“Ah, the recuperative powers of youth,” Lucius murmured as he stroked the fingers of one hand down that throbbing length. “I believe denied gratification might be an interesting lesson for you to learn.”
Toby frowned. “Unlike you, I see no pleasure in that.”
He gave an indulgent smile. “Nevertheless, you will not so much as touch yourself before we meet again this evening. I do not see that as being unfair, Toby, when I have not come even once,” he chided gently as Toby pouted his disappointment.
“I offered—”
“And I refused. You will wait, Toby,” Lucius stated firmly. “As will I. You will see, our mutual pleasure will be all the more enjoyable for that wait,” he promised.
All well and good for Lucius to say—there was no way that Toby could continue to think of the duke in formal terms after the intimacies they had just shared—but Toby’s cock was hard again now. He needed that relief now.
A release Lucius was deliberately denying him.
Chapter Eight
“Here again, Lucius?” Maxim Armitage, the Duke of Lancaster, once again lowered himself into the chair opposite Lucius’s in the quiet lounge at The Apollo Club. “That is now two evenings in a row. If I may say so, you seem in more of a foul temper tonight than you did last night.”
Lucius scowled darkly at the other man, inwardly questioning if he had ever felt this angry before.
He doubted it.
Last night, when Toby had gone out with his friends and then returned home inebriated many hours later, certainly came close to it. Although his displeasure had been lessened somewhat once he learned Toby had gone out because it was his birthday.
But even that previous anger did not match the churning of Lucius’s emotions since going to Toby’s bedchamber earlier this evening, to see why the young man had not joined him downstairs for dinner after all, to discover Toby had once again left the house. This time without informing anyone of where he was going or when he would return.
All Lucius had been able to think about since was Toby’s disappointment and then anger with him for refusing to continue their lovemaking. Followed by Toby’s indignation when he believed Lucius was treating him as a child by ordering him to stay in his room and rest.
At which point, it seemed, Toby had decided to behave as one!
For Toby to leave the house within hours of that conversation, without so much as telling Lucius he wished to go out, did not bode well for any decision Toby had made in regard to wanting to continue their fledgling relationship.
Nor, considering Toby’s earlier comments and resentful behavior, did Lucius have any confidence in his young lover returning to the house as untouched as he had left it, now that he had experienced his first pleasure with another adult male.
Lucius had felt compelled to give Toby the choice regarding a relationship between the two of them and the time in which to make that decision. But he would have preferred Toby give him that answer to his face rather than leaving his absence to provide that answer for him.
Rather than stay at home to once again await the return of his disobedient ward, Lucius had brought himself to The Apollo Club.
He now scowled across at Lancaster. “Remind me never to listen to or take your advice ever again.” He threw the contents of his brandy glass to the back of his throat.
The other man arched a single eyebrow. “You have broached the subject of your sexuality with your young ward?” He signaled for one of the waiters to replenish their brandy glasses.
Lucius’s mouth twisted. “Broached it and gone a long way past it.”
“You had him on his knees?” Lancaster frowned as the young man pouring their drinks blocked his view of Lucius. “Thank you.” His gaze followed the young man as he walked away.
Lucius eyed him speculatively. “Is that not the same young man who served you last night?”
“Yes.”
“I thought another rule of the club was that neither the founding members nor any members of the club shall attempt to molest or coerce any of the people who work here into a sexual relationship?”
The other man frowned his irritation. “I am not molesting nor coercing anyone who works here into having sexual relations with me.”
“But you are thinking about it.”
Lancaster huffed out a breath. “My thoughts are my own and neither you nor anyone else has the right to censor them.”
Lucius turned to observe the fair-haired waiter as he moved silently about the room serving the members of the club with their drinks. “He is a pretty one, I give you that.”
“We were discussing you,” Lancaster snapped. “More specifically, the fact you had young Toby on his knees.”
Lucius knew his friend was deliberately changing the subject, but he found himself smiling as he acknowledged, “Actually, it was the other way about.”
Lancaster almost choked on the sip of brandy he had just taken. “You got on your knees to another man? Moreover one eighteen years your junior?”
Lucius breathed deeply through his nose. “Toby thought I was either mocking or lying to him regarding the two of us having similar sexual tastes.”
“So you got down on your knees and proved otherwise?”
He scowled his displeasure. “Will you stop saying got down on your knees in that incredulous manner!”
“That is because I am incredulous,” the other man admitted. “I have always thought, believed, that you were the dominant one in your relationships.”
“And you were not mistaken,” Lucius acknowledged heavily, allowing his head to fall back against the chair. He gave a low groan as he recalled the rest of what had happened between him and Toby earlier today.
He had allowed Toby to use him, to fuck his mouth, before coming down his throat. A license he had allowed no other man. Ever.
If Lancaster already acknowledged being incredulous at Lucius having knelt for the young man, his friend might have a seizure if he were ever to learn the full extent to which Lucius had allowed himself to be subjugated by Toby.
