by SJ McCoy
She laughed and smacked his arm. “It is not! You’d better not be serious.”
He laughed with her. “I’m joking. Jeez, woman. You think I’d still be standing here with you all wrapped up in my arms if I thought there was even the slightest chance?”
She rolled her eyes. “No. Not really. But some of you city folks seem to believe the strangest stuff about life out here.”
“Hey. I’m not just one of those city folks.”
She laughed. “No? What are you then?”
He held her gaze for a long moment before he answered. “I’m your man.” It felt kind of cheesy to say it like that. But he’d told her earlier that she was his girl. And no matter how it might sound, it sure felt good.
She raised her eyebrows. “You mean while we’re on our date, right? Like you said before.”
“For starters.”
The corners of her lips twitched up into the hint of a smile. “And then?”
“Then, like you told Ace, this is our first date, but it won’t be our last.”
“You asking me to go out with you again?”
“I am.”
“Where do you want to go?’
“Wherever you want to go. I’m in your territory here.”
“Yeah. I guess you are. And you don’t mind that?”
“Why would I mind?”
“Some guys need to be the big man, you know? Take the lead, be the one calling all the shots. Protect the little lady.”
“I’m not like that. I don’t need to be the big man. I’m happy to let you call the shots, especially while we’re on your turf and it makes sense. But I’m not a pussy who needs you to take charge. I want to look out for you, but I wouldn’t call that protecting the little lady.” He winked. “I know you can take care of yourself, especially if there’s a shotgun handy. But I … I guess, I want you to know that you don’t have to, that I’ve got your back.”
~ ~ ~
Frankie just stared into his eyes. She couldn’t speak if she wanted to. His words had literally taken her breath away. She’d never known anyone like him. When she’d said some guys needed to be the big man, she’d meant most of them. In her experience, that was just how guys were. She wasn’t under any illusions; she knew that with many of them it was more about ego than anything else. The man had to be the big man – not so much because he cared about the little lady, but because it was just how he saw himself. Most guys thought of her as too independent. She loved that Spider had said that he knew she could take care of herself – and more that he’d sounded as though he liked that. And him wanting to have her back? That made her feel all mushy inside. Life had taught her the hard way that she had to watch her own back. Sure, Mav and Ace and the guys, and Tanner and her other cousins had always looked out for her. But she hadn’t been back in the valley much, and when she was away from here, she had no one.
She must’ve taken too long to figure out what to say. Spider’s smile had faded. “I hope that wasn’t the wrong thing to say.” His eyes searched her face. “Because even if it was, I can’t take it back.”
She looped her arms up around his neck. “It was the most amazing thing you could have said. Thank you. And thank you even more for not taking it back.” She smiled before pressing a quick kiss to his lips. “It would have spoiled it if you did.”
His arms tightened around her, one hand was between her shoulder blades, pressing her chest against his. His other hand rested just above her ass and when that one drew her closer, her hips pressed to his. She closed her eyes as a rush of heat spread through her, then let out a shaky breath. The crowded bar had faded away. She wasn’t aware of anything except the feel of his body against hers.
“Want to forget the drink and get out of here?” she asked.
His hand slid lower onto her ass and pressed her closer, making it clear that at least one part of him was eager to take her up on the suggestion.
His words contradicted the action. “I’d be happy to get out of here, but …” He moved his hips against hers. It was nothing too obvious – they were still standing in the middle of the crowded bar, after all. But it was enough that she had to tighten her hold on him to keep herself upright. “You already told me that you’re not an easy lay. And that’s not what I’m looking for.”
Waves of disappointment and of relief washed over her. If he’d wanted to get out of here in order to … go there, she couldn’t deny that she would have. Part of her even wanted to try to persuade him. But stronger than that was the feeling of relief that that wasn’t who he was, and it wasn’t how he saw her. She pulled herself together and couldn’t resist rubbing herself against him before she stepped away with a smile.
