“I’ll make sure of that.” Eithan drew in a deep breath. “Well, are we ready, then?”
“Wait,” said Nicce, kissing him again, quickly, not quickly enough, but pulling away before she wanted to. She blushed again, but she was smiling. “All right, I’m ready.”
“Good night, Nicce,” Eithan said softly.
“Good night,” she said.
He went to the door and opened it the barest crack. He waited and watched for several moments and then pushed it open a little more. After making sure there was no one there, he swung the door wide and then slammed it.
He started yelling. His voice was so loud and so angry that Nicce could hardly make sense of what he was saying. It sounded mostly like threats, like expressions of disbelief that Absalom could betray him.
Absalom opened the door and pushed him into the hallway. He was tired, and he didn’t pretend to be otherwise.
Eithan raged, and Absalom interjected exhausted utterances every few minutes. “Go back to your room, Eithan, you’re drunk,” was one he kept repeating.
And finally, Eithan did leave. He turned on his heel and stalked down the hallway. By that time, every other door in the hall was open, and everyone was watching the argument.
Absalom walked Nicce down the hallway past all of them as they whispered. His arm was slung over her shoulder the way it often was, and she didn’t mind it. It felt friendly, and she felt excited and happy and good.
She could change her blood.
They were going to be able to do this.
Ciaska’s days were numbered.
And she’d kissed Eithan Draig.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
“So, I saw it,” said Revel, pouring wine into her glass.
Xenia spend a great deal of time with Revel these days. Revel almost always joined her wherever she was in the throne room, and Xenia sought the woman out herself if Revel didn’t come to her. Xenia knew she shouldn’t. She knew that she should focus on some way out of the palace, some way home.
And yet, she didn’t.
One more day, she told herself. She needed to think of a plan to escape, anyway. But she didn’t plot an escape. Instead, she laughed at Revel’s jokes and watched the way the woman’s eyes twinkled when she was excited. Instead, she let her hand swing next to her chair, waiting for moments when her hands would brush against Revel’s, when their touch would linger and they would look at each other for too long, when they would give each other secret smiles.
Xenia was stupid.
She barely knew Revel, and the woman wasn’t important to her, not nearly as important as her daughter, whose name was Pati. She shouldn’t be putting Revel above all the important things in her life.
But…
Well, she wasn’t really putting Revel above her daughter, she was simply delaying. And allowing herself to be distracted by Revel. Besides, she didn’t know if it was even possible to get out of the palace. She hadn’t dreamed of it until Nicce had shown up.
“Xenia?” said Revel. “Are you listening to me?”
“I… what?” Xenia blinked at Revel, giving her a helpless smile.
“I saw it,” said Revel. “The argument between Sir Eithan and Absalom. Absalom lives on the same hall as I do. Everyone saw it. We were all looking out into the hallway. They were practically trading blows.”
Xenia didn’t care about this. She was vaguely aware that Nicce was being fought over by the knights, but she hadn’t paid much attention to the ins and outs of it. It was typical, of course. Nicce being the object of everyone’s obsession. Xenia supposed that Nicce was pretty enough, but she didn’t understand why anyone would punch someone over the girl.
“You are distracted,” said Revel. “This is the most exciting thing that’s happened since I came to court, and you’re just sitting blinking at me.”
Xenia laughed. “You’re nearly as bad as the goddess, treating other people’s suffering as entertainment.”
Revel snorted. “I could stand with Eithan suffering a bit. He drained the blood of each and every women in this place, after all. I remember how he tried to be polite when he turned me, how he acted sorry. But if he’d truly been sorry, he wouldn’t have done it.”
“Well, I don’t suppose he has much of a choice,” Xenia allowed. “The goddess makes her demands and we all do what she asks.”
“Are you making excuses for him? Didn’t he bleed you out too?”
“It was both of them,” said Xenia. “Absalom and Eithan together. Absalom did most of it.”
“Truly?” Revel drew back. “And yet, you took up with him when you arrived?”
