Circles on the Water

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Circles on the Water Page 13

by Marge Piercy


  I want the cavalry to take off those bemedaled blue uniforms

  the color of Zeus and those shiny boots clanking with spurs.

  I want the horses to win this time and eat grass together.

  In this movie the Army always comes bugling over the hill,

  burns some squaws and pens up the rest on a reservation,

  paves over the sacred dancing ground for a Stop and Shop,

  and a ten-lane turnpike to the snowmobile factory.

  Then they ask the doctor why nothing is fun.

  Their eyes are the color of television screens.

  They come by pretending, they die with their minds turned off.

  Do you think on the tenting ground of General Bluster

  young renegades may begin to steal away?

  Or will they always go back for their paychecks?

  I think it is time for the extras to burn down the movie.

  Yes, I am sick of treaties with the enemy who brings to bed

  his boots and his law, who is

  still and after my enemy.

  I have been trained to love him, and he to use me.

  Yes, I am weary of war where I want exchange,

  sick of harvesting disgust from the shoots of joy.

  Fight with my tribe or die in your blue uniform

  but don’t think you can take it off in bed.

  It dyes your words, your brain runs cobalt

  and your tear ducts atrophy to pebbles.

  I love easily: never mind that.

  Love is the paper script of this loose army.

  Let us sleep on honesty at night like a board.

  Talk with your body, talk with your life.

  Grow me good will

  rough and thick as meadow grass

  but tend it like an invalid house plant,

  a tender African violet in the best window.

  BREAKING CAMP

  HARD LOVING

  4-TELLING

  TO BE OF USE

  LIVING IN THE OPEN

  From THE TWELVE-SPOKED WHEEL FLASHING

  The twelve-spoked wheel flashing

  A turn of the wheel, I thrust

  up with effort pushing, braced and sweating,

  then easy over down into sleep, body idle,

  and the sweet loamy smell of the earth,

  a turn of the twelve-spoked wheel flashing.

  I have tried to forge my life whole,

  round, integral as the earth spinning.

  I have tried to bet my values,

  poker played with a tarot deck,

  all we hope and fear and struggle for,

  where the white chips are the eyes of anguish,

  the red the coins of blood paid on the streets

  and the blues are all piled by the dealer.

  We sit round the table gambling against the house:

  the power hidden under the green felt,

  the television camera that reads your hand,

  the magnetic dice, the transistorized

  computer controlled deck that riffles

  with the sound of ice

  blowing on the wind against glass.

  A turn of the wheel: nothing

  stays. The redwinged blackbirds implode

  into a tree above the salt marsh one

  March day piping and chittering

  every year, but the banded pet

  does not return. The cherry tree begins

  to bear this June, a cluster

  of sweet black fruit warm on the palm.

  The rue died of the winter heaves.

  We’ll plant a new one. It does not

  taste the same, bitter always, but

  even in bitterness there are shades,

  flavors, subtle essences, discretions

  in what sets the teeth on edge.

  Down into the mud of pain,

  buried, choking, shivering with despair,

  the fire gone out in the belly’s hearth

  and frogs hopping on the floor,

  ears sealed with icy muck,

  and the busy shrill cricket of the mad

  ego twitching its legs in dry

  compulsion all night. Up into the sun

  that ripens you like a pear

  bronze and golden, the hope that twines

  its strands clambering up to the light

  and bears fragrant wide blossoms opening

  like singing faces.

  Turn and turn again and turn,

  always rolling on with massive thumps

  and sudden lurching dives, I am pinned

  to the wheel of the seasons,

  hot and cold, sober and glad and menacing,

  bearing and losing. I turn head high,

  head low, my feet brushing the pine boughs,

  moss in my ears, my nose gathering

  snow, my feet soaked like a tree’s

  roots. I go rolling on, heads and tails,

  turn and turn again and turn,

  pinned to the wheel of my choice and choosing still,

  stretched on the wheel of the seasons,

  learning and forgetting and moving

  some part of the way toward

  a new and better place, some part

  of the way toward dying.

  What the owl sees

  Mirror from the twenties

  in a gilded frame muting

  pleasantly dull, you hung

  over the secondhand buffet

  in the diningroom

  that proved we were practically

  middleclass: table with claw

  legs, cave of genteel lace.

  Underneath I crawled

  running my toy car.

  In that asbestos box

  no room was big enough

  to pace more than one stride.

