by Tia Souders
“Don’t speak too soon.” Blake laughed. “And you’re kind of forgetting the other three. Face it, babe, we’re still outnumbered.”
The tech chuckled. “Well, whether you have an angel baby or a spirited one, you are most definitely having,” she paused, grinning, then announced, “a girl!”
A girl! A little girl.
Blake watched the screen. The baby turned and swiveled toward them, a thumb in its mouth, and Blake’s heart skipped a beat. Already, he was in love.
“Kinsley is going to be thrilled,” he said.
“And the boys will be angry.” Mel laughed.
He gazed at his wife, taking in the sight of her. More than ever, he was grateful for everything the past year had brought him. Twelve months ago, he had no idea life could be like this—so full. And now he wouldn’t give this up for anything in the world.
Mel turned to him, as if sensing the direction of his thoughts and smiled.
He brought the back of her hand to his mouth, then placed a kiss over her soft skin as her wedding band glinted under the light.
Turned out, Mel’s prediction about Craig had been spot-on. He stuck around for a couple weeks after the PopNewz party. Long enough to start his new job with Garrison and subsequently get fired. Then he vanished. But Mel had been prepared for his exit, so she barely batted an eye. Blake, on the other hand, was secretly (and selfishly) glad to have Mel and the kids all to himself. One day, they’d have to explain about Craig to the kids in a way that didn’t hurt, in a way they could understand. But for today and every day, Blake was just glad to be called “Dad.”
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Read on for an excerpt from WAITING ON HOPE
(women’s fiction/inspirational romance)
WHEN TRAGEDY TURNS into a second chance at love...
Ten years ago, Lexie Dodson fled her rural roots, leaving behind a brokenhearted fiancé and a devastated family. Seeking the obscurity urban life has to offer and a fast-paced life in the city, she finds everything she ever wanted.
Until tragedy strikes.
A shocking betrayal and a violent assault leave her broken, bruised, and pregnant. Faced with a gut-wrenching decision, she soon finds herself back at the family farm.
But in order to heal and mend the broken pieces of her life, she must face her past and everything she left behind.
Told from multiple perspectives, WAITING ON HOPE is a story about the resilience of the human spirit, survival, and a second chance at love.
PURCHASE OR BORROW HERE
WAITING ON HOPE EXCERPT
CHAPTER ONE
SHE STEPPED TO THE ledge of the balcony, welcoming death and the mercy it offered.
Three more steps and she would be free. One. Two.
Bang!
Lexie jolted at the sound and gasped. The thump of her pulse reverberated through her body. Shaking it off, she regained her focus. Her toes curled over the cool, rough concrete, only inches from the edge of descent. Hands balled into fists.
She inhaled and concentrated on her goal.
Raising her arms like an airplane, she squeezed her eyes shut, allowing the cool morning air to consume her for a moment. She could visualize the jump, the slap of wind on her face and in her hair. Fear of the agony of impact with the concrete below had no claim on her. After all, she was no stranger to pain, and the blessed numbness that would follow was worth the small price.
Opening her eyes, she glanced down at her feet and straightened her toes. No longer supported by the balcony, she teetered on the edge.
Bang! Ba-ba-ba-bang!
“Go away,” she wailed, her voice cracking on the strangled cry.
Ba-ba-ba-bang!
Ignore it. Just ignore it.
“Lexie, open up. Let me in.” The familiar voice of her best friend resonated through the apartment, out to the balcony. “What the hell are you doing out there? You’re going to get yourself killed,” Sienna screamed, panic and anger vying for precedence in her voice. “Lex?”
Lexie glanced from the inside of her apartment back to the street below. Traffic loomed, along with the occasional pedestrian. The hustle and bustle of the city soothed her ragged nerves. She once loved it there, thrived in the chaos, the never-ending traffic, and fast-paced life.
Not anymore. All of it scared her.
And now... All she needed was one more step. Just one, and she would be free, but the presence of her best friend outside her door clawed at her consciousness, releasing the thoughts of death from where they perched.
