by Ali Parker
I chewed the inside of my cheek and looked at the tests. I was feeling a lot of things, but ready was not one of them. It felt to me like the floor was about to fall out from under me and I’d go plummeting down toward the earth six floors below. I’d crash through everyone else’s living rooms and ride the sofa down to the underground parking garage. I’d crash through that too until I was surrounded by dirt and worms and desperation.
But other than that, I was feeling great.
“Do you have to pee now?” Hannah asked.
I shook my head. “I’m drier than the Sahara. In fact, I may never pee again.”
“Drink up then. Because I’m not leaving your side until you tinkle.”
I groaned. “Don’t call it that.”
“What?” she asked. “Tinkle? I’m gonna keep saying it until I annoy the piss out of you.”
I shook my head. “You’re most of the way there already.”
She nodded. “Good. Let’s not prolong this any more than necessary. Knowing is always better than not knowing.”
“Easy for you to say,” I muttered. “You’re not the one who might have a creature growing inside them. I didn’t sign up to be a living incubator.”
“Hailey, I love you, but you need to stop watching horror movies late at night. It’s starting to warp your sense of humor—which wasn’t very good to begin with.”
I shook my fist at her. “Keep it up and I’ll jam one of those tests so far up your nose you’ll think you’re pregnant.”
Hannah snorted a laugh. “That’s not how you get pregnant. If you’ve been doing it in the nose, maybe you don’t need to take these tests after all.”
I extracted myself from the sofa. “Sadly, we did it the right way.” God, in the rightest ways. “So I guess there’s no getting around it.”
Hannah stood and hugged me. “Whatever happens, I have your back, okay? You’re not alone.”
My mouth was suddenly dry. I swallowed past a thick lump in my throat. “I’m not ready to be a mother. I don’t even know if I want kids! I thought I had so much more time. I thought I’d have it all figured out, that I’d have a good job and a house and—and a husband! I don’t have any of those things.”
She released me and grabbed my hands to give them a reassuring squeeze. “You don’t need any of those things to be a good mother, Hailey. You have me. Let’s just start with the first task and break this into small steps. Step one. Drink fluids so you have to pee.”
Yeah.
I could do that.
One little baby step at a time.
Hannah picked up my soda bottle and twisted the cap off. It made a little popping and fizzing sound, and when she handed it to me and I lifted it to my lips, little bubbles of moisture tickled my nose. I drank as many gulps as I could before the carbonation got the best of me.
I burped into the groove of my elbow.
Hannah snickered. “Classy.”
I shrugged. “At least it came out dry this time.”
“Gross. Keep going.”
I drank more and more until the bottle was empty and my stomach was bubbling. Once it was all gone, I nibbled on crackers and Hannah sat on the sofa with me and tried to distract me with nonsense stories about her coworkers at the bakery she worked at.
After about twenty-five minutes, I felt that familiar tingle of a full bladder.
“I think it’s time,” I said.
Hannah was up on her feet in less than two seconds. She went into the kitchen and rummaged around in her cupboards. She cursed her messy Tupperware drawer until she found what she was looking for, a small round container with a lid.
She held it out to me. “Pee in this. Then we’ll dip the tests in it and let them process.”
I stared at the container in her hand. “You don’t use this for like leftovers or whatever, right?”
She pushed it toward me. “Not after today. Take it.”
“This all feels way too real all of a sudden.”
Her eyes sparkled with amusement. “I know. I’ll miss that Tupperware, too. Now stop stalling and pee in it.”
“Well, hold on—”
She spun me around and pushed me toward the bathroom. “Get in there and wee wee or I will tickle you until you piss yourself.”
“Okay, okay,” I said, taking the container.
My sister nodded confidently and I turned toward the bathroom. As soon as I shut the door behind me, my heart started racing.
Was I really about to take a pregnancy test?
I’d only taken one in my lifetime and it wasn’t even to check if I was pregnant. It was just a necessary test my doctor had to run when I was sixteen and we were trying to figure out why I was so low on energy. Turned out, I just had low blood sugar and needed to eat earlier in the morning.
I’d also never had sex before so there were no nerves back then.
But now?
Wow, I’d never felt so shaky and scared before. My hands trembled as I pulled down my pants and underwear and sat on the seat. It was cold. I spread my knees, held the cup between my thighs, and willed myself to pee.
Apparently, I had stage fright.
“I’m not hearing any tinkling!” my sister called through the door.
“Eww, don’t listen. And don’t talk to me. You’re scaring the pee away.”
“Fine,” she said. “I’ll come back in five minutes. If you’re not done, I’m busting in with the tickle torture.”
“All right, all right,” I said. Once I heard her footsteps fade away down the hall, I took a deep breath and forced myself to relax.
I just wanted to get this over with. I wanted to take the tests, confirm with my own two eyes that they were negative, and pretend this had never happened. Jackson would never need to know about the pregnancy scare.
And I could go back to my boring nine-to-five job and my normal life that I never should have deviated from in the first place.
Hannah knocked softly on the door. “How’s it going in there?”
