by Jan Coffey
Since I’ve been here, I’ve spoken to Zari on the phone too. I was relieved to hear that Yahya is there with her. It’s strange that Elizabeth and Tiam, a mother and daughter, are both struggling to stay alive in hospitals only twenty minutes apart.
“Elizabeth’s lawyer told me that they revisited her will when Jax died two months ago,” Kyle tells me. “She also has a living will on file with him. He emailed it to me while we were on the phone.”
“Is it valid here?”
“He is checking, but he was fairly certain Turkey recognizes its validity. In this case, you’re informing these physicians of her wishes regarding end-of-life medical care.”
“End of life.” I shake my head stubbornly. “She’s going to live.”
He rubs my back and gathers me against him, and I take tremendous comfort in knowing I’m not alone in this. I think back to the days after Autumn’s death and how I rejected Kyle, pushing him away, making him feel unwelcome. Somehow, deep down, I held him responsible simply because he wasn’t ready to have a child. The truth is, I’d betrayed his trust and used him, and he’d been trying to do his best to deal with it.
“It won’t be easy, but you have to be prepared.” He brushes a kiss on my forehead. “How is Tiam? Did you talk to your mother again?”
I look at my phone, but there are no messages and no new calls.
“Once Elizabeth is out of surgery, I want to go over there.” My voice breaks. “That is, if my sister is still alive.”
He holds my face in his hands and looks into my eyes. “Maybe you should go now. What can you do here?”
“I’m torn between here and there. Between who I am now and who I was at birth. It’s so hard to know who needs me most—this mother who raised me or the one who brought me into this world. My heart is in pieces, and I feel like an outsider in both places. I can’t decide where I really belong.”
He presses my face against his chest, and the tears I’ve been holding back break free. I’m lost. I’m truly lost.
But I’m not alone. Sharing this knowledge of the truth has brought the two of us closer. I know he’ll stay beside me and help me for as long as it takes to get through what lies ahead.
An administrator appears, and I wipe my face.
“If you could follow me, the doctor can speak to you now.”
Kyle holds onto my hand. In a small room near the nurses’ station, a man dressed in scrubs and a younger woman wearing a name badge are waiting for us.
After the door is closed, the doctor begins to speak, but I don’t hear anything after his first words.
Part XIV
Once more, O happy hill and peaceful plain,
Once more, O kindly meadow, laugh with glee:
Now is all earth’s old nature young again.
O hold you dear the flowers, that through Spring’s door
Enter your garden: ere you may no more
Behold them, love them who live but for thee.
Greet them, ere they through Autumn’s gate depart:
Since for your pleasuring, God made them be,
Gaze on them gladly,—on me too, sweet heart,
Who for your sake alone live; give me one
Welcome, once smile on me, ere I be gone.
— Ḥafeẓ
Epilogue
Christina
Two Months Later
From the observation deck of the Galata Tower, the view of the city after last night’s dusting of early snow is more than breathtaking, it’s magical. It’s nearly noon, and in the light of a brilliant November sun, Istanbul is a glistening, jewel-encrusted treasure.
My gaze travels from the mouth of the Bosphorus far to the south, all the way to the great Blue Mosque, the Hagia Sofia, and the Suleymaniye Mosque, which sit proudly atop the hills to the west of the sparkling Golden Horn.
Two months ago, I felt lost, but no longer. Brushing away a tear, I breathe in the cold clear air and fight back feelings that still threaten to overwhelm me. I think about those difficult moments in the hospital and the confusion of that entire week following Elizabeth’s shooting. But out of those hard, chaotic moments emerged irrevocable change in all our lives.
Do the right thing for Tiam.
Those were the words that stayed with me during the times of greatest difficulty. Decisions had to be made. Elizabeth’s heart was beating when they took her into surgery, but she never regained consciousness. The bullet that entered her brain had done too much damage. She was declared brain-dead almost immediately, but the doctors kept her on mechanical support and continued for hours in the futile effort to save her.
I don’t remember a great deal from that meeting with the surgeon. The value of Kyle’s presence beside me was immeasurable. He stayed by me and talked to me and checked the legal aspects of what needed to be done while I considered the immediate future.
Do the right thing…
Elizabeth had opted to be an organ donor years ago, but that was only important to me and not to the doctors involved. Regardless of the lies coloring our family’s past, on record I was her next of kin, the decision maker. Once I put her medical team in contact with Tiam’s, the assessment started. Elizabeth and my sister had the same blood and tissue types, and that made the chance of rejection less likely.
The most miraculous thing for me as we waited through those two long days before all the tests cleared was that Tiam fought to stay alive. It was as if she somehow sensed that the mother who’d abandoned her thirty years ago had returned offering the very possibility of life.
The police never arrested the men responsible for shooting Elizabeth. No suspicion ever fell on Yahya.
He wants to be part of our lives, but as far as his relationship with Zari, the decision is hers. Tiam tells me they see each other occasionally. And the couple of times that she’s espied them together, they’re more like a couple on first date than two people who share a thirty year history.
