It also hadn’t escaped her attention that she hadn’t had sex or even an orgasm in over three weeks. If he’d said anything to anyone, making them yield to him, she might kill him with her bare hands.
She wandered around, trying not to let her mind stray to all the questions she’d asked herself in the past few weeks. She’d exchanged words with Pierce several times, but none of any significance. Friendly banter. He usually seemed in a hurry when she approached him, as if he were avoiding her. What the hell was his game?
She’d gone through a dozen scenarios in her mind. Multiple times he’d seen her naked and writhing. Maybe that was enough to turn him off and decide he wanted nothing to do with her. Why that got under her skin, she had no idea. It shouldn’t. She wasn’t interested in him in that way anyway. It would be incredibly hypocritical of her to hope he wanted her for more than she was willing to give.
But that had always been the case with him. From shortly after she first met him, she’d enjoyed knowing he was worried about her. Probably because he was one of the good guys. He was safe. No way would he mistreat a woman.
It warmed her heart to know he liked her. He’d always looked at her a little longer than necessary. She’d often caught him staring at her long before the night they spent together. It felt good. She couldn’t reciprocate his feelings, but it still gave her a lift.
Yeah, she was aware she was being unfair. She enjoyed knowing he wanted her. She’d kept him at arm’s length six months ago, and she would do so again now if he brought the subject up.
If.
After all, he hadn’t made any move on her at all. He hadn’t even asked her to do a scene with him. She’d told him that first night to seek her out and scene with her the next time he came in, but instead, he’d watched her get flogged by Rex and left before she’d had a chance to speak to him. The only reason she’d known he was there was because others had told her.
She worried her hands together in front of her. It irrationally hurt that he hadn’t made more of an attempt to contact her. And it royally pissed her off if he was the reason she was being clit-blocked by other Doms.
Last night she’d done a scene with Mark. Several newer members had wanted to see what Mark could do with knife play. When he’d approached London, she’d eagerly accepted, hoping he might actually take her someplace no one had for weeks.
She’d only done a few scenes with knives—all of them with Mark. She trusted him enough to relax and let her mind wander toward craved sexual satisfaction when he worked. There was something extremely arousing about inching into a dangerous zone like knife play.
Mark had arranged her on her belly and demonstrated how he used a variety of knives all up and down her body. She’d gotten aroused as expected. And he’d cut her off before she came.
Mark was amazing with his hands—the ones he didn’t use on her last night. He’d given her some ridiculous speech about discipline and how it was good for her to be denied sometimes. All part of BDSM. She’d been frustrated beyond belief after that scene. And then everyone else was booked.
Mark was also a man she’d had sex with a few times. There were only three guys at the club she’d gone that far with, and she’d done so only in private rooms, but some days she’d wanted more than a simple scene gave her.
Unfortunately for all three of the men she’d had sex with and the others who scened with her, she found all of them lacking in comparison with her real or imagined litmus test.
Pierce Titus.
It had been over six months since she’d slept with him. He’d given her three amazing orgasms and rocked her world. Had she blown it out of proportion since then? Possibly, but there was only one way to find out, and so far the frustrating man hadn’t seemed willing to give comparison to their first romp.
It was painfully obvious that every Dom in the club was avoiding her. The questions was: Were they doing so on their own, or had Pierce said something? If Pierce had said anything to any of them, she would be seriously pissed. How dare he come back into her life and fuck around with an arrangement she had no intention of altering.
This was her stomping grounds. He’d left town before Zodiac even opened. She’d been coming here regularly for months. If Pierce had directly or indirectly managed to get the other members of Zodiac to keep their hands off her, why the hell was he practically ignoring her also?
She was fuming when she came around the corner and nearly ran right into Mark. He grabbed her shoulders to steady her. “Hey, London. How’s it going?”
She narrowed her gaze at him. “Fine. You?”
“I’m good.” He released her, looking like he was in a hurry to get away.
“You have time to fit me in tonight?” she asked before he could rush off.
“Sure. You want to do a demo? I’ll check around and see if there’s anything some of the new members have been wanting to see.” He took a step to the side. “I’ll find you, okay?”
“Yep.” She tried to sound casual, but inside, she felt rising annoyance. Since when did Mark need them to have a crowd in order to agree to a scene?
She headed through the main room toward the door to the back hallway next. Aaron was there tonight. “Hey, have you seen Rayne? I thought I saw her car outside.”
“Yeah, she was heading to the locker room a few minutes ago.”
“Thanks.” London turned around and headed back the way she’d come. She pushed into the women’s room and found Rayne digging around in her locker.
“Hey.” Rayne smiled. “How are you? I never get to see you anymore.” It was true. Since London and Colin arranged their schedules to show up at opposite times, London rarely got to see Rayne.
“Yeah. What are you doing here?” Not that London minded. She was kinda glad actually. She could use a friend.
“Needed a few things from my locker.” Rayne sat on the bench and then frowned. “You okay?”
“No.” London took a breath. Maybe if she told Rayne her suspicions, Rayne would be able to point out how ludicrous it was to think Pierce had managed to tamper with her club arrangements.
