Buck Vs. the Bulldog Ants

by David Kersey

CHAPTER THIRTY ONE

  The second session was almost a carbon copy of the first, only this time Marlene started with the letter B. She held up a card with a picture of a balloon on it, to which I barked once without her having to ask. And it reminded me of the time Beverly had dozens of balloons in the house for one of John’s birthdays.

  I pointed to the B in BROWN and then pointed to all the similar shapes on the keyboard, though it took a while to accomplish that because I had to keep looking up and down from card to keyboard, and my eyes are not what they used to be, and this was a long word. She then went back to the letter A and asked if from memory I could point out the word APPLE on the keyboard. When I did it without too much hesitation she clapped her hands and giggled. I must admit the keyboard really is a jumbled up mess. I daydreamed that the reason she said it’s for the ease of typists is because those people have fingers and thumbs. I warned myself not to get too cocky since I was only a second semester kindergartner but I was getting the hang of this.

  The letter C was next. Picture of a CAT of all things. Marlene asked if I remembered last night when I pointed to my eye as having started with the letter C. This time C was easy. I looked over at Cassie and she gave me a slow wink. I get goosebumps when she does that.

  D was of course, I’m sure you already know, a DOG. I thought about being a smart Alek again by not knowing where the letters were. Maybe I’d reverse the first and last letters. But I didn’t show my rear and I flew right through it.

  One more time we did the APPLE thing with no props. Worked like a charm. She said we would take another break and she asked if she could jog with Cassie and me. Sounded right as rain. She left to change her flip flops into joggers and away we went.

  While we were running I asked Cassie if the letter learning was as much fun for her as it was for me. She said, “I love it, Buck, and I am very proud of you.” I held my chin up and ran with a very large grin. Cassie then said, “Buck?” to which I said “Yes, dear?” and she replied “You’re not acting like you’re on a covert mission.” I realized she was right, I wasn’t acting like it and did indeed need the kick in the tail. And I was reminded that Cassie would be looking at this from the point of view that she could lose her mate to Marlene’s plans for me.

  We were nearing the pond when I heard John’s Land Rover arriving at the car park. I barked at Marlene and she stopped. I turned and started jogging back to the house, and the two girls followed in tow.

  John has never liked me jumping on him but I often feel like it. Today was one of those days. Of course I would not do it today especially with him having a suit on. I do think dogs have a higher joy ceiling than humans. Of course dogs are as different from one another as humans are as different from one another so I can only speak for myself. The excitement of joy and vice versa can cause bladder control issues, that’s how extreme it can get. When Marlene approached John, it was dog-like, or should I say Golden Retriever like, though to my knowledge she didn’t leak, not like I just had. She clapped her hands and jumped up and down and then lurched at him. The hug didn’t last long because she wanted to pull him into the house, and really, I wanted her to do that too. Yes, I wanted to show off. John knelt and grabbed my snout in a caress and smoothed behind Cassie’s ear. I love this man.

  He hung his suit coat and tie on the hall tree and we headed downstairs. Marlene was the first to enter the chamber and arranged a chair for John to sit and watch. “Ok,” she said, “Ladies and Gentlemen, Cats and Dogs, you are about to watch a first in the history of planet Earth. This is one small step for a dog, but one giant leap for dog kind. Point out APPLE on the keyboard, Buck.”

  I have to admit that I had pre-game jitters which can sometimes alter the mental equilibrium. So I took a deep breath and focused. I used my right paw and moved it far left to the A, then took two crab-like steps to the right and tapped the P twice, moved my paw a smidge and hit the L, took a step left and hit the E. And then it dawned on me while I was basking in the audience’s applause and cheers that I could do this faster. So I barked twice and started over. I placed my paws on the big wide bar at the center of the bottom, then used my left paw on the A, my right on the two Ps, again on the L, and then my left on the E. I heard Marlene gasp. No applause this time, it was shock. I had reached Cirque du Soleil status.

  “Oh my God, John, I didn’t teach him that, the two hands, uh, paws thing.” Her expression was only a few decibels lower than a scream.

