by Lee Colgin
They scrambled out together and brushed each other off. Toby still felt oddly shy despite the new intimacy, but he took Arlo’s hand anyway and led him to the moss-covered bank of Elk River. They settled in the shade of Arlo’s bridge, side by side and smashed as closely together as they could manage.
“Arlo, have you ever”—Toby felt heat creep along his cheeks, but he made himself ask it—“had a lover?”
“Does it matter?” asked Arlo gently.
“Well, yes, but perhaps not in the way you might think. I’m only curious, if you’ll tell me.”
“I’ve had lovers,” said Arlo with no further explanation.
“All right, good. Me too, although…” Toby trailed off. He was going to say, never something so serious, but it seemed silly as they’d only just shared their first kiss.
“Although what? Er…if it’s okay for me to ask.”
“Well, it’s been a while,” Toby admitted. “None since I’ve met you. And it’s not easy to find other wolf shifters like me. I’ve never found someone who wanted more than just…you know.”
“Me either,” Arlo gave a gentle shrug, “though, I can’t say I’ve been looking.”
“Why not?” Toby was always looking. Previous lovers had been incubi who weren’t known to be choosy—or to stick around longer than a few hours.
“Trolls are independent by nature,” Arlo explained. “My parents only met because their time had come to raise a family. Once I was old enough to not be underfoot, my dad left to return to his bridge. But I have years to go before leaving to start a family.”
Toby’s breath stalled in his chest. He bit the inside of his cheek to stop from saying something stupid. Of course Arlo would find another troll and have a family someday. He’d make a good father, Toby thought, remembering Arlo’s natural indulgence with his young nieces and nephews. But wolves mated for life, and Toby didn’t know if he could have a fling with Arlo only to know their relationship would be temporary.
“I see.” He probably shouldn’t have kissed Arlo after all. This had been a terrible idea. “So, you want a family?”
Toby held his breath while waiting for the crushing affirmation. Arlo would not want anything serious with Toby.
“Oh yes, always.” A broad smile lit Arlo’s face. “It’s my heart’s greatest desire to have a big family. One like yours.”
Toby’s heart sank. He’d thought he’d finally found someone special in Arlo. Someone that could be his mate. He’d even imagined what it might be like to live in Arlo’s cozy den, helping to guard his bridge, but it had all been silly daydreaming. Toby couldn’t give Arlo what he wanted.
“What do you want most in the world?” Arlo’s low baritone stirred him from the spiral.
Toby’s thoughts were so muddled, he struggled to answer. If someone had asked him yesterday, he’d have known what to say, but doubt clouded his mind. He stumbled through an honest response leaving out several key details.
“I want to find a mate to share my life with. Someone who’ll overlook my faults and love me anyway.” I wanted it to be you.
Arlo took Toby’s hand, enveloping it in his larger one. “What faults? You’re perfect to me.”
The sweet words shattered his heart more than cruel ones ever could. Toby was far from perfect, any other wolf shifter could have told Arlo that, but the troll didn’t know his life’s greatest failure. Besides, he didn’t want to talk about that now.
“I hope you get your big family someday, Arlo. You deserve to be happy.”
Confusion clouded Arlo’s gaze. His big hand tightened around Toby’s. “You deserve to be happy, too.”
Though the sentiment sounded heartfelt, Toby had trouble allowing it to sink in. He’d been brought up to believe someone special existed for everyone in the world, but the longer he went without finding him, the more he thought the concept wasn’t true.
“What’s the matter?” asked Arlo. “Have I said something wrong?”
“Of course not.” Toby untangled himself from Arlo and stood. “I should go.”
Arlo clambered to his feet. “But why?”
Toby considered making up an excuse but found he couldn’t lie to Arlo. “I’m sorry. I need to go.”
Arlo reached out but stopped short of touching him. He drew his arm back to his side. “All right. I’ll be here if you need me.”
Now Arlo looked sad too, and it was all Toby’s fault. He’d made a mess of things today. “I’ll see you later, Arlo.”