“You want to talk about it?” Rayne asked as she turned to more fully face London.
London pinched the bridge of her nose. “I’m sure I’m imagining things, but it seems like Pierce waltzed in here and pissed a circle around me so that everyone else would keep their hands to themselves.”
Rayne looked at London. “I think he did.”
London’s eyes bugged out. “Please tell me you’re kidding.”
Rayne chuckled. “He didn’t say anything specific. Maybe he doesn’t even realize what he did, but people are more than aware he’s into you.”
London slapped her forehead. “Jesus. I had hoped it was in my imagination.”
“I’m not saying he intentionally laid claim, but it might have happened anyway. Word spreads around here.”
London started to pace as her anger came to the surface. “How dare he? He has no claim on me.”
“Maybe, but you knew he was interested in more, even before he left town.”
“That doesn’t give him the right to reappear from thin air after six months and puff his chest out like some kind of Neanderthal.”
Rayne giggled. “He’s a good guy. I know you like him. You wouldn’t have asked me about him when he disappeared if you didn’t care about the answer. Why not just go out with him?”
“Because I don’t date.” She stopped pacing to set her hands on her hips. “I have no interest in dating. I’m never giving a man that kind of power over me again.”
Rayne furrowed her brow. “You do realize how silly that sounds. Dating someone in no way insinuates you’ve given them any kind of power. Just because one man took advantage of you that way doesn’t mean all men will. People go out, have fun, enjoy sex.”
“Exclusively.” London sighed.
“Yes. Sometimes.”
“That’s the part I can’t commit to. If he wanted to fuck, we could fuck. He’s g
ood in bed. The best I’ve had. Not going to lie. But that’s all I’m interested in. I can’t possibly go out with him if he’s going to want more from me than I’m willing to give or mess with my mojo here.”
“What mojo is that?” Rayne asked gently. “The one where you try every single thing that gets in your path, never saying no to anything?”
“Yes. There’s nothing wrong with that.” London found she was growing annoyed with Rayne now too. “Whose side are you on?”
“No one’s. This isn’t about sides. I think you should think about what you’re saying.”
“What am I saying?” London’s voice rose.
“London, you keep people at arm’s length and never let yourself get close to anyone. You’re the breezy girl who’s game for anything, but who flits about between Doms so she never has to have a serious conversation.” Rayne stood.
“That’s not a character flaw. It’s just who I am.” Her heart was beating faster. This wasn’t what she needed or wanted from Rayne.
Rayne took a step closer. “Look, I’m not trying to piss you off. I’m trying to help. I didn’t say it was a character flaw, but I do think you’re avoiding relationships. Intentionally. Because you’re scared.”
“So what if I am?” London’s face was flushed now. She knew on some level she was being unreasonable, but she couldn’t help it. She didn’t want to conform to societal norms that dictated she find a man and settle down again. She’d done that. It had gone badly. “I’ve earned the right to be skeptical. Choosy. Even to say hell no, never again.”
“You’re right. You have. And every woman has that right. Always. But what if you’re limiting yourself? What if you’re destroying possibilities because you never give anyone or anything a full chance to prove themselves?”
“Then that’s my loss. Did you ever think perhaps I don’t care? That it’s a chance I’m willing to take because the cost is too high otherwise?” Never again did she want to feel powerless. She was living a carefully constructed life in which she held all the power. She even held the power to give up that power for an hour in the club if she wanted. It was freeing every time she permitted someone to dominate her for a while. Because she was the one making the choice. Not someone else. Never someone else.
The commitment to a Dom inside a club was limited in time and scope. It fulfilled her. It met her needs. Inside a fetish club, it was accepted and even expected. Half the reason she jumped at the opportunity to join the club was because she recognized the ability to play and even have sex without anyone ever expecting something in return. She was a smart girl. She always used a safeword and knew she could stop any scene at any time, no questions asked.
On the other hand, the commitment to a human being outside of the fetish world was more than she was willing to give. Relationships didn’t have safewords.
Rayne set a hand on her arm. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you mad. I just think you should think about your motives here. Maybe talk to your counselor about this whole thing. I’m not qualified to judge. I’m just a friend witnessing you steering your ship in so many directions. It seems like you’re always running hard toward something you aren’t even clear about and never getting there because you have no destination.”
London sighed and blew out a breath. “You might be right. My counselor has painted a similar picture. I’m just not interested, so I don’t care what my reasons are.”
“Not interested in what? Because you won’t be able to convince me you aren’t interested in Pierce. You wouldn’t be standing here defending your right to keep him at arm’s length if you weren’t thinking about him often.” Rayne sighed. “Listen, I know you’re trying hard to ensure you feel like you’re controlling everything in your world, and I get that. But have you noticed you often say yes to just about any suggestion put in front of you? Do you ever think about what you actually want?”
London chewed on her bottom lip. What was Rayne’s point?
“I think when you say yes, it makes you feel like you made a choice. It helps you avoid the possible confrontation that saying no might cause. If that’s your MO, then why not say yes to Pierce and give him a chance?”
