. R. Cupak
“Home? Don’t you want to be here when your parents wake up?”
“I know I should be, but I need to shower. I need different clothes. It feels like these clothes”—I pause and yank at the collar of my sweater—“are suffocating me. I know that sounds weird, but I want to burn these clothes. I don’t want to see or wear them again.”
“Why don’t you come to my place? You can take a nice long shower in my steam shower and I’ll give you one of my t-shirts and a pair of my boxer briefs to wear,” Kade offers as a compromise. “Afterward, we can sit on the couch and watch back-to-back episodes of The Big Bang Theory until we fall asleep.”
His offer sounds nice, and as much as I would like to be alone right now, I really don’t want to be alone. If Sydnee were home, I would push to go there, but since she’s at her mom’s, I take Kade up on his offer. Before leaving, I write a note to my parents telling them I will be back later to start planning my brother’s funeral. I’m sure they’ll understand why I left.
Even though my room is still my room, I don’t have any clothes here. It was apparent we were never going to wear them again, so two years ago, we donated every piece of clothing in mine and Deacon’s rooms. I think my parents even thinned out their wardrobes as well.
Thankfully, Kade’s house isn’t far from my parents’ place. I need to rid my body of the tainted clothing. He grabs a towel and washcloth from his linen closet, as well as the clothes he said I could wear from his dresser, and stacks the items on the counter between the double sinks. Then he grabs a brand new toothbrush from his vanity drawer, leaving it on top of the clothes.
“Dex hasn’t eaten since yesterday, so I’m going to feed him and take him out one last time before bed.”
“Okay. Hey, Kade?”
“Yeah?”
“Wait.” I close the door and strip my clothes from my body. Cracking open the door, I hand them over to Kade. “Burn them, please.”
“You got it.” He leaves me in the bathroom to do my thing while he goes to do his thing. I manage to make it through my shower, only breaking down three times, as the hot water rinses away what feels like the rancid stench of my brother’s house.
I always keep hair ties in my purse, so once I’m out of the shower and dressed, I towel dry my hair and pile it on my head, securing it with the hair tie I grabbed. Taking in my reflection in the mirror, I almost don’t recognize myself. Any other day, my green eyes shine like emeralds, but tonight, they’re dark and murky, like the light within me has been extinguished.
When I exit the bedroom, I slowly make my way out into the living area. Kade just put Dexter in his crate for bedtime, so I say goodnight to him before he could start crying. I turn and make my way over to the couch, curling up with a blanket on one end. Our show of choice is already playing when I sit down. Even though I’ve seen all the episodes numerous times, I can’t follow what’s going on. My mind keeps drifting to my brother.
“Here.” Kade hands me a crystal whiskey tumbler with a single square ice cube in it. He sits beside me, pulls the cork out of the bottle of Blanton’s bourbon, and pours us each a glass. “I thought this might help us both get some rest.”
“Thank you—,” I begin, but I am abruptly cut off.
“No thanks needed, Brit.”
“Kade, shut up and listen—please.” His hands go up as if he’s surrendering, so I continue. “Thank you for getting me out of Deacon’s house today. If you hadn’t been there, I would probably still be there. Thank you for being my voice when I couldn’t find the words to speak. Thank you for delivering the horrible news to my parents. I know that wasn’t easy for you. But most of all, thank you for being here for me.” I begin to choke up, but I quickly hold up my index finger, signaling that I’m not finished. We each take a drink, and I continue what I was saying. “Kade, thank you for not only being my brother’s best friend and confidant but for being the brother he never had. He loved you, Kade. You know that, right?”
“Britney, I love your brother as if we were the same blood. Twenty-something years is a long time, and all of those years were filled with your family. There isn’t one of my memories that doesn’t include D.” His eyes fill with tears, and he turns his attention to the television, not really watching it, but more looking through it.
Blanton’s is not a bourbon to be chugged down, but tonight—or this morning, rather—it’s going down smoothly. Kade pours us each another, and then another. I pull my eyes away from the television and look over to my left. Kade’s head is tilted up, resting on top of the back cushion, and his eyes are closed as tears stream from the corner of his eye. He must sense I’m staring at him because he opens his eyes and angles his head in my direction. The pained expression staring back at me breaks my heart because I don’t know how to help him because I don’t know how to help myself.