She would have to wait. Plunging off the balcony with her friend in sight wasn’t an option. Enough agony would be caused to those she left behind, without any of them having to witness her demise.
She moved away from the ledge and made her way to the door, her lustful gaze taking a final glance back to the city street below before stepping inside the sliding glass door of her apartment with a whoosh.
Despite the sound of Sienna’s voice, she peered through the peephole confirming her identity before she unlocked the chain bolt and three deadbolts she installed after “the incident” two months ago. She knew all-too-well you couldn’t lock the devil out; he seldom arrived undisguised. But the added security was something, at least, and proved to help stave off some of the nightly panic attacks and lurking night terrors.
Sienna wasted no time. The second the deadbolt clicked, she threw the door open, rocking Lexie on her feet where she stood. She pushed her platinum locks from her face, her expression one of both indignation and concern, as she took inventory. Her gaze scanned the apartment, lingering on the barrage of locks.
Raising one golden brow, Sienna turned her gaze on Lexie, who remained silent.
“What’s going on with you?” She pierced Lexie with her gaze. “And I’m not just referring to the Amityville Horror locks.” She motioned to the door. “Although I have to say, they’re a bit creepy.” Meeting Lexie’s gaze, she continued, “We’ve talked every single day for the past ten years, and suddenly you’re never around. You don’t call, don’t return my calls, and when I stop by, you’re never here. Or at least you’re pretending not to be,” she said, eyeing her with a cocked brow.
Lexie shrugged. She hadn’t told Sienna what happened, and even if she decided to confide in her, she wasn’t sure she could tell her the whole truth. Her secret would cost her too much. Just thinking about confiding in anyone made her shudder at the thought.
Then again, Sienna was like her sister. She deserved to know the truth. And she deserved more credit than Lexie gave her...
Sienna stood, arms crossed in front of her chest, waiting for the explanation Lexie wasn’t ready to give.
“Um. The locks are just a precaution,” Lexie said.
“Okay, I see you’re going to slide past my question about you ignoring me. But, seriously, a precaution? Lex, you’re scaring me. I’ve been calling you for weeks without so much as a reply. You’ve skipped out on all our Friday girls’ nights. You stood me up at the photography convention on Sunday, the one you begged me to attend with you. And this morning, I called the magazine, only to find out that you haven’t been at work in over a month! They told me you’re taking some time off for personal reasons. What on earth is that about?”
Okay, so maybe her horrible skills at deception, combined with Sienna’s ability to see straight through her crap, made long-term evasion hopeless. But she couldn’t tell her. Not now. Maybe not ever, which meant what?
She had no idea. All she knew was her inability to share her secret made her chest ache and her head spin.
As she drifted through her apartment like a ghost—numb and detached—Sienna continued her tirade and interrogation, following her through the foyer to the living room, where she sunk down next to her on the couch. Leaning back into the down cushions, Lexie tried to make herself comfortable, a notion seemingly impossible in her life as of late. S
he shifted her weight, suddenly hating the startling shade of white linen, which matched nearly every piece in her apartment, and seemed to mock her as a glaring beacon of purity.
Sienna had gone silent. Waiting for Lexie to explain her uncharacteristic behavior, but words escaped her. With a flourish, Lexie fanned her hands in front of her, sighing and searching for the right thing to say. Something to drown Sienna’s concerns. “I’m just...going through something right now.”
Sienna shook her head slowly, staring at her as if she hardly recognized her, and when Lexie provided nothing further, she saw the flash of hurt in her eyes before she shifted her gaze to the floor. “And you can’t tell me? Since when do we keep secrets from each other?”
The pain in her voice sunk into the pit of Lexie’s stomach.
She swallowed, wondering how, even if she wanted to, she could give this nightmare a voice. Part of her wanted to say it. Lexie envisioned opening her mouth and letting it flow, forming her lips around the words she had yet to voice out loud. I was raped. But the thought alone, stung like venom, and when Lexie opened her mouth to speak, she found her tongue leaden, her throat tight, and her vocal cords useless. “I... I....”