“When you say that’s not what you’re looking for …” She raised her eyebrows at him and gave him a sassy smile. “Are you going to tell me you’re not attracted to me that way?” She traced her forefinger over the front of his pants and loved the way he twitched against her. “Because if you do, I might not believe you.”
He caught hold of her hand and brought it up to his lips. The scruff on his face tickled as he kissed the sensitive skin on the inside of her wrist. “We’ve already established that I’m going to be honest with you, Frankie. You know I’m attracted to you. I don’t think you understand just how much, but you know. And when I said that’s not what I’m looking for, I meant I’m not looking for an easy lay. I won’t even say that’s not my style. But it’s not with you. Do I want to get physical with you?” His face looked almost pained as he nodded. “More than I want my next breath. But I want to see you again.” He smiled. “And then I think I’ll want to see you again, and again. And I don’t want to screw that up by being in too much of a hurry to get between your legs.”
She almost melted in a puddle at his feet when he held her hand up to cover his mouth and ran the tip of his tongue along the seam between her fingers before increasing the pressure and flicking it between them in quick thrusting motions. Her free hand clung to his arm to keep herself upright. “If you keep doing shit like that, I’m likely to jump your bones in the truck, mister, first date or not!”
He chuckled and lowered her hand. “I just wanted you to know that it’s on my mind. In fact, it’s hard to drag my mind away from there. But you said this isn’t our last date. We don’t know each other well enough yet to get physical and survive it. It’d be a quick fuck and goodbye, and I don’t want to say goodbye.”
“There you go again.” He raised an eyebrow, and she laughed. “You look like a heartless badass, but you talk like a gentleman.”
He shrugged. “I am what I am. Neither a badass nor a gentleman. Just me.”
“Well, I like just you.” She took hold of his hand and started making her way back to the doors. “And I don’t want to say goodbye to you either.” She looked back over her shoulder at him with a grin. “Even if I wouldn’t mind a quick fuck.”
She laughed when he groaned out loud and almost crushed her fingers, he squeezed her hand so hard.
Chapter Seven
Frankie looked over at Spider as she brought the truck to a stop before turning back out on the highway. She was still tempted to say to hell with it and take him home with her. She didn’t doubt that she’d be able to make him forget his good intentions if she got him within throwing distance of a bed.
He reached across and ran his fingers down the side of her face. “Before you say anything, my resolve’s starting to crumble here. If you suggest that we should … then I’ll say yes.”
Her tummy flipped over at the heat in the look he gave her.
“But I meant what I said, Frankie. I want to get to know you, and I don’t think we will if we go there first.”
She brought her hand up and pressed his fingers to her cheek. “Good call. You’re right. I was thinking about it.” She dropped his hand and pulled out onto the highway, headed up toward the Davenport place instead of back down toward the ranch.
“Are you taking me back to Reid’s place?
” She loved that he sounded disappointed.
“No. I thought we could go down by the river and walk and talk. That sound good?”
“It sounds perfect.”
She turned off at the fishing access at Mill Creek and the truck bumped over the gravel road until she brought it to a stop. She unfastened her seatbelt and forced herself to open the door and jump out. It’d be all too easy to sit in the truck making out with him, but it would only lead to the place where they’d each said they didn’t want to go – yet.
Spider got out and came around the hood to meet her. She took hold of his hand and led him down the path to the river.
“It’s beautiful out here.” Spider looked around at the mountains and then out at the rushing water.
Frankie followed his gaze. “Isn’t it? I love this valley. I feel lucky that I grew up here. I’ve traveled all over the Mountain West, seen a lot of the country, too, but I’ve never known anyplace more beautiful than this. What about you? You live in LA, right? Did you grow up there?”
“Yeah. I’ve never really left the city much.”
“Wow! I can’t imagine that. Didn’t your parents take you away on vacations when you were small or anything?”
She felt him tense before he let go of her hand. “No.”
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“You didn’t.” He ran his hand over the back of his head, and she wanted to do the same. There was something about feeling his bare skin there before her fingers met his hair that felt … intimate. But he didn’t look like he’d be open to it right now.
