“Thinking about him with her—I can’t really describe the particular kind of hell that was. Then, when I met Brandi, I tried to forget that I’d ever loved him. I had you. That helped.”
“But it still hurt, didn’t it?”
“I’ll never get over it. Or him. The only way I could go on was to pretend like it never happened. I’d thought he loved me as I did him. I was wrong about, that, obviously.”
“Why do you say that?”
“A man in love doesn’t cheat.”
“He was young. Teenage boys don’t always think with their brain. He told me he loved you very much. Malinda was a mistake. A youthful indiscretion, as they say.”
“That mistake cost me everything I wanted.” The anguish in her voice broke me.
“Mom, I’m so sorry that happened to you.”
She dabbed at the corners of her eyes. “I’d like to think he loved me like I did him, but it’s simply not true. No amount of alcohol would ever have caused me to betray him.”
“Men are different.”
The server arrived with our bottle of wine and made a big show of opening it and having me taste. I wasn’t in the mood. Normally, I’d have enjoyed it all, but tonight I didn’t feel much like eating, which wasn’t like me, but I ordered the angel hair pasta with fresh tomato and garlic in olive oil. Mom ordered a bowl of chowder.
“What did you and Jack talk about?” Mom asked after the server hurried away to another table. I hadn’t noticed until now but the dining room was lively tonight. The skiers had arrived. In a few weeks the holidays would bring even more.
“This and that. He brought me a batch of letters from his family.”
“Lizzie and Jasper,” she said under her breath as if trying to memorize a fact.
“How did you know?”
“Those of us who grew up together here always talked about which family of the first settlers we were descended from. It was a thing. We’re descendants of Harley and Merry. They were the horse people.”
“Nan told me everything she knew about our family,” I said.
“Right. Of course she did.” Mom smiled as her gaze drifted upward. “My parents were very proud of the Depaul legacy.”
“It’s a gift to know about those who came before us. Most people have no idea about their families.”
“I used to think they were all looking after us,” Mom said.
“Jack said he thought they were like Cupid, ghosting around matchmaking.”
“Wouldn’t that be wonderful if it were true? I’d have had Jack all this time if they granted those kinds of wishes.”
“He said he thought the two of you would marry and grow old together.”
“He did?”
I nodded as I buttered a piece of bread. “He has a lot of regret and remorse for what happened. I think he loved you, Mom. I don’t know if that makes things better or worse.”
“Nor do I.”
The server brought our meals, presenting them with the customary fanfare of an upscale restaurant. We smiled and thanked him, but our hearts weren’t in it. After he left, my mother picked up her spoon but didn’t dip it into her soup.
“Honey, I’ve been thinking. What would you think if I moved here?”
Her question surprised me so much that it took me a second to answer. “Here? Isn’t it too small for you?”
“That wasn’t what kept me away.” She ducked her chin and reached for her water glass.
“Right. I can see that now.” I studied her for a moment. “Wouldn’t it be hard to be here, though? Jack and I are going to have a relationship.”
“That’s exactly what I’m worried about. You’ll be here with Jack—the greatest father in the world. What would you need me for? Pretty soon, you’ll stop calling or inviting me places because you’ll have perfect Jack.”
“That’s ridiculous. You’re my mom. Nothing changes that. I have enough love for both of you.” I’d never heard my mother jealous before. Strangely, it touched me more than anything else she’d said tonight.
“I never had to share you. Being a single mother was hard in some ways but in others it was easier. I can remember friends complaining about differing parenting styles with their spouses. I could raise you however I wanted. Now there’s a new person in your life. One who might turn you against me.”
“Jack wouldn’t do that.”
“Not on purpose. But you’ll have a family here with Brandi and Jack and her children. I’ll be off in Seattle doing whatever it is I do, too far away to really be part of things.”
“Isn’t Seattle where you belong? Where your people are?”
“You’re my people. You’re the only person who matters to me. I want to be here and part of the day-to-day of your life.”
“You’ll always be part of my life. There’s no reason to feel insecure or jealous.”
“Jealousy? You can’t imagine how I burned with jealousy when he told me he was marrying her. I felt this rage I’d never felt before. The darkness of it scared me. I knew that staying away from him and Malinda was the only way it wouldn’t consume me. I had to go toward the light, so to speak. And now, here I am again. About to lose the battle because of Jack.”
“Oh, Mom, I’m sorry.” My stomach ached at the raw emotion in her voice and expression. I’d loved Patrick that way, all-consuming and breathtaking. If he’d cheated on me I would have been devastated. To find out he’d gotten another woman pregnant would have made me want to die. Thinking about it this way gave me new insight into my mother’s decision. I could see how her only choice was to run away. The pain would have been too much otherwise.
“It’s all right now,” Mom said, tightly. “All of it was such a long time ago. None of it matters except you. I just want you to be all right. That’s all I ever wanted. I know you got a raw deal getting me as your mother.”
“No, that’s not true at all.” My mother claiming that it was all such a long time ago and that none of it mattered was also very clearly not true. No one spoke of something that supposedly didn’t matter as she had tonight. How was it possible that thirty years later, the pain was still fresh?