“What are we going to do without him, Brit?” Kade’s naturally robust and commanding voice is replaced by a broken one, each word cracking as he speaks.
I take the glass from his hand, and I place both mine and his on the coffee table. Settling back into the corner of the couch, I pull Kade toward me, holding onto him as tight as I can while we both cry ourselves to sleep.
28
KADE
I wake when my cell phone starts vibrating on the coffee table. I know I fell asleep in Britney’s arms, but somehow, she’s now in mine. I don’t want to wake her, but my phone won’t stop vibrating. Reaching over her body, I grab the noisy piece of technology, but the damn thing slips through my fingers and drops right in the center of Britney’s chest.
“Ouch,” she snaps, rubbing her chest where the phone landed.
“I’m sorry,” I apologize as I crawl over her to get up. Looking down at the caller ID, I see that the missed call is from my sergeant. I then notice the red circles by my text messages and phone icon; sixty-seven text messages and twenty-two missed calls—one is from my mother. Fuck! I was going to see her to tell her about Deacon in person, but yesterday, Britney was my main priority.
Without a word to Britney, I let Dexter out of his crate and follow him outside so he can do his morning business and I can return my sergeant’s and my mother’s calls. What Britney doesn’t know is that both Deacon and I have funeral arrangements already in place. As glum as it sounds, in our profession, our lives are on the line the second we put on our uniforms and hit the streets. My sergeant is already handling the majority of the arrangements with his wife and the chief’s wife. Both Mrs. Black and Mrs. Salazar want to meet with Britney and her parents. I ask him if he can give the Winslows a couple of days to be together and grieve the loss of their son, and I’ll get back to him with a meeting day and time. He gave me no argument, only sympathy and understanding.
After my phone call with the sergeant, I call my mom. She’s a mess and I feel like such a dick for not being there for her. Deacon was like another son to her. Of course, his suicide is going to affect her like it has everyone else. Mom tells me she is going to Uber over to the Winslow’s because she doesn’t trust her driving. I offer to take her later, but she had already spoken with DeAnne and wants to be with her friend. There is no stopping my mom, so I let her know I will see her there later.
Leaving Dexter out back to run around for a while, I head back inside. There’s a feral cat that comes around and they seem to get along, so at least I know he’ll have a buddy to play with for a bit.
Britney has cleared away the glasses and what was left of the Blanton’s from the coffee table and is nowhere in sight, so I start a pot of coffee and shuffle down the hall. I need to pee, brush my teeth, and take a shower—in that order.
When I enter my bedroom, Britney is curled up in the fetal position on my bed, sound asleep. I quickly do my morning routine, and when I exit the bathroom, I’m glad to find her still on my bed. Pulling the comforter and sheet back, I pick her up and gently move her over so I can slide in behind her and cover us both.
Britney rolls over in my arms and
we’re face to face. Her minty breath flutters across my lips. She then inhales deeply and hums as she exhales.
“You smell nice, Kade Beaumont.”
“Thank you,” I whisper back.
Britney’s plump lips are there for the taking, but I don’t move. I’m rethinking my decision to crawl into bed with her. My mind is telling me that this is fucked up on so many levels. We both just lost someone we love. Making out or sex shouldn’t even be the radar for either of us, especially since her brother would turn over in his grave or come back to haunt me if I sleep with Britney.
It’s as if she senses my unease, because as soon as I start to pull back, Britney’s hands slide up between us, stopping at my jawline. Her lips lock onto mine, and she doesn’t let go. Her lips are warm and soft, just as I remember, and even though I’m enjoying every second of this, my inner voice is yelling at me to stop whatever is about to happen, but my “I love her” voice is yelling louder. How can this feel so right and so wrong at the same time? Lord, help me.
Using my body, I roll Britney onto her back, covering her fit curvy frame with my muscular physique. My hips settle between her legs, never losing connection throughout the transition. Only thin layers of clothing acts as a barrier between us, and I’m okay with that. What’s happening now doesn’t need to go beyond the intimate connection we have, but my beautiful Britney has a different agenda.
