“Thanks, Christy.” Avril gave her a big hug and let the next round of tears fall. “I’m so glad you were here for me. I’ll be praying for you too.”
Avril pulled back and looked at Christy with an expression of fresh pain. “If I can’t make it back, I don’t know when I’ll see you again. Maybe not until heaven.”
Christy hugged her again, and in her ear she said, “Then I’ll look forward to heaven even more than ever.”
Now they were both crying. Without another word, Avril lifted her suitcase and walked across the room. She paused at the door and looked heavenward as if to say “Until then.” Christy nodded, and Avril was gone.
That’s when Christy fell apart. She threw herself onto her bed and let the tears fall. Tears for saying good-bye until heaven. Tears for the thought of how hard it would be if it were her own little brother who was in an accident. Tears earned over a week of trying hard to be strong, courageous, and understanding of everyone else’s problems while her own insecurities had reached the breaking point.
“Did you hear about Avril’s brother?” Katie said, bursting through the door. “Oh. I guess you did. Can you imagine how awful that would be? Yeah, I guess you can.” Now Katie was crying too. “I can’t believe I’m actually saying this, but I miss my family!”
Katie flopped on her own bed and cried out all her own tears while Christy released the rest of hers. A special bond formed as they let each other cry. Christy crawled into bed under her warm blankets and, with only a few more sobs, fell into a deep, exhausted sleep.
The next morning she stayed in bed, hoarsely telling a concerned Tracy that her throat hurt and she needed to sleep another hour or so. It was hard to go back to sleep while the other girls scurried around to get ready. Once they went to breakfast, Christy had no trouble nodding off.
She awoke sometime later. The room was empty. On a chair next to her bed sat a breakfast tray with a glass of orange juice, a pot of tea, white toast, and a tiny jar of orange marmalade. The note on top of the toast said, “Hope you feel better. Love, Tracy.”
Christy propped herself up and poured a cup of tea. It was cold. The tray must have been there for quite some time. She drank the juice and crunched on the slice of toast before checking her alarm clock. It was 11:40. Almost time for lunch. Her throat no longer hurt. She felt rested and a little bit guilty about missing the morning meetings. However, she knew she needed the sleep even more than she had realized. Part of her wanted to float back to dreamland, and another part of her felt she should get up and get going. The responsible side won.
“Christy, are you feeling better?” Sierra was the first one to notice her when she entered the dining room.
Doug noticed too. He got up from his seat, came across the room, and gave her a hug. “How are you doing?”
“I’m fine. It all caught up with me, I guess.”
Katie now stood on her other side. “Jet lag finally got to you, huh? At least all you did was sleep instead of turn into a brat, like I did.”
“I’m glad you’re okay.” Doug said. “Right after lunch all the people working with children are meeting in the conference room. Do you feel up to going?”
“Sure. I’m fine, really.”
The lunch of chicken with some kind of cream sauce tasted bland, but Christy was hungry and gladly ate it all. She noticed then that nearly everything they ate had some kind of sauce or cream over the top of it. Whether it was meat or potatoes or even pie, it all came with cream.
She still felt a little spacey as the meeting for children’s ministry started up. But soon she became excited about all the things the leaders were going over. “They had adorable puppets available for the team members to use, a whole box of craft materials for each team, and helpful suggestions on how to get the kids to listen during the Bible story time. Christy looked over the handout of Bible stories and felt relieved that she knew them all and had even taught a couple of them to the toddlers at her home church.
At her team meeting later that afternoon, Christy gave a glowing report. “I could use one other person to help me with a puppet show. They gave us a script and everything. It seems pretty easy, and I think it would add a lot to our program this Saturday.”
“I’ll do it,” Katie said. “Maybe we can work the puppets into the drama ministry somehow and get double use out of them.”
“This is going to be awesome, you guys,” Doug said enthusiastically. “How did your meeting go, Ian? Do you feel you’ll be ready to preach it, brother?”
“Well, it’s really a short talk more than a sermon, you know.” Ian pushed up his wire-rimmed glasses. “I need to practice it in front of our group before Saturday.”
“Right,” Doug said. “That’s what they told us in the leaders’ meeting this afternoon. By Thursday everyone is supposed to present to us whatever his or her part of the program is. We’ll start with the drama, then do the children’s, the message, and then the music. Gemot, it would be great if you could help Christy with the children’s program since you’re rounding them up for soccer in order to get the kids there. Maybe she could take the little kids, and you could take the ones in grade school.”
Gemot nodded.
“Especially the rowdy boys,” Christy said. “You can have all of them.”
“My specialty.” Gemot smiled.
Christy found it hard to believe that this tall, slim guy would want to take on a bunch of hooligans.
She saw another side of Gemot that night after dinner though. For their free time, the Belfast team challenged the Barcelona team to a game of Bible charades in the drawing room. Gemot had to act out Balaam and his talking donkey. Somehow he managed to play the angel, the donkey, and Balaam in lightning-fast time and without a word. They all laughed until their sides ached.
