by Onley James
Jesus. Was this why the boy had agreed to work for Hillary? He was desperate for money for his meds? Even with Gideon’s tip, their night together would have only paid for a single vial of medication. Gideon shook his head. “Once he’s recovered, Callum will come home with me. I’ll cover his medical expenses and his medications. I had no idea things were this bad.”
“We’ve got him set up in his room, so I can take you to see him now. A member of our financial team will come and speak to you at some point. There are no set visiting hours for the step down unit, so you’re free to stay as long as you like.” Gideon stood once more to follow him when Dr. McManus turned around. “There is one more thing. Do you know where he got the bruises on his thighs and buttocks?”
Gideon’s eyes went wide. Fuck, he hadn’t even thought of that. “No, I’m sorry. As I said, I haven’t been as attentive as I should have. He’s clearly in need of some attention and care.”
Dr. McManus gave him one more up and down glance like he was trying to decide if Gideon was the hero or villain of this particular scene—something Gideon found himself asking more and more lately. Finally, Dr. McManus made some internal decision and turned on his heel, nodding his head in the direction of the door.
Gideon followed behind, keenly aware of every bell, beep, and phone ringing. There were medical personnel everywhere. Some nurses sat behind a large desk while others leaned over it, deep in conversation. Two small dark haired ladies dressed in scrubs pushed around strange looking machines with a blood pressure cuff attached.
When he was finally inside Cal’s room, Gideon breathed a sigh of relief, pressing his back to the closed hospital room door as the buzz of the hospital hallway disappeared. His gaze landed on the boy. He wore a blue and white hospital gown, and somebody had tucked the covers up under his armpits. He looked small beneath the covers. A small tube had been fed up his left nostril, and a blood pressure cuff looped around his right arm. Another tube in his left arm attached to two bags hanging from a metal pole. There were deep purple bruises under his eyes, and his cheeks looked hollow, his skin chalky beneath his tan.
Gideon dragged the chair over to Cal’s bedside.
“Can you hear me, little bird?” Gideon asked, taking the boy’s hand in his, gently rubbing his thumb over his inner wrist.
There was movement behind Cal’s lids, but his eyes never opened. Gideon let out a breath and slouched down in the chair, keeping the boy’s fingers linked with his. He didn’t remember dozing off but he must have. When he opened his eyes again, Cal was watching him like he wasn’t sure if Gideon was really there.
Gideon tilted his head. “You’re awake.”
Cal smiled just a bit. “So are you.”
Gideon leaned forward. “You scared me.”
Cal’s eyes filled with tears, his cheeks stained red as he tried to wipe at them with his free hand. “I scared myself.”
“Why didn’t you tell me things were so bad?” Gideon asked, voice soft.
More tears streamed down his cheeks as he shrugged. “Why would I? We hardly even know each other. You only know I exist because I blackmailed you.”
“Correction, I let you think you had successfully blackmailed me because I knew I wasn’t done with you five minutes after I let you leave my apartment that night and I wanted to see you again.”
“I guess that’s all out the window now, huh?” Cal sniffed, turning his gaze to look out the window.
“Do you want it to be?” Gideon asked.
“What? No. You know I don’t,” Cal said.
It wasn’t true. Gideon didn’t know that at all. He found it hard to know what was going on in the boy’s head. He could have only tried to blackmail him to stay at the school or to try to extort money from him…but he’d never asked for money. Not once. Not even the first night when Gideon had offered to let him walk with the cash without ever doing anything together.
“Well, I don’t want it to be over either. But no more blackmail. If we’re going to do this, it will be my way. Understand?”
“Yes, Daddy.”
Gideon grinned. “Good boy. Once you’re able to leave the hospital, you’ll come stay with me. I’ll pay for your meds and your meals and anything else you need, and you’ll make sure you are testing your blood sugar regularly and taking your medications as prescribed.”
Once more, tears started to fall. “I should say no, but I don’t want to be back out on the streets.”
“Shh, don’t cry. I’ll take care of you. I should have made sure you were okay from the start. That’s on me.”