“Bye, Toby.”
Chapter Seven
OCTOBER
Arlo
An early frost had come in fast and settled heavy over the landscape. Arlo’s wool layers kept him warm when he stayed busy, but if he sat idle, the cold crept in, seizing his bones. He hadn’t seen Toby for weeks and found himself moping more often than not.
Those kisses they’d shared ran through his mind as if on loop. Toby above him, his light weight on Arlo’s chest, lips exploring lips. His heart warmed at the thought despite the layer of ice covering every pine needle and brown blade of grass. The sun hid behind the clouds leaving a dreary, grey day and nothing much to keep his mind off his sorrows.
Arlo had spent much of his time since he last saw Toby regretting his words. Something he’d said had chased the wolf shifter off.
He’d been too eager to name his desire to claim Toby’s family as his own. He’d thought if Toby were his lover, perhaps he could help care for the pack’s youngsters. Maybe Toby’s siblings would welcome Arlo as a brother. With Toby at his side, Arlo would get a taste of what it was like to be a part of the big family he’d always longed for, but Toby had shut down after he’d mentioned it.
Arlo wished he’d have kept his big mouth shut. He’d ruined everything. He didn’t want Toby to think he only liked him for his family because that wasn’t true at all, but he was afraid that’s exactly what he’d done. Toby had not visited since, so there’d been no chance to explain himself.
With a great sigh, Arlo stared into the river and wished he could make the journey to Toby’s village to apologize. But he couldn’t bring himself to risk it. Toby might reject him a second time, and the possibility was too much to bear.
So he wallowed. Keeping his bridge guarded, his den neat and tidy, and his heart safe behind a wall of doubt.
He’d almost dozed off, leaning against the rails of his bridge, when a feminine voice called from below. “Hey there, Arlo! Wake up you silly troll. I’ve brought you a starfish.”
The water nymph Liosa clung to a river boulder, water flowing by her in rushing ripples. She peered up at him, her purple eyes sparkling like amethysts, green hair hanging in wet clumps around her shoulders. Opalescent scales covered her body, glimmering in every color of the rainbow despite the cloudy sky.
Arlo would normally be delighted by the visit, but his foul mood lingered. Since that was not her fault, he tried to be nice. “Hello, Liosa. Shall a fetch you another leaf in trade?”
Liosa held the starfish high, and the negotiations began. “This is a fine specimen I’ve found for you, a big one, with all five limbs intact.”
Indeed, the starfish was a rare prize, and Arlo couldn’t help but want it for his collection. “How would I know five is a good amount? For all I know, starfish usually have ten legs.”
She thrust her chin forward. “That’s ridiculous. They do not. I assure you, five is the standard, and this one is a beauty.”
Arlo gave in. “What would you like? I will do my best to find it.”
“Leaves will do fine, the sea nymphs go crazy for them, but please do find me lots, not just one, a big bundle.”
Arlo supposed it would be harder to come by leaves in the ocean than by the river. “I’ll be right back.”
He lumbered off, across the meadow and to the tree line where leaves were available in abundance. Most were brown by now, but he picked through the forest floor for the last oranges, reds, and golds of the season and put them together in a neat
stack. Memories of kissing Toby in the leaf pile rose bittersweet in his mind. Scowling, Arlo shoved them aside and finished collecting the best leaves.
Still frowning, he returned to Liosa by way of the riverbank. “Give me a moment, and I’ll tie them together for you.”
“Good idea,” she agreed, her suspicious gaze following his every move.
Arlo fetched a length of twine from his den and plopped down by the river’s edge to fashion a net to hold the leaves in place. Liosa swam closer, starfish in hand. He startled as she launched herself onto the shore next to him.
Arlo clutched a hand to his chest. “You scared me. I didn’t know you could do that.”
“Do what? Come ashore? Of course I can,” Liosa trilled with a huff, settling with her tentacles coiled like a snake around her dainty golden tail. A water nymph on land was a sight to behold, so colorful and shiny, fins still dripping with moisture. Arlo tried not to stare.
