by E. L. Todd
I told Kyle everything about my life, from my terrible dates to what Torpedo did the night before. It felt strange hiding the truth about Neil, but it felt stranger to blurt it out considering the conversation we had a week ago. Kyle wanted to be with me—and I said no. Telling him I was fucking someone else was insensitive.
So, I lied. “Thinking about Torpedo.”
“Yeah? What did he do?”
I quickly thought of a story I could share. “He hid my keys so I couldn’t leave.”
He chuckled, twisting caps onto the test tubes. “Little shit.”
“It was annoying but also sweet. He doesn’t want me to go…”
“Don’t blame him.” He kept working, like he hadn’t just given me a compliment.
I knew I had to tell Kyle the truth, because him finding out some other way was worse. But it didn’t feel like the right time, when we were both at work, so he couldn’t have privacy afterward.
I’d deal with it later.
“Have plans tonight?”
Neil and I hadn’t talked much this morning. He left for work, and I had to take a quick shower so I could get over here. But I assumed I would see him tonight. If he had plans, I would tag along because I wanted to be by his side as much as possible. “Yeah, I’m going out.”
Kyle wasn’t nosy, so he didn’t ask what I was doing—thankfully. “Want to do something tomorrow?”
I wasn’t going to stop hanging out with him just because of the awkward conversation we’d had. He was making an effort to keep everything the same, and I should do the same. And I wasn’t going to stop seeing him to spare Neil’s feelings. I’d made my choice, so there was no reason for him to be jealous. “I’ve been working on a hard puzzle. You want to help me?”
“Sure. I’ll bring some beers. I wonder if Torpedo will hide my keys so I don’t leave.”
“Keep them in your pocket…because I wouldn’t be surprised.”
I’d just finished painting my toenails when Neil texted me.
I’m coming over.
I picked up the phone and texted back with a grin on my face. Presumptuous.
I know.
Now my grin turned wider.
Minutes later, he arrived at my doorstep, looking so dreamy, he didn’t seem real. He shut the door behind him, slid one hand into my hair, and kissed me just the way Vic kissed Stacy. When he pulled away, his eyes were brighter than before, like he’d been looking forward to that kiss all day.
I knew I had.
His hand continued to rest on my hip as he looked at me. “You hungry?”
“You know me, I’m always hungry.”
“Perfect. Wanna go out?”
“Like, to a restaurant?” I blurted.
“No, the flea market.” He rolled his eyes. “Yes, a restaurant.”
“This sounds like a date…”
He cocked his head to the side. “Is that a problem? A man can’t take his woman out to eat?”
Ooh…I was his woman. “I just thought we would spend all our time in bed.”
“We did that last night. And we can do that after I buy you dinner.”
“I’ll put out whether you buy me dinner or not.”
He smiled. “Good response.”
We went to a steakhouse and shared a bottle of wine. He ordered the rib eye, and I got filet mignon. With a side of grilled asparagus and the biggest potato I’d ever seen, it was one of the best meals I’d ever had.
“I’m so bloated that I’m not taking off my clothes now.”
He placed a piece of steak in his mouth and chewed it slowly. The lighting in the restaurant was dim, but his eyes shone bright anyway. He was the hottest guy in the room, the hottest guy in every room, and he looked irresistible when he chewed slowly like that. “Oh, you’re taking them off.”
“Maybe after I digest it all.”
“I’m not picky, so you have nothing to worry about.”
“What are you talking about? You only date supermodels.”
“Not true. You’re the only supermodel I’ve ever been with.”
It was a sweet thing to say, so I felt the blush fill my cheeks. I rolled my eyes anyway, just to play it cool. “Yeah, right…”
“And I’ve never dated anyone. We just hook up and sometimes watch TV on the couch. But I don’t take a woman out.”
“Ever?” I asked in surprise.
“I wouldn’t say ever, but it’s rare.” He grabbed his glass and took a drink.
“So this, right here, is super-rare?”
“Unprecedented. And you really are the only supermodel I’ve ever been with.”
“Stop staying that.” I kicked him lightly under the table.
“You’ve got the sexiest legs, perfect tits, soft hair… You’ve got it all.”
I’d never been given a compliment like that in my life. I looked down at my food and brushed off his words, as if this beautiful man hadn’t just said I was beautiful too. “You aren’t so bad yourself…”
“Well, come on.” He leaned back and pointed at himself. He smiled, telling me he was joking. He leaned forward and drank from his glass again. “I’ve got a nice ass that pays for all my meals.”
I chuckled. “That must be nice.”
“I’m sure your ass gets you free drinks all the time.”
I shrugged because I never really paid attention. My stomach was already protruding out so much that I set my fork down and left the rest of my food for leftovers. I’d take it to work tomorrow—or give it to Torpedo if he gave me a guilty look when I came home. “Last night, you said you were leaving in a year and you would be gone for a long time…”
The mention of the subject made him tense, becoming visibly uncomfortable like he didn’t want to speak about it at all. “And I said I couldn’t talk about it.”
“At all?”
He shook his head.
“Because you don’t want to?”
