“Frank Kelly. It has been a while, but not that long. Only nine years, but who’s counting?” The sergeant sounds mildly friendlier when he answers. He meets our hierarchy half way and they all shake hands. The atmosphere becomes decidedly lighter after they’ve gathered into a group, and normal conversation commences.
I continue to scowl at Shari and her father whenever they meet my eyes until my sister arrives with Cole’s family. Vic’s girlfriend and her parents turn up shortly after them and the waiting room divulges into a hodgepodge collective of the random people who love Colleen and Cole.
Running my eyes over Shari, I concede that she’s looking good. She’s put some weight on her skinny frame and her skin has cleared up. Seems like she’s managed to kick her coke habit while I’m still leaning on my chemical crutch on a regular basis. Although, the night I caught her with a cock in every hole did show me that I needed to get my shit together and I’ve been making a conscious effort to temper my use.
The longer I stare at her, the more I want to speak to her. I have two questions that need answering before I can lay the whole sorry saga to rest. There’s no guarantee that we’ll cross paths again like this if Cole’s comments about Colleen and Bonnie having a falling out with Shari after his wedding are correct.
I slap Vic on the back when I walk behind him. “Need you to keep them occupied. Have a few words to say to Shari.”
He nods. “Just use your brains. She’s a proven liar.”
With a shrug, I reply with as much nonchalance as I can muster, “It is what it is.”
Walking the perimeter of the room to keep out of Sergeant Lucian’s view while he’s occupied with my dad’s conversation, I corner Shari in her seat.
“Can we talk?”
The colour drains from her face and she hugs herself with her arms. I hold my breath, waiting for her to cause a scene. Emptying my lungs when she stands and follows me out of the waiting room without complaining, I try to keep my expectations to a minimum.
Dealing with Shari can be difficult.
Understatement of the century, right there.
Once we’re outside, I find a seat around the corner from the entrance. Shari sits next to me, still silent. I pull out my cigarette packet and light a smoke. She wrinkles her nose at the smell. I drag in a few quick drags then stub it out of the side of my boot and slip it inside the front pocket of my Black Shamrocks MC cut to relight later on.
I’m sure I’ll need more than a few when Shari’s finished with me.
“How have you been?”
“Good,” she replies, staring at the ground.
“You’re looking healthy.”
“Thanks,” she says softly. Pulling the cuffs of her long, over-sized sweater dress over her hands, Shari presses the heel of her palms against her eyes. “I’ve been making some changes. Trying to be healthy for—”
Suddenly, she stops talking and jumps to her feet. I sit up straight and meet her eyes. The dark depths are filled with apology and a sorrow that I can feel all the way to my marrow.
“Look, Brian, I’m sorry for how I treated you,” Shari states in a firm voice. She shifts her feet apart, widening her stance, and pinning me to the wooden seat with her eyes. “But I don’t want to see you again. I don’t want to see any of you again.”
“Okay, but—”
“No,” she screams at me. Her eyes flash with blackened hatred and I lower the hand I’d raised to calm her. It flutters uselessly to my side, coming to rest in my lap while Shari loses her shit at me. “There is no but. There is nothing. This part of my life is over. Your club won. You’ve taken Colleen from me. Bonnie will be next. She already hates me anyway. Not that I care. You’re all losers. My life is fine. I don’t need any of you.”
Nothing she says makes sense. I open my mouth to speak. Shari lifts her hand and slaps me across the face before I can say a word. Laying my palm against my burning cheek, I watch her stomp off.
I don’t move, even when she’s out of sight. Humiliation—despite the lack of witnesses—surges through my bloodstream, and I contemplate the ground at my feet for a long while.
My snuff ring is heavy on my finger. It’s full. I learned my lesson the hard way and make sure I carry extra just in case. My decision to reduce my cocaine use has been successful and carrying coke on me has been more of a security blanket than a temptation lately, but I’d be full of shit if I said I wasn’t tempted to snort the lot right now.
