She looked at the clay.
The clay looked back, menacingly.
Why had she chosen clay? It wasn’t as if she was particularly talented in any artistic field, but surely paints would have been a more sensible choice?
She unwrapped one of the rectangles and felt the clay, cold and reluctant, against her skin. Tearing off a lump, she began to work it, feeling the texture change from stiff to pliant, the temperature from cold to warm.
She began to roll a length, then used one of her cutting implements to slice it into smaller pieces. Her fingers were grey, and each nail had a tiny black lump of glorified mud underneath.
Twenty minutes later, Anna came into the kitchen and stopped short. ‘Mum!’ she said. ‘What is that?’
‘I’m not sure,’ Jessica said, looking at the strange, half-tree, half-human shape she’d created. ‘I think we can safely say that I’m not about to become a sculptor any time soon.’
‘You know you’re mad, right?’ Anna said, looking at Jessica quizzically.
‘I’m beginning to wonder …’
‘Can … can I have a bit?’ Anna asked.
‘Of course you can!’ Jessica tossed her the rest of the block.
‘Oh my God, this is harder than it looks,’ Anna said ten minutes later when she held up a soggy piece of clay that was clearly fashioned to be like a cup. ‘How come when they do this on the TV it looks so easy?’
‘I don’t know,’ Jessica said, holding up her own, half-squashed sculpture.
‘That looks well … a bit rude,’ Anna said, blushing slightly.
‘Anna!’
But she was right.
‘It’s meant to be a figure – look,’ Jessica said, moving the clay so that Anna could see the area that she’d moulded to be a face.
Their eyes met and they both started to giggle. ‘Actually, it looks a bit like Granny’s head on a … on a … you know,from this angle,’ Anna said.
Suddenly, Jessica could see it too. ‘Maybe I should give it to her for her birthday!’ she joked.
‘Mum!’
Then they were both laughing, in a way they hadn’t laughed together for ages. When had things got so serious? Jessica wondered.
‘You know Jenny’s mum was late today,’ Anna said suddenly. ‘We were standing outside for ten minutes.’
‘Oh, no I didn’t realise!’
‘When is Dave going to start giving me lifts again? At least he was on time.’
‘I’m, well, I’m not sure. Oh. Look, sweetheart,’ Jessica continued. ‘Perhaps you’d better start taking your phone. Things are … a bit hectic with Dave away. I’m settling into a new routine until he’s – um – back. As long as you keep it switched off during lessons.’
Anna was so disproportionately delighted with the idea that she forgot to ask any more awkward questions. She flung her arms around her mother’s neck. ‘Thank you, Mum!’ she said. ‘Thank you!’
‘It’s OK,’ Jessica replied, wrapping her arms around her daughter and giving her a squeeze. It had been a while since she’d been properly hugged, so she made the most of it. Perhaps she ought to also let Anna start smoking and knocking back cocktails if being a permissive mum was this rewarding.
‘And Mum,’ Anna added, sensing an advantage. ‘Can I join WhatsApp? There’s a group in my class—’
‘No, Anna.’
‘Why not?’
‘Look, you’ve got the numbers of your friends. And if people aren’t friends I don’t want them to be able to contact you. People in your class, well, anyone could say anything.’
Jessica didn’t mention how when she was at school she’d had problems with a gang of girls from her class who’d decided to pick on her for no apparent reason. She wasn’t going to let that kind of nastiness into her house via Anna’s phone.
‘Oh, Mum!’ Anna began.
‘You’ll thank me one day.’
‘Whatever.’ Anna rolled her eyes but seemed to accept she’d gained all the ground she was going to.
Jessica began to gather up the clay from the table, sweeping the wasted portions in her hand and putting them in the bin.
Then she picked up the unused pieces and went to dispose of them too.
‘Hang on,’ Anna said. ‘Can I have that?’
‘Course you can.’
‘Brilliant,’ said Anna. ‘I know I’m no good at it, but it was fun, wasn’t it?’
‘It really was.’