The charades turned out to be the best thing they could have done to relieve the tension of the week. Christy laughed and felt full of life, especially while she watched Doug act out Moses coming down from Mount Sinai with the Ten Commandments. It was like old times. He laughed, and after his performance, he sat next to Christy on the couch and put his arm around her. She felt as if everything was normal, the way life had been for the past few months of her life. Was she really half a world away, in England?
It was a good thing they slid the charades break in when they did, because the rest of the week was nonstop activities. Christy spent all of Wednesday working on her children’s program. Katie practiced puppets with her for almost two hours, and then after lunch. Christy and Gemot went over the Bible story. They came up with some good ideas on how to work the puppet show into the middle of the story to make it more interesting and fun for the kids.
By Thursday morning, Christy felt ready and had everything together to practice her part of the program in front of the team. She felt excited, eager, and confident.
Katie. Sierra, and Stephen presented their drama to the group first, and it was amazing. The three of them worked well together, and the point of the drama was clear without being overdone.
“Any suggestions?” Doug asked after they had finished.
“Stephen, you had your back to the audience for a little bit at the beginning,” Gemot pointed out. “It was hard to see what you were doing.”
“Okay. I’ll remember that.”
“Anything else?”
“It was really good,” Tracy said. “It got me right here.” She patted her heart. “And I even knew ahead of time what you were going to do.”
“It was great!” Christy agreed. She thought of how close the group now seemed and how well everyone was working together.
“Okay. Ian, you’re on,” Doug said.
When Ian stood in front of them, Christy learned how deceiving appearances could be. Ian looked so quiet and professor-like; yet when he stood before them and presented his message, they all sat still, absorbing every word. In less than fifteen minutes, he powerfully presented the gospel and offered an invitation to anyone who wanted to know mor
e. The team spontaneously began to clap when he finished.
“This is pretty exciting, you guys,” Doug said. “Ian, that was perfect. Don’t change a word. Now, remember that we do the message last, and then Ian will say if anyone wants to know more about God. they can stick around and talk to any of us.”
Everyone nodded.
“Okay, your turn, Christy.”
Suddenly she felt unprepared. Everyone else had done such a great job. What if she blew it? She fumbled for her notes and then realized she had left them in the room because she had felt so confident. “Should we do the puppets first?”
“Sure.” Doug said.
Katie joined Christy, and they plunged their hands into the puppets and began their play as practiced. It went okay. Everyone said it was great, and they laughed at all the appropriate times, but Christy felt so nervous that she wasn’t even sure she had said all her lines. It did help break the ice for her story though, and she sailed through that without losing her place Instead of looking into the faces of her friends as she spoke, she tried to imagine the faces of little kids, and she felt more at ease.
“Good job,” Doug praised her when she sat down. “Looks like we’re on a roll here, team. Now for the music. I’d like to do one song with the whole group, and we can practice that tomorrow. Tracy and I have a song we’ll do right before the message. Ready, Trace?”
Petite Tracy took her place standing next to Doug. He played an intro on the guitar, and they began to sing in perfect harmony. It was a song Tracy had written last summer about God never giving up on us and how He waits for us to invite Him to come in. Even though everyone else had done terrific jobs on their presentations, something about Doug and Tracy’s singing was especially moving. They sounded so good together. The words to the song were so powerful. Christy held her breath as they held out the final note.
When they finished, there was a pause for several seconds before anyone responded. Clapping seemed almost irreverent. “That had to be the most beautiful song I’ve ever heard,” Sierra said. “If I weren’t already a Christian, I would be ready to make a commitment after that. Have you guys sung together a lot?”
“No.” Tracy said, her cheeks flushing.
Doug put his arm around her and gave her one of his hugs. “What did I tell you?” he said. “We’re an awesome team.”
That night while she was trying to fall asleep Christy ran that scene over and over in her mind. Was Doug saying the whole team was awesome? Then why was he looking at Tracy and hugging her when he said it?
Christy couldn’t sing, at least not like Tracy. Sometimes Christy and Doug had sung together in the car for fun, but her voice never sounded the way Tracy’s did with Doug’s.
Then, like a huge wave breaking over her and pulling her under with its force. Christy felt furious with Tracy. She wanted to reach over the few feet to Tracy’s bed, shake her awake, and yell at her that she had no right being so close to Doug. Christy was too mad to cry. And too hurt to think clearly. How could Tracy do this to her?
Do what? All Tracy and Doug did was sing together. Tracy didn’t do anything wrong. What am I thinking?
Christy rolled over and fought against what she already knew to be true. A still, small voice was speaking to her. She had heard it before. Once, in high school, she had heard it when she knew she should give up her place on the cheer-leading squad. And once again she had heard it at San Clemente beach when she gave her ID bracelet back to Todd. Both times the voice told her those were the actions she should take. Now she wrapped her pillow around her ears, as if that would make the voice go away.
“Forget it. God,” she muttered under her breath. Then she cried bitter, salty tears while murmuring, “I’m sorry. I really don’t hate Tracy. I’m sorry.”
That was enough to help relieve her hurt and allow her a night of fitful sleep. Her subconscious told her the tears weren’t over her anger at Tracy. They were long-ago tears over losing Todd, and they were frightened tears over the thought that she might be about to lose Doug. Then where would she be? There was no one else.