“That looked intense,” a female voice says. A small shadow darkens the ground in front of me and the gravel path that leads to the seat I chose for my standoff with Shari crunches under her feet. “Are you all right?”
I recognise the voice immediately. It haunts my imagination and is the soundtrack to every wet dream I’ve had since I first saw her.
“Of course,” I say with a wry laugh. “Of course, you’d witness that. Out of everyone in fucking Brisbane, you would be the person who sees that.”
A wrinkle mars the smooth skin between Anita’s elegant eyebrows. Without asking, she sits next to me, too close for comfort. Her warmth brings some semblance of control back to my brain. I clasp my hands together and jam them between my thighs to hide the ring from my sight, so I don’t let this final mortifying turn of events send me over the edge.
“I missed catching a ride with my brother,” Anita speaks in a placating tone. “Alanah made them stop and pick me up. I didn’t feel right going inside so I said I’d wait out here for my brother.”
“How’s he gonna know where you are to come get you?”
Anita shrugs. “I used the payphone at the front, but no one’s answering. I’ll work something out.”
She seems tired. Leaning against my side, her slight weight comforts me. Her presence drowns the embarrassment I’m swimming in and stymies the confusion caused by Shari’s tirade. We sit together, side by side, saying nothing until the sun has dipped below the trees at the edge of the hospital’s parking lot.
I know I should go back inside with my family and friends. I also know that I don’t want to leave this chair while Anita is anywhere near it.
“Brian,” she says my name in that sexy voice of hers.
“Yeah,” I reply.
“Have you ever wanted to do something so bad that you’re willing to give up almost everything to do it?”
Turning slightly to look at her front on, happiness invades me when Anita let’s her body move with mine. We’re now face to face, our outer thighs pressed together, our chests touching. I move my arm along the back of the seat, effectively holding her without really doing so.
My eyes devour her beautiful face. Her dark eyes, her smooth skin, her full, pouty lips. She is exquisite. Everything I’ve ever admired in the females of our species rolled into one irresistible package.
“Yeah, I’ve felt that.” I finally answer her question.
“When?” Her question is whisper quiet, breathy and full of anticipation.
“Right now.”
“Now?” Anita asks. One perfectly shaped eyebrow rises; a physical exclamation mark at the end of her question.
“Yeah,” I reply, moving closer to her. Soft breasts pillow against my chest and tiny hands run down over my ribs. Her touch makes me shudder. “I know it’s wrong. I know it’s going to get me in trouble in the long run. I know it could cost me everything if I’m not careful, but God help me, I want to kiss you.”
I press my lips softly against hers. She gasps.
I kiss her again. She parts her lips.
My tongue touches hers. She accepts my invasion, opening her mouth wider.
Finally, finally, finally, my fingers tangle in her long hair and I use my grip to angle her face so I can taste her properly. Anita has never been kissed; her inexperience signalled by the way she mimics my actions timidly.
Her hands run the length of my upper body, lifting until they’ve circled my neck. She pulls me closer, moving against me in a way that send sparks of desire directly to
my cock.
When my dick starts to harden, my brain kicks back into gear and what I’m doing hits me in the gut.
I let Anita go. She fights me for a moment, until I take hold of her upper arms and use my strength to put space between us. Our chests lift and fall; we pant in unison. Our breath mingles as we struggle to regain a normal speed.
I grit my teeth and get back to my feet.
She places her fingers on her lips, touching them with wide-eyed wonder painted on her pretty face.
Clasping my hands behind my back, I fight the urge to take her back in my arms. Anita’s face turns redder the longer I stare at her, then she pushes past me and rushes off toward the parking lot.
I hear a sob, and it spurs my feet into action.
I follow her. Hot on her heels as she flees me.
“Anita, stop,” I yell. “Please let me explain.”
Almost tripping over her own feet, she stops and swings around to face me.
