“Good! That’s a start.” She narrowed her eyes on him and poked his hard chest with her finger. “If you will recall, my condition for going forward on the trip with you was that you be honest with me. You agreed, but then you kept on lying to me.”
He shook his head. “No, from the moment I made that promise, I was honest with you. I swear!”
“But you didn’t tell me the truth about Zane’s directive to stay at the camp, or that we would have been picked up if we’d stayed put that morning.”
He looked away, sighing. “No. But, Kate—”
“Goodbye, Josh.” She reached for her suitcase, but he refused to let go. “Give it to me, or I swear I will leave without it.”
“Kate, I know we had some troubles on our trip, unexpected problems with the bear and the floodwater, but...can you honestly say you regret going ahead with me?”
His question stunned her. “Excuse me?”
“We had some good times, too. You met every challenge I put before you and more. You blossomed, Kate.” He reached for her chin and stroked her cheek with his thumb. His touch sent a jolt of tender, heart-wrenching sensations to her core. “And I was not faking those kisses.”
Her vision blurred as moisture puddled in her eyes. “Neither was I.”
He curled up a corner of his mouth in a grin.
“I told myself not to lose my heart. I didn’t want to get involved with another weekend romance. A dead-end fling. But somewhere along the way, I fell in love with you, Josh.”
He jerked his head up, his body stiffening, his eyes widening. “What?”
“I fell in love with you, Josh.”
He fell back a step, his hand lifting to his mouth. “Kate?”
“You want me to stay? To talk this out? I will, if you can honestly say you feel the same way. That you see a future for us. That those kisses you weren’t faking mean that you love me, too.”
He opened his mouth, staring at her with a stricken expression.
“Honesty, Josh,” she reminded him. “I swear if you lie about this, I’ll never forgive you. Do you love me?”
He looked ready to be sick. His throat worked as he swallowed hard, then he wet his lips and swiped his palms on his jeans.
She barked a bitter laugh. But the terrified look on his face made it clear the joke was on her. “That’s what I thought.”
If she’d thought she couldn’t hurt any more than when she’d overheard Josh and Zane talking, she’d been wrong. Even when she’d offered her heart and soul, risked everything to give Josh one last chance to redeem himself, he’d shown his true colors. A playboy. A tease. A heartbreaker.
“Oh, Josh,” she said in a voice barely above a whisper. “You broke the most important promise of all. You promised not to let me get hurt.” She pressed a trembling hand to her chest, and squeaked, “But you’ve broken my heart.”
The color leached from his face.
She lifted the suitcase and pushed past him as she crossed the rest of the ranch yard on trembling legs. The Uber driver rushed forward to get the bag from her and toss it in the back of his car. Her driver seemed as eager to leave the emotional showdown behind as she was.
She didn’t look back, even when she heard the crunch of boots on gravel coming up behind her. She snatched open the back door of the sedan and tossed her purse on the seat. Dawn only gave her a sorrowful look and a hug before backing away. “Text me when you’re home safely.”
“Kate! Wait!”
She paused. Glanced back at Josh. His eyes were panicked, his expression pained. “I...like you. I really... I care about you. I do. I—”
Disappointment pinged her heart one more time.
She shook her head and climbed in the car. Closed the door.
As her driver headed down the rutted drive toward the highway, she said, “The Denver airport, please.”
* * *
Josh stared at the plume of dust that hung in the air long after Kate’s ride had disappeared down the highway. He couldn’t move, couldn’t speak, couldn’t think. His insides sucked at him as if a giant vacuum was pulling him into a black internal void. He shied away from analyzing the sensation, knowing on some subconscious level that naming what he felt would open him to a world of pain and sorrow that would undo him. The empty blackness filled his lungs, stole his oxygen, suffocated him. But in his paralysis, he couldn’t draw in air. Until...
Finally, a ragged gasp wrenched from his throat, breaking the vise strangling him and opening the floodgates to a cascade of stinging realities. Gone. Kate had left. Been angry.
