by Elle Thorpe
So I let him see it. The fire in my eyes that told him exactly how angry I was. At myself more than him, really. I just kept doing this same old thing every time I was around him. I couldn’t seem to stop, and it was excruciating.
“I know what staring at your lips means.” His gaze flickered to my mouth again. “I know exactly what it means. How many times do I have to do it before you say I can kiss you?”
The breath whooshed out of me on a sharp exhale. I searched his gaze for a sign he was lying or making fun of me. But this time, there wasn’t a hint of amusement in his expression.
He was dead serious.
That was suddenly terrifying.
“I can’t,” I said, pushing off him.
The hurt in his eyes nearly floored me, but I had to get out of there and put some space between us. I didn’t know Nate anymore. Everything he did just confused me more. I’d been thinking about him kissing me for four years, knowing it would never happen. He couldn’t just waltz back into town and start saying he was actually going to do it.
That wasn’t how this worked. “I don’t want to.”
“No,” he called, scrambling after me. “Bullshit, Hallie. I don’t buy that.”
I froze in the doorway, but I didn’t turn around. When his big body closed in on me, a tremble rocked me from tip to toe.
He bent his head so his lips hovered just over my ear. “I fucked up. I was a stupid kid who had blinders on. All I saw was bull riding, and partying, and getting out of this town. You were my best friend, and I didn’t realize something had changed for you. I had no idea what you were going to do that night.”
I let out a shaky breath, relieved I wasn’t facing him. The mortification from that evening came rushing back, and I was that same seventeen-year-old kid all over again, throwing herself at a boy who didn’t want her. “I blindsided you. I know that. I should have talked to you.”
“Maybe. But I should have seen it. I knew you better than anyone.” His fingers gripped my arms, and he spun me around. “Dammit, Hallie. I would have never organized that party if I’d known. You have to know that. I never wanted to hurt you.”
Shame heated my cheeks when I remembered the stares and laughter. It was still as clear as day in my head. Me lying in what I thought was a seductive pose across the hotel bed, my boobs spilling out of cheap lingerie, expecting Nate to walk in, take one look at me, and rip his clothes off, too.
Instead, I got a whole group of teenage boys, ready for an afterparty. And a flat-out rejection from my best friend.
“I was stupid.”
“You were beautiful.”
Oh goddammit. Why did he have to say things like that? I lifted my gaze to meet his.
“You still are. If I could have a do-over, I would. If I could do it all again, I would have read the signs. I would have never invited my friends up to the room. It would have just been you and me.” He moved in closer so our chests touched. His head dipped again, so his mouth hovered over mine, his warm breath tickling my lips.
“I would have told you the moment I saw you on that bed, you switched from being my best friend to something entirely different.”
He inched forward again, guiding me until my back hit the barn wall. I was completely powerless to stop him, not that I wanted to. This was all my teenage fantasies come true. My legs had turned into jelly, and there was a real danger of me melting into a puddle if he stopped using his body to press me into the wall.
Nate leaned in so far that I anticipated his kiss, my eyes fluttering closed. But it didn’t come. Instead he changed course, running his nose along my jawline before trailing his lips to the sensitive spot beneath my ear.
Oh God. I was going to incinerate.
“I would have kissed you here.” His lips traced down my neck, just barely touching me. “And here.”
Nate ground against me, his dick thickening behind his jeans. “And then I would have told you that in just one glimpse, I’d never been so hard.”
I moaned quietly, unable to stop it.
“So when I ask you again if I can kiss you, just remember you aren’t the only one who wants this. Got it?”
I’ve never answered so quick in my life. “Yes,” I breathed. “Yes. Yes. Okay.”
He pulled back abruptly, forcing me to catch myself on my wobbly legs. My eyes flew open.
He smirked. “I didn’t ask again.”
My mouth dropped open as he walked away.
He threw me a cocky grin over his shoulder. “But don’t worry, I will.”