“What’s there to say, Brian?” she screams at me. Tears stream from her eyes, drowning me in guilt at what I’ve done. “You got what you wanted, and it didn’t live up to your imagination. It’s okay. I don’t even care.”
For the second time today, I have a girl screaming things at me that I don’t understand… and haven’t said.
“It’s not that,” I venture slowly, approaching her with slow steps. “Do you know how old I am? How old you are? I shouldn’t have touched you. I’m sorry.”
My attempted explanation doesn’t have the effect I desired. Rather than accepting what I’m saying at face value, Anita shakes her head at me. Twin trails of sadness run down her face. She doesn’t try to wipe them away; they simply cascade like a liquid indictment to my stupidity.
“Just leave me alone,” Anita sobs. “I don’t need your pathetic excuses.”
I don’t know what to do.
I want to pull her back into my arms and make everything okay.
I want to kiss the pain away.
I want to prove to her that it’s not just semantics.
Fifteen does not belong with almost twenty.
In the end it doesn’t matter. I lose her anyway. Anita turns and runs from me. She is swift on her feet, a fragile dream that I barely let myself embrace flying away from me. As the distance grows between us, the emptiness in my chest gets heavier.
Without stopping to examine my motives, I run for my Harley and chase after her.
For an hour, I criss-cross the streets around the hospital. Up and down the empty roads I ride, stopping to look in the park, climbing fences when I hear noises in back yards. The longer she evades me, the darker my thoughts become.
I’ve messed up bad.
I could blame it on Shari, but I know better.
It’s me.
There’s something wrong with me. Everyone leaves me eventually because I’m no good.
I should be thankful it happened this soon. At least, I didn’t have time to get attached to her.
When an old lady comes out to the road with a broom in her hands and tells me to get off her street, I declare defeat and ride off.
I don’t go home. There’s no one there for me anyhow—they’re all at the hospital celebrating the first born of the next generation.
Instead I head up to the hills to a lookout me and Vic like to ride out to every now and then. I park my bike under the trees, plant my arse at the base of the biggest old red gum, and flip open the lid of my snuff ring.
I don’t take the time to think twice.
Using my thumb, I block my left nostril and snort the entire contents of the secret cavity in one go with the right. The coke hits my busted brain with the force of a freight train. I let it take me without a fight.
My eyes roll back in my head. The high steals my breath. My pulse roars in my ears. Vicious shaking grips my entire body and the sharp pain that’s been delivering shards of agony behind my eyes since Anita ran from me disappears.
I ride the high like a surfboard. The cocaine is my saviour.
It’s my only friend.
It is my future.
TWELVE
Anita
Eighteen months later
The siren for the last day of school forever blares around the school. My final exam was this morning, but I’d hung around for most of the day to try and catch up with Alanah. The flea my brother put in my ear this morning still echoes around my head, and I am frantic to please him.
Find out something useful or don’t bother coming home. That’s what the only constant person I’ve ever had in my life verbally volleyed at me on my way out the door this morning. Serge had managed to break my already mangled heart into a million pieces and spur me back into action all in one fell swoop.
I was ready to bring down the Black Shamrocks MC.
If I was honest, I was looking forward to it.
Since that day, eighteen long, horrible months ago, when I’d kissed Brian Kelly, I’d pretty much stopped passing on anything I found out to my brother. I just couldn’t do it. Alanah’s behaviour hadn’t changed toward me. Serge didn’t ask for anything more than what he’d already requested. Carly wasn’t pressuring me in her low-key way either.
I’d changed.
Something broke in me when Brian rejected me.
What happened that day wasn’t calculated on my behalf and I’d accepted that it was a gamble when I’d asked him the question. It was my fault for thinking he was different; that he could see the real me.
That I could see the real him.
The time for licking my wounds was over. Tonight I was going to drive a wedge through that Shamrocks, and I was finally going to tell my brother what I learned that day about Carly. Serge’s ultimatum this morning was exactly what I’d needed.