“You know me better than that,” said Xenia, shaking her head. “No, I thought I might… convince Absalom to help me, but he seemed to be paying attention to me only out of guilt, and he wasn’t very tractable.”
“Help you with what?”
Xenia shrugged. “I don’t know, to get away, I suppose.”
“But that’s impossible,” said Revel, her voice dropping in resignation.
“I know,” said Xenia softly.
Revel reached over and put her hand onto Xenia’s, a gesture of reassurance and solidarity. It was different than the bare touches they’d stolen from each other before. It wasn’t flirtation, it was something else. Perhaps they were both acknowledging that they were prisoners, that they were birds in a gilded cage, that their lives weren’t their own.
Xenia peered into Revel’s eyes.
The other woman’s lips parted.
Xenia moved her fingers, lacing them with the other woman’s.
Revel’s hand tightened around Xenia’s.
Xenia felt the touch as a tingling that traveled from her hand, through her arms, and all the way into the center of her. Her breath hitched.
“We could leave the throne room,” said Revel in a very low voice. “No one cares what we do as long as we stay in the palace.”
“In our prison, you mean?”
“Not here,” said Revel, tugging on Xenia’s hand.
They walked out of the throne room, hand in hand, and no one paid them any mind. They walked through the hallways, so close that their shoulders brushed, and Xenia couldn’t help but like it. She’d always had to hide her true attractions before. She’d had to pretend for the king, she’d had to allow herself to be used.
This…
It was the biggest thing she’d ever wanted for herself, and she felt helpless against how huge it was. She shouldn’t give in to Revel. She shouldn’t let herself get entangled.
But she couldn’t drop the other woman’s hand either.
They ended up in her room.
Xenia shut the door behind them. She took Revel’s other hand in her own. They stood together, their fingers entwined, their foreheads touching. They closed their eyes and breathed together.
“If there was a way, would you leave?” Revel whispered.
“Of course, wouldn’t you?” said Xenia.
“I don’t know,” said Revel.
“How can you not know?” said Xenia.
“It’s different for me. I’ve been here a long time. I suppose my parents might still be alive, but I’m still this age, and they would be so very old. I…”
Xenia drew back. She hadn’t thought about the particulars for Revel. “I’m so sorry. So much has been stolen from you.”
“Oh, I don’t know.” Revel shrugged. “What did I have to look forward to except being forced to marry a man I could never have loved and popping out a zillion babies, possibly dying in childbirth, getting very fat, and dying?”
Xenia dropped her hands.
“I said something wrong?” Revel’s voice was tentative.
Xenia shook her head.
Revel spoke again. “It’s only that… well, if I hadn’t been changed, if you hadn’t been changed, we never would have met. I know we haven’t known each other for very long, and I’m not trying to make more of this than what it is, but—”
Xenia kissed he
r. It was a quick kiss, but a forceful one. She pressed her lips into Revel’s hard, and then she pulled away, shaking her head. What was she doing?
Revel laughed a little. She reached up and brushed her fingers over Xenia’s cheekbone. She came closer. “Xenia, when I’m with you, I feel…”
“I know,” breathed Xenia.
Their lips met again, slower and softer this time, and Revel’s tongue eased against Xenia’s, a sweet revelation that left her limbs weak and her body thrumming.
A knock at the door.
Xenia pulled away, alarmed. Who could that be? Absalom was the only person who ever had come to her door, and he had stopped doing that.
She had a horrible feeling it was Ciaska herself, that she would open the door and Ciaska would be there with a demented grin on her face, perhaps holding that ax, or perhaps just herself, with her mist, which would wrap itself around Xenia’s face and smother her while Ciaska laughed.
Xenia quaked. She couldn’t move.
“Xenia?” came a voice. Another knock.
Nicce.
Xenia strode to the door and yanked it open. “How do you even know where my room is?”
“I asked Absalom,” said Nicce, peering inside. “Oh, I didn’t realize you had company. Is this a bad time?”
“Actually, yes,” said Xenia.
