Circles on the Water

Home > Fantasy > Circles on the Water > Page 5
Circles on the Water Page 5

by Marge Piercy


  Between the lower east side tenements

  the sky is a snotty handkerchief.

  The garbage of poor living slimes the streets.

  You lie on your bed and think

  soon it will be hot and violent,

  then it will be cold and mean.

  You say you feel as empty

  as a popbottle in the street.

  You say you feel full of cold water

  standing like an old horse trough.

  The clock ticks, somewhat wrong,

  the walls crack their dry knuckles.

  Work is only other rooms where people cough,

  only the typewriter clucking like a wrong clock.

  Nobody will turn the soiled water into wine,

  nobody will shout cold Lazarus alive

  but you. You are your own magician.

  Stretch out your hand,

  stretch out your hand and look:

  each finger is a snake of energy,

  a gaggle of craning necks.

  Each electric finger conducts the world.

  Each finger is a bud’s eye opening.

  Each finger is a vulnerable weapon.

  The sun is floating in your belly like a fish.

  Light creaks in your bones.

  You are sleeping with your tail in your mouth.

  Unclench your hands and look.

  Nothing is given us but each other.

  We have nothing to give

  but ourselves.

  We have nothing to take but the time

  that drips, drips anyhow

  leaving a brown stain.

  Open your eyes and your belly.

  Let the sun rise into your chest and burn your throat,

  stretch out your hands and tear the gauzy rain

  that your world can be born from you

  screaming and red.

  Bronchitis on the 14th floor

  The air swarms with piranhas

  disguised as snow.

  In the red chair my cat

  licks her buttery paw.

  The pear of my fever has ripened.

  My clogged lungs percolate

  as I simmer in sweet fat

  above the flickering city.

  The shocked limb of Broadway

  jerks spasmodically below.

  Knives flutter into ribs;

  cars collapse into accordions.

  My lungs shine, two lanterns.

  I love the men who stand

  at the foot of my bed,

  whose voices tumble like bears

  over the ceiling, whose hands

  smell of tangerines and medicine.

  Through nights of fire and grit

  streaked with falling claws

  they draw me golden with fever

  borne safely, swiftly forward

  on the galloping sleigh of my bed.

  The death of the small commune

  The death of the small commune

  is almost accomplished.

  I find it hard now to believe

  in connection beyond the couple,

  hard as broken bone.

  Time for withdrawal and healing.

  Time for lonely work

  spun out of the torn gut.

  Time for touching turned up earth,

  for trickling seed from the palm,

  thinning the shoots of green herb.

  What we wanted to build

  was a way station for journeying

  to a new world,

  but we could not agree long enough

  to build the second wall,

  could not love long enough

  to move the heavy stone on stone,

  not listen with patience

  to make a good plan,

  we could not agree.

  Nothing remains but a shallow hole,

  nothing remains

  but a hole

  in everything.

  The track of the master builder

  Pyramids of flesh sweated pyramids of stone

  as slaves chiseled their stolen lives in rock

  over the gilded chrysalis of dead royal grub.

  The Romans built roads for marching armies

  hacked like swords straight to the horizon.

  Gothic cathedrals: a heaven of winter clouds

  crystallizing as they rained into stone caves,

  choirs of polyphonic light striking chilly slabs

  where nobles with swords on and skinny saints

  lay under the floor.

  Fortresses, dungeons, keeps,

  moats and bulwarks. Palaces with mirrored halls;

  rooms whose views unfold into each other

  like formal gardens, offer vistas and symmetry.

  Skyscrapers where nobody lives filled with paper.

  Where do the people live and what have they made themselves

  splendid as these towers of glass, these groves of stone?

  The impulse that in 1910 cast banks as temples,

  where now does it build its numinous artifact?

  The ziggurat, the acropolis, the palace of our dream

  whose shape rings in the blood’s cave like belladonna,

  take form in the eagle’s preyseeking soar

  of the bomber, those planes expensive as cities,

  the shark lean submarines of nuclear death,

  the taut kinetic tower of the missile,

  the dark fiery omphalos of the all-killing bomb.

  Why the soup tastes like the Daily News

  The great dream stinks like a whale gone aground.

  Somewhere in New York Harbor

  in the lee of the iron maiden

  it died of pollution

  and was cast up on Cape Cod by the Racepoint Light.

  The vast blubber is rotting.

  Scales of fat ripple on the waters

  until the taste of that decay

  like a sulphurous factory of chemical plenty

  dyes every tongue.