I spoke to Patricia Nicholls once after Elizabeth died. She’s a very lonely woman, and her health is failing. I got the sense that she felt overpowered by my mother when they were friends in Ankara. Patricia claimed that she meant to help with the baby and the hospital bills and all, but Zari disappeared and Patricia never saw them again.
My eyes are drawn to a pair of trams that are passing each other on the Galata Bridge far below me. The crowds on the bridge are moving briskly in the cool breeze coming off the water. A vendor has a handcart almost on the exact spot where Elizabeth was gunned down. From here, it looks like he’s selling bunches of flowers. Life goes on.
I think of Autumn all the time. She changed me, and she will forever be part of me. Every time I see a mother and daughter walking down a lane, I think of the void in my heart. Every infant’s laughter and cries, every affectionate exchange between parent and child, brings back the memory of those few precious days we had.
Wiping the moisture from my cheeks, I look around and see the beautiful hijabi woman approaching along the tower’s metal railing. Tiam. I turn to her and enfold her in my arms. To hold her, knowing we’re truly sisters, is a gift that I had never expected in life. The steroids she takes to make sure she doesn’t reject Elizabeth’s lungs have helped her gain some weight. She looks vibrant and alive, and her cheeks glow from the effect of the cold air.
“How was the doctor’s appointment?”
“Everything is good.” She hooks her arm in mine, and we stand together with the city beneath us. “I can go back to work next month.”
“Back to work?”
Money is a bone of contention between us. Externus was sold, and Elizabeth’s estate is substantial, but neither of us wants her wealth. An idea that we’ve been pursuing involves using the funds to establish an education and training center for refugees in Istanbul. With my business and computer background, and Tiam’s knowledge of the culture and local resources, we believe we may have found a worthy use for the inheritance.
“Is this Sunday still good for you
to go to the Sufi lodge and watch the Whirling Dervishes?” she asks. I take note that she’s blushing slightly.
Tiam and Kemal Osman, the handsome pharmacist, did know each other through their university connection, and I’m quite proud of myself for getting them to meet over coffee and pastries last week.
“Yes, it is. But I refuse to act as a chaperone for you two,” I tell her. “Also, Kyle is flying in on Friday.”
Tiam’s blue eyes are mischievous when they meet mine. “How long is he staying this time?”
“For the weekend.”
“Why don’t you bring him too?”
“I’ll ask him.”
My relationship with Kyle right now is complicated. He accepted the job in Japan, but he’s involved in sales and marketing, and he says he doesn’t have to live there full-time. Since Elizabeth’s death, I’ve been going back and forth between LA and Istanbul, settling her estate. And every time I’ve come to Turkey, he’s turned up here. To visit, he says, or to check on me.
Unfortunately, it took Elizabeth’s death for me to take a good look at who I was before, and to take responsibility for my actions. What I did to Kyle was wrong, but he’s still interested in trying to give our relationship another try. I’m not ruling out the possibility. Long distance relations are difficult to maintain, but we’re walking into it with our eyes open. We’ve both learned from the mistakes of the past.
For my whole life, I’ve never been the person I thought I was. I was actually a broken reflection from a mirror shattered long ago in an apartment in Ankara. But these days, I’m finding myself, piece by piece, and gluing the fragments back in place. And as I look at the smiling profile of the sister who said, I am you. And you are me, I know where I belong. I like the reflection I see between the cracks in that mirror.
Another woman in a headscarf comes out to the observation deck. When Zari sees us, her eyes light up with happiness. She moves with the grace of a woman who carried her unborn baby through rocket barrages and rugged mountains. She is a woman who dedicated herself to raising a sick child that was thrust upon her. She built a life on a lasting foundation of love. She opens her arms as she reaches us.
“Kızlarım. My daughters. My life.”
And as the three of us embrace, I know we’re home.
Thank you for taking the time to read When the Mirror Cracks. If you enjoyed it, please consider telling your friends or posting a short review. Word of mouth is an author’s best friend…and much appreciated.
Hope you’ll page down and take a look at the other novels that we’ve written under the pen names Jan Coffey and May McGoldrick.
Enjoy!
Author’s Note
Stories come to us in bits and pieces, and as writers we try to weave them into a seamless tale. In case of When the Mirror Cracks, the fate of refugees in the world has always been important to Nikoo. Because of her own experience as an immigrant, the issues of identity and inclusion often play a critical role in the creation of our characters. It was true in this novel, as well. Then, we concocted a story involving the mystery of two children changing places, the definition of motherhood, and the damaging effects of privilege. We added to the mix Kurdistan, a place and culture with which Nikoo has a family connection, and set the action in Istanbul, a vast city brimming with history and beauty.
And in putting together our stories, we make use of a cast of experts.