She groaned in frustration and tipped her head back, biting her tongue and blinking back tears, noting the tiny vein-like cracks in the otherwise smooth plaster of the ceiling.
Why couldn’t she spit it out? She willed the words from her mind to her lips, part of her wanting to come clean, while the other half of her clung to the truth like a life preserver, but still they would not come. Yet, the truth was drowning her.
Her gaze returned to Sienna’s, and the pain she saw in her expression only confirmed her need to remain silent. If Sienna was already hurting, imagine once she discovered the truth. Once she found out her best friend was raped. Attacked. And not by a stranger in the park or a disgruntled Ex, but by Sienna’s husband.
Lexie choked on the unspoken confession while the knowledge that her silence may be worse latched onto the lacerations of her soul, forming a well of guilt she could never recover from.
“Listen...” She took a deep breath, forcing her voice to remain steady. “I’m going through something right now that I can’t talk about. I just can’t.” Her voice cracked, as she suppressed a sob and added, “I need a little time. Please.”
“I just don’t understand.” Sienna shook her head, her brows drawn in frustration.
“Please, trust me. As my best friend, I’m asking you to trust me. I’m asking you not to push me and to leave it be. For now, at least,” Lexie whispered, knowing how unfair a request it was.
“Do you promise me you’re going to be okay? You’re scaring me. I mean, blowing me off is one thing, but your job? You haven’t taken so much as a sick day in the ten years since I met you.”
“I swear,” she murmured, unable to mutter the words, I promise. Promises were for a groom on his wedding day, vowing to be faithful in good times and bad. For mothers who tucked their kids into bed at night, assuring them safety was inexplicably theirs—that no monsters hid beneath the covers.
Well, she knew all about monsters—not only did they exist, but they were all around you.
She knew all about promises too. By definition, they were impossible to keep. Because among the assurance belies a certainty, which carries with it the measure of impossibility, because a promise is a guarantee. What was the saying her mother always used? In life, there are no guarantees.
How true that was.
Sienna sighed. “I guess I have no choice, then. I’ll give you time to sort this thing out since you won’t talk to me. I’m telling you though,” she said, jabbing a finger at Lexie, “if you don’t snap out of this soon, or tell me what’s going on, I’ll hog tie you, drag you to my place, and hold you hostage until you squeal.”
Goosebumps rose on Lexie’s arm as she struggled for breath. The intellectual part of her knew Sienna was joking, but several things about her threat hit a little too close to home.
Swallowing, she forced a smile and mustered a breath, hoping it didn’t look as fragile as it felt.
“Finally, something other than a frown. By the way, if this has anything to do with a man you’ve been secretly seeing behind my back, you owe me ten Pilates classes because hiding that from me is so not cool.”
Lexie huffed a breath of relief, her thoughts lifting for a moment at the normalcy of Sienna’s threat. Pilates was the bane of her existence, and every time she turned around, Sienna dragged her to a class. They remained the best incentive, the highest stake, something to chain her with like an anvil around her leg, back when life was simple.
Lexie shook her head. “It’s nothing like that. You know if I were seeing someone, you would be the first I’d tell. Enough about me though,” she said, trying to direct her focus elsewhere. “Since I haven’t seen you in a while, fill me in. What’s new?”
Though asking Sienna about her life was a risk because she might talk about her husband, Lexie’s desire to change the subject was greater than her fear. Besides, if she wanted to be alone anytime soon—and she did—she needed to act normal, to repair the broken dynamic between them, at least for the moment.
“Well, I’ve really missed you these last weeks.” Sienna looked down at her hands; a small tremor ran through her voice. “I hadn’t mentioned it before because I was afraid to hope, but last month my period was late. These last few weeks I thought for sure I had finally done it, you know? After three years of trying, I was pregnant. This was it. Finally, I’d have a baby. But I took a test three weeks ago, around the time you went AWOL.” She nudged Lexie playfully. “Deep down, I was afraid that I would test negative or that something would happen...”