You’ve broken my heart.
And his own. His brain clicked slowly through the bitter words she’d thrown at him, knowing he’d earned her anger. He had deceived her, good though his intentions might have been. He’d wanted to show her what he saw in her, the spark she had buried under her fears. And he had. He thought. But she felt too betrayed to see it.
And what did it matter now? He’d had the chance to tell her what she’d come to mean to him and...choked.
Dawn marched past him without a word, only shooting him a dirty look as she returned to the guesthouse.
Do you love me? Such a simple, straightforward question. All he’d had to say was yes, but he’d bungled it with his cowardly hedging and stammering. What was wrong with him? Why did the idea of loving her and building a life with her cause him to freeze like that?
“Josh?”
Given the chance to do that conversation over, what could he have said that would have kept her here, that could make up for the hurt and anger she felt after overhearing his conversation with Zane? Zane, who’d baited him and pushed all Josh’s buttons until he’d spewed stupid thoughtless words that he wanted desperately to take back.
“Josh? Do you have a minute?”
He startled from his daze when Brady stepped in front of him, frowning. “Huh? Oh, yeah... I... What is it?”
“Geez, where were you just then? I’ve been trying to get your attention for like two minutes.”
Josh inhaled and blew the breath out, hoping to clear the cobwebs and loosen the constriction in his chest. Instead, Brady’s question only brought the truth home. Pain slashed through him, baring his soul and gouging at his heart. He had to clench his back teeth and squeeze his hands into fists to shove the knot of emotion down. He shook his head. “Forget it.”
Brady gave him a dubious look but shoved his hands in his front pockets and cleared his throat. “I, uh...just wanted to apologize for yesterday. For my dad. He feels bad about his condition...when you two got to the pickup. He—”
“Stop.”
“Hmm?”
Josh worked to loosen the tension in his jaw. “You don’t need to apologize for yesterday. Your dad does.”
Brady’s expression darkened, and he glanced away. “I know. But I—”
“But nothing. You’ve spent your life apologizing for him and covering for him. I know. But it’s gotta stop. Enough is enough.”
Brady shifted his weight from one leg to another and gave Josh an uneasy look. “Meaning?”
“No more apologizing. It’s time for an intervention. It’s time for your father to get help, or—”
Brady drew his shoulders back, his eyes wary. “Or?”
Josh swiped his good hand down his face and shook his head. “Not my call.”
“Look, I know he screwed up yesterday, but he’s not—”
“Yeah, Brady. He is.” Josh pinched his mouth into a scowl and waved his hand to stall Brady’s reply. “I can’t deal with this right now. I just...”
Brady stared at him silently for a few seconds, then tipped his head. “Are you okay, man?”
Josh jerked his gaze to Brady’s, an automatic reassurance on his tongue. But when he met his lifelong friend’s concerned expression, he flinched. Rasped, “No.
”
“What’s going on?” Brady asked quietly.
He drew a shaky breath and muttered, “I think I just let my best chance of happiness walk out of my life.”
* * *
Kate walked up the steps to the front door of her condo, juggling her luggage as she fumbled for her key. She’d flown standby and managed to get on a flight that got her into Dallas six hours after leaving the ranch. Leaving Josh. But not leaving the hollow ache and bitter humiliation of having fallen into the same reckless pattern of giving a vacation romance far too much of her heart. She had no one to blame but herself.
Sure, Josh had used her and betrayed her trust, but she’d known better than to offer up her loyalty and her love to someone she’d known to be averse to commitment. An adrenaline junkie, of all things. What did she think would happen? That she, someone who eschewed unnecessary risks, could live happily ever after with a guy who wanted to make a living off putting himself in harm’s way?
She pushed through the front door and dumped her bags to be dealt with later. “Sadie? I’m home, kitty girl!” Thank God. Home sweet condo.
All the troubles and dangers they’d run into on their hike to the pickup point were just evidence that she was not meant to tempt fate. She was safer here in her condo. Safer...even if not happier.