Britney’s mouth breaks from mine, leaving me craving for more. She peppers my jawline with light feathery kisses, staying on course to my neck. Britney replaces her lips with the tip of her tongue, languidly drawing small circles softly down the sensitive flesh, stopping to the crook of my neck, where she takes a nibble. Her soft touch is a direct line to my dick, and the more she nibbles, the harder I get.
Her eyes open and the bright green gems are breathtaking. There’s no unease or awkwardness between us. It feels as though we’re baring our souls to one another, opening our hearts to one another for the first time without having to say a word. Ever since my mom flipped the imaginary switch, the love I feel for this woman has only grown stronger. What makes what is happening feel right is my love is being reciprocated through her gaze, her touch, her kiss. Brit’s love is as clear as the waters of the Indian Ocean near the Maldives. Only a fool would walk away from the woman who holds the key to his heart and happiness, and I’m no fool. Or am I?
Britney’s fingertips skim down my back, stopping at my hips. She tilts her hips just enough so I can feel the heat between her legs rub against my throbbing cock. It’s been months since I’ve had sex, and as bad as I want her, I know we shouldn’t have sex during our time of grieving. But Britney isn’t doing anything to slow down.
She slides on hand between our bodies over the front of my boxer briefs, and down to my balls, gripping them hard enough that I damn near come right then. Britney then drags her hand up the length of my shaft before dipping under the waistline of my underwear to stroke my cock, flesh on flesh.
“Fuck me,” I groan.
“I plan to,” she whispers by my ear. She pushes me up and over, so I’m lying on my back. Britney wastes no time climbing into a straddle position. She looks down at me and finally pauses. “Kade?”
“It’s okay, Brit. We don’t—”
“I love you,” Britney blurts out. “I have always loved you,” she admits, her tone less erratic than before. “I know my brother made you keep a promise, but I’m putting myself out there for you.”
“Britney, I—”
“Don’t. Please don’t say anything. I want you. I need you. I need this.” She gestures between the two of us. “I need to feel like I’m still alive.”
I sit up quickly, so we’re face to face. Britney’s hands lock behind my neck while her legs snake around my waist. I rest my hands on the bare skin of her thighs. My internal struggle is real, and the guilt I’m feeling almost has me leaping from the bed and apologizing to her that I can’t do this, but I stay. More than ever before, I want to show her, not tell her that I love her too. Part of us died with Deacon, but I want to give her what she’s asking for—to feel alive. Because as selfish as it sounds, I need to feel alive too.
29
BRITNEY
Leaning in, I press my lips to Kade’s, taking the lead once again. Our lips part, giving our tongues room to glide against one another in a sensual, rhythmic motion. My body feels like it’s on fire and ready to combust at any moment. The deeper, more passionate Kade’s kiss becomes, the more my arousal dampens the boxer briefs he let me borrow.
I reach down, grab the hem of his shirt, and pull it up and over his head, throwing it over the side of the bed. I’ve seen Kade shirtless many times before, but this isn’t like those times. This time, I don’t have to use my imagination to know how his body feels or how it reacts when I begin to explore. Each well-defined muscle flexes at the slightest touch of my fingers. I watch his biceps bulge, his pectorals rise and swell up, and his abs tighten. Goosebumps freckle his chiseled body as I drag my nails across his rib cage, around to his back, and up his spine. My hands come to rest on his broad shoulders.
My attention drops down to a shiny object on Kade’s chest. It’s been so long that I forgot he has a small barbell nipple piercing. Deacon told me all about their drunken Cabo adventure after they graduated high school. Unlike Kade, Deacon didn’t come back with a body part pierced. Instead, he returned with an old school tattoo with “Mom” written on a banner through the middle of a heart proudly displayed on his shoulder, all because of a bet.
Deacon bet that Kade would be too chicken to get something—anything—pierced. He said if he did, that he would let Kade pick out a tattoo. Sometimes my brother was not the sharpest tool in the shed, and he got lucky with the tattoo Kade settled on. Kade told me he originally was going to have my brother get a tattoo of a dick on his lower back, but took pity on a drunk Deacon.
