by Dawn Brower
He did. “Maybe I do,” he conceded. “But isn’t it enough to just be together?” It was for him… “Do we need to do anything?”
“Yes,” she said. “Otherwise, the demons might come back to haunt me.” She closed her eyes. “Help me forget for a little while.”
God… Why did she have to go and break his heart like that. “Of course, I will.” What the fuck could he do to help take her mind off of it? This seemed like an impossible task. He could do it. He would do it. Somehow, he would give her a perfect day, and maybe even a better night. One not filled with nightmares… “All right. I’m yours. Be gentle, I bruise easily.”
“Are you done with your coffee?” She motioned toward his mug.
He glanced down. Somehow, he had drank the entire thing without realizing it. “I believe I am.”
“Good.” She pushed her cup to the center of the table. “Let’s go then.”
He stood and followed her out. Ian shoved his hands in his pocket. He was gland he hadn’t kept his suit on and changed into cargo pants and a basic blue t-shirt. Something told him that a suit would have been a hazard for what she had planned. “Where are we going?”
“Green Lake Park,” she told him. “I need to walk for a bit.” Lila glanced up at him. “Is that all right?”
“Yes,” he said. “A walk sounds lovely.”
He would do anything she wanted, and a walk sounded appealing. They could talk or just enjoy being together. Sometimes that was enough, and for him, it definitely was. He should have stopped being so damn angry at her a long time ago. It had poisoned him and any potential relationship they could have had. He’d been such a fool.
The coffee shop was within walking distance to the park. There were several coffee shops that surrounded it. The trail that went around it was under three miles and they could easily walk the entire thing if they chose. He wasn’t certain if he wanted to walk that much or not, but if she did, he was game. “So why this park?”
She shrugged. “I come here often. A lot of people do. It’s popular for lunch breaks when the weather permits. It’s nice to get out of a building and enjoy nature when I can.”
“You like working at the hospital?”
Lila nodded. “It’s a lot better than the hospital we met at. The head nurse didn’t like me and was always looking for ways to chastise me.” She sighed. “The last one she was going to fire me for, but I quit first.”
“No fraternizing rule,” she said.
He stopped, and she kept moving. When she realized he was no longer by her side, she turned to face him. “What?” she frowned
“Fraternizing with who?”
“Ah,” she said, then rolled her eyes. “I should have realized…”
“Realized what?” He was growing impatient with her, and he had a strong feeling he would not like her next words.
“It was you,” she told him. “There was this post on social media. You were a little too close, and it looked as if we were about to kiss. It was enough for her to lose it on me.” She held up her hand. “Don’t take this personally…”
“How could I not? I’m the reason you lost your job.”
“You’re wrong,” she insisted. “Rhea would have found a way to fire me, eventually. She really hated me. I wish I knew why, but it’s in the past. We’re moving forward, remember?”
Ian closed his eyes and blew out a breath. This day was chock-full of revelations, and most of them had not been pleasant. “I’m still sorry,” he told her as he opened his eyes. “But you’re right. We are moving forward.” He gestured toward the path. “Lead the way.”
“I’d rather have you by my side.” She smiled and held out her arm. “Will you join me, Dr. Ellwood?”
“Ian,” he told her. “Just Ian when we’re together.”
“Ian,” she said, then licked her lips. He froze. Ian wanted to kiss her, but it wasn’t the right time. He would have to follow her lead. “Please walk with me.” She lifted her hand toward him.
Instead of looping his arm with hers, he took her hand in his. It was nice to walk with her and have their hands linked together. It just felt right. They walked along the trail in silence, just enjoying each other’s company. This was what he always believed they could have. Would it be too much to hope they could finally be together?
“Oh,” she said. “Look at the bald eagle.” She pointed to a nearby nest high in one of the trees.
“It is gorgeous.”
“I’ve seen bald eagles here frequently. They are so majestic looking.” She wrinkled her nose. “Even if they are scavengers.”
