by Leena Clover
“You don't remember. So you doubt me?”
Dad's tone scared me. He seemed defeated.
“No, Dad, no.”
I tried to convince him.
“I really don't remember what happened at that time. And you never talked about it again. So it's just like a big black hole.”
I prattled on, wondering if I was making any sense.
“Maybe the time has come to tell you about it. You are old enough. And strong enough, if you're thinking of risking arrest to track down a stranger.”
I let that one slide.
“This will take time. Why don't you settle down?”
I sat in the chair opposite Dad and adjusted a couple of pillows behind my back.
“This was many years ago in 1983. You were barely 7, just enrolled in first grade. Jeet was a baby and he had just started speaking a few words. Your mom had taken some time to adjust to this country. The first year was rough on her. She missed her family back in Bombay. Then she got pregnant with Jeet. After Jeet was born, she was a bit depressed, and she was kept busy changing nappies and nursing him.”
“Weren't you able to spare time for her?” I wanted to know. “What about Motee Ba or Pappa?”
“Well, I was a busy Assistant Professor on tenure track. I was immersed in my research, but we still spent evenings together. Ba had her job, and Pappa helped out with taking care of you and Jeet. It was mid September and your school had just started. The tornado season was almost over. But this one came out of nowhere. When the sirens sounded, Ba and I were on campus and we went into the shelters with everyone. Your mom had just brought you back from school when they heard the wail of the siren. Pappa took your hand and held Jeet and your mom was just behind them.”
“Why didn't they go to a shelter?” I wanted to know.
“There was no time. We lived on the North side of town then, by the lake. Pappa spotted an empty drain pipe and that saved you.”
I had heard some version or other of this story. What I wanted to know was the aftermath.
“I've heard every one's account of what went down that day, Dad! I want to know what happened after.” I pressed.
“Well, after the dust settled, your grandpa somehow held on to you two. Rescue workers helped him out. Your mom had not made it into the pipe, and we reported her missing right away. They looked for her everywhere. Pappa and I scoured the area on foot, thinking she might be lying injured somewhere. But we were unlucky.”
“Go on, please!” I wanted to hear the whole story this time.
“We were on edge for days. Your aunt Anita came to stay to take care of you kids. There was a high state wide alert for your mother. Every time the phone rang, we thought it might be news about her. Hospitals and morgues were searched, but there was no sign of Sarla.”
Dad sniffed before going on. “Eventually, the search lost its pace, and then died down completely. Your aunt went back a few weeks later, and we learned to cope without your mother. A few months later, we had to accept she wasn't coming back.”
“So you just gave up?” I demanded.
In my mind, there hadn't been enough efforts to look for my missing mom.
“It wasn't like today. There was no Internet. All investigation happened at a slow pace.”
“Yes, but how long did you keep looking?” I wanted to know. “Did you hire a PI, for example?”
“As a matter of fact, I did,” Dad revealed. “Not right away, but a year later. We tried to see if anyone with your mother's name had turned up in any databases elsewhere, even in the neighboring states. We checked travel records and Jane Does to see if any met your mother's description.”
I looked at Dad and realized this must be difficult for him. But then I thought about what he had said. Something he said did not make sense.
“What do you mean, travel records? Why check those?”
Dad was quiet for a moment. “Well, we wondered if she may have booked a ticket back to India. She was always so homesick.”
I was flabbergasted.
“Do you mean you actually believed my mother would abandon us on purpose and hot foot it to India?” I cried out.
“Meera! I know it sounds callous, but at that point, I didn't know what to believe. None of us did. We tried every avenue open to us. Logically, I could not believe that your mother would not try to reach us if she was alive. The woman I loved may have taken time to adjust to a new country, but she was a fighter. She would never desert her kids!”
“I hope not!” I was getting high strung as the story progressed.
“No one was willing to accept the alternative, Meera! One year, two years, three years passed without your mother trying to get in touch or coming back here. Everyone told me she was gone, but I did not want to believe it. I could take a damaged pride or a broken heart if I learned she was thriving somewhere else, but I could just not accept that she wasn't with us anymore.”
I felt something well up inside me. Dad's eyes had watered up. He was generally pretty aloof but raking up this old wound had hurt him. I felt guilty for a minute, but then brushed the thought away. I had let this mystery stay dormant for 17 years. Now I needed to face it head on.
“What happened then?”
“Nothing! We never got any news about her. Finally, she was declared legally dead. Pappa and Motee Ba took on taking care of you. I was offered tenure and I stayed on here because I didn't want to leave the area.”
Dad took a deep breath.
“As you kids grew older, we finally had to move out of the old house.”
I remembered what a fuss Dad had made when we bought our current place. He had stalled through every step of building the house until Pappa had finally given an ultimatum.
“So now what? Do you think she's gone?” I wanted to know. “It has been 17 years, after all.”
“I don't know Meera! And that's the worst thing. A part of me hopes that she is well somewhere, and thinking about us. Maybe she's buried somewhere in an unmarked grave!”
“So how do you accept that we will never know?” I asked Dad.