Before putting her ‘creation’ away, Jessica took a quick snap on her Smartphone. Not for her Instagram, this one – she didn’t want to go off message. But she’d keep it anyway. Whether it was a figurine of her mother, or something a little more disturbing she wasn’t sure – but whatever it was, it had definitely made her smile.
Chapter Fourteen
To:[email protected]
From:[email protected]
Re:Help!
Hi Stu,
I don’t suppose you’d be up for doing me a favour at all?
Mum and Dad are coming over for dinner on Saturday and I need to cancel it but can’t seem to get out of it. I told them Dave is ill, but they brushed that aside – and now I can’t come up with another excuse or it’ll look obvious.
You couldn’t ask them to come and babysit or something, could you? Then I can bow out gracefully …
J x
To:[email protected]
From:[email protected]
Re:Help!
Hi Jess,
Why not just be straight with Mum? Tell her that you’d rather lick a tarantula than have her and Dad over for dinner?
Anyway, would love to help you out, but if Mum actually said yes I’d be a bit stuck as Erica’s taken Josh to her mum’s for a few days. I think it’s a subtle way of giving me the weekend to crack on with the new kitchen units …
X
To:[email protected]
From:[email protected]
Re:Help!
Hi Stu,
Oh no! What am I going to do!
I really can’t do the thing on Saturday. Dave is, well, he’s kind of booked up. And I’ve told them he’ll be there!
Can’t you ask Dad for some advice on the kitchen units or something? Some sort of DIY emergency?’
To:[email protected]
From:[email protected]
Re:Help!
Sorry, sis, you’re on your own. If there’s anything that’s going to make them suspicious then it’s going to be (a) me doing DIY and (b) me asking Dad for DIY advice.
Just tell them that Dave’s busy.
Come over for a coffee soon? I’ll need a break from these cabinets. Or an excuse not to start. And, you’re still OK to babysit Josh in a couple of weeks, despite me being such a rubbish brother?
Love to Anna.
S.
To:[email protected]
From:[email protected]
Re:Help!
Course, don’t be silly!
xx
In actual fact, Jessica adored babysitting her little nephew. After Anna, when she’d thought Grahame would agree to another one eventually, she’d imagined a boy; the perfect pair of children. Not knowing that Grahame had his eye on another kind of perfect pair.
Thankfully, when Erica and Stu had had Josh two years ago, Jessica hadn’t been jealous, as she’d worried she might. Holding him in the hospital, she’d breathed in his tiny baby scent and felt a rush of love almost as strong as that she’d felt when the midwife first handed her the tiny, newborn Anna.
He might now be a sturdy two-year-old fascinated with toy cars, but he wasn’t averse to cuddling Aunty Jessica on the sofa when she came around to visit. With Dave off the scene and Anna a little more reluctant these days, it was nice to have someone in her life who seemed to love snuggles as much as she d
id.
After signing out of her emails, Jessica put her head in her hands. Her last lifeline had been severed. What was more, she had lied – sort of – to Stu. Her brother who already knew a bit about her lifestyle/blog conflict; who would probably have tried a little harder to help her had she actually told him what was really going on.
It wasn’t so much a move to deceive him, she thought; she’d actually been telling lies to so many people that she’d almost forgotten her own the reality.
Now, just days away, the dinner party was a hurdle she’d have to somehow jump alone.
Fit at 30
Don’t forget to stretch!
As you know, I’m a great fan of the gym, of pushing cardio and feeling the burn. But it’s important to stretch, too. And what better way to do that than Hatha yoga? I’ve been carrying out some yoga poses each morning recently, and I can already feel the difference! Muscles can get tight when you’re constantly working the weights, so finding a way of softening and elongating is essential.
For a great start to the morning, stretch out into a downward dog, and do a round of sun salutations and to give yourself a boost both mentally and physically, finish with warrior pose – a great way to start the day!
#yoga #stretching #feelinggood #thebeststart #fitnessgoals
COMMENTS
Jon
Downward dog’s a bit tricky – pulled a muscle in my arse. Love the blog though.