He gave a shake of his head. “Toby is young and inexperienced, and I wished for him to fully enjoy his first proper adult sexual encounter.”
“And did he?”
“I believed so at the time, yes.”
“But you have since had reason to doubt that opinion?”
His scowl deepened. “Does not the fact that I am here again this evening speak for itself?”
Lancaster frowned. “You left Toby at home and alone again?”
“He left me by going out,” Lucius corrected. “And he did not remain at home last night either. Apparently, it was his birthday, and he went out celebrating with his friends.”
“Apparently, it was his birthday?”
Lucius’s eyes narrowed at the obvious criticism in the other man’s tone. “It was his birthday. Something I had not realized when I went out yesterday evening and left him to his own devices. But I have apologized since, and this afternoon, I purchase a belated gift for him.”
“Which is?”
“A book of Byron’s poetry— Do not look at me like that.” He scowled at Lancaster’s incredulous expression. “Toby enjoys reading, and I bought him a first-edition copy of Byron’s poems. I intended writing a message inside and giving it to him this evening, until I learned from my butler that my ward had gone out.”
“To go where?”
“How the hell should I know?” Lucius snapped. “I am only the man who told him to take the afternoon to consider the two of us becoming lovers, for at least as long as he remained at Sheffield House.”
“You— I— I apologize for my lack of verbal skills this evening, Sheffield.” Lancaster gave a dazed shake of his head. “But I have never known you to be exclusive to any man outside of this club, and then it has only ever been for a matter of a few days or, more rarely, several weeks.”
“Toby is different. Or at least”—he scowled—“I thought he was.”
T
he other man stared across at him for several minutes before releasing a long breath. “Might I offer an opinion rather than the advice you have said you do not want?”
Lucius snorted. “Why not? This situation cannot become any worse than it already is.” How he and Toby were to continue living together after the events of earlier today, he had no idea. Something he should have thought of before he made such an offer to Toby.
Lancaster chewed on his bottom lip for several moments before speaking again. “Please do not be offended by anything I am about to say.” He waited for Lucius’s nod of agreement before continuing. “But could it not be that perhaps Toby was overwhelmed at the thought of entering into such a relationship with you? You have said he is a sexual virgin…was a virgin, until earlier today,” he corrected. “So perhaps once he gave the matter some thought, as you advised him to do, he became nervous and a little frightened of what continuing a relationship with you might entail?”
Lucius frowned. “I assured him that I would not be angry if he decided against a relationship.”
“And yet here you are, angrier than I have ever seen you before, and we have been friends for fifteen years or more,” Lancaster drawled. “You are a very intense man, Lucius. And if Toby suddenly found all that intensity directed toward him, he might perhaps have needed to go out of the house for a time, away from where you were, in order to clear his head and decide if a relationship with you is what he really wants.”
Lucius stilled. “Do you think it possible that is what happened?”
“More than a possibility, yes.”
He winced. “I had not thought of it in quite that way…”
“Then I believe you should,” Lancaster stated firmly. “You might even find that your young lover has returned to the house in your absence and is now wondering where you are.”
His frown became pained. “And if the reason he left the house is because he has decided he does not want what I have to offer?”
“Is it not better to go home and find that out for yourself?” the other man reasoned. “To begin to salvage the relationship of guardian and ward, if that is all you are to have, rather than sit here wallowing in self-pity?”
“Have a care, Lancaster,” he snapped. “I gave you leave to offer an opinion. I did not agree to allowing you to insult me.”
The other man gave an unconcerned smile. “Go home, Lucius. If your young lover has not yet returned, then sit and wait for him to do so. Then listen patiently to what he has to say.”
The possessive way Lucius now realized he felt about Toby was wholly demoralizing when it caused him to feel anger one minute and now uncertainty the next.
Along with a need to administer punishment for the hurt Toby had caused by going out this evening without saying a word to him. Along with an equal amount of desire to hold his young lover close and reassure himself as to Toby’s well-being.
It was an intolerable situation, and Lucius knew he had a decision of his own to make before or if Toby did decide to return to Sheffield House tonight.
Which that young man did shortly after midnight.
Lucius was seated in an armchair beside the lit fire in the library, trying to concentrate on reading a book, when he heard Griffin open the front door, the murmur of voices, one of them recognizably Toby’s softer tone, followed by a silence that jarred Lucius’s already raw nerves.
“What are you reading?”
Lucius slowly turned to look at the beautiful young man standing in the open library doorway. “Your birthday present.”
Toby glanced at the leather bound book. “Which is?”
“A book of Bryon’s poetry.”
“One of my favorite poets,” Toby murmured.
“I thought he might be.”
“Why?” Toby challenged. “Because he is one of the Romantics, and I am naïve enough to be one too?”
Lucius shook his head. “Because he is one of my favorite poets too.”
“I apologize.” Toby’s gaze lowered guiltily. “It is a very thoughtful gift. Thank you.”
“I have not given it to you yet,” Lucius pointed out dryly.
“No.”