He had to agree. It did look gorgeous. The eagle hopped from it’s nest and soared high in the sky, flying low over the treetops. Its wings flapped slowly as it sailed across the blue sky. “What do you do when you’re here?”
“Mostly watch people or nature.” She shrugged. “I enjoy helping people, but I have difficulty…talking to them outside of work.” She glanced away. “When I am at the hospital, I know what to do and how to respond. I’m trained to handle it.” She waved at the park in general. “Here…it’s all unknown. I don’t like surprises.”
He nodded. “I’ll file that away for the future. No surprises for Lila. Even if they’re good ones.”
She laughed. “Do you think you’ll need that information?”
“You never know when something might become pertinent.” He smiled. “I would hate to cause you any sort of stress.”
“You’re too kind.” Her voice was quiet as she spoke. “I wish…”
Her voice trailed off. He wanted to ask her what she wished, but he wasn’t certain she would tell him. Instead, he said, “I’m not always kind. You know that.”
“I do,” she agreed. “But I don’t blame you for your anger.”
“You should.” He sure as hell blamed himself. “You did nothing wrong. I felt so damn betrayed, but you didn’t betray me.” He had thought about that earlier and probably shouldn’t have said it aloud.
She shook her head. “No, I didn’t,” she told him. Lila was quiet for several moments. She went to a nearby bench and sat down. He thought perhaps he had pushed her too far. Why couldn’t he have kept his mouth shut? He shoved his hands into his pockets, unsure what to do. Ian crossed over to her and knelt down. He was about to speak when she met his gaze and said, “You never betrayed me, never could. I betrayed myself.”
What the hell was he supposed to say to that?
Chapter 4
Sunlight streamed through the window of Lila’s studio apartment. She had the best day with Ian, but it had been cut short. He had gotten a call about one of his patients and he had to return to the hospital. Lila finished her walk at the lake alone, then went home to do the errands she put off.
Now it was the next day, and she’d had an excellent night of sleep. She wasn’t sure what she would do with her day. Later that evening was the bachelorette party. Maybe she could go to Pike Place Market and do a little shopping. She still needed to get a gift for Wes and Tori, and she might find the perfect present at one of the antique shops on the lower level.
She rolled out of bed and stretched. First, she’d take a nice, long, hot shower and then make her way to the market. Lila smiled. She couldn’t wait to see Ian again. He said he’d call, but he hadn’t yet. Something must have happened with his patient. He had seemed so concerned when he called the hospital.
Lila set out an outfit for the day and then went to the bathroom to take her shower. She turned her music up and sang loudly as she showered. Sometimes she wondered if her neighbors hated her. Showering and singing was one of her favorite ways to start the day.
She finished washing, then stepped out of the shower. Lila grabbed a towel and dried off, then wrapped the towel around herself. She left her wet hair to lay loose over her shoulders, then exited the bathroom. Her phone was ringing, so she picked it up, then smiled again when she saw who was calling. It was Ian. She clicked accept and pressed the phone to her ear. “Hello
.” Her voice came out a little breathless.
“I didn’t wake you, did I?” He sounded worried.
“Not at all,” she reassured him. “I just stepped out of the shower.”
He groaned. “That’s not playing fair.”
Lila frowned. She hadn’t considered what those words might imply. She was, in a sense, quite naked. She had a towel on, but it wouldn’t take much for her to drop it. If he were there, would she? Lila nibbled on her bottom lip. She wasn’t certain what she would do. Her sex life had not been the best. She had tried to be with other men, but she had found no pleasure in sex. Lila feared Dawson had ruined it for her. “I didn’t mean to play at all.” She cursed under her breath. “What I mean is…”
“I understand,” he said in a soft tone. “You don’t need to explain. I shouldn’t have gone there.”
She asked herself, not for the first time, how she could ever have pushed this man away. He was so good to her. Well, at least now. He’d been an ass for the past year, but she could forgive him for that. “It’s all right.”