“Because I’m not allowed to under federal law. I shouldn’t have even told you I was leaving at all, so I’d appreciate it if you could keep that information to yourself. I trust that you’ll honor the request.”
I assumed his departure had something to do with NASA, but if he was returning to the moon for an extended period of time, why did that have to be a secret? He’d been to the moon countless times. What was different about this mission? “Then why did you tell me?”
His eyes moved to his empty plate as he considered his response. Light music played in the background, and the gentle sound of conversations filled the air. It was a nice place, but since it was a Tuesday, it was quiet. “The last thing I want to do is hurt you, so I want to be as up front as I possibly can. I think you deserve that.”
“You wanted to prepare me for the end ahead of time?”
He shrugged in response. “I guess.”
“Is this the reason you don’t want to settle down? Because you know what lies ahead?”
He held my gaze with unblinking eyes, wrestling with the demons that screamed in his head. He withheld as much as information as possible, but he let a few things emerge. “Yes. I don’t want to get attached to anyone when I’ve devoted my life to this. There’s simply no room for someone else, for a wife and kids. I want that to be abundantly clear, that this is a relationship that will end. There’s nothing that could happen in the next year that will change my mind, that will change my commitment. I know you want to have a husband and a family someday, so if you meet someone you like…I’ll bow out.”
Talking about the breakup before we even had a chance to be together was depressing. Last night, I was so high that I never wanted to come down. It was the first time I’d felt complete since Cameron left, being with a man who made me believe in trust again. The idea of letting Neil go bummed me out, but at least I knew the ending at the beginning. I could prepare myself to soften the blow.
At least Neil was honest about who he was.
“I have a feeling that’s not going to happen.”
&nbs
p; His appetite seemed to be fulfilled because he pushed the plate forward to rest his elbows on the surface. His hands were together, showing off his chiseled forearms. Even when he wasn’t at the apex of his fitness level, he still had a beautiful body. “What about Kyle?”
“What about him?”
“He seems like a good guy…”
“He is… He’s perfect.” I didn’t have a single complaint about him. He was a manly man, but with a sprinkle of sensitivity. He was kind and compassionate, but if someone crossed him, he had no problem getting his hands dirty. He’d always been there for me, through the good and the bad, and even when I rejected him, he stayed my friend. Not too many people could do that.
“That’s a strong compliment.”
“Well, he is.”
“If he’s perfect, why don’t you want to be with him?”
I hadn’t expected Neil to ask me that. “I hope you aren’t jealous…”
“No,” he said quickly. “Not at all. I’m just asking as your friend. I’m not the type of guy that gets jealous.”
“How do you know if you’ve never been in a relationship?”
He shrugged. “I guess I’m just secure with who I am.”
Vic wasn’t the jealous type either, but if some guy kept hitting on Stacy, he would explode at some point.
“Kyle seems like a good guy. He’s good-looking and has a great job. There’s just no chemistry?”
There was definitely chemistry. When we’d slept together, I had no problem climaxing. “No…it’s not that.”
“Then, what’s the problem?”
“Losing Cameron was hard, and I just don’t want to lose Kyle too. Whenever people break up, they never stay friends. They disappear from each other’s lives until they’re nothing but a distant memory.”
“So…you don’t want to be with him because you like him so much?”
“Uh…I guess, in a way.” I’d never given Kyle a serious chance because I was happily married when we met. And when that marriage went to shit, I used him because I was depressed…which was wrong. Since those lonely nights, I’d been working on myself and trying to put my life back together. “I guess I could see something happening with Kyle someday. But when I met you, I felt this spark between us. I don’t know how to explain it, but there’s something here that I can’t deny.” Sometimes there was no explanation for your feelings. Sometimes it was just down to hormones and chemicals in your bloodstream. For whatever reason, Neil was the man who made me feel something, made my heart beat super-fast in excitement. It reminded me of when Cameron and I first started seeing each other…and the adrenaline that rushed through my system at the touch of his fingertips.
“Yeah, I know what you mean.” His gaze lowered. It seemed like there was a hint of sadness, a flash of regret.
Or maybe I just imagined it.
“Don’t let Cameron sabotage your chance at happiness. If you never date anyone you like because you’re afraid to lose them, then you’ll only date losers, and that defeats the whole purpose of dating. You deserve to be with a good man.”
“That’s true…but I am dating you.” I wanted to stay friends so we could always be in each other’s lives. But my desire for Neil outweighed my pragmatism, and that told me I had much stronger feelings for him than I ever would for Kyle. There was no reason for it. It wasn’t because Neil was an astronaut. It wasn’t because he was smarter or better-looking. It wasn’t any reason at all.
He smiled slightly. “And I’m very happy you’re seeing me.”
“So, I’m the first long-term woman you’ve ever had.”
He nodded slowly. “Yep.”
“I feel like I should get a trophy or something.”
He chuckled. “Like a trophy of a Slurpee.”
I laughed. “That’d be classy.”
“It’d be you.” He smiled at me from across the table.
When the bill arrived, Neil immediately grabbed it.
“You know, we live in modern times now. We don’t have to do the whole guy pays for dinner thing. We can split it like equals, or at least, take turns paying for stuff.”