Kate blinked hard and scoffed. Where the heck had that thought come from? She was pretty miserable right now, but she could draw a straight line to the reason for her heartbreak and frustration.
Sadie, her black-and-white rescue cat, trotted into the foyer and, butt in the air, stretched her back as she yawned.
“There’s my girl!” Kate cooed, squatting to stroke the cat’s glossy fur.
Sadie rubbed against Kate’s leg, purring, but when Kate tried to pick the cat up for a snuggle, Sadie wiggled away with a chirp.
“Right, right. You don’t do cuddles. But have you ever thought that maybe I needed a hug?” she fussed at the cat. “Maybe after a week away, I missed you and wanted to say a proper hello?”
Sadie returned, again rubbing against Kate’s shin but cringing slightly when Kate tried to scratch her cheek. Rescued as a kitten from a grocery store parking lot, Sadie had been a stray, fending for herself during the earliest weeks of her life when human bonding was the most critical. Kate understood that her cat’s distaste for being held and overpetted wasn’t personal, but having just been rejected by Josh, the feline’s snub stung.
But then, the jewelry store commercial hawking engagement rings on the cab radio had stung, the flight attendant’s innocent “Are you traveling alone?” had stung and the numerous texts from Dawn checking on her had stung. Everything seemed to remind her that she’d fallen for a man who could only muster a stiff “Uh... I like you” in response to her baring her soul to him.
“Fine,” she told her cat, rising to her feet again. “When you’re ready for attention, I’ll be in my room unpacking.”
She marched upstairs, threw her suitcase on the bed and caught the sob that swelled in her throat. Don’t. Do not cry over him. Forget him and move on.
Mustering a stiff lip, she began sorting through the mess in her luggage.
The thundering beat of cat feet racing from the living room and up the stairs, full tilt, was her only warning before Sadie flew through the bedroom door and launched onto the bed, then the bedside stand, and finally skidded onto the windowsill, where she rattled the lowered blinds as she crashed to a stop.
Kate chuckled wryly at her kitty tornado. “So you are excited to see me after all?”
Sadie’s tail twitched, and she chirped before dashing off again down the stairs like a galloping mustang.
A sharp pang stabbed Kate as the analogy brought back memories of Josh helping her with her horse, his hands on her waist when he boosted her into her saddle. She sank onto her bed, giving in to the tears that rose quickly. She’d held them at bay for the entire trip home, but now, in the privacy of her condo, she indulged in a cathartic cry.
She scoffed as she grabbed a tissue from the bedside and wiped her nose. Who was she kidding? It would take more than a bout of pity-party tears to purge her heart of Josh McCall and his betrayal.
Sadie dashed back up the stairs and sprang onto the bed. As if sensing her human’s distress, Sadie curtailed her sprint and gave Kate a blinking look before rubbing against her with a chirpy meow and a purr.
“Thanks, Sadie.” Sniffling, Kate stroked the cat’s back, acknowledging the proffered comfort, but knowing it would take a lot more than feline snuggles to move beyond this heartache.
* * *
“We know you’ve suffered a great deal of heartache in the last couple of years,” Josh’s father told Roy the next day across the foreman’s kitchen table, “but your drinking has become a problem.”
Roy’s jaw tightened, and he said nothing. The foreman only stared at his hands, flattened against the tabletop.
From his seat at the end of the table, Josh watched the exchange with his own hands fisted in his lap. Guilt pricked his conscience. His father had decided to confront Roy based on Josh’s report of the foreman’s drunkenness at the pickup spot. But knowing they were doing the right thing for Roy didn’t mean he didn’t feel a tug of regret and sympathy for the man who’d been a second father to him.
“I know that you were drunk the other day when you were sent to wait for Josh and Kate Carrington,” Michael said.
Roy gave Josh a side glance. His eyes held no accusation, but Josh’s gut wrenched just the same.