“That was not five minutes!”
“Try turning the tap on,” she said.
It wasn’t a bad idea.
I eyed the faucet. “Fine. But go away again. For real.”
“Okay. Okay. I’m gone.”
I turned on the tap. Water rushed out and splashed against the porcelain sink. Within seconds, the tingle came back and I had to pee.
Here goes nothing.
I peed into the cup. Once it was half full, I set it on the countertop and finished my business. I put the lid back on the cup so I could wash the outside of it before I washed my hands. As soon as I stepped out of the bathroom, my sister poked her head around the corner.
“Good?”
I nodded. “I hope so.”
I went into the kitchen and she hovered around me with the three pregnancy tests in her hands. One by one, we opened them up and read the instructions. Some had to process for two minutes. One had to process for three.
We dipped in the one with the longest time first and put the cap back on. My sister set the timer on her phone and placed it beside the test. We moved on to dip the remaining two and set timers for those, one on my phone and one on the stove.
“I feel like I’m going to throw up again,” I whispered shakily.
Hannah wrapped an arm around my shoulders. “Just remember what I said. Whatever happens, I’ve got you. I can be a cool-ass aunt. I’ll teach them baby’s first swear word. Give them baby’s first sip of mimosa.”
I rested my head on her shoulder. “If I’m actually pregnant, please don’t give my baby alcohol.”
“It’s mostly orange juice,” she said, shrugging gently so she didn’t dislodge my head.
“Still.”
“What I’m hearing is no on the mimosa, but yes on the swearing?” she asked.
I smiled, despite the fear hammering in my chest. “Yeah, I just assumed you’d be responsible for any of my children’s cursing.”
“Well, we want them to
be cool,” she said, still holding me. “And they certainly won’t learn how from you.”
I stepped out of her embrace and slapped my sister’s arm playfully. “I’m plenty cool, thank you very much. I once rode on a boat with—”
The timer went off and I flinched.
Hannah set her hand over the first test, prepared to flip it over. “Are you ready?”
“No.”
“I’m turning it over.”
I nodded.
My sister flipped the test and peered at the screen. Her eyes widened. Then ever so slowly, she lowered the test and looked up at me. “Hailey…”
I snatched the test from her and looked at it myself. There, in the little screen, was the word I was terrified to see spelled out in print.
Pregnant.
“This can’t be happening,” I whispered.
The second timer went off. I snatched the next test off the counter. It said the same thing. Pregnant.
Hannah took the three conclusive tests from me. “You should sit down.”
I collapsed on one of the bar stools like a deflating balloon. “What do I do now?”
“I’m going to help you. I’ll call your doctor and we’ll go from there. Take a breath. We can handle this.”
She kept saying we. I appreciated her support, but at the end of the day, only one of us was going to be a mother.
And it was the one who never wanted that in the first place.
Chapter 26
Jackson
I’d spent more time in airports this past month than I had in my entire lifetime. From flying to New York to first scout out business and potential apartments, to going back to Nashville and flying out to the Virgin Islands to see Katie, I was over the hustle and bustle of the waiting terminal.
Travelers were always the worst kind of people.
A middle-aged woman in a yellow cardigan rolled over the toe of my shoe with her suitcase. It must have weighed seventy pounds. How she’d gotten it cleared at check-in, I had no idea. Perhaps she hadn’t made it there yet. If that was the case, she was in for some bad news.
Please rid your suitcase of twenty pounds before you proceed, ma’am.
Another man in a business suit with a designer briefcase practically knocked me off my feet as he rushed past me to get to his gate.
Yes, I was definitely tired of airports.
I stood surrounded by people on cell phones saying their final farewells to family before they boarded and parents barking at their kids to stop chasing each other around the rows of waiting chairs.
They didn’t listen, of course.
I moved out of the busiest section near the terminal exit where my sister would be arriving any minute and I opted for a quieter spot farther back where I could lean against the wall and watch the chaos from a safe distance.
A few minutes passed before the passengers on my sister’s Virgin Islands flight started leaving the terminal and reuniting with family on the other side. Couples embraced, children ran into their fathers’ arms, and Katie, my twin, stretched to the tips of her toes to peer over the heads of strangers to seek me out.
She spotted me right away.
Katie and I had a weird bond like that. Whenever we walked into a room, we would find each other instantly. Our parents claimed it was a twin thing. Hailey seemed to think that was the case, too. But Katie and I had never much believed in that. We didn’t feel each other’s feelings. We didn’t get sinking feelings when something was wrong. We didn’t have a twin-like sixth sense. We were normal siblings.
We just happened to be skilled at finding each other.
She flung her arm over her head and gave me an enthusiastic wave.
I grinned and pushed off the wall to meet her in the crowd. She only had one bag with her that crossed from her shoulder to her hip, and as soon as I reached her, I lifted the strap from her shoulder and pulled it over her head so I could sling it over my own shoulder.
She gave me a tight hug and I could have sworn I smelled airplane on her.
“How was the flight?” I asked into her shoulder.
