“Don't you dare change schools. I’ve just met you and I’ve always hated school until now. And it's because I know I get to see you everyday. Plus, we’ve all done that. Or had that done to us. You know what I mean... That wasn't the first blow job in history.”
I laugh, without being able to hide the bitterness in my tone.
“Yeah but none of you have had an audience for it.”
I look at him: his blue eyes are so dark right now but I see nothing but concern for me in his gaze.
“Listen, they’ll forget about what they saw and by tomorrow I’m sure that they'll have something else to gossip about. Plus, I’m sure that Alex and Tuna are out there, right now, threatening everybody into never mentioning what happened to a living soul. And you know how persuasive Alex can be... Right?”
“It was my first time doing that!”
I don't know why I feel the need to say that to Sam but I do.
He cups my jaw with one of his huge hands and nods.
“I know. Come on now, let's go swim and sunbathe and eat some good food, Tuna’s setting up the picnic.”
When we get back to the beach, I go put on my bikini top, with Sam guarding the entrance of the changing hut and then, after a swim, I lie down in the sun with Sam and Alex on each side of me.
No one dares mentioning what happened earlier and the day progresses into a sunny, hazy early fall afternoon.
Alex and Sam are both asleep on their sun beds when I realise that my water bottle’s empty.
So I get up and walk to the cooler by the shade of the changing hut.
I’m shutting the lid back down when someone's shadow enters my vision.
I lift my face to find myself staring into Sean's brown eyes.
“Ayla, are you all right?”
I sigh and nod: of all the people that could’ve witnessed what happened earlier, Sean was definitely in my bottom five, like... Ever!
We look at each other for a few tense moments and then he says:
“Ayla, what the hell is going on with these guys? That Alex acts like you're his property, I saw the way Tuna was looking at you and Sam had his hands all over you earlier. And what the fuck were you doing with Alex anyway: the Ayla I knew would’ve never given a blow job to a guy she barely knows.”
I can't believe the nerve on him!
Before that night at the lake, I would’ve done anything to spare Sean's feelings but after I saw how little regard he had for mine, I decide that I need to put him in his place, once and for all.
“I know Alex a lot more than I know you, Sean! At least he's honest about what he wants and what he's prepared to do to get it.
You on the other hand have this image... The good boy, the perfect son, the devoted best friend. As long as that suits you and as long as that covers up all the shit you do behind closed doors! Do you think I didn't know that you’d been having sex with Clara? And with a lot of other girls after she dumped you?”
His eyes darken with fury and the hardness in his voice, is something completely new to me:
“And why did you think that she dumped me? Because you kissed me even though you knew that I had a girlfriend.”
I feel one single tear slide down on my cheek, slow and hot but I know that there's many more where that one came from.
“It was my first kiss, Sean! And I’d been dreaming about that being with you since... Forever! I didn't initiate it because I was too scared to ruin our friendship, in case you didn't feel the same way about me.
And you know what? I could forgive that you were drunk, I could forgive that you weren't in love with me and that you didn't think about the consequences of your actions. That you didn't think that that kiss could be the end of our friendship. What I can't forgive is that when you regretted it, you told Clara and you blamed everything on me!”
He takes one step closer to me and I don't budge.
“I felt too guilty, I had to tell her! And what did you expect me to do? She was gonna dump me anyway, she’d told her friend that she was disappointed with my... You know?”
I don't help him and wait for him to finish his sentence.
“She said I wasn't as good in bed as she thought I would be. And I thought that she’d always been jealous of you and if I kissed you—”
“So you did use me! And it's even worse than I thought. I thought you kissed me on a whim and regretted it but you did to make Clara jealous. It was just a test!”
He nods.
“Yeah. I’ve never seen you that way, Ayla. You’ve always been like a sister to me. Until... Until you left and I missed you and then I saw that photo of you kissing Sam on Instagram. I love you Ayla, this is why I asked Marcia to invite me.”
“YOU asked my Mom to invite you to come here?”
He nods.