“I’ve always been old-fashioned.” He slipped his card inside and handed it directly to the waiter so I couldn’t intervene.
“Old-fashioned? You ride a rocket to the moon. That’s the opposite of old-fashioned.”
“Then maybe I’m just a nice guy who wants to buy dinner for a beautiful woman.”
Like butter, I melted. “Thanks…”
He sat across from me at the dining table and looked down at the puzzle pieces. His fingertips rested across his mouth as his eyes considered his next move. When he was focused, he had the sexiest expression on his face, like he was doing calculus in his head.
I should keep working on the puzzle, but his appearance was distracting.
He reached forward and grabbed a couple of pieces before he started to assemble them on the surface. He didn’t even start with a corner. It was a three-thousand-piece puzzle of twenty puppies sitting inside a flower container. They were all the same color and the background was uniform in appearance, so it was a difficult puzzle. But he started piecing things together like it wasn’t a challenge at all. Soon, he put together a large picture, making the puzzle come to life.
“Wow, I’ve been working on this for three weeks, and you’ve done more work in five minutes.”
Neil pieced together a couple more then lifted his gaze to meet my look.
“You do a lot of puzzles?” I asked.
“Not since I was a kid.”
Sometimes I forgot he was an insanely brilliant man, that my intellect could never compare to his, that he could work out any problem in seconds when it would take everyone else hours. “It seems like you know what you’re doing.”
He shrugged. “Our navigation system went out once, so I had to navigate based on the stars and the sun.”
“What does that have to do with the puzzle?”
He fit another piece into place. “I’m used to finding patterns in nothingness.”
“Or you’re just a genius.”
He had the humility not to agree with me. “You know who I think is a genius?”
My eyes narrowed. “You better not say me. Maybe Torpedo.”
He chuckled. “A genius is someone who questions everything they think and tries to learn as much as possible, someone with the humility to change their mind if their previous assumptions were wrong. They adapt, learn, and grow at such an exponential rate that they are constantly evolving into a better version of themselves. That’s a genius.”
It was a long-winded answer, but I enjoyed every single word. “That’s a thoughtful response.”
“People assume I’m a genius because of my credentials, but those credentials don’t make me intelligent. The attitude I had to acquire them made me a genius. In the air force, I wanted to learn as much as possible. At MIT, all I cared about was getting it right every time I got it wrong. The desire to be better is what got me here. Even now, I’m striving to be better today than I was yesterday.”
“Not a bad way to be.” I grabbed a few pieces and tried to fit them together, but they weren’t a match.
He didn’t tease me for it. “You’re a genius too, Char.”
“Don’t throw that word around lightly.”
“You are.”
“I’m only twenty-eight, and I’m already divorced. I don’t sound too bright on paper.”
He lifted his gaze to look at me. “You’re divorced because your ex was an idiot. Don’t judge yourself based on your flaws. Focus on your achievements. You have a degree in chemistry and work in a lab. That’s pretty impressive. You own a house with just one income. Also impressive. And not to mention, you drive stick like a pro and you down Slurpees like they are water. You’re the most impressive person I’ve ever met.”
The corners of my mouth ached to stretch into a smile because Neil didn’t give compliments unless he meant them. He had already had me
at this point, could take me however he wanted, so there was no need to impress me with an ego boost. “I’m glad you find my Slurpee-drinking impressive.”
“Any man would.” He turned back to the puzzle. “You do these often?”
“Here and there…when there’re no games on.”
“What are your other hobbies?”
“I don’t have very many. I like to hike, go bowling, stuff like that. What do you do?”
“Honestly…I don’t have a lot of hobbies. I’m usually working all the time. I guess work is my hobby.”
“But your job is so vast in scope that it probably does feel that way. If I worked for NASA, it would probably be my biggest hobby too. A lot of people would kill for the honor, even if you were just a janitor.”
He chuckled. “I don’t know about that. But I definitely enjoy what I do.”
“Have you spent time with Hyde since you’ve been home?”
“We’ve gotten a few beers together.”
“How’s Jane?”
“Good. At least, that’s what Hyde tells me.” He put a few more pieces together before he abandoned the puzzle altogether and kept his focus on me. “He reminds me of Vic. Wasn’t always a committed family guy until he met Jane. The change was overnight.”
“What was Vic like before he met Stacy?” I’d only known him through Stacy, so his past was a mystery to me. All I knew was he was a distant, brooding playboy who broke hearts, even if they were made of lead.
Neil shrugged off the question. “You know…how all guys are.”
“You’re trying to protect him. Sweet.”
“I can’t throw him under the bus. I don’t want to change your opinion of him. He adores you, and you obviously adore him.”
“I’d adore him no matter what his past entails. All I care about is the man he’s been with Stacy—and he’s been the best man ever. You can keep his secrets if you want, but I already knew he was a player.”
“Player is kind of an understatement.”
“You two are a lot alike.”
“Yeah, I guess. But we handle women differently. He was the kind of guy who left in the morning before she woke up with no explanation. He was the guy who ghosted a woman after he got what he wanted. He was the guy who wouldn’t sleep with a woman unless she brought her friend to bed too.”