I had to know, for once and all, if Carly was an enemy in our midst or a victim of the Black Shamrocks wrath like she claimed.
Alanah emerges from the hall where her final exam just finished. Her pretty face is flushed, and her hair is a mess. Over the past year, she’s grown quieter, more studious, pulling into herself. Our budding friendship never quite reached the potential I once saw in it.
Nothing was ever mentioned about me and Brian. I don’t believe he told anyone either. It was our secret. A dark stain on my then fifteen-year-old heart that had left a permanent mark.
“Hey, you,” I exclaim when she gets closer.
She doesn’t seem to hear me, seemingly lost in her own little world.
Coming up behind her, I wrap my arms around her and swing her in a circle.
“Congratulations,” I cheer. “We’re free, Alanah. As free as birds.”
We laugh together, then I seize the moment to make my request.
“Party at yours?”
Alanah shakes her head. “No way. My brother and his friends would eat you alive.”
I’d predicted that she wouldn’t be too receptive to the idea, but I have a plan to get her to cooperate. Feigning that I’m offended, I give her a hurt look. It works like a charm.
She’s on the cusp of giving in when Grace interrupts us. I’m about to drag Alanah away when Grace decides to be useful for once.
“Did you say party at yours?” she squeals. Grace jumps on the spot and claps her hands. “I have the perfect outfit.”
“No—” Alanah calls after her when she skips off to invite the rest of our year.
With a smile on my face, I chide her. “Oh, stop it.”
Linking her arm through mine, I lead her toward the buses. I’m afraid if we stick around too much longer, Grace will say something stupid and Alanah will put the kibosh on the whole idea.
“It’ll be fun. What’s the worst that can happen?”
I need this party. I need her brother and his friends in the one place, so I can work the information I require out of them. A year and a half ago, Alanah started telling me the story about Carly and her father, but we were interrupted. Nobody has mentioned it again; now it’s imperative that I learn the
truth.
Before I spill what I know to Sergio, I have to make sure my facts are straight.
The only way to do that? Get the information straight from the horse’s mouth. Brian has to know what his father did, and on the off chance he doesn’t, I’m certain that Paddy or Vic will. Push comes to shove, I’ll play them all against each other if I have to.
The bus ride passes in silence. Alanah is lost in her head and I’m busy plotting. If anyone other than Brian and his club had been involved, I would have felt bad about what I’m about to do.
Thankfully, I no longer live my life under the delusion that anyone will ever understand me. I’ve been on my own for as long as I can remember. Serge proved that this morning when he levelled his threat at my head. It compounded the devastation Brian Kelly wrought on my soul with a single kiss, and I’m that much stronger for it.
I’m going to see this plan to the end or lose everything trying.
The school bus brakes hard. Alanah almost face plants into the seat in front of her. She’s not only ignoring me, she’s trying to escape mentally. Miffed beyond reason, I elbow her in the side.
She offers me an apologetic smile. I pretend that I’m still annoyed and make conversation with some of the other students from our class to try to drive home how rude Alanah is being. It doesn’t work.
While we discuss our summer plans—mine are completely imaginary since no one knows who I really am—Alanah sits next to me like a mute. Disappointment vies with anger when I realise that my plan is going to fall at the first hurdle.
Looks like I’m going to be spending my first night as a high school graduate sleeping at a local bus stop. There’s no way I can go home to Serge with my tail between my legs.
The bus hisses to a halt at my stop. I nudge Alanah again to let me get past her, unable to trust my voice if she makes me speak. I’m on the verge of tears—my earlier bravado has deserted me.
Just like everyone else does.
Making my way to the front of the bus without saying goodbye to her, I pause on the final step and decide that I have nothing to lose by giving this idea of mine one last shot.
Butch (Black Shamrocks MC: First Generation Book 3) Page 8