“Hey,” she wanted to make him smile again, “I thought you were going to be honest with me? It’s obvious that I upset you. You don’t need to say that I didn’t. But don’t worry. I’m not going make you explain. I get it. Some things are too personal; they’re off limits, right?”
He stopped walking and caught her hand so that she had to stop, too. He kept pulling her closer until she was pressed up against him once more. She could see the struggle on his face and hated that her question had chased his smile away.
She put her thumb on one corner of his mouth and her finger in the other and pulled his lips up. He pulled his head back with a laugh. “What are you doing?”
She laughed with him. “I was trying to put a smile back on your face – and it worked, see.”
He shook his head and chuckled. “You’re crazy, cowgirl. Do you know this?”
“I won’t lie. I’ve been told that before. Made you smile, though.”
“You did. And I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bite your head off.”
“You didn’t. You just said no when I was too nosey about your childhood.”
He opened his mouth and she guessed he was about to either apologize again or explain, and she didn’t want him to have to do either. “Want to hear about my childhood instead?”
“If you want to tell?”
She shrugged. “Sure. Like I said. I grew up here. My whole family’s here – well, most of them, the ones who stuck around.”
“You have lots of brothers and sisters?”
“No. Just one big brother. When I say my family, I mean all my cousins.” She smiled. “Like Tanner, who you met tonight – damn, you didn’t even meet him did you? I didn’t introduce you. I’m so sorry. I haven’t seen him in forever. Either he’s been gone, or I have. But that’s no excuse.”
He smiled. “You’re fine. There’s no need to apologize. So, he has lots of brothers and sisters and you guys are all close?”
“Yeah. Their mom was …” She stopped and had to swallow before she could go on. “Damn, sorry, I thought it’d be easy to explain.”
“You don’t have to if you don’t want to. Not if it upsets you.”
She blew out a short laugh. “Just because something upsets you, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it. That’s how I learned that things work anyway. Want to sit?” They’d reached the water’s edge now and she gestured to a low bank over a small pebble beach.
Spider sat and once she was beside him, he curled his arm around her shoulders. It felt good, and she leaned into him. She was surprised at herself. She usually felt claustrophobic when guys tried to hang onto her all the time.
They sat in silence for a while, watching the water rush by before she spoke again. “My mom died when I was three.” His arm tightened around her, and she snuggled closer. “My brother, Mav – Maverick, is twelve years older than me. He did his best to be my parent. My dad was an evil bastard.” She blew out a sigh. “He and his brother, Connor, were two of the meanest sons of a bitch you’d ever meet. Connor is Tanner’s dad. Tanner’s in the middle of eight kids, and their mom did her best to be there for me and Mav. But Mav was too old, and I was too young, I guess. But my cousins were all like my best friends. They still are.” She smiled up at him. “As you noticed with Tan tonight.”
Spider smiled back at her. “I have to tell you I was happy to hear that he was your cousin.”
“You were really jealous?”
He shrugged, but the creases around his eyes deepened. “If you remember, we’d just established that you’re my girl. Then some dude was hauling you over the bar and into his arms.”
“Sorry.”
“No need.”
“Okay, so anyway, that’s me. The closest thing I had to a parent was my brother. My dad was an evil bastard and my cousins’ mom did her best. So, if anyone understands not wanting to talk about their childhood, I do.”
“Why do you call her your cousins’ mom instead of your aunt?”
Frankie pursed her lips. “Hmm. I never thought about it before. But I suppose it’s because she was way younger than Connor, and she was his second wife. Even though they were married before I was born, it was always just … I dunno, accepted that she wasn’t really my aunt. She was just this poor woman who’d somehow stumbled into the middle of the MacFarland clan and was trying to do her best to survive it.”
“And you didn’t live with them?”
“No! Their ranch is just across the river there.” She pointed. “Ours is where you came to get Owen yesterday.”
“Oh. I didn’t realize it was a ranch. I thought it was a riding stables.”
She laughed. “The stables, the barn, the arena and everything you saw is just one tiny corner of the ranch. Libby rents it from Mav. They were married.”