“I... I knew I was losing you. I had to do something—”
My voice is bitter and tired when I speak again, I almost don’t recognise it, it doesn't sound like me and I hate the way this girl sounds:
“No, Sean. You don't love me. You never have. I don't even think you know how to love someone. Even with your Mom. It's all about what you want from others. You did lose me. You did when you blamed me for that kiss, when you made my first kiss something to be ashamed of.”
“Ashamed? You certainly don't have a problem with shame, right? All your new ‘friends’ saw you blowing that guy and you're still here. Ready to party. Does your Mother know what you’re up to with these rich guys? Are the other two going to have their turn later?”
I slap him across the face, hard.
“How dare you? You’ve no right to judge me, Sean! And no, my Mother doesn't know. And those guys care about me!”
He snickers.
“Do you think they care? You're just their little fuck toy, darling! They'll move on as soon as they’ve had their fun with you! And all the expensive cars, fancy parties at private beaches and huge mansions, will be a thing of the past. But then, don't expect to find me there to pick up the pieces.”
“What's the difference? You’ve never been there for me anyway! Our friendship has always been a one way street and it only took me that kiss to realise it. Now, please go hang out with Michelle! I can't ask you to leave or I’d have too much to explain to my Mom but please, after you board that plane tomorrow, don't ever come back here.”
I walk away and I find two sets of blue eyes fixed on me and Sean: Alex and Sam’s looks are murderous and a big part of me, would actually be grateful if they kicked the shit out of Sean but I don't want them to fight my battles and really, I want to close this chapter of my life.
Maybe it's true what my Mom once said that not all your friends are supposed to stay your friends forever.
The party would be fun if I didn't feel Sean's eyes on me the whole time and I’m almost grateful when he starts dancing with Michelle, leaving me to hang out with the people I have actually started to consider my friends.
Alex knows that I love boxed games like Pictionary or Taboo and this is how we spend the rest of the evening, eating the delicious Korean food the caterers made and playing all my favourite games.
The cake’s as spectacular as Jenna promised and I’d just eaten a huge slice when Tuna steps close to me with a smile and swipes a finger at the corner of my upper lip.
“You’ve got some chocolate right here, and...”
He takes my hand and drags me out of the patio doors that open onto the pool and around the corner wall where no one can see us from inside the pool house.
One of his hands skims on my cheek, as if he were checking that I’m still all in one piece.
“Ayla, I’m so sorry about earlier, I didn't know what you guys—”
I cover his hand with mine and look into his warm hazel eyes: he’s got the sexiest gaze ever.
And I haven't been able to forget how he made me feel when we were alone in his room.
“Does it bother you? I obviously didn't plan on putting on a show.”
&nbs
p; He brushes his lips onto mine and they are warm and so soft that I tilt my head while stretching on the tip of my toes to give him better access.
He increases the pressure but doesn't deepen the kiss.
When he puts some distance between our faces, he takes my hand to kiss it slowly.
“No. It doesn't bother me. If you wanted to do it... I can't really explain it, not even to myself. If I saw you kiss another guy, anyone else... I would go crazy with jealousy. With Alex and Sam... It doesn't bother me, as long as you don't like them more than you like me.”
“I don't.”
I whisper, kissing him again and rubbing my body against his.
He surrounds my waist with his strong arms and his breath tickles my skin, warm and promising:
“I need to be alone with you, Ayla. Let's find a room. I... You don't have to do anything you don't want to, I promise. But I wanna hold you and—”
I want to be with him so I agree and tell him that I’d like to find a room.
We re-enter the house from the back, passing through the kitchen and file down the corridor unnoticed by our friends.
“This is one of the best guest rooms, it's so quiet...”
He says opening the door but we both stop on the threshold with our jaws hitting the floor at the view of Michelle on top of someone.
She's riding the guy with her back arched and her head thrown back and she's moaning so loudly that I’m actually surprised we didn't hear her before.
We’re frozen in shock and Michelle doesn't give any sign of noticing us but her partner does: he gasps loudly and tries to push her off his hips, grabbing a corner of the bedsheets to cover his nudity.
