by Celeste, B.
I don’t know if she means I don’t hang out with him like we used to or play ball like we found time to do in the past. Either way, we’re older now and have families to take care of. “Why don’t we invite them over for dinner this weekend? The game is Sunday. You and River can gossip about whatever the hell you talk about, and Rhett and I can watch the game after we eat.”
She contemplates the answer, seemingly liking the idea. “Fine. You’re calling and inviting them though. River said she hasn’t heard from you in a week and I’m sure Everett wouldn’t mind catching up.”
Part of me feels like I owe him for the stress taking over my father’s company has plagued him with. If I’d followed in Robert James’ footsteps, I’d be the one wearing a suit and tie and worrying about shit like budget mods and business rivalries.
Milo wiggles in Charlie’s lap until she lets him down. He crawls over to me, plopping down on his butt, and plays with my pantleg.
I kneel. “What’s up, bud?”
He just stares at me.
I bring up the topic that I’ve been nervous to speak of since it was suggested. Running my hand through his hair, I say, “We still have the option to look into the cochlear implants. He’s getting older—”
“No.”
Sighing, I look up at her. “I get why you said no after he was born, but he’s over one now, babe. There’s limited risk and far more benefits. We have the money.”
Charlie’s eyes dip to our son, who has occupied himself with his own toes. “He’s too young to understand what it takes to have those. I want what’s best for him too, Ollie, but I still think we should wait.”
“I know you’re scared,” I offer softly, “but we’ll get the best doctors. Imagine what his reaction would be when he hears for the first time. Technology can do that nowadays.”
She stands, shaking her head. “I love you, but I’m saying no. He’s been doing just fine so far without the surgery. We can discuss it when he’s older.”
As she tries leaving, I gently wrap my palm around her arm and draw her to me. My hand falls from her bicep and onto her hip, my eyes meeting hers. “He should get them before he starts school. Think about it, Charlie. Do we want him to miss school after he starts for the procedure? He’ll need time to adjust.”
I know her worry. She’s been doing everything in her power to make sure he’s protected. In her sleep, she’ll say his name in the softest plea, like she’s praying for his safety, and it kills me a little inside. She’s afraid something will happen that she can’t control. Given her history, it’s understandable. But the longer we wait to go through with the implants, the harder it may be for him to cope with the change.
My other hand hooks around her waist, pulling her closer so she’s pressed against my front. “We both love him and want what’s best. I think we need to sit down and talk about it.”
When she doesn’t say anything, I take it as a small victory. Her eyes go from me to Milo, her front teeth biting down onto her bottom lip. It tells me she knows I’m right, but there’s a fear I’ll never fully grasp. She carried him for nine months, cared for him in such an intimate way, and now has to make a big decision.
“You don’t have to do it alone,” I remind her, brushing my lips against hers. Lingering over the plush mouth I’ve gotten to know well, I nuzzle my nose against hers. “You never have to do it alone, okay?”
Slowly, she nods. Kissing me again, she whispers, “I love you, Oliver James.”
There aren’t words that can describe what I feel for her—the mother of my child, the woman built for me.
But I settle with, “I love you too, baby.”
Chapter Two
Charlie
Gentle kisses trail down the back of my neck and bare shoulders, stopping at the edge of the oversized tee I wear. A warm hand glides over my hip, curving until fingertips dig into my flesh. I keep hold of the tablet I’m reading on, ignoring the advances that leave goosebumps over my arms and continue scanning the words across the screen instead.
“You’ve been reading for hours,” Ollie whispers, moving the shirt further down my arm to expose more skin. “It won’t go anywhere. You can look over the information tomorrow.”
Letting it lower slightly, I turn my head over my shoulder and meet soft lips. He lets the kiss linger for a moment before pulling back. “I know,” I relent, “but the doctor gave us so much to look at. I feel like I need to be prepared.”
Ollie sits up and glances at the tablet screen, letting his dark eyes trail over the words before meeting mine again. “He told you not to look up anything online. You’re going to make yourself sick from stress.”
“Did you know that the hearing device implements sounds through a processer? It uses electrodes, Ollie. Like … electricity or something. That’s scary. Do we want electricity going anywhere near our baby’s head?”
“Babe, I doubt it’s as bad as the internet makes it out to be. These procedures are more common nowadays with great success rates. Don’t forget that tidbit we were told.”
“But, Oll—”
He peels the tablet from me, powering it off and setting it on his nightstand. “I’m not letting you do this to yourself. Dr. Woodshed gave us plenty of legitimate sources so we can make our final decision.”
Ollie hooks an arm around my waist and pulls me into his solid front. “The audiologist knows what he’s talking about, Charlie. We made sure we found the one with the best reputation. We need to trust him.”
“The surgery—”
“Will be worth it,” he insists, kissing my cheek. I turn around so we’re facing each other, my head resting on his chest as he drapes an arm over my shoulder.
“I know.” I wet my bottom lip. “He’s the sweetest little boy, Ollie. What if something bad happens and he’s never the same?”
His hold on me tightens. “He won’t be. Isn’t that the point? Milo is stubborn, just like someone else I know.”