“Oh,” said Nicce. “Could you, um, come by and see me later, then?”
“Why?” said Xenia.
Nicce looked at Revel. “Just… because of wanting to talk to you. To, um, tell you something you might find interesting.” She winced, as if realizing how strange that sounded.
Xenia knew at once that there had been some kind of development in whatever scheme Nicce was plotting. Now that she thought about it, she imagined that whatever was going on with Absalom and Eithan was all part of that as well. Maybe she did want to know. Maybe it would help her. “Fine. I’ll come by later. Goodbye now.” She shut the door in Nicce’s face.
“Goodbye,” came Nicce’s voice from the other side of the door.
Xenia rolled her eyes. She still didn’t really like that girl. She turned back to Revel. “Where were we?”
“You and Nicce talk?” said Revel, raising her eyebrows.
“Of course,” said Xenia. “I knew her before I was changed. It was because of my interactions with her that they chose me, I think.”
“Who chose you? I suppose you were different, you didn’t come at the appropriate time and all of that. I know that Ciaska was agitated during that time, but I suppose I didn’t pay a lot of attention to all of it.”
“I don’t know. I guess the knights chose me. They came for me, and they took me, and I fought, but they were stronger than I was.”
Revel winced. “I’m sorry. No wonder you want to leave so badly. I…” She took a deep breath. “I had days to come to terms with the fact that I was going to die, and when I didn’t die, I suppose I felt grateful. But you… that’s very different.”
“We don’t have to talk about it.” Xenia reached for Revel’s hand.
“So, what do you think Nicce wants to talk to you about?” said Revel.
Xenia didn’t want to encourage Revel’s curiosity. She didn’t know what she wanted. What if Nicce’s news meant she could leave? What happened to Revel, then? Could she kiss a woman’s lips, hold a woman in her arms, and then abandon her? “I have no idea. I don’t really like Nicce much, if you want to know the truth,” she said.
Revel shrugged. “I think she’s sort of pretty, in a fierce kind of way. You don’t think so?”
“I think you’re pretty,” said Xenia, smiling a little and tugging her closer.
Revel smiled back.
“Let’s stop talking about Nicce,” murmured Xenia. “Let’s stop talking at all.”
* * *
Nicce opened the door to Xenia later that afternoon. She had avoided the throne room all day out of fear of seeing Eithan. She didn’t know what she’d do if she saw him, but she was afraid that she’d somehow give everything away when she did. She thought of Absalom’s comment about how Ciaska would be able to tell if she saw them together. So, she was hiding.
And she had remembered her promise to Xenia. She wanted to make good on it.
“Well,” said Xenia, looking her over. “What did you want to tell me? Thank you for making it sound so interesting, also. I could hardly get Revel to shut up about it.”
“Revel, that was her name? She’s your friend?”
Xenia shrugged. “I guess everyone saw us holding hands. Maybe no one noticed, but I don’t care about hiding it anymore. I’m attracted to women, all right?”
“Oh.” Nicce considered some of Xenia’s other comments and everything started to make sense. “I see. I suppose I should have seen before.”
“Don’t worry. I’m not attracted to you.”
“I…” Nicce drew back. “I hadn’t even considered that. Thank you for giving me that thought.” She squinted, picturing it now without meaning to. She shook that off. “So, you and Revel are… lovers?”
“No, I’ve only kissed her.”
“You trust her?”
“I don’t.”
“But you’re kissing her.”
Xenia glared at her. “Did you ask me here so that you could lecture me? Trust me, I’m well aware of how idiotic I’m being. It’s only that I’ve never had this kind of freedom before, and I’ve always had to hide and sneak and pretend, and this…”
Nicce didn’t know how to respond, so she didn’t say anything. She knew about hiding and sneaking and pretending. What was happening with Eithan was becoming unbearable.
Xenia spread her hands helplessly. “My daughter is what is important. Can you help me get out of this place?”