“And now they’re divorced but she still has her business there?”
“Yep. I keep hoping that they’ll end up together, but they’ve been on again off again so many times – even after they got divorced. It never works out though, and they both say that this is it this time. They’re over.”
Spider nodded but didn’t comment.
“Anyway, here I am rambling on about my complicated clan. What about you? And I don’t mean tell me about your family. I mean tell me something, tell me anything that’ll help me get to know you.” She squeezed his hand, that she hadn’t even noticed she’d been holding as she talked.
~ ~ ~
Spider brushed his thumb back and forth over her palm. He loved the way she’d grabbed for his hand while she spoke, and the way she’d squeezed it to reassure him. When she’d asked if his parents didn’t take him on vacation, he’d immediately assumed that she came from a tight, loving family. The kind who went on vacation every year and had a cat and a dog and … He gave himself a shake. What he’d done was start to distance himself from her automatically, decided that she’d never understand where he’d come from – or who he was. But from what she’d told him about her own family, that wasn’t the case.
He stared out at the river, glad that she didn’t push him. He needed a minute. It’d be easy to tell her about the coffee shop, or about the center and how he knew Reid and the rest of the Davenports, but he knew that if he did, it would be just another way of keeping her at a distance. It was what he did with most people, especially women. He kept it superficial – knowing that they didn’t really want to know, and that they
wouldn’t be around long enough for it to matter anyway. It was crazy to consider opening up to her. It wasn’t like he was going to be around her for long. He was only here for a visit.
He shot a glance at her without turning his head. She, too, was staring out at the mountains, comfortable with the silence and not pushing him to talk. He blew out a sigh. Crazy as it might be, he wanted to tell her, to be honest about who he was. Who knew, maybe she’d become a friend, even if they did live a thousand miles apart.
“I was seven years old when I landed in foster care.” He spoke so suddenly that she started. He was grateful that she immediately turned to look back out at the mountains. She didn’t interrupt with a question or watch him as he talked.
“I never knew who my father was. My mom was an addict, and I had a lot of uncles. Some of them were better than others, but that’s not saying much. The last one beat my mom to death. She stole from him. I was there. I didn’t much like my mom; she used to beat on me and lock me in the closet when the uncles came around and when she was high – which was most of the time. I was locked in there when he came in and went after her. She was out of it, high on whatever she’d bought with the money she stole from him.” He stopped and closed his eyes, remembering why he never told anyone this story. He could see it as he spoke it. He could smell the shoes he’d been sitting amongst in the bottom of the closet. He was used to being in there. He didn’t even try to peek out through the louvered doors anymore. He just sat and went to places in his head. But that day he’d known something was wrong – way worse than the usual kind of wrong – when Uncle Wes had stormed in. He’d picked Spider’s mom up by the hair and thrown her down on the bed. Spider’s arm tightened involuntarily around Frankie’s shoulders, and his other hand held hers a little tighter, remembering the way she’d reacted to him touching her hair earlier. He couldn’t let himself start wondering about that.
He shuddered remembering how his seven-year-old self had watched, horrified through the slats in the closet door as Wes had jumped on top of his mom. He’d seen it all before. One of the uncles used to make him watch. But this time was different. His mom’s screams didn’t sound the same. Wes was hurting her. When he started hitting her, Spider had started kicking at the closet door. He knew it was no use. He’d tried to fight his way out a hundred times before. But seeing that bastard get up off his mom and then punch her over and over until she fell to the floor where he started kicking her had given him the strength to finally manage to kick the door off its hinges. He’d thrown himself at Wes, trying to make him stop, but it hadn’t been any use. The bastard laughed when he threw Spider across the room and turned back to kicking his mom. Spider had landed on the dresser, breaking his arm and a couple of ribs, but he’d tried to go back and wrap himself around Wes’ leg to stop him from kicking his mom. He could see so clearly how it had all ended. Wes’s boot made contact with his mom’s head, and when he’d seen her eyes turn glassy and blood start to run out of her ear, he’d known she was gone. Then his own head felt like it exploded, and everything went black.