  I whispered to Cassie, not that I needed to because they wouldn’t have understood if I had shouted at her, “You think you can do it, we didn’t practice with you doing it?”

  “Maybe, I could try.”

  I barked twice and moved out of the way while Cassie moved into position. She is much smaller than me so the keyboard required a lot more movement on her part. To my amazement, not only could she do it, she did it with the grace of a ballet dancer. She lightly tapped on the A, gracefully made her way to the Ps, and so on. She did it without a hitch.

  Marlene looked at John and said, “I don’t know what to say. John, the both of them are way beyond what I thought was possible, especially in such a short time. I hadn’t coached Cassie at all yet just look! I am shocked. John, this borders on being bizarre. I’ve seen the service dogs do some pretty amazing things in my career, but nothing like this.”

  Cassie was not done yet. She meowed and made sure Marlene and John were watching her, then proceeded to point to the C, then the A, finally the T. I took the hint when she moved out of the way, and I pointed to the D, then O, and G, using both of my paws.

  Marlene put both of her hands over her mouth and didn’t utter a sound.

  John said, “It’s truly amazing but I want to tell you that I thought they could do it, the both of them, and more yet to come because THEY are amazing. But I have a question. First, though, you also deserve credit. You brought it out of them. Now, if I say a word that you haven’t practiced them could they perform as well? For instance if I say ‘go point to the word Buck’ could either of them do it? And let’s move into the other room.”

  “No, not yet they can’t. That will take some time since it’s a whole new ball game. By the way, you’re home early, it’s just past three.”

  “Yep, I couldn’t wait to see them do it, and you know what, nothing surprises me with these two?”

  That made me smile and I turned to Cassie and said, “Buck starts with a B doesn’t it? Cassie, this isn’t hard, but it doesn’t mean we can spell. It’s just shape recognition, that’s all. But if you ask me to spell a word without seeing shapes, I’d be stuck.”

  “Same with me, but Buck, aren’t you being impatient? Make this fun, not a race, ok?”

  They took a seat at the bar and faced each other. John said, “I’ve mapped out some things for the four of us to do this evening if you want to hear it and agree to it, but it all hinges on if your dog is arriving tonight and at what time?”

  “Yes, he’s coming, and I need to know how to get to the Amtrak station. He’s due to arrive at 9:35. And please do reveal your plans. I’m excited.”

  “Ok, first, two glasses of Pinot and some treats for the star performers.” Immediately Sylvester made his way down the stairs with the perks.

  Marlene laughed. “You called that order in didn’t you?”

  “Of course. Second, I want to get changed into casual clothes and while I do that I suggest you change into long pants and casual long sleeved shirt, and then watch you practice them with a new word. That will require a half hour and another glass of wine. Third, we sit here again and talk for about an hour with a third glass filled. Want me to keep going?”

  “Uh, John, I have to be straight when I pick up Guido.”

  “You will be. Fourth, you grab a light jacket and the four of us take Beverly for a spin.”

  I started to leak a little bit due to my tail swinging wildly.

  “We’ll go to the County Park and watch these two have some fun. Fifth, a
nd this depends on your taste so it’s flexible, we’ll go to Maria’s and have some great Mexican food.”

  I started to pant. I love Maria’s, though her food sometimes causes gastronomical problems that persuades Cassie to spend the night in the house.

  “And then it will be time to pick up Guido, but we’ll come back here and use my Rover for that. I think it would be best if we leave Buck and Cassie here before we go to Amtrak. So what do you think?”

  “Oh John, I think I need to buy a ticket for all this, it sounds wonderful.”

  John raised his glass and said, “Cheers.” Marlene did the same and the glasses met.

  While John made his way up the stairs, Marlene looked at us and said, “I can see why you love him. He is scrumptious.” She then disappeared into the TV room.

  I turned to Cassie. “You heard the man. Put on a shirt and pants.” Cassie slugged my shoulder and then lay down to take a cat nap.