  Curse of the earth magician on a metal land

  Marching, a dream of wind in our chests,

  a dream of thunder in our legs,

  we tied up midtown Manhattan for half an hour,

  the Revolutionary Contingent and Harlem,

  but it did not happen

  because it was not reported in any newspaper.

  The riot squad was waiting at the bottom of 42nd Street

  to disperse us into uncertain memory.

  A buffalo said to me

  I used to crop and ruminate on LaSalle Street in Chicago.

  The grasses were sweet under the black tower of the Board of Trade.

  Now I stand in the zoo next to the yaks.

  Let the ghosts of those recently starved rise

  and like piranhas in ten seconds flat chew down to public bones

  the generals and the experts on antipersonnel weapons

  and the senators and the oil men and the lobbyists

  and the sleek smiling sharks who dance at the Diamond Ball.

  I am the earth magician about to disappear into the ground.

  This is butterfly’s war song about to darken into the fire.

  Put the eagle to sleep.

  I see from the afternoon papers

  that we have bought another country

  and are cutting the natives down to built jet airstrips.

  A common motif of monuments in the United States

  is an eagle with wings spread, beak open

  and the globe grasped in his claws.

  Put the eagle to sleep.

  This is butterfly’s war song addressed to the Congress of Sharks.

  You eat bunches of small farmers like radishes for breakfast.

  You are rotting our teeth with sugar

  refined from the skulls of Caribbean children. Thus far

  we have only the power of earth magicians, dream and song and marching,

  to dance the eagle to sleep.

  We are about
to disappear into the fire.

  There is only time for a brief curse by a chorus of ghosts

  of Indians murdered with smallpox and repeating rifles on the plains,

  of Indians shot by the marines in Santo Domingo,

  napalmed in the mountains of Guatemala last week.

  There will be no more spring.

  Your corn will sprout in rows and the leaves will lengthen

  but there will be no spring running clean water through the bones,

  no soft wind full of bees, no long prairie wind bearing feathers of geese.

  It will be cold or hot. It will step on your necks.

  A pool of oil will hang over your cities,

  oil slick will scum your lakes and streams killing the trout and the ducklings,

  concrete and plastic will seal the black earth and the red earth,

  your rivers hum with radioactivity and the salmon float belly up,

  and your mountains be hollowed out to hold the files of great corporations,

  and shale oil sucked from under the Rockies till the continent buckles.

  Look! children of the shark and the eagle

  you have no more spring. You do not mind.

  You turn on the sunlamp and the airconditioning

  and sit at the television watching the soldiers dance.

  BREAKING CAMP

  HARD LOVING

  From 4-TELLING

  Letter to be disguised as a gas bill

  Your face scrapes my sleep tonight

  sharp as a broken girder.

  My hands are empty shoppingbags.

  Never plastered on the walls of subway night

  in garish snake-lettered posters of defeat.

  I was always stomping on your toes eager to stick

  clippings that should have interested you into the soup.

  I told and retold stories weeping mascara on your shirt.

  If I introduced a girl she would sink fangs in your shin

  or hang in the closet for months, a sleazy kimono.

  I brought you my goathaired prickheavy men to bless

  while they glowered on your chairs turning green as Swiss hats.

  I asked your advice and worse, took it.

  I was always hauling out the dollar watch of my pride.

  Time after time you toted me home in a wheelbarrow drunk

  with words sudsing, dress rumpled and randomly amorous

  teasing you like an uncle made of poles to hold clotheslines up.

  With my father you constantly wished I had been born

  a boy or a rowboat or a nice wooden chest of drawers.

  In the morning you delivered clanking chronicles of my faults.

  Now you are respectable in Poughkeepsie.

  Every couple of years I call you up

  and your voice thickens with resentment and shame.

  It is all done, it is quiet and still,

  a piece of old cheese too hard to chew.

  I list my own faults now ledger upon ledger

  yet it’s you I cannot forgive who have given me up.

  Are you comfortable in Poughkeepsie with Vassar and IBM?

  Do you stoke up your memory on cold mornings?

  My rector, I make no more apologies,

  I say my dirt and chaos are more loving

  than your cleanliness and I exile no one,

  this smelly hunting dog you sent to the vet’s

  to be put away, baby, put to sleep with all her fleas.

  You murdered me out of your life.

  I do not forgive, I hate it, I am not resigned.

  I will howl at every hydrant for thirty years.

  Sojourners

  The rabbit who used to belong to Matthew

  of the Parks Department now lives with Joanne,

  She keeps him in an orange crate

  for shitting raisins in shoes,

  on bathmats, under pianos and in beds.