“Your drinking could have cost them their lives,” his father continued in a grave but even tone. “As it was, Ms. Carrington had to take the lead in getting Josh to safety. The whole situation could have gone much differently, with Josh getting swept downstream in the flash flood, if she hadn’t managed the crisis.”
The mention of Kate’s name scraped claws over already raw and bleeding internal wounds. He’d tried several times to call, text and email Kate his apologies, his explanations, but he’d had no response.
You promised not to let me get hurt. But you’ve broken my heart...
Her parting words had haunted him during a sleepless night. Memories of her kiss, her laugh, her courage followed him throughout his day. Thanks to his injured shoulder, he could only do about half of his typical workload around the ranch, leaving him far too much time to replay every painful word of her leaving, every bittersweet moment of their time together.
“So I’m fired?” Roy asked, cutting into Josh’s dark thoughts.
Josh cut a sharp, querying glance to his father, then to Brady, who leaned against the kitchen counter behind his father. What had he missed? Firing Roy had never been part of the plan.
“I’m saying you need to dry out. You need to go cold turkey and stay sober. For your own health and well-being. If you can do that, you can stay on. Your job isn’t going anywhere. If you can’t stay sober—” Michael exhaled, his expression full of regret “—I’ll have no choice but to ask you to leave.”
Roy’s eyes narrowed as he looked up at Josh’s father. “After all the years I’ve been here? All the hours and loyalty and—”
“Dad,” Brady interrupted, putting a hand on Roy’s shoulder as he pulled out the fourth chair at the table and sat down. “You’re not hearing what he’s saying. You decide how this goes. He’s keeping you on, giving you the opportunity to get yourself help to quit drinking. Once you get sober, you come back to your job. He’s even offering to continue to pay your salary while you’re in rehab. That’s more than fair. It’s beyond generous.”
Roy was silent, his expression chastened and guilty for several moments. The loud ticking of the Summerses’ electric clock marked the seconds as Roy digested what he’d been offered. Finally he said softly, “I don’t need rehab.”
Brady groaned and muttered, “Dad...”
“I’ll do it o
n my own. I can quit.”
“You’ve promised me that before,” Brady said.
“This time, I’ll—”
“This time,” Brady interrupted, “you’ll go to rehab. For me. For Connor. Hell, for yourself. Don’t you see what you’ve become?”
Roy lifted a stark look to his son. He began to tremble, then covered his face with his hands, and his shoulders shook as he wept.
Josh squirmed in his seat, seeing the other man’s sorrow and pain. He wanted to cry with Roy. Not just because he hated seeing Roy’s turmoil, but because Brady’s question echoed inside Josh, as well. What have you become? Have you become the labels that the world assigned you or are you the man Kate fell in love with?
“I’ve been in touch with a couple of clinics. Both are viable options. Both within a couple hours’ drive from here,” Brady said, his hand on his father’s shoulder.
“No,” Roy mumbled. “I can do it alone.”
Alone. Josh’s heart raced, panic clawing at him. Was he doomed to spend his life alone? The thought of never seeing Kate again filled him with dread and a profound grief.
“I know you’re scared, Dad,” Brady said, and Roy shook his head in denial. “But the experts say the first step is admitting you need help.”
“I’m not scared,” Roy said defiantly, although his countenance contradicted him.
Josh understood Roy’s reluctance to admit he needed help, his unwillingness to admit his fear. No man wanted to own up to being afraid. Society saw fear as weakness.
His pulse ticked in rhythm with the Summerses’ clock as his answer to Kate’s final question clicked through his brain. Why hadn’t he told her he loved her?
Because he’d been afraid.
His breath caught. He’d wanted nothing more than to help her find her courage, and when he’d needed to face his own fears, he’d balked.
“Courage is the ability to act, to do what is right, despite your fear,” Michael said quietly, and Josh jerked his gaze toward his father. But Michael’s focus was on Roy.
Their foreman raised his head, swiped at his face and swallowed hard. “I’ve let so many people down. I’m sorry.”
Rancher's High-Stakes Rescue Page 21