10
Hallie
It took me a good ten minutes to get my breathing, not to mention my libido, to calm down. I hid in the barn, fanning myself with a newspaper I found on Frost’s desk, like I was out of some 1960’s movies where the women swooned and fell at men’s feet.
I definitely had some swooning going on. I’d slept with guys in the years he’d been gone, but none of them had ever made me feel what I’d just felt with Nate. And he’d barely touched me.
When I finally thought my cheeks were no more pink that normal, I slipped from the barn and headed for the training ring, where a crowd had gathered to watch the trainees practice. Nate’s tall frame and broad shoulders were the first things I noticed, Molly high in his arms. But he was talking to Frost about one of the trainees, so I grabbed a spot on the rail next to Summer. Inside the ring, a young cowboy, in a hat that looked too big for him, tried desperately to hold on to a bull that was barely kicking. I winced.
Summer elbowed me. “Quit being so obvious. This lot is brand-new and they’re terrible, but their money is as good as anyone’s.”
She had that right. These wannabes paid my wages, so I politely clapped when the guy fell off, landing in the dirt with a thud.
Frost motioned the kid over to him and Nate, and the two of them explained in-depth what had gone wrong.
I couldn’t help but watch Nate. Frost was quiet and to the point, but Nate was outgoing and chatted with the kid, reassuring him he was that bad once, too.
I didn’t think he was, but at least the kid walked away smiling.
Molly whined and fidgeted, seemingly bored with standing still, and Nate paced over to me, trying to distract her. “So, Molly wants to know if you want to come over for dinner with her tonight?”
I jumped down from the fence and wiped my hands off on the back of my jeans. “Does she now?”
Molly squawked and tried to throw herself backward out of Nate’s arms. He put her down to crawl around our feet and turned a sheepish grin on me. “Okay, fine. Molly didn’t ask. She’s super rude like that. But I’m asking.”
I raised an eyebrow, remembering his earlier promise. As if I could forget. “Asking what exactly?”
His gaze darkened, and his smile turned cocky. “Right now, I’m asking you to come over to my place for a meal. Maybe after I’ll have more questions.”
I couldn’t help but grin. “Fine. Dinner and questions sound good.”
Frost cleared his throat. “If you two are done flirtin’, your baby is eating cowshit.”
“What!” Nate spun in a circle, looking for Molly who’d crawled away.
“Oh my God,” I burst out laughing when I spotted her. She had cowshit smeared over her hands and face.
“Molly!” Nate rushed over, picking her up, holding her out away from his body. He widened his eyes at me in a panic, clearing out her mouth. “Is this bad? Do I need to take her to the doctor?”
I shrugged. I had no idea.
Molly gave him the gummiest grin and clapped her hands happily at him.
“Hey, at least she likes you right now.”
He frowned, but Molly’s happiness was infectious. Slowly a grin spread across his face, wiping out his worried expression. “Is that all I had to do to get you to like me? Let you eat some poop?” He turned to the rest of us watching them. “Seriously, though? Do I call an ambulance?”
Addie, Summer’s mom, swept in and plucked Molly from Nate
’s outstretched arms. “You think I raised three girls on this farm without each of them tasting a little cow poo once or twice? They lived to tell the tale. You’re just fine, aren’t you, baby girl? Let’s get you cleaned up.” She headed for the house but then called over her shoulder, “Nate, I’ll take Molly tonight for you. Who knows what she’ll eat next if you and Hallie are…distracted again.”
My cheeks went pink once more, but this time, I didn’t mind so much.
That night after work, I stayed in the shower until the water ran cold. Which wasn’t really all that long, because the hot water heater in my ancient home was tiny, outdated, and in dire need of replacement.
Just like practically everything else in the house.
But that wasn’t going to get me down tonight. I’d shaved everything, exfoliated, moisturized, and even thrown a little fake tan on so my T-shirt lines from working outdoors all day weren’t quite as noticeable when I was naked.