  He is white, fat and runs like a faucet;

  freed, would scuffle in closetbottoms

  and with a rug for footing

  do jigs, his red idiot eyes flashing.

  In the crate he sulks.

  His sinewy bent legs are stiff.

  I am sorry for animals who scrounge their living from people

  whether scavenging among ashcans and busted tenths

  or tricksy and warm in kitchens:

  it is hard enough for people to stand people

  hard and sharp as the teeth of a saw

  and at least we fuck each other.

  Under the grind

  Responsibilities roost on our fingers and toes

  clucking and blinking.

  Yes, they shall get their daily corn

  the minutes of our lives scattered.

  The love which I bear to you

  must be scrubbed and washed and beaten on the rocks.

  We will clean it

  until it smells like yellow soap.

  We will scrub it

  until it is thin and scratchy as an old man’s beard.

  You are turning yourself into the Sensible Machine.

  The beads of old problems rattle in your spine.

  You are congealing your anger

  into a hard green stone you suck and suck,

  beautiful as a tiger’s eye and poisonous.

  You are becoming gnarled.

  You are twisting like an old root inside yourself.

  You will embrace nothing but paper and spines.

  If you open to me, you are afraid

  all your anxieties will burst free

  like crows flying out of a broken safe.

  Where would they fly? on whose head perch?

  How would you catch them again?

  No, I must keep still and mind business.

  I must turn into a clock on a stick.

  Look, my arms are already rough with bark.

  Somehow

  We need a private bush

  to sprout in the clash of traffic

  and deep in its thicket

  we will root together.

  There is a jacket on the wall.

  We will leap into the pocket.

  In that fuzzy hollow

  our hairs will knot.

  Behold the pencil sharpener

  on the filing cabinet.

  We will crawl through the hole,

  we will bed upon shavings.

  Zeus came to Danaë

  in a golden shower.

  I shall very carefully

  wash my legs and ears.

  In the form of a memorandum

  you will get through.

  All we need is a closet.

  All we need is a big box.

  All we need is a purse-

  sized bed.

  Never-never

  Missing is a pain

  in everyplace

  making a toothache

  out of a day.

  But to miss something

  that never was:

  the longest guilt

  the regret that comes down

  like a fine ash

  year after year

  is the shadow of what

  we did not dare.

  All the days that go out

  like neglected cigarettes,

  the days that dribble away.

  How often does love strike?

  We turn into ghosts

  loitering outside doorways

  we imagined entering.

  In the lovers’ room

  the floor creaks,

  dust sifts from the ceiling,

  the golden bed has been hauled away

  by the dealer

  in unused dreams.

  Ache’s end

  My sweet ache

  is gone.

  Sweet and painful

  caramel, honey

  in a broken tooth.

  You were with me

  like a light cold

  in the bones,

  a rain
y day gnawing.

  An awareness

  that would turn down

  to a faint hum

  to an edging of static.

  This caring

  colored my life,

  a wine badly fermented

  with sugar and vinegar

  in suspension.

  A body can grow used

  to a weight,

  used to limping

  and find it hard

  to learn again

  to walk straight.

  BREAKING CAMP

  HARD LOVING

  4-TELLING

  From TO BE OF USE

  A work of artifice

  The bonsai tree

  in the attractive pot

  could have grown eighty feet tall

  on the side of a mountain

  till split by lightning.

  But a gardener

  carefully pruned it.

  It is nine inches high.

  Every day as he

  whittles back the branches

  the gardener croons,

  It is your nature

  to be small and cozy,

  domestic and weak;

  how lucky, little tree,

  to have a pot to grow in.

  With living creatures

  one must begin very early

  to dwarf their growth:

  the bound feet,

  the crippled brain,

  the hair in curlers,

  the hands you

  love to touch.

  What you waited for

  You called yourself a dishwater blond,

  body warm and flat as beer that’s been standing.

  You always had to stand until your feet were sore

  behind the counter

  with a smile like an outsized safety pin

  holding your lips off your buck teeth.

  Most nights alone or alone with men

  who wiped themselves in you.

  Pass the damp rag over the counter again.

  Tourist cabins and roadhouses of the deaf loudmouth,

  ponds where old boots swim and drive-in moons.

  You came to see yourself as a salesman’s bad joke.

  What did you ever receive for free

  except a fetus you had to pay to yank out.

  Troubles cured you salty as a country ham,

 

‹ Prev