JK
Did you get my email about Jenni’s Flavas – nutritious snacks for women on the move? Get in touch for a free sample!
D
Yoga doesn’t burn enough calories for my liking.
Chapter Fifteen
#TeamBuilding
‘So, where are we at?’ Jessica looked around at her ‘team’ (she still got a rush of pride in realising that she was employing two actual humans now) and smiled.
‘Hugo’s been ringing again asking if you can go and see his new work,’ said Natalie, reaching towards the plate of vegan brownies Jessica had provided for the meeting. ‘I told him you’d be over soon. Mmm, these are delicious!’
Seconds later, she raised her napkin to her lips and discreetly spat out the brown, half-chewed gunge, squirrelling it away in her pocket.
‘We’ve sent out the press release for Debbie’s Delights, and I had a call from a small cancer support charity who might be interested in a bit of promotion. I thought maybe we could do something with the rates?’ Candice said.
‘Definitely,’ nodded Jess.
‘And we’ve been offered two passes for a spa day at The Grange in return for a review,’ Natalie continued. ‘Do you want me to accept them?’
‘Sure! And why don’t you two go?’
Candice and Natalie looked at each other briefly. ‘Only thing,’ said Candice. ‘It’s on a Friday.’
‘That’s OK. Book it,’ Jessica smiled. After all, she shouldn’t be the only one to benefit from the raft of treats that seemed to be coming their way at the moment.
Plus she’d developed an irrational fear of beauty treatments, for some reason.
‘Wow, thanks!’ They said almost in unison and Jess felt briefly like boss of the year. Karen Brady eat your heart out, she thought, imagining herself gracing the cover of Careers magazine, or being awarded a prize at some glamorous awards event for entrepreneurs.
‘I’ve been writing down ideas for the blog, like you asked,’ added Candice. ‘And we were thinking maybe a listicle – you know, the top ten things about … One of those.’
‘OK …’ Jess nodded.
‘Anyway, I thought maybe the ten best things about being in a relationship; or how to build a perfect relationship, or something? You know, to follow on from the anniversary post.’
‘Oh, I don’t know. I don’t know whether I ought to keep …’
‘Oh you should really! You get a lot more clicks when it’s something about you and Dave together, rather than just, you know, you,’ said Candice, turning her laptop around to show a spreadsheet headed ‘website analytics’.
The little chart of clicks and likes showed that whenever Jessica mentioned Dave, she got 10 per cent more attention. And when there was a picture of him, the numbers soared.
It wasn’t exactly confidence-boosting to find out she wasn’t the most popular person in her own virtual life.
‘OK, I’ll do it,’ she said with a forced smile and the kind of sinking feeling you get in your stomach when you realise that the mud you’ve been happily stomping in is actually a pile of festering dog shit.
‘Anyway, I thought I’d give you a bit more info on Robert Haydn; you know, the author of Remembering Rainbows I briefed you on?’ Jessica continued, giving Candice and Natalie a press release with Robert’s face and a picture of his book cover on it. ‘He’s written what seems to be a really “on-trend” book, but the issue is going to be getting it out there, making it stand out from all the other self-help books on the market.’
Natalie looked at the details on the press release. ‘“Embracing our inner child”,’ she said. ‘Sounds interesting – but it’s been done, right?’
‘I don’t think so, not in this way,’ Jessica replied, explaining about the activities the book recommended to help readers reconnect with their more organic selves.
‘Oh, OK,’ Natalie replied, nodding. ‘Sounds good. And he’s pretty hot, right, which doesn’t hurt?!’
‘You think?’ Jessica said, remembering the green eyes again. Then she thought of Dave – his stocky, gym-honed body, perfect skin, hair that took thirty minutes to perfect. Robert had that ruffled, academic cuteness about him, but in the Instagram age, it wasn’t what people were looking for.
‘Definitely! I will if you don’t!’ Natalie joked, before blushing. ‘Sorry,’ she said. ‘Too much.’
