Tony, his eyes once more filled with life, also knelt and stared at it. “God’s power,” he said, “was in me. I didn’t do that; it was done through me.”
Picking up the rock—it was heavy—she discovered that it felt warm and nearly alive. An animate rock, she said to herself. As if it’s organic. Maybe it’s not a real rock. She banged it against the floor; it felt hard enough, and it made the right noise. It is a rock, she realized. It is!
“Can I have it?” she asked. Her awe had become complete now; she gazed at him hopefully, willing to do exactly what he said.
“You may have it, Suzanne,” Tony said in a calm voice. “But arise and go back to your room. I’m tired.” He did sound tired, and his entire body drooped. “I’ll see you in the morning at breakfast. Good night.”
“Goodnight,” she said, “but I can undress you and put you to bed; I’d enjoy that.”
“No,” he said. He went to the door and held it open for her.
“Kiss.” Coming up to him she leaned forward and kissed him on the lips. “Thank you,” she said, feeling humble.
“Goodnight, Tony. And thanks for the miracle.” The door started to close behind her but, adroitly, she stopped it with the wedge-shaped toe of her shoe. “Can I tell everyone about this? I mean, isn’t this the first miracle you’ve ever done? Shouldn’t they know? But if you don’t want them to know I won’t tell them.”
“Let me sleep,” he said, and shut the door; it clicked in her face and she felt animal terror—this was what she feared most in life: the clicking shut of a man’s door in her face. Instantly, she raised her hand to knock, discovered the rock … she banged on the door with the rock, but not loudly, just enough to let him know how desperate she was to get back in, but not enough to bother him if he didn’t want to answer.
He didn’t. No sound, no movement of the door. Nothing but the void.
“Tony?” she gasped, pressing her ear to the door. Silence.
“Okay,” she said numbly; clutching her rock she walked unsteadily across the porch toward her own living quarters.
The rock vanished. Her hand felt nothing.
“Damn,” she said, not knowing how to react. Where had it gone? Into air. But then it must have been an illusion, she realized. He put me in a hypnotic state and made me believe. I should have known it wasn’t really true.
A million stars burst into wheels of light, blistering, cold light, that drenched her. It came from behind and she felt the great weight of it crash into her. “Tony,” she said, and fell into the waiting void. She thought nothing; she felt nothing. She saw only, saw the void as it absorbed her, waiting below and beneath her as she plummeted down the many miles.
On her hands and knees she died. Alone on the porch. Still clutching for what did not exist.
8
Glen Belsnor lay dreaming. In the dark of night he dreamed of himself; he perceived himself as he really was, a wise and beneficial provider. Happily he thought, I can do it. I can take care of them all, help them and protect them. They must be protected at all costs, he thought to himself in his dream.
In his dream he attached connecting cable, screwed a circuit-breaker in place, tried out a servo-assist unit.
A hum rose from the elaborate mechanism. A generated field, miles high, rose in every direction. No one can get past that, he said to himself in satisfaction, and some of his fear began to dwindle away. The colony is safe and I have done it.
In the colony the people moved back and forth, wearing long red robes. It became midday and then it became midday for a thousand years. He saw, all at once, that they had become old. Tottering, with tattered beards—the women, too—they crept about in a feeble, insect-like manner. And some of them, he saw, were blind.
Then we’re not safe, he realized. Even with the field in operation. They are fading away from inside. They will all die anyhow.
“Belsnor!”
He opened his eyes and knew what it was.
Gray, early-morning sunlight filtered through the shades of his room. Seven A.M., he saw by his self-winding wristwatch. He rose up to a sitting position, pushing the covers away. Chill morning air plucked at him and he shivered. “Who?” he said to the men and women pouring into his room. He shut his eyes, grimaced, felt, despite the emergency, the rancid remains of sleep still clinging to him.
Ignatz Thugg, wearing gaily-decorated pajamas, said loudly. “Susie Smart.”