“If you can come ashore, why not fetch your own leaves?”
Her hand flew to her chest in mock outrage. Or real outrage—Arlo couldn’t tell. “Do I look like I’d stoop to collecting my own leaves? No, I do not. That’s what trolls are for.”
Arlo was not about to argue with Liosa. He grunted, “Indeed.”
She sniffed and wrinkled her nose. “You smell miserable. What’s wrong?”
His eyebrows rose. “You can smell how I’m feeling?”
“Stop acting so surprised.” Her scales fluttered, a ridge formed at her collar bones then settled flat. “I can do anything I want. Answer me. What’s wrong?”
“I’m sad,” Arlo admitted, hunkering over his project. He tied off a piece of twine and threaded through with another. “I’d made a friend of a wolf shifter who lives nearby, but he’s stopped coming to visit.”
“Why?” Her green brows drew together.
“I don’t know, but I’m afraid it’s my fault.” With his large hands, Arlo flattened the leaves together and tightened the twine. One more piece should secure them well enough for her journeys.
“What’s his name?”
“Toby.”
Liosa pursed her lips. “Did you threaten to cut Toby up and eat him?”
Arlo hid his horror. “I did not.”
“Did you put a curse on his unborn children?”
Arlo made a note to never get on her bad side. “I didn’t do that either.”
Liosa hummed. “Well, did you at least pry off a fingernail or two?”
“Why in the world would I do any of those things?”
“How else will he know you like him?” she asked as if it were obvious.
Arlo shook his head in wonder, glad he wasn’t born a water nymph.
“Have you asked him why he hasn’t come to visit?”
“How could I when he hasn’t been by?” Arlo made the final knot in the last piece of twine and checked his work.
“Oh.” Liosa blinked. “Well you must go to him.”
“I can’t. Who would guard my bridge?”
“Who cares?”
“I do!” Arlo roared indignantly. “I cannot leave my bridge unattended.”
Liosa cocked her head and snorted. Bits of pink and red coral dangled from her ears and swayed with the movement. “You are really in a bind. Shall I curse Toby for you then?”
“What? No! I only want him to be happy.”
She shrugged. “Don’t say I never offered.”
“I won’t.” Arlo handed over the packet of leaves.
Liosa set the starfish on his thigh. “Pleasure, Arlo. Good luck with your wolf shifter, and if you change your mind, I’ll curse him next time I come through.” She winked. “My treat.”
“Um, thank you?” Arlo waved as she swam off.
Though it was nice to have someone to talk to, chatting with a rather terrifying water nymph proved unhelpful in the circumstances. After all, he couldn’t take her advice; he liked Toby just fine with all his fingernails intact, and leaving his bridge to seek him out at his village was impossible.
Arlo climbed the bank of Elk River and stared at the distant bend in the trail longingly. He couldn’t help but wonder, what would happen if he did go?
*
Toby
Folding another handful of raisins into the batter, Toby glanced over at Surry, Timothy’s mate, who awaited his reply. She’d had enough of Toby’s moping and had told him as much, then demanded to know the cause. When a pregnant woman corners you in her own kitchen, you answered.
“I’ve done something stupid, and I feel bad for it.” Toby stared into the mixing bowl rather than look Surry in the eyes.
“Tell me what you’ve done,” said Surry as she rinsed the dishes in the sink. “I’m sure it wasn’t so awful that a heartfelt apology won’t fix things.”
Toby wasn’t so sure, though he had to talk to someone. He’d been so lonely keeping his feelings to himself. “Do you remember Arlo?”
Surry arched one brow without moving the other, a trick Toby had always found amusing when she did it to Timothy but not so much when she aimed the expression at him.
“The troll you speak about as if he hung the moon?” she asked. “The same troll with blue eyes and black freckles who guards the bridge at Elk River but no longer asks you for tribute. That Arlo?”
Had he really been so obvious? Toby gave a little shrug. “The very same.”
She rolled her eyes. “And?”