We are so grateful for the people in our lives who support us and sustain us with their love and knowledge and wisdom. We want to thank the following people for their contributions:
To Cyrus McGoldrick and Sarosh Arif, who helped us with their knowledge of Istanbul, their language translations, their story input, and their sensitivity.
To Sam McGoldrick, who deftly steered us with his skills and insights with regard to story structure and character development.
To Olivia Zeff, who helped us with her expertise in the psychology and trauma of separation and child development.
To Jeff McGoldrick, who contributed with his professional knowledge in the area of emergency response team work.
To Isabel Ngo, a member of the Tessera Editorial group, for her editing and perceptive reading of the manuscript.
To our talented and generous cover designer, David Provolo.
To our wonderful beta-readers, whose honesty and encouragement made this story better.
And to Nikoo’s Kurdish family, for their love and support.
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Thank you for reading our story. If you enjoyed it, leave an online review and help us spread the word.
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www.MayMcGoldrick.com
www.JanCoffey.com
[email protected]
The Janus Effect
PEACE AND WAR, FRIEND AND FOE, LIFE AND DEATH… A PERILOUS JOURNEY HOME!
An Iraqi Kurdish scientist has been wrongly held in a CIA “black site” for over five years. Now, as cases of unexplained deaths—marked by rapid decomposition—are cropping up across the U.S., Homeland Security is willing to bend any rule to find the source of the deadly infection, even if it means resurrecting a "dead" Iraqi biochemist. Fahimah’s sister risked her life trying to destroy the super-microbe that causes the flesh-eating disease. Fahimah tried, too, but landed in prison.
Austyn Newman was sent to gain the cooperation of the scientist. Arriving in Afghanistan, he recognizes that the CIA has been holding the wrong sister all these years. They need her, but how will he gain her trust?
With time running out, Austyn must help Fahimah find her way through war-ravaged Iraq and Kurdistan…for the answer lies at the end of her journey home.
Winner: Connecticut Press Club Award— Best Book of the Year
Also by Jan Coffey, May McGoldrick & Nick James
NOVELS BY JAN COFFEY
Romantic Suspense & Mystery
Trust Me Once
Twice Burned
Triple Threat
Fourth Victim
Five in a Row
Silent Waters
Cross Wired
The Janus Effect
The Puppet Master
Blind Eye
Road Kill
Mercy (novella)
* * *
Young Adult
Tropical Kiss
Aquarian
NOVELS BY MAY McGOLDRICK
16th Century Highlander Novels
A Midsummer Wedding (novella)
The Thistle and the Rose
* * *
Macpherson Brothers Trilogy
Angel of Skye (Book 1)
Heart of Gold (Book 2)
Beauty of the Mist (Book 3)
Macpherson Trilogy (Box Set)
* * *
The Intended
Flame
Tess and the Highlander
* * *
Highland Treasure Trilogy
The Dreamer (Book 1)
The Enchantress (Book 2)
The Firebrand (Book 3)
Highland Treasure Trilogy Box Set
* * *
Scottish Relic Trilogy
Much Ado About Highlanders (Book 1)
Taming the Highlander (Book 2)
Tempest in the Highlands (Book 3)
Scottish Relic Trilogy Box Set
* * *
Arsenic and Old Armor
18th Century Novels
Secret Vows
The Promise (Pennington Family)
The Rebel
Secret Vows Box Set
* * *
Scottish Dream Trilogy (Pennington Family)
Borrowed Dreams (Book 1)
Captured Dreams (Book 2)
Dreams of Destiny (Book 3)
Scottish Dream Trilogy Box Set
Regency and 19th Century Novels
Pennington Regency-Era Series
Romancing the Scot
It Happened in the Highlands
Sweet Home Highland Christmas (novella)
Sleepless in
Scotland
Dearest Millie (novella)
How to Ditch a Duke (novella)
* * *
Royal Highlander Series
Highland Crown
Highland Jewel
Highland Sword
* * *
Ghost of the Thames
Contemporary Romance
Thanksgiving in Connecticut
Made in Heaven
Nonfiction
Marriage of Minds: Collaborative Fiction Writing
Step Write Up: Writing Exercises for 21st Century
NOVELS BY NICK JAMES
Caleb Marlowe Westerns
Outlaw Country
About the Author
USA Today Bestselling Authors Nikoo and Jim McGoldrick have crafted over fifty fast-paced, conflict-filled historical and contemporary novels and two works of nonfiction under the pseudonyms May McGoldrick and Jan Coffey. Beginning in 2021, they will be adding the pen name Nick James and writing historical Westerns.
These popular and prolific authors write suspense, mystery, historical romance, and young adult novels. They are four-time Rita Award Finalists and the winners of numerous awards for their writing, including the Daphne DeMaurier Award for Excellence, the Romantic Times Magazine Reviewers’ Choice Award, three NJRW Golden Leaf Awards, two Holt Medallions, and the Connecticut Press Club Award for Best Fiction. Their work is included in the Popular Culture Library collection of the National Museum of Scotland.