Tipping my chin up, I meet his eyes. “I knew nothing bad would happen to him during the pregnancy. Every choice I made was for him and his health. And when you told me … when I found out he was deaf, I wondered what I did wrong. Did I eat something bad? Not rest enough? All I wanted was to be sure nobody could harm him. So why does it feel like I failed?”
His eyes soften. “You did nothing wrong, Charlie. Do you hear me? The doctors all said that you did everything as you should have during the pregnancy. The genes just didn’t line up in his favor. Sometimes things happen, and I know you don’t like hearing that but it’s true. Milo is still a healthy baby. His impairment just makes him stronger. Just like his mother.”
I bite down on my inner cheek, not knowing what to say. Doubt creeps into my conscious the longer I think about it. How many times had I planned on teaching him music? The piano? I spoke to my unborn baby about my plans for his future, and he couldn’t hear a word.
When the doctors explained that Milo got mutated recessive genes from both Ollie and I that caused the hair in his middle ear not to form, I was speechless. It took a while to grasp that those hairs are what transmit sound waves to the brain. The lack of something so little caused something so big. Realistically, there is nothing that could have prevented it from happening. I know it isn’t directly my fault.
Tears well in my eyes. “He doesn’t know what I sound like.”
Ollie pulls me on top of him, hugging me close. My tears soak into the crook of his neck. He rubs circles over my back and hushes me in comfort. “He doesn’t need to hear your voice to love you unconditionally. You’re his entire world, baby.”
I know it’s true, but there are too many emotions to sort through to see logic. Ollie just keeps holding me until the tears subside. His hands rub my back, comb through my messy hair, and give me warmth when I feel the cool depths of maternal guilt freeze me from the inside out.
When I collect myself, all I can think about is the heat from his body—how bad I need it to thaw my cold limbs. He gives me
everything I need without hesitation, meeting my lips halfway and letting me part his and swipe his tongue. My legs straddle his, my hands trailing between us and grabbing at the hem of his shirt, before he helps me strip it off him. He tastes like the mint from our toothpaste, cold and inviting in an entirely new way. My palms drag down his bare chest, still sculpted from all the time he spends working out in our little home gym. The images of him playing with Milo on the blue mats he bought for our son to tumble around on has my mouth demanding more.
Each stroke of his tongue sends me in a frenzy that sheds more of our clothes. His sweatpants, my tee, his boxers, and my thong. Before I know it, our hands are exploring each other’s bodies in a desperate plea that sings to my heart. His fingers find my soaked entrance, working my slit from bottom to top and playing with the bundle of nerves that has my body sparking with need. My palm grips him and jerks up and down in an uneven pace until he’s steel in my hold.
“Fuck, baby,” he groans, twitching and moving two fingers inside of me. “Always so fucking good with you.”
I grind against his fingers, silently begging for more friction. “Do you remember what it was like the first time? How you fought so hard because you knew it was wrong but couldn’t stop? I’ve always loved how you feel inside me. But then? You changed everything.”
He grips my hair and yanks me into him, kissing me fiercely and unapologetically. My orgasm builds fast when he picks up the pace and dominates my mouth. The grip I have on his rock-hard cock loosens when I begin quaking around him, moaning into his mouth and riding out the sensations he brings me.
Lifting up the same time he guides himself to my entrance, I slide down until he’s hilt deep inside of me. My palms grip his shoulders and I move, rocking over him and grinding down until his hands go to my hips. He digs his nails into me, picking me up and meeting my hips thrust for thrust.
“I replay our first time all the time,” he tells me with heated eyes. “I fucking hated myself for giving in when you climbed on top of me that day. But no matter how many times I tell myself it shouldn’t have happened, I’m glad it did. I wanted you before I should have and will keep you for life. You’re mine, Charlie.”
My head tips back as he holds my hips down and fucks me from below. His pelvic bone rubs against my clit in such a delicious way that my vision dots and my lips part with heavy pants.
“Yours,” I promise, listening to the sound of our bodies coming together. The heat building in my limbs sets me on fire, and nothing can douse the flames. No longer am I cold from guilt, but in love—so in love with this man and the life we’ve built together.
He flips us over so quickly that I yelp, then moan as he positions my legs over his shoulders and thrusts back into me. His cock works me from this new position and leaves me incoherent and writhing. I grab fistfuls of the sheets as my body moves up the bed. He holds my head to protect it from hitting the wooden headboard that smacks the wall with every move.
“Never going to get tired of this,” he says, sweat covering his chest. “You’re it for me, Charlie. Always.”
Nodding along to everything he says, I pant, “Today. Tomorrow. Always. Always, Oliver James. I love you so fucking much.”
It hurts to be so consumed by someone, but this pain is tolerable and welcome in a world full of far darker things. The feeling in my chest that suffocates me is because I’m happily tortured. My problems are nothing compared to what they used to be, and I have two beautiful individuals in my life that have my back no matter what.
Ollie bends my leg forward, deepening his thrusts until I claw at his chest and come hard. He jackknifes into me a few more times before I feel him fill me. Dampness runs down my leg as he pulls out, dropping onto his side and pulling me into him again.