“Here.” Lucius held the book out for Toby to take.
He stepped close enough to grasp the leather-bound volume before opening the front cover, his expression one of disappointment when he saw the front page was completely blank. “You did not write a birthday message inside it.”
“No.” Upon reflection, Lucius had decided that it would be better not to do so. Anything he chose to write could be misinterpreted, and the fact it was a book of love poetry was surely damning enough. “As I said, it is a first edition, and if one day you decide to sell it, my scrawl in the front of it would only reduce its value.”
“I disagree,” Toby teased. “One day, many years from now, this book might be worth more for having a personal message written inside from the Duke of Sheffield to his ward, the Earl of Chelmsford.”
“I somehow doubt that.”
“Surely that will depend upon what else history tells them of our relationship?” Toby reasoned. “Perhaps men like us will not be ostracized and demonized in the future, and the two of us might possibly be known as one of the greatest love stories of the nineteenth century.”
“I do not believe either of us have mentioned the word love,” Lucius said sharply.
A blush colored Toby’s cheeks. “I merely meant to point out the Romantics might see it that way.”
Lucius’s smile was self-derisive. “Perhaps.”
Toby looked so very young and innocent still, despite their lovemaking earlier today. His hair was a cluster of golden curls about his ears and brow in the candlelight, and neither his face nor his appearance, in perfectly tailored evening clothes and pristine white linen, showed any sign of the same drunkenness of last night. Toby’s eyes were a clear green-and-gold, his cheeks pale rather than flushed from alcohol.
Lucius’s time spent alone since returning home had brought to mind that adage there is no fool like an old fool. The way that Toby looked, his air of innocence, along with the fairy-tale future he envisaged for the two of them, only added to Lucius’s regret. Reminding him, as it did, of how big a fool he had been earlier in Toby’s bedchamber, both by making love to Toby and then making that offer of an arrangement between the two of them.
How he could ever have thought Toby, so untouched, like a shiny new penny, might be interested in a relationship of any kind with someone almost twenty years his senior, in experience as well as years, was ludicrous. Nor, considering their circumstances as guardian and ward, should he ever have put Toby in the position of having to make such a decision.
The most Lucius could now hope for was to smooth this situation over as well as he was able to so that the two of them might continue, as Lancaster had advised, that relationship of guardian and ward. As the older man, it was for Lucius to set the tone for their future.
“Close the door, Toby,” he instructed evenly.
Toby did so before there was a flurry of movement as he rushed across the room. “I am so sorry!” He launched himself at Lucius, placing his book down on the table as he straddled Lucius’s thighs and wrapped his arms about the older man’s neck. “For my sharpness just now and for going out without your permission. Please forgive me, Lucius!”
It caused an ache inside, one that Lucius recognized as possessiveness, merely thinking of Toby asking his permission before going out. “You are forgiven.” In truth, he already knew he could never be angry with this young man for long.
Toby’s arms tightened as he buried his face against Lucius’s throat. “I went to sleep earlier, as you suggested, and when I woke up, everything seemed…it seemed like it had happened in a dream,” he choked. “I could not believe it was real. Or, if it had happened, that you could really have meant those things you said to me. But by going out, rather than talking to you about my uncertainties, I have behaved exactly like that child I had denied being.”<
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A heavy weight lifted from Lucius’s chest at Toby’s explanation.
He was disappointed that the two of them could not continue to be lovers, but for now, the only thing of real importance was that Toby was home and he was safe. “That is because you are very young, darling,” he soothed, keeping his arms at his sides rather than wrapping them about Toby as he wished to do. “I was the one in the wrong for expecting you be anything else. We will forget our earlier…lapse, and the conversation that followed, and—”
“No!” Toby’s arms tightened about him. “I made a mistake by going out. I knew it within minutes of meeting up with my friends when I immediately felt alone, even though I was with a dozen other people. Have you ever felt way?”
“Yes,” Lucius answered flatly, knowing he had felt exactly that way these past two evenings of being apart from Toby.
He had always believed himself to be a self-contained man, moreover one who did not need nor desire the company of others. Yesterday evening had been difficult enough, but tonight, Lucius knew he had experienced loneliness for the first time. Not because he actually was alone, but because he was not with Toby. It was truly shocking how quickly this young man had become necessary to his existence.
“To be surrounded by people but feel so very much alone inside,” Toby continued. “Because the person you wished to be with was not there.”
Yes, Lucius had felt all those things this evening.
But the further respite from Toby’s disturbing company, once he returned home, had also given Lucius opportunity to reflect upon what he was doing. What he was thinking of doing. He now knew he had to make the necessary decision for both of them and that he should never have put Toby in such a difficult position in the first place.
Yes, Toby was all the things Lucius had said he was earlier. Strong, kind, intelligent, beautiful, and perfect. He was also that rare and unblemished diamond.
Too much so for Lucius to ever want to be the man responsible for tarnishing him or robbing him of that inner light of innocence.
Hidden Lover: Regency Men In Love 1 Page 6