“I’ve fallen for him,” Toby admitted. A glance to Surry revealed she’d figured that out long ago. “But it will never work.” Toby went on to explain what had happened on his last visit. Though embarrassed, he told her about the leaf pile, the kisses, and all the things Arlo had confessed to wishing for afterward. “You see? He wants a life I cannot give him, and I only want him to be happy. So I must stay away.”
“And you have not seen him since?”
Toby continued to stir the batter needlessly. “No.”
“But Toby, it has been weeks!” Surry knocked him playfully over the head with her dishtowel. “Arlo won’t understand why you haven’t come to see him. You’ll have hurt his feelings.”
Toby’s shoulders sank with guilt. “I know. I feel terrible, but I don’t know what to say.”
She put her hands on her hips and huffed. “Have you tried, ‘I’m sorry’?”
Toby stared at her. Apologizing occurred to him regularly, he’d even tried to work out what he would say, but having come to no clear decision, he’d put it off.
Surry continued, “Do you want to stay friends?”
“Of course.” That much he knew for certain.
“Then you must go back and explain.” Surry gentled her voice. “If Arlo is as kind as you say he is, he will understand.”
“I know, but first I want to think of a decent tribute, make it, then figure out what I’m going to say and how to say it. Then maybe I can go see him.”
“You’re overcomplicating this.” Surry took Toby by the shoulders and turned him away from the mixing bowl to face her. “Plus, I suspect you may be wrong.”
“That’s the problem.” Toby met her steady golden-brown gaze. “I was wrong to kiss him.”
“No, I mean you may be wrong about what he meant when you spoke afterward. You should ask him about that.”
Toby shook his head. “He made himself awfully clear. I was silly to think this thing between us could ever be more than friendship.”
“Aww, Toby.” Surry gave him a hug. Toby sank into it gratefully. “Don’t be sad. There is someone out there for you, even if it isn’t Arlo. You’ll find your match when it’s time.”
“Thanks, Surry,” said Toby, but he couldn’t bring himself to believe her.
Chapter Eight
NOVEMBER
Arlo
After passing a busy morning collecting tributes from a band of smelly hobgoblins, Arlo spent some time carefully airing out the tokens in the sunshine. He definitely didn’t want the rotting banana scent anywhere near his den. H
e arranged the bits and bobs in a neat line and wondered what to do next.
He’d just decided to gather some fresh pine needles for his floor when a familiar voice rang like silver bells on the breeze.
“Arlo?” Toby stood on the other side of the bridge, hands in his pockets.
A wave of excitement coursed through Arlo’s veins at seeing Toby again finally, but at its crest, the awareness things were not resolved between them chased the joy away. He forced a smile on his face for his friend. For that’s what Toby was, and Arlo would do anything to make things right again.
“Toby,” Arlo breathed the name like a wish. “I’m glad you’re here.”
“Really?” Toby glanced down at his feet. “Because I’ve been rather rude. I’m sorry I haven’t been by sooner.”
“That’s all right.” Arlo crossed the bridge and approached. “I’m sorry I upset you.”
Toby glanced up. “You didn’t upset me,” he was quick to say, then he amended, “or, well, I was upset, but it wasn’t your fault.”
Arlo didn’t understand. He’d been certain his words had hurt Toby somehow. He didn’t know what to say.
Toby filled the silence. “I brought you something.” He held out his hand, a folded square of fabric lay in his palm.
Another tribute should have perked Arlo up, but it didn’t. “You shouldn’t have.”
“But…well, I wanted to see you, and I didn’t have any other ideas. So I thought you might like this.”
Arlo took the gift and unfolded it to reveal a simple landscape scene: rolling green hills leading to a copse of evergreens, white puffy clouds dotting the sky, the whole thing surrounded by a brown border painted to look like a window frame.
“Since your den doesn’t have any windows,” Toby explained.
“What a clever idea,” said Arlo. He’d always found Toby’s tributes to be rather more thoughtful than the rest. “Did you paint it yourself?”
“I painted it, yes, but Arthur did the drawing for me first. The scene would not be nearly as precise without his help.”