Putting on his bathrobe, Belsnor moved numbly toward the door.
“Do you know what this means?” Wade Frazer said.
“Yes,” he said. “I know exactly what it means.”
Roberta Rockingham, touching the corner of a small linen handkerchief to her eyes, said, “She was such a bright spirit, always lighting up things with her presence. How could anybody do it to her?” A trail of tears materialized on her withered cheeks.
He made his way across the compound; the others clumped after him, none of them speaking.
There she lay, on the porch. A few steps from her door. He bent over her, touched the back of her neck. Absolutely cold. No life of any kind. “You examined her?” he said to Battle. “She really is dead? There’s no doubt about it?”
“Look at your hand,” Wade Frazer said.
Belsnor removed his hand from the girl’s neck. His hand dripped blood. And now he saw the mass of blood in her hair, near the top of her skull. Her head had been crushed in.
“Care to revise your autopsy?” he said scathingly to Babble. “Your opinion about Tallchief; do you care to change it now?”
No one spoke.
Belsnor looked around, saw not far off a loaf of bread. “She must have been carrying that,” he said.
“She got it from me,” Tony Dunkelwelt said. His face had paled from shock; his words were barely audible. “She left my room last night and I went to bed. I didn’t kill her. I didn’t even know about it until I heard Dr. Babble and the others yelling.”
“We’re not saying you did it,” Belsnor said to him. Yes, she used to flit from one room to another at night, he thought. We made fun of her and she was a little deranged … but she never hurt anybody. She was as innocent as a human being could get; she was even innocent of her own wrongdoing.
The new man, Russell, approached. The expression on his face showed that he, too, without even knowing her, understood what an awful thing it was, what an awful moment it was for all of them.
“You see what you came here to see?” Belsnor said to him harshly.
Russell said, “I wonder if you could get help by means of the transmitter in my noser.”
“They’re not good enough,” Belsnor said. “The noser radio-rig. Not good enough at all.” He rose to his feet stiffly, hearing his bones crack. And it’s Terra that’s doing this, he thought, remembering what Seth Morley and Babble had said last night when they brought Russell over. Our own government. As if we’re rats in a maze with death; rodents confined with the ultimate adversary, to die one by one until none are left.
Seth Morley beckoned him off to one side, away from the others. “You’re sure you don’t want to tell them? They have a right to know who the enemy is.”
Belsnor said, “I don’t want them to know because as I explained to you their morale is low enough already. If they knew it came from Terra they wouldn’t be able to survive; they’d go friggin’ mad.”
“I’ll leave it up to you,” Seth Morley said. “You’ve been elected as the group’s leader.” But his tone of voice showed that he disagreed, and very strongly. As he had last night.
“In time,” Belsnor said, clamping his long, expert fingers around Seth’s upper arm. “When the right time comes—”
“It never will,” Seth Morley said, moving back a step. “They’ll die without knowing.”
Maybe, Belsnor thought, it would be better that way. Better if all men, wherever they are, were to die without knowing who did it or why.
Squatting down, Russell turned Susie Smart over; he gazed
down at her and said, “She certainly was a pretty girl.”
“Pretty,” Belsnor said harshly, “but batty. She had an overactive sex drive: she had to sleep with every man she came across. We can do without her.”
“You bastard,” Seth Morley said, his tone fierce.
Belsnor lifted his empty hands and said, “What do you want me to say? That we can’t get along without her? That this is the end?”
Morley did not answer.
To Maggie Walsh, Belsnor said, “Say a prayer.” It was time for the ceremony of death, the rituals so firmly attached to it that even he himself could not imagine a death without it.
“Give me a few minutes,” Maggie Walsh said huskily. “I—just can’t talk now.” She retreated and turned her back; he heard her sobbing.
“I’ll say it,” Belsnor said, with savage fury.
Seth Morley said, “I’d like permission to go on an exploratory trip outside the settlement. Russell wants to come along.”
“Why?” Belsnor said.