Gideon waited for Cal’s waterfall of tears to slow. He seemed absolutely exhausted. He coughed a little, his tongue shooting out to lick over his bottom lip, voice almost shy as he asked, “But are we still… Can we still…”
Gideon stood, bending over his boy to get close. “Can we…what, little bird?”
Cal dry swallowed loud enough for Gideon to hear. “Are you still my Daddy?” he whispered.
“Oh, yes. If that’s what you want. But part of that means making sure you’re healthy. I won’t risk your life. Once you’re stable, we’ll pick up right where we left off. There are so many things I’ve yet to show you…and do to you.”
Cal whimpered as Gideon pressed a kiss against his ear. He dropped back into his seat just as the door opened and a nurse in purple scrubs stepped inside, smiling when she saw Cal and Gideon. “Oh, you’re awake. You two were having quite the nap. Time for your meds.”
“How long do you think he’ll be here?” Gideon asked.
She frowned as if thinking. “At least two or three days is standard with this admission, but don’t quote me on that,” she said.
“Would it be alright if I brought him some of his things from home?”
Cal cut his gaze towards Gideon in confusion, but the nurse just smiled. “I don’t see why not.”
Gideon squeezed Cal’s hand. “I’m going to bring you some clothes and maybe your laptop, so you have something to do.”
Cal’s face collapsed. “Somebody stole my laptop and my tablet. The only thing they didn’t take was my stupid flip-phone. Where is my phone?”
“You just worry about getting well. I’m going to get you everything you need and check on your new canine companion.”
“Where is he?” Cal asked before shaking his head. “I thought I dreamed that.”
“You didn’t. She is with my veterinarian friend, Desmond. He’s looking her over. Since she didn’t tell me her name, I’ve taken to calling her Alexa. You can change it to whatever you like.”
Cal grinned. “I like Alexa.”
“Good. So do I. I’ll be back soon. Get some rest.”
The door was almost closed when Gideon heard the nurse say, “Wow, your dad seems like he spoils you.”
He heard Cal give an embarrassed laugh. “Yeah, he’s the best.”
The next three days passed in a blur of finger sticks and vital sign checks and a sea of nursing assistants and doctors wandering in and out of Cal’s room. As his blood sugars lowered to what the doctors considered an acceptable level, Cal’s thoughts cleared and his mood stabilized until he felt almost human again. They’d removed the tube in his nose and the catheter from his bladder, which made him feel more human as well. He still had little memory of wandering the streets, but maybe that was a good thing.
He’d had the same nurse the last two nights, Claudia, a beautiful older woman with umber colored sun-kissed skin, long braids woven with gold beads, and light brown eyes the color of his father’s favorite whiskey. The day shift nurses always seemed preoccupied; friendly but definitely all business, checking his lines and his heart rate before scurrying off to the next patient. Claudia never seemed in a hurry, maybe because the doctors weren’t there to bug the nurses at night. At least, that’s what she’d told him before giving him a melodic laugh that Cal wanted to listen to forever.
Claudia claimed Gideon visited Cal each night while he slept. She said he stay
ed for hours just watching him sleep. Cal had tried to force himself to stay awake last night, but it was impossible. They gave him something Claudia called a ‘sleep aid,’ but it hit Cal like a truck, causing him to fall into a coma-like dreamless slumber.
Gideon became Cal’s Santa Claus. This mythical figure who appeared while Cal slept and left gifts behind, each one wrapped in fancy silver paper with a tag that just read, From Daddy. Each time Cal woke to a gift, his fingers traced the elegant, masculine scrawl of the ink, his stomach fluttering whenever his eyes fell on the word Daddy. First, it was a new MacBook pro, then the latest iPhone, and last night, an iPad. But it wasn’t just electronics. He’d left Cal soft cotton pajama pants and t-shirts and even a plush navy blue robe and slipper socks. If Cal was there one more day, Gideon might leave him a car. It was crazy. Cal couldn’t let himself get too used to this, but he didn’t know how to keep the butterflies from his belly. It wasn’t even the price tag, just that Gideon cared enough to want Cal to be comfortable.