“It's not easy,” Dad admitted. “Hasn't been. I keep busy in my work. And I live for you and my parents. Watching you grow up has been diverting.”
He joked, and smiled.
“I just pray to Lord Krishna that Sarla is being taken care of wherever she is! And that has to do for now. Tomorrow, who knows?”
Dad tried to shrug philosophically, but then broke down into tears.
I jumped up from my chair and went around the large mahogany desk. I tried to put my arms around Dad but he held up his hand.
“I'm Ok, don't worry. Can you please give me a moment?”
I nodded and went to my room.
I cursed myself for doubting my own family. I remembered what Dad's password had been, the one I had hacked through. Big proof that he hadn't forgotten my mom. But I also felt justified in asking for details. She had been my mother after all.
Utterly exhausted, I went to sleep.
Chapter 25
I had just finished stacking a few hundred books. Shelving and re-shelving is the physically intense part of my job. I was updating some online stuff, getting rid of routine tasks. Actually, I was waiting for Tony to show up for lunch.
“Hey Meera!” Tony's voice boomed and I perked up. He waved at me from outside the library door. I picked up my bag and almost ran out.
“What's that for?” Tony smiled, as I gave him a tight hug. “Not that I'm complaining.”
He pulled me closer and lifted me off the floor. A couple of freshmen girls who were just walking in giggled.
“You can put me down now,” I blushed.
“Where to?” Tony wanted to know.
“How about the Thai place? It's quieter and I want to get away from campus.”
“Whatever you wish,” Tony gave a mock bow.
“Wanna walk?” he asked.
“Sure. I feel like some fresh air.”
The Thai res
taurant is a good 15 minute walk, but it was away from campus. Most of the crowd did consist of professors or students, but you didn't have people shoulder to shoulder like you did in the noisy food court.
“What's up? Why were you looking so gloomy?” Tony prodded, but his voice was full of concern. “Are you still fighting with your Dad?”
I shook my head.
“Dad and I had a conversation last night. A lot of things were revealed.”
I gave Tony a short version of what Dad had told me.
Tony was quiet. We walked on, breathing in the crisp, cool air of a Fall morning. The leaves were turning, and yards were littered with fallen leaves. A man was raking them and burning them in a pile.
“I knew some of this,” Tony slowly admitted. “Mom told me.”
I felt betrayed.
“What … why ...”
I couldn't find the words to ask him for an explanation. I felt betrayed.
“You didn't ask about your mom before. I didn't want to bring up an unpleasant topic.”
“Unpleasant? Whatever it is, it is part of my life. How could you hide you knew all this?”
“I was just trying to protect you. At the risk of annoying you, yes.” Tony was firm.
We walked on in total silence and entered the restaurant. The hostess seated us near a window and brought the menus. We gave our usual order, Pad Thai Noodles with Chicken and Red Curry with Shrimp. We always split this between us so we get to eat both noodles and rice.
The server placed salads in front of us.
Tony sighed. “Come on Meera. Please don't sulk. There's not much anyone can do about your mom now. Why don't we talk about this some other time?”
Reluctantly, I agreed because I got that he was right.
“This whole story about Mom. It has made me relate to Jyothi a bit.”
“Can you really compare what happened almost 20 years ago to today? With the technology we have now?” Tony was skeptical.
“All I'm saying is, Jyothi must have felt so alone. Almost everyone who knew her seems to have shunned her. She had nowhere to go, literally.”
“So what next, Meera? That's more to the point.”
Tony scooped a huge spoonful of shrimp, curry and rice and started coughing.
“That is hot!” he said as he gulped iced water.
We love eating hot Thai food until smoke comes out of our ears. But today my heart wasn't in it.
“Jyothi was supposed to find a place to live. That is what those girls said, Ruby and Durga.”
“Well, it won't be easy finding an empty apartment in the middle of the term. Most places are already rented out, and people have taken roomies by this time.”
“That makes sense,” I agreed. “But Jyothi had no choice if she had been given a deadline. And judging by her bad experiences, maybe she would look for a studio or a one bedroom apartment.”
Tony snorted.
“More like someone's basement or garage. She didn't have any money remember?”
“Hmm ... that's right,” I agreed.
“I know. Let us check out some of the realtors or property management companies. Isn't that the obvious place to go?”
“Actually, we know she was new and not very confident. Maybe she just looked at the bulletin boards?”
Tony's eyebrows shot up.
“Do you know how many boards there must be over campus? Several in each building. You will be calling up people the rest of this semester.”
“Or maybe not!” I was excited. “Most of the ads will be torn off by now. And let's start in the places with most traffic, like the Student Union and the Engineering department.”
“What about the library?” Tony asked.
“Duh ... yes. And the library!” I admitted.
We paid our check and walked out into the sunlight.
“So what's the plan? I have an hour or so to spare now. How about I check out the boards in the Union and the Engineering department?” Tony offered.
“Oh yeah! That'll help. I will do the library. You can check back with me before you go home.”
Happy to have a goal, we just enjoyed the walk back, much slower this time with our stuffed tummies.