Christy avoided talking to anyone the next morning, especially Tracy. It wasn’t hard, because all the girls in their room overslept, and they all frantically scrambled to make it to breakfast in time. It was the last day before their local outreach, and all of them had much to do to get ready.
Christy sat next to Sierra at breakfast and across from Doug. It was a relief to her when Tracy entered the dining room and sat at another table without making eye contact with any of them.
They had an hour after breakfast for personal quiet time and devotions, which Christy spent scribbling postcards to her family. She wrote surface information, trying to sound cheery and as if everything were going wonderfully. She then gathered her children’s materials and made sure she was the first one to their team meeting. The others showed up a few minutes later. Everyone except Tracy.
Doug asked Stephen to open their meeting in prayer. Doug looked unusually solemn and cleared his throat several times before starting the meeting. “I have something to announce,” he said.
Christy felt her heart start to pound.
“Tracy has asked to be on another team.” Doug just laid out the information without explanation or personal comment.
Christy was shocked. She hadn’t said a thing to Tracy. She had asked God last night to forgive her for her anger, and she had made sure she didn’t do anything out of the ordinary to give Tracy the impression Christy had ever been mad at her. It couldn’t be Christy’s fault.
“What’s wrong?” Gemot asked. “Why does she want to switch teams?”
Doug shrugged. “All I know is that she does.”
“Do we have to meet right now?” Sierra asked. “Could we all take a little break and get back together after lunch?”
“That’s a good idea,” Ian agreed.
“Okay,” Doug said, “we’ll meet here right after lunch.”
They all went their separate ways, except for Christy and Doug. Doug sat with his head down, and Christy wasn’t sure he knew she was standing there.
“Maybe we should go for that walk now,” Doug said to her without looking up.
“Sure,” she said timidly. Was he mad? Hurt? She couldn’t tell.
Christy grabbed her umbrella, pulled on her jacket, and waited for Doug to rise. She felt sick inside. Tracy must be leaving because of her. That was the only explanation she could think of. Obviously something powerful was going on between Tracy and Doug. Christy knew Tracy would rather take all the responsibility and sacrifice on herself than cause conflict for anyone else.
Doug silently walked with Christy through the castle, out the front door, and around to the meadow. He remained silent until they were all the way to the stone bridge that spanned the brook and connected the meadow with the forest.
Christy struggled with what to say, what to think, what to feel. She wanted Doug to be the first one to speak. He remained silent.
They stopped on the stone bridge. Doug tossed a pebble into the white, foaming water below.
“I haven’t been fair to you, Christy.” he finally said. No other words followed.
Christy wasn’t sure what to think. “What do you mean, Doug?”
It took him a few minutes before he asked, “Did Tracy ever tell you why we broke up?”
“No.”
“It was because of a letter she wrote me. Actually, it was a poem.”
Christy remembered Tracy’s comment a few nights earlier about how it was a good idea Christy had kept all her shoe box letters a secret. Now it was beginning to make sense. Tracy must have liked Doug more than he liked her. and she had revealed her feelings in a letter.
“You see,” Doug continued, “that was three years ago, and I wasn’t ready to get serious about anyone. Plus, I had this thing about you.”
“This ‘thing’?” Christy questioned.
“I hope you’ll take this the right way, Christy.” Doug looked like a li
ttle boy. “When something is unattainable, sometimes that makes a guy want it so much that he thinks he can’t rest until he conquers it. Does that make sense?”
“You’re saying I was unattainable?”
“Yes, in a way. For so long you were only interested in Todd, and the more I watched you guys, the more I thought I’d be better for you than he was. I don’t want to hurt your feelings by saying all this, Christy.”
Christy drew in a long breath of brisk air through her nostrils and squarely faced Doug. “You don’t have to say anything else, Doug. I understand, and I agree with you. We should break up.”
“Break up? It sounds so harsh when you say it that way,” Doug said. “That’s not what I’m trying to say.”
“Look,” Christy said calmly, “you and I have been good friends for a long time. We should have known that it would be best to stay friends instead of trying to make something more out of it.”
“That’s my fault.” Doug said. “All last summer you were right when you wouldn’t agree to go out with me. I was stubborn. Trying to prove something to myself. I guess. I’m sorry, Christy.”
“I don’t think you should be sorry, Doug. I mean, when you think about it, even when we started going together, we still acted the same—like we were good friends. I admire you for not kissing me. It makes it easier now to break up.”
Doug shook his head. “I don’t like saying that we’re breaking up.”
“Then what are we doing?”
“I don’t know. What were we doing? I mean, why did I wait so long and pressure you so much to go out with me? I’ve been a jerk.”
“No, you haven’t. That’s not the way I see it, Doug. I think both of us had to test our relationship and see if there was anything more to it. There wasn’t. We’re good friends. You’re free, Doug. You don’t owe me anything. Not even an apology. I admire you, I appreciate you. and I think you’re a great guy.”
“And I think you’re an incredible woman, Christy. That’s the problem. I’ve always admired you, and I’ve wondered for so long if maybe there might be something more. You know, fireworks.”
Christy Miller Collection, Vol 4 Page 33