He pecks my cheek. “Let’s take the weekend off from worrying about doctor appointments. Everett and River will be here Sunday. That’ll help take our minds off it a little.”
I find myself nodding, finding his hand and weaving my fingers into his. “What do you think his reaction will be when he hears for the first time?”
He squeezes my hand. “He’ll look at you with wide eyes and smile because he just heard the most beautiful person speaking to him.”
My heart flutters. Nuzzling into his side, I let the silence fill the tiny crevices doubt creeps into. Ollie is right like he usually is, but that doesn’t make it easier to swallow.
“Stop thinking,” he whispers.
If only it were that easy.
Chapter Three
Ollie
The sound of tires slowing outside the front door has Charlie squeezing my hand tightly before giving me a reassuring smile. Our son coos in her hold, reaching out to me and flexing his hands for me to take him.
“I’ll get the food out,” she says, passing Milo over and pecking my cheek before kissing his temple. “Remember. Bro date.”
Rolling my eyes, I swat her ass and walk to the door right as the bell rings. Milo drools on my arm, then wipes his mouth on my shirt before squirming at the sight of River as soon as the door opens. Her bright smile mirrors the one on both Milo’s and I’s faces.
“Ollie,” she greets, giving me a side hug while Luke and Maddie enter beside me. My sister’s dark eyes light up as they connect with Milo, lifting them in question.
Chuckling, I pass him to her and watch as she pinches his cheeks and plants kisses all over his face. “He looks more and more like you every time I see him. I swear it.”
A car door closes and footsteps near until Everett appears behind River. He notes Milo already wrapped in her arms and smiles with a shake of his head. He guides River further in so he can close the front door, turning to me with a tip to his head as greeting.
“Oliver.” We shake hands and smile at one another. It’s no different than any other time. If anything, it’s more mature than the half ass shake-turned-hug we’d do when we were younger. To think we’re both going to be forty soon still escapes me because it feels like just yesterday we were playing basketball for the Bridgeport Patriots team.
We all walk into the kitchen side by side, River focusing on Milo more than her husband or me. Luke and Maddie are on either side of Charlie as she sets the meat to be grilled down on the counter.
“Need help?” Rhett asks, gesturing toward the hamburger patties Charlie and I made this morning.
I notice the way Charlie’s lips tilt like she’s prodding me to say yes. She does everything in her power to make sure Rhett and I get along, and River finds it just as amusing as I do even though there’s nothing to worry about.
“Sure.” We grab some of the food and head out the back door attached to the kitchen. Our backyard has plenty of room for the kids to play, a little swing set and slide that Dad helped me put together, and a fire pit and grill off to the side. Once in a while we’ll have little summer barbecues and light a fire to make s’mores, which started last year during July fourth when Maddie admitted she’d never had them before. Now she begs us to break out marshmallows every time they visit. If anything, her sugar addiction is the reason Everett would hate me now.
“River mentioned work has been rough.” I cleaned the grill off earlier, so I spray the metal racks and fire it up. Looking up at him with one hand in his blue jeans, I ask, “Anything I could help with?”
My degree in business was a waste of money and time, and something Dad still brings up when I complain about my salary at the school I coach at. Granted, it would make more sense to find something that pays better using the piece of paper I acquired after years of schooling at Penn State, but it isn’t what I want to do. Robert James doesn’t usually push when I remind him of that, but I can tell disappointment lingers after the conversation is over.
“Nah, man. I’ll handle it.”
His tired features age his face with the slightest marks around his eyes. The darker bags contrast the abnormal mint eyes that he passed along to both Luke and Maddie, making me wonder when the last time he’s
gotten a full night’s sleep was.
When the grill is hot enough, I set the burgers on it, lining them up and leaving room for the chicken breasts Charlie marinated in barbecue sauce as a different option. Luke is already a bottomless pit that makes me nervous for Milo to get older, and Maddie is pickier than any child I’ve ever known. Charlie got up early this morning to prepare a regular salad, potato salad, and even macaroni and cheese hoping the kids would find something they liked to eat.
Everett clears his throat, eyeing the window that shows River and Charlie laughing over something Milo does. “How’s everything been? River told me the other night that you and Charlie went to see a specialist for Milo.”
Watching Charlie play with Milo makes my body ease as I grab the metal tongs and start placing the chicken on the rack. The sizzling of the sauce fills the minor silence between us as I gather my thoughts.
“She’s scared,” I tell him quietly, eyeing the women in the house. “Milo doesn’t let his condition stop him from being happy, you know? I think on top of worrying about the surgery, she thinks that he won’t be able to adjust. It’s for life, Rhett. That’s … shit, it’s terrifying.”
His hand comes down on my shoulder, giving it one quick squeeze before dropping it back to his side. “I know things with us haven’t been easy, but if you ever need help with anything…”
Giving him a grateful smile, I turn my focus downward on the food. “I appreciate it, but there’s nothing you can help us with right now. We see the doctor again next week to go over the next steps—insurance, another hearing test, figuring out what device would work best, and there’s way more following the surgery.” My throat tightens as I force a breath. “I get why she’s hesitant. He’s too young to understand what’s going on and he can’t make this decision on his own. That’s huge for her.”