  When we shut up we could hear

  neighbors in multifamily cages

  six feet each side, yelling.

  We could smell the liver

  and onions frying, we could

  hear the tubercular cough

  racking an old man’s lungs.

  When the sun hit your

  beveled edge, rainbows would

  quiver out to stripe the walls

  clear as sugar candy, pure as

  the cry of my hunger.

  Now you hang in this rented

  space, my only heirloom, over

  a radiator, and as I rise

  I see my naked body

  poised in you like a diver

  about to leap.

  Your carved frame in childhood

  I feared as an owl’s head,

  eyes of a predator.

  You carry in your depths

  like mouse bones the starving

  blue face of that

  unwanted brat. Survival

  knocks and hisses. I still

  see the wooden owl staring

  but beneath I recognize

  your sides are gently

  curved in and out

  female as my own facing

  me inside you. I smile

  at you, at me, at

  that battered surviving heiress

  of mousebone soup.

  The Greater Grand Rapids lover

  In all of Greater Grand Rapids you

  are the only one who knows me

  the shape of my thighs and my fears

  working like yeast

  the taste of my laughter

  how my teeth chatter

  in a cold wind of despairing.

  Slowly I evaporate here

  drying into a paper scarecrow,

  simplified into a scaffolding

  of pipes in which a neon

  womanfist blinks. I am all

  facade and fixed grimaces

  like a pinochle deck.

  My blood is slowing with

  the wide cold brown river.

  My frog heart burrows

  deep in the mud of the bank.

  M
y hands fold up

  and harden on sticks to wait for spring.

  My voice flies out over

  the stiff grasses of the field

  searching and comes back hungry.

  Here you have fourteen lovers

  and I only one. At home

  I have fourteen lovers but here only you

  precious as drops of winter sun.

  Have you had your vitamin C,

  I ask you, take another piece of

  chicken, let me massage you,

  solicitous as an heir

  fingering a parchment will.

  Curious as snails meeting on a gate

  we exchange with soft horns

  and wet organs, words and signals,

  information, tricks, the history of the soft

  flowing foot and the intricate

  masonry bower of shell. How the strange

  minds twine and glitter and swing

  looped in words like a hammock.

  How the strange minds joining stand,

  charmed snakes glittering

  to dance their knowledge.

  Round and round I turn

  in you, a cat making a bed,

  kneading you with my velvet and claws,

  butting and nudging and licking,

  round and round, and my hair

  grows another foot and my eyes

  shine gold and red like a carnival.

  Then I walk outside and the cold

  wind plucks the fur and the shine

  from all the branches of my bones.

  The Lansing bad penny come again blues

  So you turn up like an old

  arrest record, so you turn

  up like a single boot

  after I finally threw the other

  away, so you turn up

  like a drunken wobbly angel

  making your own fierce annunciation

  to this wilting female

  trouble, garlands of trouble.

  Tomorrow you go to jail

  and tonight you sit before me

  brushing me with the gaze

  of your eyes burning

  and smoky: your eyes that

  change, grey into blue,

  and that look that never changes.

  Lately I haven’t thought

  of you every day, lately it hasn’t

  been as bad, you say, and

  when I laugh, your mouth

  calls me cruel.

  Ah, you chew your heart

  like a steak rare and salty.

  When you are cozy in my bed

  you twitch with restlessness,

  you want to be mirroring your

  face in shopwindows in Port

  au Prince. When you are gone

  a thousand miles you wake up

  with the veins of your arm

  boring like sirens, and you

  want me night and morning

  till your belly wrings dry.

  I am simple and dogged

  as a turtle crossing a road

  while you dance jagged epicycles

  around me. Now you are

  laughing because you know

  how to unzip shells. For a few

  hours we will both get

  just what we want: this is Act

  Forty Four in a play

  that would be tedious to observers

  but for us strict

  and necessary as a bullfight,

  a duel, the dance of double

  suns, twinned stars

  whose attraction and repulsion

  balance as they inscribe

  erratic orbits whose center

  is where the other was

  or will be.

  The poet dreams of a nice warm motel

  Of course the plane is late

  two hours twisting bumpily

  over Chicago in a droning grey funk

  with the seatbelt sign on.

  Either you are met by seven

  young Marxists who want to know

  at once What Is To Be Done

  or one professor who says, What?

  You have luggage? But I

  parked in the no

  parking zone.