I swallowed thickly. If I was being honest, I was preparing for Nate to see me in my birthday suit, and the excitement of where the night might lead went straight to my head. By the time I got to Nate’s front door, I felt slightly drunk.
I knocked and waited with my heart pounding. It seemed ridiculous that I was suddenly so nervous, considering I’d stood in this exact position a million times over the years. But only once before had I stood here wearing a pretty outfit, thinking the night would end with Nate and I becoming a whole lot more than friends.
It hadn’t played out like that last time, but things were different now. We were older. More experienced. I didn’t have to make this into some epic fantasy. He was leaving again. I knew that. So a relationship wasn’t on the table. But sex was. And after the way Nate had pressed up against me in the barn, letting me feel the effect I had on him, there was no doubt in my mind anymore that we were on the same page.
Holy crap.
“You just gonna stand out there all day?” Nate called through a window.
Well, that was a great start. Without knocking, because what was the point, the man obviously knew I was here, I twisted the door handle and let myself in. I found him in the kitchen, a delicious aroma wafting out from the oven. He straightened from checking on whatever it was he had cooking and turned to me. His gaze rolled over my body so slowly it was almost indecent. When he finally made it back up to my eyes, there was a fire behind them that made me glad I’d spent so long getting ready.
It also made me kind of desperate to get out of these clothes and underneath him.
But we were still kind of feeling our way around this whole switch from friends, to not talking, to something new, and I wasn’t brave enough to suggest we skip dinner entirely. Even if my libido was being a bossy bitch and constantly reminding me I needed to fulfil all my high school fantasies in the very short amount of time he had left here. Instead, I yanked open the refrigerator door. “Wine? Please tell me you have wine.” I stared into the shelves and drawers of food without really seeing any of them.
He reached around me and plucked a bottle from the middle shelf, right in front of my eyes.
“Yeah, we have wine.”
I let the cool refrigerator air wash over me for a moment, but eventually I had to face him.
He held out a glass, and I took it, jolting at brush of his fingers over mine.
He rested one hip on the edge of the countertop and grinned at me. “I have questions.”
I choked on my wine. “Already?”
“Mmm hmm. It’s been a long time since we last talked, and I need to be caught up on your life.”
I shrugged, trying to hide my disappointment that he wasn’t going to lead with the kissing question. “Nothing much to tell. Small-town girl and all that.”
He rolled his eyes. “You think that isn’t interesting to me? Everything about you interests me, Hallie.”
A thrill rolled down my spine. I didn’t want to talk about myself, but he was staring at me like I’d climbed the world’s highest mountains or performed intricate surgeries on celebrities. “Well, you already know I work over at the Hunts’ place.”
“Yeah, but I don’t know what you do.”
“I do whatever needs doing. Fix fences, clean stalls, feed animals. Sometimes I’m more of the receptionist, fending off worried parents who have sent their kids here to learn how to ride but then freak out every time said kid falls off.”
“Ah yeah, I remember those kinds. The city slickers who came out for summer camps were the worst. But Frost always got ’em riding by the end.”
I took another sip of my wine. “He’s still the same. He has endless patience with them. Summer not so much, but she’s not teaching as often these days with how hard she’s training for the pros.”
“She’s going to qualify this year for sure. I’ve been following her career. She’s been so close the last two times.” The timer went off on the oven, and Nate paused to pull out a thick stew with hearty chunks of meat and vegetables.
My mouth watered. “That looks amazing.”
He put it down on the stove top. “Hopefully it tastes good, too. I haven’t cooked a proper meal in ages. It’s hard when we’re in hotels all the time, and when I come home at Christmas, I’m only here for forty-eight hours before I’m gone again. Doesn’t leave much time for anything but unwrapping gifts and eating whatever Christmas meal Jasmine has whipped up.”
This was news to me. I had no idea he’d been home at all. But of course he had.