“Now that we have finished with the small talk…” He got quiet a moment and she feared she’d lost the connection. He started speaking again, “I’d like to see you again.”
Her heart leapt inside her chest. “I’d like to see you too.” Should she invite him to go to the market with her? Without overthinking it, she said, “I’m going to Pike Place Market. Would you like to join me?”
“I would,” he said. “Would you like me to pick you up?”
Did he know she didn’t have a car or was he being polite? Lila wasn’t sure how she felt about either answer. “No,” she said. “I will meet you there. Say in an hour?”
“That sounds good to me.” She could almost hear the smile in his tone. He was happy to see her again. Lila couldn’t help the smile on her face as well.
“All right then,” she told him. “It’s a date. Well…maybe not a date…”
“It’s a date,” he confirmed. “Accept it.”
“I’ll try,” she conceded.
“I’d like to say to do more than that,” he began. “But I understand if you need more time.”
Lila could feel tears burning to escape. She fought them off because she didn’t want to cry while she was still on the phone with him. He’d be concerned, and she wanted him to stay happy. The tears were happy ones anyway…mostly. There was a part of her that was sad it had taken her so long to want to have him in her life. “Has anyone ever told you how wonderful you are?”
“All the time,” he deadpanned. “I tell myself daily. Why do you think my self-esteem is so high?”
She chuckled. “I don’t believe you.”
“Oh, you should,” he told her. Humor filled his tone. “I am being completely honest. If I can’t love myself, no one else will.”
Her smile faded. Was that part of her problem? Did she even like, let alone love herself. She would have to work on that. Maybe in time she’d appreciate the person she was. Lila just wasn’t certain what it was about her she should appreciate. “Well, whatever you’re doing it is working.” She struggled harder to stop the tears. “I’m going to go. If I’m meeting you in an hour, I need to put on clothes.”
“You don’t need to do that. I’m fine with you naked.” Her mouth fell open at his bold statement. She was at a loss for words. “I’m kidding,” he said. “Mostly. I would like to see you naked one day, but not until you’re ready, and definitely not in public. I think that’s something I would prefer not to share with anyone.”
“Good to know,” she croaked out the words. “Goodbye Ian.” She clicked end on her phone. Her cheeks burned from his words. God help her. She felt something more than a pounding heart. Lila wanted to strip naked just for him and discover if passion was something she could share with him. The wetness between her thighs suggested it would be far better than she could ever imagine, and he hadn’t even touched her.
Ian cursed under his breath. He hadn’t handled that call at all how he’d planned it. Then again, when had anything concerning Lila Mooney ever gone as he’d planned it? Never. He should stop expecting it to go smoothly and go with the flow. He would have a better peace of mind if he did.
He sighed. After she had claimed she’d betrayed herself, he’d never had a chance to ask her to explain. His pager had gone off, and he’d called the hospital. Now he wasn’t sure how to broach the subject with her again. He wanted to understand. Ian would just have to wait for the right time to ask her. The right time should present itself. For now, he had to dress for their morning shopping at the market.
His sleep had been fretful, and he’d given up at sunrise. Ian was glad he hadn’t woken her up. She’d been tired yesterday, and he had hoped she’d gotten some sleep. As he dressed, he managed to smile as he thought about their phone conversation. When he’d been bold, she hadn’t hung up on him. He took that as a good sign. Maybe this was their time to be together. God, he hoped so.
He pocked his phone and keys, then slid his wallet into another pocket. Ian whistled as he walked to his hybrid Camry. It was a decent car and fit his needs. One day he might want something bigger…if he had a family. He slid into the driver’s seat and then drove to the market. He drove until he reached a parking garage that was most convenient to the market.
Ian drove into a parking slot and then headed to the market. It didn’t occur to him until he walked inside that he forgot to ask her where they were meeting. She could be anywhere, or not even have arrived yet. He scanned some of the offerings. What was she shopping for today?