‘It’s fine,’ Jessica said, grinning. ‘I know what you mean. Anyway, I’m thinking of offering him as an expert psychologist to journalists as a starting point. Candice, if you get the press release sent to the usual suspects, and I’ll put something together for TV.’
‘Oh, also,’ Natalie began, flicking a strand of light-brown hair that had escaped from her tight ponytail, ‘we’ve had a bit of a problem with Hugo. Well, his art installation. You know, at the library?’
Jess nodded.
‘Well,’ Natalie glanced at Candice briefly. ‘Well, we’ve had a call from them. Apparently a guy fitting Hugo’s description, wearing a large hat, went into the library and tried to take the sculpture away. One of the staff tried to stop him, and unfortunately the piece was broken. They didn’t recognise him, see. Thought he was some opportunist thief.’
God, why hadn’t Hugo spoken to her? Jessica wondered. The installation was due to be removed in a couple of days.
‘Anyway, it made it to a local news site.’
‘Great.’ That was all she needed. Prospective winner of an art award, looking idiotic in the local news.
‘And …’
There was more?
‘And, you’re not going to like this, but the story got picked up by the News.’
‘What the Hatfield News?’ Jessica asked, thinking of the larger of the two local papers.
‘No, the Daily News online.’ Natalie grimaced.
Jessica felt a surge of panic. All this time spent trying to get Hugo recognised, and now he was getting coverage in the national press for appearing like a thief – or a lunatic – and snatching parts of sculptures from public buildings. She’d never get him an exhibition slot again! As it was, just getting his work in the public eye had cost Star PR over £200 in ‘donations’.
‘But why … I mean, why would they be interested in an attempted theft in a local library? It was hardly as if he was stealing the crown jewels or something.’
‘No … yeah. I get it. It’s … it’s the p
icture and the mobile phone footage some idiot recorded that captured their attention. You see, the sculpture he was trying to take back was Proud Man.’
Jessica didn’t have a comprehensive knowledge of the titles of all Hugo’s work, but Proud Man – a metre-high model of a man upon which Hugo had fashioned the largest penis imaginable – was one that had stuck in her head (figuratively speaking).
‘You see, men are objectified for one attribute and one only,’ he’d said sadly to Jessica when he first showed her the sculpture. ‘In order to feel pride, we need to feel we are the biggest … we have the biggest penises …’ he’d paused and shaken his head mournfully. ‘Metaphorically, of course,’ he’d added, tapping the side of his nose as if imparting a secret.
Jessica had tried to find something diplomatic to say and failed. She had no idea what he’d meant about a metaphorical penis. And the fully erect specimen on the sculpture was about as literal as a penis could be.
‘Oh, I don’t expect women to understand the sculpture fully,’ Hugo had added generously. ‘I mean, women just don’t have the same experiences of being objectified, body-shamed – the whole penis envy thing, Jessica, it’s soul-destroying!’
‘Uh huh.’
While Jessica was reminiscing, Natalie pushed her tablet across the table. On it was a picture of Hugo, in an enormous trilby hat, running through a library foyer, carrying a three-metre penis made of papier-mâché.
‘It’s trending too,’ Natalie added, as Jessica stared aghast at the screen. ‘On Twitter.’
‘Trending?’ After an initial near-gag of horror, Jess felt a little flicker of hope. When people got their names out there, for whatever reason, the light of the media would rest on them for a while. Penis or no penis, could it be a chance to promote Hugo’s genuine artwork? She could use the hashtag to direct traffic to his website, perhaps. Get some of his better work noticed, and who knew what might happen next?
‘Yeah.’
Jessica picked up her phone and swiped onto her Twitter account. And there, trending with over 5,000 mentions, wasn’t ‘Hugo Henderson’ but #penisguy
Penis guy.
Can’t believe he can run with a penis that size! #penisguy
Everything is Fine: The funny, feel-good and uplifting page-turner you won't be able to put down! Page 8