Lexie’s mind wandered. For the past couple years, Sienna had agonized over her fertility issues. She wanted a baby more than anything and had been trying to conceive to no avail. Doctors said she had an inhospitable womb—whatever that meant. Despite her diagnosis, however, Sienna continued trying and waiting for a miracle.
“I didn’t even want to hope enough to tell Brent, but I did anyway...”
The name startled Lexie back to the present, turning her stomach like rotted meat. Waves of nausea rolled through her as a thick fog descended over her thoughts, smothering them. She couldn’t respond despite her best intentions. But she didn’t need to because Sienna carried the conversation for both of them.
“...But I lost it. Either that or it was a false positive. Who knows...I’m done crying over my inability to have a baby. Being a mother is all I ever wanted, but I need to finally accept that it may never happen. I’m torturing myself. Brent keeps telling me to let it go, but how do you let go of something so important, so primal? My clock is ticking...”
Lexie’s pulse galloped in her chest.
Brent...
A tremor rocked her. She squeezed her eyes shut and struggled to get a hold on her emotions while Sienna continued talking, unaware of the change in her demeanor.
Sweat pricked her forehead and her hands dampened. Her breathing quickened, feeling as though her heart might crash through her chest, and when she bit her lip, she tasted the metallic tang of blood.
Fisting her hands by her side, oxygen wheezed into her lungs, as memories danced behind her eyelids. Brent shouting, his voice calculated. Fury masked his dark features while the words she would forever remember in her nightmares flowed from his wine-stained lips. Shut up, or I’ll kill you. You’ve wanted this all along. You’re a whore. I’m only giving you what you need, what you deserve.
Her breath caught in her throat, burning her lungs like fire as Sienna’s voice hummed in the background and she struggled to clear her head.
Breathe, she reminded herself. In. Out.
Opening her eyes, she forced her gaze back to Sienna, trying to focus, to block out the memories. But it was useless. Trying to flick the switch on the hellish slideshow in her head was like grasping at dandelion snow. Every time she reached for a reprieve, the
atmosphere shifted, and the fuzzy parachutes eluded her.
A sharp clatter sliced through her thoughts.
Grateful, she glanced down at the commotion, the haze of her thoughts lifting enough so she could see. Taking a deep breath, she tried to orient herself to the sound.
Sienna stood in front of her, purse open as she shook its contents to the coffee table before chucking it onto the floor beside them.
“I’m done. You can take them, get them away from me, so I stop. No more trying. No more sorrow over failing at something that was near impossible for me in the first place,” Sienna said.
Lexie’s ears buzzed while her gaze moved to the large glass table. Dozens of pregnancy tests were scattered across the smooth surface.
“What’s this?” Lexie asked, disoriented.
Sienna narrowed her gaze at Lexie, concern, once again, rimming her dark eyes. “I just told you. They’re all of the pregnancy tests I had stashed.” She dropped down next to Lexie on the sofa and stared straight ahead into nothingness.
“Every time I went shopping, if the store had a baby department or carried pregnancy tests, I was drawn to them like a magnet. I’d torture myself over the tiny blue and pink clothes, the scent of powder and lavender. Then I would go buy a couple more tests to continue the cycle of torture. I’ve been hopeless, Lex. But it ends. Now.”
She turned to Lexie and grasped her clammy hands. “I’ve been waiting for something that’s never going to happen, killing myself over my obsession with having a baby. Week after week, you were there for me. You were there to lift me up, to dry my tears. You’ve been the best friend in the world. And that’s why I’m going to be here for you now. Well, that and the fact that I love you. We’re family, you and me, Lex.” She gave her hands a squeeze, then continued, “You say you can’t talk about what’s going on now. I’ll accept that because I have no choice, but sooner or later, you need to tell me what’s going on, and I’ll be there for you. I’ll help you through whatever’s haunting you, just like you helped me. Because that’s what best friends do.”