Morley said in a low, steady voice, “I’ve seen the miniaturized version of the Building. I think it’s time to confront the real thing.”
“Take someone with you,” Belsnor said. “Someone who knows their way around out there.”
“I’ll go with them,” Betty Jo Berm spoke up.
“There should be another man with them,” Belsnor said. But, he thought, it’s a mistake for us not to stay together; death comes when one of us is off by himself. “Take Frazer and Thugg, both of them, with you,” he decided. “As well as B.J.” That would split the group, but neither Roberta Rockingham nor Bert Kosler were physically able to make such a journey. Neither had as yet left the camp. “I’ll stay here with the rest of them,” he said.
“I think we should be armed,” Wade Frazer said.
“Nobody is going to be armed,” Belsnor said. “We’re in a bad enough situation already. If you’re armed you’ll kill one another, either accidentally or intentionally.” He did not know why he felt this, but intuitively he knew himself to be correct. Susie Smart, he thought. Maybe you were killed by one of us … one who is an agent of Terra and General Treaton.
As in my dream, he thought. The enemy within. Age, deterioration and death. Despite the field-barrier surrounding the settlement. That’s what my dream was trying to tell me.
Rubbing at her grief-reddened eyes, Maggie Walsh said, “I’d like to go along with them.”
“Why?” Belsnor said. “Why does everyone want to leave the settlement? We’re safer here.” But his knowledge, his awareness of the untruth of what he was saying, found its way into his voice; he heard his own insincerity. “Okay,” he said. “And good luck.” To Seth Morley he said, “Try and bring back one of those singing flies. Unless you find something better.”
“I’ll do the best I can,” Seth Morley said. Turning, he moved away from Belsnor. Those who were going with him started away, too.
They’ll never come back, Belsnor said to himself. He watched them go and, within him, his heart struck heavy, muffled blows, as if the pendulum of the cosmic clock were swinging back and forth, back and forth, within his hollow chest.
The pendulum of death.
The seven of them trudged along the edge of a low ridge, their attention fixed on each object that they saw. They said very little.
Unfamiliar hazy hills spread out, lost in billowing dust. Green lichens grew everywhere; the soil was a tangled floor of growing plants. The air smelled of intricate organic life here. A rich, complex odor, nothing like any of them had smelled before. Off in the distance great columns of steam rose up, geysers of boiling water forcing its way through the rocks to the surface. An ocean lay far off, pounding invisibly in the drifting curtain of dust and moisture.
They came to a damp place. Warm slime, compounded from water, dissolved minerals and fungoid pulp, lapped at their shoes. The remains of lichens and protozoa colored and thickened the scum of moisture dripping everywhere, over the wet rocks and sponge-like shrubbery.
Bending down, Wade Frazer picked up a snail-like unipedular organism. “It’s not fake—this is alive. It’s genuine.”
Thugg was holding a sponge which he had fished from a small, warm pool. “This is artificial. But there are legitimate sponges like this on Delmak-O. And these are fakes, too.” From the water Thugg grabbed a wriggling snake-like creature with short, stubby legs that thrashed furiously. Swiftly, Thugg removed the head; the head came off and the creature stopped moving. “A totally mechanical contraption—you can see the wiring.” He restored the head; once more the creature began flopping. Thugg tossed it back in the water and it swam happily off.
“Where’s the Building?” Mary Morley said.
Maggie Walsh said, “It—seems to change locations. The last time anyone encountered it it was along this ridge and past the geysers. But it probably won’t be next time.”
“We can use this as a starting stage,” Betty Jo Berm said. “When we get to the spot where it last was we can fan out in various directions.” She added, “It’s a shame we don’t have intercoms with us. They would be a lot of help.”
“That’s Belsnor’s fault,” Thugg said. “He’s our elected leader; he’s supposed to think of technical details like that.”
To Seth Morley, Betty Jo Berm said, “Do you like it out here?”