Back at my desk, I checked out books and answered the usual questions from students. Half way into the semester, it was easy to spot the regulars.
Tony came back with three slips of paper.
“These are the only ones that seemed relevant. Do you want to call them now?”
“Mmmm ... no. Let's do that this evening, from the diner, or from home.”
“Alrighty then, I'm off. See Ya later.”
Tony walked out and I got back to work.
Later that evening, I pulled into the diner parking lot. Sylvie greeted me as I got out of the car.
“Just catching some sun before it goes down. How are you, child?” She hugged me close.
“I’m good. And feeling blessed.”
“Well, that's not a bad thing,” she smiled.
“Is Tony here yet?” I looked around.
“Why don't you come in and settle down? He just called - should be along shortly.”
Becky came out carrying some plates and served the corner table.
“My shift's almost over. Do you want me to make you something?” she asked.
“Whatever you're having is fine. We had a huge Thai lunch today. But I am peckish.”
“Okay ... I have just the thing for us.”
I grabbed our usual table and sat down as Tony walked in. Becky came out bearing a large platter of nachos.
“Enough for everyone to snack on,” she said, taking off her apron. “Now dish!”
I scooped up a chip loaded with queso, beans and salsa and stuffed it into my mouth. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the piquant salsa explode into a ton of flavor in my mouth.
“Oh Jon, I love this salsa,” I called out to the face peeping out from the galley.
He grinned and went inside. Between crunchy bites of the loaded nachos, Tony and I filled Becky in on what had gone down the last couple of days.
"Oh my God! I feel so left out!” Becky cried out. “So much went down and I had no idea?”
She seemed about to go into a sulk. And I knew how long those lasted.
“We got these numbers we have to call,” I tried to console her. “Maybe you can help with them.”
She took the bait and jumped up. “Oh Yes. Let's! Let's do it right now.”
I looked around. The diner had a few tables filled and I wasn't sure if I wanted to make the calls from there even if Sylvie was Ok with it.
“Why don't you kids go into the office in the back and use the phone there?” she suggested.
“Oh Sylvie! That will really help. Are you sure you don't mind?” I asked again.
“Are they all local numbers?” she wanted to know.
I rechecked the slips of paper and nodded yes.
“Then go ahead, kids,” she confirmed and pointed us in the direction of the room.
We trooped into the small office at the back.
Chapter 26
The phone rang 4-5 times and just when I was about to signal Becky to hang up, someone answered.
“Hello, did you place an ad for a roommate?” Becky got straight to the point.
“Yeah, dude! And I got roomies already. But there's room for more if you wanna crash. More money for beer, right?” A guy sniggered on the phone.
“How many people live there right now?” Becky wanted to know. “And how much space do you have?”
“Well, there's 5 of us in a two bedroom apartment. Someone takes the couch. But I have one more futon that can roll out. And you gotta get scarce if there' a tie on the door. Know what I mean?”
The guy was at least honest. I signaled Becky to cut the call.
“We can safely strike that off. No way Jyothi Sudhakaran is gonna crash with a bunch of guys.”
Tony agreed with me.
“What's the next number? Let me c
all.” He was eager to join in.
We rolled our eyes at him and handed him the phone. As luck would have it, this one was answered by a girl.
“Hello?”
“Hi Li”, the voice seemed to say.
“Hello! Are you there?” Tony asked again.
“Li here. What you call for?” A thick Chinese accent erupted from the phone.
This one wasn't looking too encouraging.
“Did you place an ad for a roommate?” Tony asked.
“Yes! Looking for roommate. You interested?” Li asked.
“Actually, I want to know if a girl called Jyothi got in touch with you about this.”
The moment Tony mentioned the word Jyothi, the voice started going 'Noooo, noooo, noooooo'.
“No place for that girl here.”
“Can you tell us what happened?” Tony prodded.
“She ask me where I am from. When I say China, she ask if I eat frog and lizard. She say if you eat worms, I not stay with you. I tell her to go away.”
The girl was excited. Here was one more person Jyothi had managed to annoy with her bigoted comments.
“I want roommate but I will not change my diet for roommate,” Li went on.
Tony tried to pacify her, and she eventually calmed down after a long tirade.
“Did you actually see this girl?” he wanted to know.
“No, she called me,” Li confirmed.
“When was this?” Tony wanted to know.
Li gave him a date that made sense. This proved that Jyothi was definitely looking for a new place and wanted to leave before the deadline given by the girls expired. Tony thanked Li and hung up.
“Want to try the next one?” Becky asked me. “Maybe you have the magic touch?” she joked.
“Doesn't matter. But what the heck.”
I looked at the slip and read the name.
“This already looks more positive.”
I called and the phone was answered almost immediately.
“Hello! May I speak to Preethi please? How are you? Did you place an ad for a roommate?”
I gave a thumbs up sign to Tony and Becky, indicating I had struck gold.
The girl on the phone seemed eager. “Yes. Yes. I am looking for a room partner for my flat. Must be a girl and nonsmoking. And yes preferably vegetarian.”