“The other mothers of your little friends growing up were always so conventional—so normal—and you were stuck with me.”
“No one had a mom like you, that’s true. But those kids were the ones missing out. You’re the most fun and the most interesting of all of them. I wouldn’t trade you for anyone.”
Mom’s eyes filled. She dabbed under them with a new tissue. “That’s kind of you to say, honey.”
“Are you serious about moving here?”
She nodded. “I’ve been thinking about it all day. What do you think about the idea of me opening an art gallery? We could display my work and others. If I sell my condo in Seattle, I can probably buy a building here.”
“Mom, you don’t need to do that. I can fund a gallery if that’s what you want.”
“You’ve already been so generous. I can’t ask you to do that. Not after all this.”
Patrick and I had bought a condo for her in downtown Seattle, moving her from the smaller one she’d lived in for almost two decades. Her views from the twenty-first-floor windows looked out to the Puget Sound. She’d set up her pottery studio in one of the bedrooms. I had no idea how much income she generated through her work, but she’d never asked me for anything. Patrick had wanted to open a gallery for her when he and I had first married, but she’d refused, worried that he would feel taken advantage of.
“Let me do this for you,” I said. “Patrick would want you to have a gallery if that’s what you want. Or I can buy you a house here. Whatever you want.” I gazed across at her. “What do you want? To stay in Seattle? Or to come here?”
Her eyes flickered. “You don’t want to know the real answer to that.”
“I do.”
“What I want isn’t something I can have.”
The torment in her voice stabbed me in the gut. “Mom, are you talking abo
ut Jack?”
She ignored my question. “I thought I could buy that building behind the bar and grill. You know the one? I could live upstairs and have the gallery downstairs.”
The building she referred to was one of the oldest in town, built in the early 1900s. If I remembered right, Alexander Barnes’s office had been there. Over the years, it had had various incarnations. The most recent had been a haircutting salon run by a trio of sisters, but that had closed last spring. They’d moved to a different facility with more reliable heating and water. “It would need an overhaul. To make it livable as a residence.” I didn’t know when my own house would be built. The contractors in town and the ones we’d brought in from Cliffside Bay had their rosters full through the summer.
“Maybe I can find a rental until then,” Mom said.
“We can look around tomorrow.” I didn’t have much hope of finding anything. With all the people who’d lost homes, rentals were hard to find. When Jamie Wattson had lost her inn, where she’d lived in one of her rooms, she’d moved into Brandi’s old apartment above the bakery. If not for that, Mom might have been able to move there. The inn was scheduled to open again in the spring, but all work had been halted once the snow started to fall.
“When I rebuild the Lake House, we could have a cottage built for you. I don’t like the idea of you living in some drafty old building.”
She rested her chin in her hand as she looked across at me. “We can decide all that later. The most important thing is that you understand I’m serious. I will be moving here.”
My mind had sped ahead by then to holidays and family gatherings. Would Mom and Jack be able to be together without resentment and hostility? Jack would be able to put the past behind them, but would Mom have that same ability? She clearly still had strong feelings for him. “Mom, as long as you don’t get hurt again. That’s all I care about. I’m afraid seeing Jack all the time will cause you more pain.”
“It will hurt. Especially when he gets married again.” Her voice broke. She paused for a few seconds before continuing. “Which will happen sooner than later. A man like Jack doesn’t stay single for long.”
Married again? I hadn’t even thought about that. She was right. He was a catch. The single ladies of a certain age would be circling soon. Or maybe even some of the younger ones.
“But listen to me, honey. I’ll be all right as long as I know you forgive me.”
“I do. I’d love to have you here in Emerson Pass. It’s a dream come true. Please, let’s just move past all of this and embrace a new beginning.”
“One in which I can be honest with you and myself,” Mom said.
Yes, I thought. Honesty. I needed a little of that myself. I had fallen for Garth. Denying it had only hurt him and me.
I closed my eyes for a second as a wave of emotion swept over me. As I’d thought about special occasions and family events, I’d seen Garth by my side. Goodness, I was in trouble. I wanted to be with him. He was the one I belonged with now.
Outside the lobby, I slipped a few bills into the valet’s hand before getting into the driver’s seat of my car. Under the awning, the cement was dry, but snow had begun to fall while I was inside having dinner.
“Be careful out there. It’s starting to dump,” the valet said before closing the door and running to get the next car.
My spirits were high after such a productive talk with my mom. For the first time since I learned of her deceit I felt sure we would be able to repair the damage to our relationship. It had felt good to air it all out, as my Nan had done with her laundry in the summertime. I could still see the way the sheets had flapped in the breeze, collecting the scents of flowers and grasses. Tonight, I felt a bit like one of those sheets after the sun had dried all the dampness that had weighed it down.
As I pulled out of the lodge driveway and onto the street, the valet’s prediction proved correct. Snow did indeed dump from the sky with flakes so thick the windshield wipers strained under the effort. I cursed under my breath and tightened my grip on the steering wheel.