“I don’t know yet.” Perhaps because of Susie Smart’s death he felt repelled by everything he saw. He did not like the mixture of artificial life forms with the real ones: the mixing together of them made him sense the whole landscape as false … as if, he thought, those hills in the background, and that great plateau to the right, are a painted backdrop. As if all this, and ourselves, and the settlement—all are contained in a geodetic dome. And above us Treaton’s research men, like entirely deformed scientists of pulp fiction, are peering down at us as we walk, tiny-creature-wise, along our humble way.
“Let’s stop and rest,” Maggie Walsh said, her face grim and elongated still; the shock of Susie’s death had, for her, not worn off in the slightest. “I’m tired. I didn’t have any breakfast, and we didn’t bring any food with us. This whole trip should have been carefully planned out in advance.”
“None of us were thinking clearly,” Betty Jo Berm said with sympathy. She brought a bottle out of her skirt pocket, opened it, sorted among the pills and at last found one that was satisfactory.
“Can you swallow those without water?” Russell asked her.
“Yes,” she said, and smiled. “A pillhead can swallow a pill under any circumstances.”
Seth Morley said to Russell, “For B.J. it’s pills.” He eyed Russell, wondering about him. Like the others, did this new member also have a weak link in his character? And if so, what was it?
“I think I know what Mr. Russell’s fondness is for,” Wade Frazer said in his somewhat nasty, baiting voice. “He has, I believe, from what I’ve observed about him, a cleaning fetish.”
“Really?” Mary Morley said.
“I’m afraid so,” Russell said and smiled to show perfect, white teeth, like the teeth of an actor.
They continued on and came, at last, to a river. It seemed too wide to cross; there they halted.
“We’ll have to follow the river,” Thugg said. He scowled. “I’ve been in this area, but I didn’t see any river before.”
Frazer giggled and said, “It’s for you, Morley. Because you’re a marine biologist.”
Maggie Walsh said, “That’s a strange remark. Do you mean the landscape alters according to our expectation?”
“I was making a joke,” Frazer said insultingly.
“But what a strange idea,” Maggie Walsh said. “You know, Specktowsky speaks about us being ‘prisoners of our own preconceptions and expectations.’ And that one of the conditions of the Curse is to remain mired in the quasi-reality of those proclivities. Without ever seeing reality as it actually is.”
“Nobody sees reality as it actually is,” Frazer said.
“As Kant proved. Space and time are modes of perception, for example. Did you know that?” He poked at Seth Morley. “Did you know that, mister marine biologist?”
“Yes,” he answered, although in point of fact he had never even heard of Kant, much less read him.
“Specktowsky says that ultimately we can see reality as it is,” Maggie Walsh said. “When the Intercessor releases us from our world and condition. When the Curse is lifted from us, through him.”
Russell spoke up. “And sometimes, even during our physical lifetime, we get momentary glimpses of it.”
“Only if the Intercessor lifts the veil for us,” Maggie Walsh said.
“True,” Russell admitted.
“Where are you from?” Seth Morley asked Russell.
“From Alpha Centauri 8.”
“That’s a long way from here,” Wade Frazer said.
“I know.” Russell nodded. “That’s why I arrived here so late. I’d been traveling for almost three months.”
“Then you were one of the first to obtain a transfer,” Seth Morley said. “Long before me.”
“Long before any of us,” Wade Frazer said. He contemplated Russell, who stood head and shoulders above him. “I wonder why an economist would be wanted here. There’s no economy on this planet.”
Maggie Walsh said, “There seems to be no use to which any of us can put our skills. Our skills, our training—they don’t seem to matter. I don’t think we were selected because of them.”
“Obviously,” Thugg grated.
“Is that so obvious to you?” Betty Jo said to him. “Then what do you think the basis of selection was?”
“Like Belsnor says. We’re all misfits.”
“He doesn’t say we’re misfits,” Seth Morley said. “He says we’re failures.”
“It’s the same thing,” Thugg said. “We’re the debris of the galaxy. Belsnor is right, for once.”
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