London chuckled at that suggestion and ran a hand through her hair. “How could I say yes to a man who hasn’t even asked me a question?”
Rayne smiled. “I think he’s wearing you down. Slowly. Intentionally.”
This conversation with Rayne had been draining instead of fulfilling. She’d been looking for someone to agree with her. Instead, she’d been handed a lot to think about.
She understood what Rayne was saying, but she didn’t have to like it. Just because Rayne enjoyed an exclusive relationship with Colin didn’t mean everyone needed that kind of thing to be fulfilled.
London left Rayne to return to the club. She found a Dom she’d only scened with a few times and asked him if he was available. Fortunately for her, he was. She knew him to be a bit of a sadist, and tonight she wasn’t even thinking about sex. Tonight, she was thinking about how good it would feel to get a rush from the pain of a paddle or a cane or a crop.
Master Dodge would give her that. He readily agreed to, in fact, and ten minutes later she was on her belly over a bench, her skirt hiked over her hips to expose her ass and thighs. She’d given Master Dodge the authority to select whatever item he wanted to use on her as long as he didn’t draw blood.
They’d agreed on a safeword before she ever bent over. Marriage was her safeword. She used it most of the time. It was the foulest word she knew. Irrational or not, it stood for abuse and power and shouting and assault.
Yeah, she probably needed to see her counselor, Dr. Robbins, more often. She was obviously feeling rather bitter. She had considered the fact that it might be incongruent to crave painful contact. After everything she’d been through, why would she want someone to hit her? But she reasoned it had more to do with her making the choice than anything else. If she chose to be spanked or flogged, she was the one in control.
She didn’t choose pain often. Usually she preferred the sensual side of BDSM. But tonight she wanted to feel the swat of Master Dodge’s paddle. It would give her a rush better than the orgasms she would apparently be denied from some of her favorite Doms now that Pierce had arrived in town.
Chapter 7
Pierce didn’t go to Zodiac that night. He had to work late. It hadn’t been late enough that he couldn’t have showered, changed, and still made an appearance. However, he’d been in a foul mood from the reminder that in his current position, he would never be able to be the sort of partner any woman deserved.
Especially London. Perhaps he had made a mistake interfering in London’s life. It would seem he’d managed to quickly alienate her from whatever sexual gratification she was used to getting in the club. It hadn’t originally been intentional, nor would he ordinarily have believed he even wielded that kind of power.
What did it say about London? He suspected that the Doms who frequented Zodiac cared about her. Enough to know when it was time to step aside.
Pierce grabbed a beer from the fridge, plopped down on the sofa, and decided to call Aaron. Hopefully he would be in his office and able to speak. The phone rang twice before Aaron picked up. “Hey. Where are you? I kind of expected to see you here tonight.”
Pierce sighed. “That had been my intention, but I got hung up at work and now I’m exhausted.” That was partly true.
“Tough case at work?”
“Yeah. Some asshole thinks it’s cute to sell drugs to kids. He’s slippery, though. I can’t seem to catch him in the act.”
Aaron groaned. “That sucks. What’s wrong with people?”
“If you figure it out, let me know.”
“Will do. What’s up? I know you didn’t call to tell me about work.”
Pierce blew out a breath and stared at the ceiling.
“Let me guess. London.”
“Yeah.” Pierce slouched down on the sofa and leaned his head bac
k. “She’s stubborn.”
Aaron chuckled. “That’s an understatement. The woman even jumped out of a plane last month just to prove she could do it. I’m not sure who she needed to prove it to, but she wouldn’t listen to any of us.”
“She went skydiving?” His voice hitched. He may have been in the army, and yes, he’d done everything necessary to make it through basic training, but the truth was he was not a fan of heights. Never had been. He could fake it for the most part when duty called, but there wasn’t a snowball’s chance in hell he would ever jump out of a plane.
“Yep.”
Pierce swiped a hand down his face.
“Do you realize you’ve given members here the impression she’s yours?”
“Yeah.” He took a slow breath. “It just kind of happened. Is she pissed?”
Another chuckle, this one rather sarcastic. “You could say that. She’s not used to being told no. A few Doms have turned her down outright. She had a bit of a run-in with Rayne in the changing room earlier. And, to top off the evening, she decided to play masochist tonight, which isn’t her usual fetish.”
“Shit.”
“You gonna talk to her?”
“Yeah. I’ll go to her apartment tomorrow.”
“Might want to do that unannounced or she’ll tell you no.”
“Thanks for the tip.” Pierce couldn’t help but grin. Of course she would turn him down. The only way he could get the upper hand with her was to get right in her face. If he added his mouth or his hands on her sweet body, he might even be able to get her soft enough to go out to dinner with him. As long as he phrased it as two people needing nourishment instead of a date.
Pierce ended the call and set the phone on the coffee table before leaning back and taking another long swig of his beer. He’d been playing a dangerous game with London for weeks now. Taunting her. He went to the club often, but he didn’t spend much time with her.
Claiming London Page 6