We broke apart and she reached behind her head to tighten her messy bun with a quick pull of her hair. “It was okay. No crying babies and no coughing assholes, so I’d consider it better than most.”
“Jackpot.”
She reached for her bag. “I can carry that, Jack. It’s not heavy.”
“Nonsense. I’ve got it. Come on. Let’s get out of here. You hungry?”
“Am I ever not hungry?”
“Fair point. What are you in the mood for?”
We wove through the throngs of people and made for the closest doors so we could cross the ramp and get to my car in the parking garage. Katie took her hair down as soon as we were outside and breathed in the fresh air.
She sighed. “There’s nothing better than the smell of pavement after rainfall.”
“The Virgin Islands smells better than New York City,” I said. “Don’t try to convince me otherwise.”
“They both have something to offer.”
“New York smells like concrete and carbon emissions. Your island smells like salt water and tropical flowers and grass. There is no comparison.”
She laughed and shoved at my shoulder when we reached my car. “Come live on my island if you love it so much then.”
“I seriously doubt my business would be as lucrative. Do you know how much easier it is to fall in love on a sandy beach under blue skies? There’s psychology behind this shit.”
Katie opened the passenger door to my Mercedes and slid into the seat. As soon as I turned the car on, she cranked the heat and pointed the vents at herself so she could warm up. She was used to warm-weather living, not this gloomy weather we’d been having in the city. I buckled in and we hit the road to make for someplace cozy to sit down and share a meal. We only had tonight together. Tomorrow, she would meet with her clients, and before we knew it, she’d be back on a flight before sundown.
It sure seemed like a hell of a lot of work from where I was standing. But it was work Katie loved more than anything. I understood that. My business was my baby too and I’d have done whatever it took to make my clients happy.
At least I got to see her.
We ended up at a burger joint not far from the airport. It lured us in with a neon sign of a burger spitting fluorescent green lettuce and red lines of ketchup. We parked and passed under the buzzing sign before ducking inside. It felt humid, a combination of all the bodies of patrons and the humidity of rain-soaked clothes, and it smelled like cheese and frying onions.
We found a table near a cracked window for some fresh, albeit cool, air. Katie draped my jacket over her thighs to keep warm. By the time we were each halfway through our first beer, she’d warmed up.
“Have you talked to Hailey recently?” Katie asked after our food arrived and she’d popped a piping-hot French fry in her mouth. She fanned her mouth and struggled to swallow the morsel. “Holy hell, that’s hot. Be careful, Jack.”
I didn’t heed her advice. I burnt my tongue too but put on a good show that the heat didn’t get to me. “Not recently, no. Not since she packed up and left actually. I don’t know. It’s weird, Katie. Like all of a sudden, she and I don’t know each other as well as I thought we did.”
Katie smothered another fry in ketchup. “Well, she did give up her entire life to follow you to New York. I highly doubt when she first followed you out here that she expected it to end so badly.”
I rubbed the back of my neck. “I feel like an ass for not thinking about it that way until now.”
Katie shrugged. “Relationships are always more complicated for the people who are in them than the ones standing on the sidelines. You and Hailey will work this out. Maybe time is what you both need to get your priorities straight.”
I arched an eyebrow. “Priorities?”
“Don’t make me say it, Jack.”
“Say what?”
She rolled her eyes and lea
ned forward to rest her elbows on the table. It creaked softly and tilted in her direction. “You and Hailey are more than just friends. You always have been. The two of you are better together than half the couples I see at my resort. But you’re both wasting so much time worrying about shit that doesn’t matter that you can’t see it for yourselves.” Katie tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and slumped back in her chair. “You know, when you first told me Hailey was coming to live with you in New York, I thought that might be it. I thought the two of you were finally just going to do the damn thing.”
“We’re just—”
“If you say friends, I swear to God, Jack, I’ll drown you in your own beer.”
I blinked. “Who shit in your cereal this morning?”
A smile tugged at her lips. “Nobody. But I was on an airplane and I’m stuck here having the same conversation with my brother that I’ve had a dozen times over. You need to decide what you want. And if you want Hailey, then it’s time to stop pussyfooting around and just go for it.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“Why not?”
Good question. Why couldn’t I just take that plunge and confront what this thing was between Hailey and me? I couldn’t deny things had been getting more and more tense between us, and I’d be a fool not to acknowledge that it all started when we hooked up.
I didn’t regret it.
Did Hailey?
Did she wish we’d never had sex?
“She doesn’t want to ruin our friendship,” I said. “I don’t think we want the same things. Besides, I’ve gone on some dates since she left. I think it’s best for both of us if we just move on. Give it a little time. Then we’ll be back to our old ways in no time. I’m sure of it.”
I couldn’t read the expression on my sister’s face. It was too neutral. She licked her lips and shook her head before she picked up her burger and took a massive bite. She wiped mustard and ketchup from the corner of her mouth with her napkin and washed the bite down with a sip of beer. “You guys have been giving this thing nothing but time since the good old days when we were all kids. Are you seriously telling me you’ve been having a better time on these dates than you do when you’re with Hailey?”