  Oh, we wouldn’t want to put you

  up at a motel, we here at

  Southwestern Orthodontic Methodist,

  we want you to feel homey:

  drafty rooms where icicles

  drip on your forehead, dorm cubicles

  under the belltower where

  the bells boom all night on each

  quarter hour, rooms in faculty attics

  two miles from a bathroom.

  The bed

  is a quarter inch mattress

  flung upon springs of upended

  razor blades: the mattress

  is stuffed with fingernail

  clippings and the feathers of buzzards.

  If you roll over or cough it

  sounds like a five car collision.

  The mattress is shaped that way

  because our pet hippo Sweetie

  likes to nap there. It’s homey,

  isn’t it, meaning we’re going to keep

  you up with instant coffee

  until two A.M. discussing why

  we at Middle Fork State Teachers College

  don’t think you are truly great.

  You’ll love our dog Ogre,

  she adores sleeping with guests

  especially when she’s in heat.

  Don’t worry, the children

  will wake you. (They do.)

  In the morning while all

  fourteen children (the ones

  with the flu and whooping cough

  and oh, you haven’t had

  the mumps—I mean, yet?) assault

  you with tomahawks and strawberry

  jam, you are asked, oh

  would you like breakfast?

  Naturally we never eat

  breakfast ourselves, we believe

  fasting purifies the system.

  Have some cold tofu,

  don’t mind the mold.

  No, we didn’t order

  your books, that’s rampant

  commercialism. We will call you

  Miz Percy and make a joke about

  women’s libbers. The mike was run

  over by a snowplow.

  If we were too busy to put

  up posters, we’ve obtained the

  outdoor Greek Amphitheater

  where you’ll read to me and my wife.

  If we blanketed five states

  with announcements, we will be astounded

  when five hundred cram into

  the women’s restroom we reserved.

  Oh yes, the check will be four

  months late. The next hungry poet

  will be told, you’ll be real comfortable

  here, What’s-her-name, she wrote that book

  The Flying Dyke, she was through last year

  and she found it real homey

  in the Athens of the West.

  Skimpy day at the solstice

  The whiskey-colored sun

  cruises low as a marshhawk

  over the dun grass.

  Long intricate shadows bar the path.

  Then empty intense winter sky.

  Dark crouches against the walls of buildings.

  The ground sinks under it.

  Pale flat lemon sky,

  the trees all hooks scratching.

  If I could soar I could

  prolong daylight on my face.

  I could float on the stark

  wooden light, levitating

  like dried milkweed silk.

  Only December and already

  my bones beg for sun.

  Storms have gnawed the beach

  to the cliffs’ base. Oaks

  in the salty blast clutch ragged

  brown leaves, a derelict’s

  paperbag of sad possessions
.

  Like the gulls that cross from sea to bay

  at sunset screaming, I am hungry.

  Among sodden leaves and hay-colored needles

  I scavenge for the eye’s least

  nibble of green.

  The market economy

  Suppose some peddler offered

  you can have a color TV

  but your baby will be

  born with a crooked spine;

  you can have polyvinyl cups

  and wash and wear

  suits but it will cost

  you your left lung

  rotted with cancer; suppose

  somebody offered you

  a frozen precooked dinner

  every night for ten years

  but at the end

  your colon dies

  and then you do,

  slowly and with much pain.

  You get a house in the suburbs

  but you work in a new plastics

  factory and die at fifty-one

  when your kidneys turn off.

  But where else will you

  work? where else can

  you rent but Smog City?

  The only houses for sale

  are under the yellow sky.

  You’ve been out of work for

  a year and they’re hiring

  at the plastics factory.

  Don’t read the fine

  print, there isn’t any.

  Martha as the angel Gabriel

  for Martha Shelley

  Good Martha

  you back into town like a tug

  small yet massive, hooting, thumping

  butting and steering through

  the shoals, the temptations, the rocks.

  Your politics like a good engine

  rattles the decks and churns the wake lively.

  Sweet Martha

  bulldog butterfly, koala

  bear among the eucalyptus

  of the Oakland hills,

  your heart is shy and your

  eyes dart like swallows.

  Bereft Martha,

  bleeding losses, you are all

  you have ever loved in woman after

  woman, you yourself, and in your belly

  you carry your dead mother,

  a pearl of an egg

  with a small wet embryo bird

 

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