On night four, Claudia arrived at seven, just as she always did, standing outside Cal’s door, receiving report from the day shift nurse named Gina. Cal usually dozed through this part, sort of half listening as they talked about his diagnosis and illness, his meds, his procedures, and his labs, as if he wasn’t five feet away.
But this time, Gina said something that caught Cal’s attention.
“Did you see his latest haul?” she stage-whispered, her voice carrying. “That phone alone is worth, like, twelve-hundred dollars, and a tablet, and a MacBook? And what nineteen-year-old do you know who calls his father Daddy? None that I ever heard of.”
Claudia clicked her tongue. “Girl, hush. That ain’t none of our business. Besides, we all know you’d suck a dick for a movie ticket and a combo meal. Don’t hate the hustle. Did you see what that boy looked like when he got here? Somebody needed to take care of him.”
“I’m not hating,” Gina said, voice prim. “I’m just saying, that’s not his father. Should we be sharing medical info with him?”
Claudia’s voice grew icy. “You really need to learn to mind your business if you want to survive as a nurse. The boy clearly consents to letting the man know about his condition. He sits here every night for hours just watching him sleep and holding his hand. He clearly cares for him.”
“Or he’s just protecting his investment,” Gina snarked.
“Don’t act so high and mighty, princess. Now, hurry up and finish this report so I can get started with my night and you can get out of my face.”
Cal was eating dinner when Claudia finally made it into his room, busying herself with checking his lines and iv bags. “How’s my favorite patient?” she asked, giving him a bright smile.
“Thanks for defending me to Gina,” Cal said.
Claudia cut her dark eyes towards the boy, her mouth twisting. “I’m sorry if you overheard any of that. That girl needs to learn to keep her opinions to herself. She’s new, barely a year out of school, and thinks she knows everything about everything. Patients’ personal lives ain’t none of our business.”
“It’s okay. I’m sure people think it's a little weird,” Cal managed, blushing.
She waved a dismissive hand. “Who cares what people think? They don’t live your life. They don’t pay your bills, so they can keep their opinions to themselves.”
Cal smiled. “Still, thanks for saying what you did.”
She smiled back. “I have your night pills.”
“Can I skip the sleeping pill tonight?” Cal asked.
Claudia gave him a knowing look. “Wanna talk to your man, huh?”
“I keep missing him,” Cal said, realizing that was it. “I feel like he’s a ghost…or I am.”
Cal really did miss Gideon. He missed seeing his face. He missed his touch, hearing him call him baby boy or little bird, missed his breath on his neck and the sting of his slap. It seemed illogical to miss somebody he didn’t know, but he really did…or maybe he just missed feeling like somebody cared whether he lived or died. He wanted to flop back on his pillow and pout about the turmoil going on in his head and in his heart, but he couldn’t. So he did nothing, just stuffed it down deep.
“Why don’t I send in Jeanette to help you take a shower and brush your teeth and put on some clean clothes? It might make you feel better.”
The thought of a shower made Cal want to weep. She turned off his pumps and removed the IV in his arm. She said it was time to move it anyway. Cal didn’t relish the idea of getting poked again, but if it meant he could wash his hair, he’d make the sacrifice.
Claudia took his empty dinner tray and set it beside the door for the food services people before pointing at him, her tone teasing. “No hanky-panky in my hospital rooms, you hear? I don’t need all my lines getting tangled. Besides, you still need your rest.”
Cal blushed. “We’ll keep it PG. I promise.”
“You better,” she said, just as Jeanette entered the room.
Gideon arrived after ten when a shiny, clean Cal was working on his Econ homework. “You’re awake,” Gideon said, sounding pleasantly surprised.
Cal nodded, closing his laptop and setting it on the tray beside his bed. “I skipped my sleeping pill tonight.”
Gideon pulled the chair to Cal’s bedside, sitting close enough to reach out and brush a curl off his forehead. Without product, his hair was a wavy mess. “How are you feeling?”
“Better. Much better. When can I leave?” Cal asked, hating that his tone bordered on whining.