“Brit?” Kade’s voice cuts into the fond memory of my brother, and that’s when I realize I’ve been tracing circles around his pierced nipple.
“I’m sorry. I forgot about your piercing.” He looks down at it, and a smile creeps across his lips. His attention drops to the shirt I’m wearing, and he reaches over, grabs the hem, and slowly brings the fabric up my torso, stopping just before the shirt exposes my bare breasts. From that point, I take over, pulling the shirt the rest of the way up and over my head, before quickly discarding it.
“My beautiful Britney,” he says just audibly enough for me to hear. Kade makes a trail of kisses across my jaw and down my neck. My head drops back, and my breasts push out, giving Kade unobstructed access to my naked flesh. Every nip, every suckle, every flick of his tongue against my hardened nipples has me grinding against his rock-hard erection.
I unwrap my legs from his waist and stand up on his mattress. Kade’s hands glide up my legs, stopping on my ass. He leans in, pressing his nose to the apex of my thighs, and inhales.
“You smell good enough to eat,” he growls. I nearly lose my balance at his enticing words.
Not wasting any more time, he pulls the fabric down my legs, exposing the most intimate part of my body. Kade’s tongue licks up and down my slit, coating his tongue with my arousal before pushing through the folds to find my sensitive nub. I burrow my hands into his hair while I try to maintain my balance as he sucks on my clit. Just as my insides tighten, Kade pulls back.
“Together,” he says. My brain has to switch gears to understand what he means, but it doesn’t take long. I drop to my knees, still straddling his legs, as I pull the last bit of his clothing down his legs and toss them to the side. I have never seen a more perfect cock than the one in front of me, so I give the steel rod the attention it deserves.
I wet my lips before dipping my head down and circling the head of the one-eyed beast with my tongue. Parting my lips, I gradually take Kade’s thick cock into my mouth, swallowing him inch by inch, until I can’t swallow any more. I work the shaft vigorously with my mouth and hand while ma
ssaging his balls with my other hand. The grip Kade has on my hair fuels my fire, inciting me to work him harder and faster until both of his hands cup my face, and halt me mid-shaft.
Releasing Kade’s dick from my oral grasp, I climb up the rest of his body and tilt my head down to steal a kiss. Kade’s hand rests on the back of my head, not letting my lips free. His erection presses against my southern lips, so I rock my hips back and forth, coating his cock with my arousal. Reaching down between us, I wrap my hand around Kade’s hard, thick, veiny dick, and place the head at my entrance.
It’s been a couple of years since I’ve had sex, and my BOB doesn’t come close to being Kade’s size, so I pull back from our kiss and slowly push down onto his cock. Little by little, he disappears inside me, filling me in a way I’ve never experienced.
“My beautiful Britney, it’s been months since I’ve had sex. I’m not going to last long.”
“Neither will I,” I admit. I almost want to laugh since it’s been much longer for me, but I don’t say anything. All I know is I was on the brink of my orgasm the moment Kade’s tongue found my nub. If he had kept at it, it would have been only a matter of time before my knees buckled, and I collapsed on him.
It takes a minute or two for my body to adjust to the welcome intrusion before I begin to move. Once I’m seated down to the base of Kade’s dick, I slowly pull up and then slide back down, repeating the motion as I tighten my pelvic muscles around his rod each time I pull up his body. Kade grips my hip and takes charge hastening our repetitions as he thrusts up when I come down, our bodies take from each other what they need to feel whole again.
He pulls me close and wraps his arms around my waist, flipping me over onto my back once more without losing our connection. Kade’s pace quickens as his hips rock back and forth, the tip of his cock hitting my sweet spot, heating my core. The tingling sensation I get when I’m about to come starts in the tips of my toes and travels up my legs until it reaches its destination. An overwhelming sensation of pure ecstasy surges through my entire body when my orgasm hits me as quick as the bullet train. I hear myself call out, but can’t decipher what I say. Hell, it could be in tongues for all I know. I abandon the silly thought as Kade continues to pound into me, chasing his release, when another orgasm washes over me just as his takes over his body.