Someone tapped him on the shoulder. He turned around and smiled at Lila. “I was just thinking of you?”
“Is that why you were frowning?” she asked.
“I wasn’t…” Hell, he had been. “I was inwardly chastising myself for not setting a specific meeting place.”
“There was no need.” She grinned. “I’ve been watching for you. I’ve been here twenty minutes.”
Ian pushed his eyebrows together and studied her. “Were you eager to see me or start shopping?”
Lila lifted a brow. “Can’t it be both.” She laughed and took his hand in hers. “Come with me, doctor and help me pick out the perfect wedding gift. I procrastinated, and now I might not find anything I like.”
That was why she was there? They had some wonderful shops below, and they might find something vintage that Tori would love. Ian had no clue what Wes might like. If he had to guess…if Tori liked it, he would too. Wes didn’t seem like the fussy type.
“Do you have anything in mind?” he asked.
“Nope,” she told him. “I’ll know it when I see it.”
They strolled through several shops. She picked up a lot of items and examined them. Nothing seemed to be quite right, and Ian was starting to believe she might not find something. When they reached the last shop, she stopped by a pair of candlesticks. They were almost ten inches tall and silver, but tarnished. As if the silver was wearing off…
“These are lovely,” she said.
A shopkeeper came over to them. “They’re a marvellous piece. Nineteenth century and in great condition. They are a beehive style with an ejector.”
Lila nibbled on her bottom lip. “I don’t know.” She glanced at Ian. “What do you think? Will Tori and Wes like them?”
“I think that whatever you pick will be perfect.” He wanted her to be confident in her choice. “They’re unique. How many antique gifts do you think they’ll get?”
“You’re right,” she said, then sighed. “It’s why I wanted to come here. I don’t have many friends, and Tori and Wes are at the top.”
Ian hadn’t realized how close she was to them. “Then get them the candlesticks.”
She nodded and turned to the shopkeeper. “Can you wrap them? It’s a wedding present.”
“Absolutely,” the shopkeeper said. She picked up the candlesticks and carried them to the counter. “It’ll be just a minute. Would you like to pay first
?”
“Yes,” Lila said. The shopkeeper rang up the sale. Lila handed over her credit card. As it processed, she turned to Ian. “Are you hungry?”
“I could eat,” he said, as his stomach grumbled. “I may have skipped breakfast.”
Lila laughed as she signed the credit card receipt. “I may have done the same thing. When this is done, let’s get lunch. There’s a wonderful French bistro not too far from here. They have wonderful croissants and crepes.”
The shopkeeper took the candlesticks to another counter and placed them inside a box, then wrapped them. When she was done, she returned to them. “Here you go.”
“Thank you so much,” Lila said as she took the box. Ian took her free hand, and they walked out of the shop. “I was starting to believe I wouldn’t find anything.”
“Me too,” he admitted. “I didn’t realize how close you were to Wes and Tori.”
“I went to school with Wes,” she told him. “We were in the same class. I’m just getting to know Tori.”
Ian had so much to learn about her. He’d fallen in love with her, but he had never realized how much of herself she’d always held back. It never occurred to him that they should share more of who they were with each other. “Wes is a good guy. I’m closer to Emma.”
“I know,” she mumbled and didn’t meet his gaze. “She used to visit the hospital a lot to see you. At least until she married that football star.”
He smiled. “We’re you jealous.”
“Of course,” she said and glanced up at him, grinning wildly. “Who wouldn’t want to marry a football god?”
He froze a minute, then realized she was teasing him. “I suppose I deserve that.”
“You did,” she said, then grinned.
“Can I ask you something?” he asked.
“Sure,” she said.
“What did you mean when you said you betrayed yourself?” He wasn’t certain he wanted the answer, but he couldn’t let it go either.
She sighed. “I wouldn’t let myself be happy. If I had…” She shook her head. “The simple explanation is I didn’t trust myself, and therefore betrayed any chance I had to find happiness. Pushing you away is a regret I’ll always have.”