Although this was my third winter in Emerson Pass, driving in the snow still scared me. I wanted to get home to Garth. He’d already texted several times to ask me to let him know when I was on my way home. He was worried about the weather and rightly so. I’d take it slowly, I told myself. My car was good in the snow. That’s what it was made for.
The lodge was down a long road a few miles from downtown. By the time I rolled onto Barnes Avenue in the heart of town, the roads were blanketed with at least three inches of snow. The plow would not be out for another hour, if that. They liked to wait for a break before bringing out the equipment.
That morning, the workers had hung the twinkling lights in the trees that lined downtown. Despite their cheery glow, my gut clenched. The street was bare except for my car. All the storefronts were dark except for the bar and grill. Had everyone else gotten word of the storm? I’d been so preoccupied, I hadn’t paid any attention to what the weather was supposed to do.
I turned on music to keep me company. As long as I drove carefully, I’d be fine. After what seemed like an hour I passed through town and turned right onto the road that would take me up the southern mountain to Garth’s house.
Garth. I’d forgotten to text him. I used the voice command to send a note to him. On my way but the roads are bad. Headed up the mountain now.
I chugged up the winding road. Five minutes later, I had only a mile more to go before Garth’s driveway. My snow tires gripped the slick road. They were doing their job. I would make it home soon. Just minutes from now, I’d be in Garth’s arms.
A pair of deer came out of nowhere, bolting into the road. I slammed on my brakes. Too hard. The car careered and slid. Next came the sound of metal crumpling and glass breaking. The airbag opened and thrust me back into the seat. Pain shot through the middle of my body. Garth. I had to get home to Garth. Then, blackness.
19
Garth
I stood at the window watching the snow fall, growing more panicked by the second. A text had come from Crystal just minutes before that she was on her way up the mountain. The snow was the icy kind that would stick to the roads and make them slick. I’d been worried all night. A feeling of dread had clung to me, despite the enjoyable evening I’d spent with my parents. We’d put together a puzzle in front of the fire and had hot apple cider and popcorn. I’d basked in the glow of their company and the warmth of the room.
Now, however, I was frantic with worry. If I could have driven, I would have rushed out of there, but I couldn’t ask my dad to go. Then I’d be worried about two people instead of one. I should have warned her not to go out to the lodge. She should have come straight home. Now she was stuck out in this. The forecast had predicted another storm, but not until midnight. Obviously, it had come early.
She hated driving in the snow. All the years in Seattle with barely any storms had not prepared her for this kind of weather. If I could have paced, I would have done so. Instead, I could barely hobble around.
My dad and mom were in the kitchen putting away dishes from our dinner. I limped to the kitchen, then leaned on my crutches. “I heard from Crystal. She's on her way up the mountain. She should be here any minute.”
Mom peered out the kitchen windows to the driveway. “I don’t see any lights. When did she text?"
"Like two minutes ago," I said.
“She’ll be here, son,” Dad said.
The minutes ticked by and still no Crystal.
"She should've been here already,” I said.
Dad nodded, looking uncharacteristically worried. "She might've gotten stuck. I reckon I'll go out and look for her.”
“I’m not sure that’s a good idea,” Mom said.
"She said she was just headed up the mountain when she texted,” I said. “Maybe she had an accident.”
Dad was already putting on his jacket. "I'll call you as soon as I see her. If she’s in a ditch, I’ll bring her home.�
��
I watched from the window as my dad's car disappeared down the driveway. He was good in the snow after all of the years driving me to and from ski practice. If anyone could find her, it would be him.
I wandered into the living room. Chilled with fear, I stood near the fireplace hoping to get warm. Her brow furrowed with worry, Mom moved around the room, straightening pillows and folding a blanket. I’d seen that expression before. Too many times. One night shortly before Christopher passed, I’d watched her from the doorway of my brother’s bedroom. She’d had the same look on her face then as now.
"I have a bad feeling, Mom. I’ve had one all day.”
"She may have just run into a little trouble and gotten stuck in the snow." My mother’s reassuring words did not match her concerned tone.
“Slick spots can come out of nowhere," I said. "But what are the odds that we’d both have a bad accident within weeks of each other?"
“You’re right. I’m sure she's fine," Mom said. “Any minute now your dad will bring her home.”
For the next quarter of an hour, we sat in silence. I watched my phone, willing it to ring or buzz with a text from Crystal or my dad.
Despite being ready, I jumped at the sound of my phone. "Dad?"
"Take a deep breath. Brace yourself. I found her. Her car had spun off the road and smashed into a tree. She’s alive but unconscious. The paramedics are on their way.”
I froze as a jolt of terror went through my body. “Are you sure she’s breathing?”
“Yes,” Dad said.
"Can you tell if she's broken anything? Or if she's suffered any kind of internal injuries?" My voice was a higher octave than usual.
“I can’t see anything wrong with her. Try not to worry.”
Famous last words.
My heart pounded in my chest. A ringing started between my ears. “What do I do, Dad?” I held my breath waiting for his answer.
“Start praying. As hard as you can.”
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