“I can change my blood to sunlight now,” said Nicce. “I know you’re worried about whether it would harm you. But I wanted you to know. If you want to drink it—”
“I think I made it clear that I’m not sure I want to risk it.”
“I just wanted you to know it was an option,” said Nicce. “I feel like I owe you that much.”
Xenia nodded. “I suppose you want me to thank you?”
“No, I don’t want anything. I just wanted to tell you. If you don’t want my blood—”
“How much do you think I’d have to drink?”
“I really don’t know. I haven’t tested it.”
“Could you put some in… I don’t know… a jar?”
“Quite possibly,” said Nicce, brightening. “Then you could have it with you, and go through the portal at night, as you said. You could see your daughter and then decide if you wanted to risk it. I have jars in the kitchen. Jonas brought me jars of fruits and vegetables. I’ll empty one and fill it for you.”
“But I still can’t get out of the palace,” said Xenia, shaking her head. “And you won’t help me with that.”
“I… I can’t jeopardize the other thing I’m doing.”
“Right, which you won’t tell me about.”
“I think if you wait just a little longer, everything will be better. Once we do this—”
“Do what?”
“I can’t say.” Nicce rubbed her temples. “I probably shouldn’t have even told you about the blood. You’re right. It doesn’t even really help you. I only thought… I’m so sorry this happened to you, Xenia. I want to help you.”
“No, you don’t, or you’d help me get out of the palace,” said Xenia, her nostrils flaring.
Nicce’s shoulders sagged. “I’m sorry.”
Xenia shook her head at her. “Give me the jar of sunlight blood, anyway. I’ll figure it out myself.”
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
It was morning, and Absalom was in Nicce’s room. “Ciaska noticed that neither you nor Eithan appeared in the throne room yesterday. She sought Eithan out and he was alone, thank the gods, but I swear I almost thought—”
“We would never be so reckless!” Nicce protested. “I stayed away yesterda
y because I… I don’t know how I’ll react if I see him. Don’t we have a plan? When are we feeding my blood to Ciaska?”
“I don’t know any of that yet,” said Absalom. “You may not have noticed, but Eithan parcels out information in dribs and drabs. It’s very frustrating. He acts as though he’s leading a battle and we’re all his soldiers and we only need to know what won’t get us killed. Sometimes, I have long, intricate fantasies about strangling him to death.”
Nicce shot him a look. “No, you don’t.”
“Well, perhaps not intricate fantasies, but I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t imagined it on more than one occasion. Anyway, you had best be at court today, and you will stay with me at all times, and you will not even look at Eithan.”
Nicce nodded. “Of course. It would be better if we didn’t look at each other.”
Absalom offered her his arm. “Very well, then. Shall we?”
“We shall.” She smiled at him and she took his arm.
He escorted her to the throne room, and the first thing she saw upon entering was Eithan.
Look away, she told herself.
She didn’t.
He was leaning against the far wall. His tunic was open and she could see a hint of his chest, and she remembered what it was like to run her hands over his clothes, to feel his solid, rounded muscle under his skin, how his body had been warmed from her light. Her gaze strayed to his powerful arms and she thought of his arms around her, being wrapped up in him, being trapped beneath him on the bed, being—
“Nicce.” Absalom’s voice at her ear, a harsh whisper.
She tore her gaze away from Eithan.
“Gods take that man, he’s still staring at you,” said Absalom.
Nicce looked up and Absalom was glaring in Eithan’s direction. “I suppose he’s allowed. His part of the ruse is to hopelessly want me, whereas I’m the one who has to pretend I dislike him. Nice of him to give me the difficult role.”
Absalom steered her to a seat, putting her back to him. “I don’t have to tell you that if Ciaska finds out about you and Eithan, she will…well, I don’t know what she’ll do, but no one will like it.”
“You don’t have to tell me,” said Nicce. But the goddess wasn’t in the room yet, at least Nicce didn’t see her anywhere. So, Ciaska hadn’t witnessed her openly ogling Eithan.
The Dead and the Dusk (The Nightmare Court Book 2) Page 13