He just hadn’t had the time or the inclination to come visit me.
That stung a little, but I wasn’t going to let him see. He’d had no responsibility to check in with me. We’d left on bad terms, and I’d ignored his calls for months after, too embarrassed to face him. Was it any surprise he hadn’t tried to contact me after that? I didn’t want to ruin tonight by rehashing all of that again.
He passed me a bowl from a top cupboard, and I tried not to drool when he uncovered the stew and ladled a healthy portion for me. He did the same with his own bowl, then grabbed a loaf of crusty bread, and we took the lot to the dining room table.
He cut the bread up, slathering butter on before dunking it in his stew. I followed suit, and we watched each other eat from across the table. The stew was delicious, and I had several bites before I could stop long enough to speak again.
“So tell me about your job then. It’s much more exciting than mine. I want to hear all about it.”
I’d expected him to talk animatedly about his time on the road, and the roar of crowds yelling his name at arenas all over the country. But he just lifted one shoulder. “Not much to tell.”
I gaped at him. “You tour the world as a professional cowboy, risking your life every time you get on the back of a bull, but there’s not much to tell?”
He shrugged. “It’s just…mundane now, I guess, after all these years. I spend most of my time either on planes or in hotels. The rest of the time is spent getting my ass handed to me. I’m twenty-two and I feel like I’m one hundred some days. I can’t even tell you how many injuries I’ve had.”
I threw a bit of bread at him from across the table. “Get outta here. Stop playing your amazing life down because mine is so small. You get to see the world. Your fans scream your name. And you make bank.”
“Only if I win.”
“Which you do, regularly.”
He raised an eyebrow. “You follow my career?”
Was stalking him religiously on every social media platform, under my generically named accounts so he wouldn’t notice, and watching all his rodeos on TV following his career? It would be highly embarrassing to let him know I’d seen every ride he’d had since he’d left me. “I’ve seen bits and pieces here and there. You’re kinda big news around here, you know. You win something, people talk. It’s hard not to hear it.”
He looked down and stabbed at his meat with his fork. “Right. I remember how the gossip hotline is around here. My turn to ask a question then, yeah?”
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br /> Now that I knew he wasn’t going to be asking about kissing I was much more comfortable with the idea of his questions. “Sure.”
“Where are you living now? You still at your folks’ place?”
“Oh God no. I got outta there right after high school. I stayed at the Hunts’ place for a while, in one of their cabins.”
“Handy for work.”
“Yeah, and it was practically like being roommates with Summer. We got close. She filled the void…” I clammed up. Because what I was going to say was that she’d filled the void in my life that he’d left.
He swallowed hard. “I glad you replaced me, Hallie. I’m glad Summer was there for you when I wasn’t.”
“I didn’t replace you. I just…I don’t know. You weren’t here anymore, and I needed a friend.”
He blew out a long breath. “I’m sorry for the way I left. I shouldn’t have. I should have stayed and talked to you.”
“No, you had to go. Your career is important. You couldn’t just delay leaving because I was an idiot.”
He sighed and stood, taking his empty bowl with him. He indicated to mine, and I passed it over. He carried them to the kitchen sink, then leaned on it, staring at me. “Can you stop beating yourself up over it? You weren’t the one who was an idiot. And I hate hearing you talk badly about yourself.”
I shrugged. If the shoe fit…
He grabbed the bottle of wine, and I stood, following him to the living room. He tossed a handful of Molly’s toys into a basket, and we both settled onto the worn couch.
I ran a hand over the familiar material. It hadn’t changed since the last time we’d sat here together. But we had, he and I. “My turn for a question?”
He shifted, as if uncomfortable. “I think I should get a bonus question for cooking dinner.”
I raised an eyebrow. “You think?”
His expression relaxed into something more cocky. “Yep. My game, my rules.”
I took another sip of my wine. “Fine. One more question, but then I get two.”