“I ran into Claudia in the hallway. She said they are likely going to send you home tomorrow.” Home. The word was a dagger in his chest. He didn’t have a home. He forced himself not to let his sudden anxiety show, but his pulse skipped, causing the machine at his bedside to beep loudly. Gideon frowned at the number. “If I’m still at school, I’ll send a car to come get you and take you back to the loft.”
Cal didn’t want that. He didn’t want to be alone with some stranger. He shook his head. “No. I’ll just wait for you. Is that okay? Can I just stay and wait for you?” He hated the panic in his voice. What was wrong with him?
Gideon smiled. “Of course. As long as the hospital allows it. I’ll come get you myself after school.”
Cal gave a shuddering sigh, his shoulders falling. “Okay, good.”
Cal didn’t know why it mattered. He would see Gideon when he arrived home. It was his house. But since Cal had been at the hospital, the idea of being alone outside those walls sparked a fear inside him he wasn’t sure he could ever vocalize. Nothing seemed permanent, and it scared him. Maybe he deserved that. For all the things he’d worried about growing up, food and shelter had never been one of them. His education had never been threatened, he’d taken his insulin pump for granted, his doctors, his vacations, his access to nice cars and any toy his heart desired. All of it.
But not now. Now, every day, he lived dancing on a knife’s edge, and though Gideon didn’t say as much, there was a countdown to their arrangement. No matter how generous Gideon was, Cal wasn’t his responsibility. Cal was an adult, but he didn’t feel like one. Not really. He didn’t know how to cook or do laundry. He couldn’t balance a checkbook. Did people even have checkbooks anymore? How did he get a job when he didn’t know how to do anything? It was like he’d woken up in a foreign country and didn’t speak the language.
“Do you know how to cook?” Cal blurted.
Gideon studied him, a crooked smile forming. “What?”
“Can you cook?” Cal asked again, trying to contain his nerves so he didn’t sound like he was shouting random questions at Gideon like a crazy person.
“I don’t have much time for it but yes. I started cooking again after…” He trailed off.
After his husband died, Cal finished for him. “Did he cook for you, before then I mean?” Cal whispered.
Gideon gave a fond smile, his fingers curling around Cal’s. “Yes. He did almost everything for me. Too much, really,�
� he finished, the smile disappearing.
“Did it scare you after…” Cal trailed off just as Gideon had a moment ago, like they didn’t want to say the words, like it might provoke some kind of angry spirit. Gideon’s gaze fell to Cal’s hand, playing with his fingers. A heavy silence fell between them until Cal felt compelled to say, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked.”
Gideon jerked his head towards Cal, like he’d pulled him back to reality. “You can always ask, little bird. I’m just not used to talking about it. About him. We were together for so long, and I was so young when we met. Then, he was just suddenly not there, and it was like having the rug yanked out from under me. He was older than me but not old. If he’d had a major illness or something, maybe I could have prepared myself for it… But, one day, he was there, kissing me goodbye, and hours later, he was just gone. There was a giant gaping hole in my world, and I realized I had no idea how to be me without him.” He gave a humorless laugh. “He left me everything. His money, his seat on several boards, his family’s whole legacy. He left me his whole life, but he’d never really taught me how to live it, just how to fake it.”
Cal threaded their fingers together. “But you figured it out.”
Gideon squeezed Cal’s hand, gazing at him with a warmth that made his heartbeat stutter. “Yes. I did.”
“How?” Cal asked, desperate for the secret, like the knowledge was the difference between him sinking or swimming. “How did you teach yourself to be self-sufficient?”
Gideon shrugged. “I got mad. It was all I could do. I had to get mad at him, at myself, at the world. I had to get furious enough to get out of bed and remind myself that I wasn’t just Grant’s husband, his boy, his pet. I was a PhD candidate. I was working on my doctoral thesis from one of the most prestigious schools in the country. Grant didn’t give that to me, I’d earned it. I could build things from nothing with my bare hands. I could play music. I had talents and a life that was all my own. The things I didn’t know, I could learn. So, I did.”
“Were you really mad at him though?” Cal asked.