My ex best friend looks at me horrified and I stand there, looking at him for a long moment.
The truth is that I’m not upset: actually I’m not even that surprised.
Six months ago, something like this would've made me feel distraught but now that I know what Sean's really like, I actually think that he and Michelle are pretty well suited.
“Sorry, we’ll find another room, do continue.”
We move further down the corridor and Tuna’s holding my hand with a concerned look on his face.
I’m about to reassure him that I’m ok, when we hear Michelle’s voice.
She’s running towards us, her tiny dress back on, her hair a little mussed by her... Bedroom activities.
“Ayla, honey. Are you all right?”
She asks and had it been anyone else, that tone would've actually been sweet, on her it sounds forced.
I shrug.
“Why wouldn't I be? Sean's free to hook up with whoever he wants. So, you didn't need to stop on our account.”
She smiles wider.
“Good! I’m so glad that you were able to have a good birthday even after the accident with Alex, earlier on.”
Tuna’s gaze is dark and so furious that I wouldn't be surprised to see Michelle catch fire where she stands.
But I shrug her off and drag my boyfriend away: it's obvious that this friendship thing is only an effort not to get kicked out of the cool crowd but as long as she leaves me alone, who cares?
Right?
Sam
I DON'T EVEN HAVE TO ring the doorbell, Ayla opens the door and runs out of her house and towards my SUV parked in her driveway.
Sean follows her with a surly expression.
Ayla's Mom has to work today and Sean was supposed to get a cab to the airport for his flight back to Chicago in the afternoon but since the date I’ve planned takes most of the day, I offered to drive Sean to get an earlier flight home and Ayla jumped at the chance.
We don't talk much until we drop Sean off: we leave him at the entrance of departures, stopping the car just long enough for him to get his duffel bag and walk away.
The two former besties barely acknowledge each other: there aren't any hugs or promises to visit each other soon.
Ayla actually visibly relaxes her shoulders as soon as I drive off the curb and leave LAX behind.
We don't talk much until we hit the highway and she asks me where we’re going.
I’ve debated long and hard if I should take Ayla to the place where we’re headed but I’ve decided that it's right.
I know that we haven't known each other that long but I’ve never felt so close to a girl before, not even to Michelle.
“We’re going to San Diego.”
I supply and then put the radio on and during the hour long drive I fight my nerves by playing with Ayla's fingers after I pulled one of her hands on my lap and occasionally fidgeting with the dog tags I never take off from around my neck.
If Ayla looks confused when we drive into a cemetery, a military one to boot, she doesn't shows it.
She looks at me with her gorgeous green eyes, waiting for me to explain.
I park the car, take a blanket and a small wicker basket from the trunk and then, hold Ayla's hand for the short walk to my Father's grave.
We stop in front of the small, white stone that reads Captain Alexander Samson.
“Hey, Dad... This is my girlfriend Ayla.”
She lifts her face to look at me and I pull her closer to my side, taking my dog tags out of my shirt with my other hand.
“My Dad... Was a Marine. He and my Mom married straight out of college and I was born shortly after. Serving in the military was a tradition in his family and he was happy fulfilling his father's expectations. I was born in Japan, can you imagine? But mostly I grew up here in San Diego. Dad was stationed at Camp Pendleton... He was a great Dad, you know? He was gone a lot on deployments but when he was home, he taught me how to ride a bike, throw a football. His last deployment was eleven years ago, to Afghanistan. He never came back.”
She doesn't say anything: she holds my hand tighter and brings our linked fingers to her lips to kiss my knuckles.
“These are his dog tags. I never take them off, I feel him closer like this. My Mother remarried a year after he died: she met this super rich guy that owns shares in a lot of the major Hollywood production companies. He adopted me and he’s good to us, he really is.”
“But you still miss him.”
“Everyday. Ayla, the only people I’ve ever brought here to meet him are Alex and Tuna.”
“Because they're your best friends...”
“They're more than that, Ayla. They're truly my brothers. I didn't end up in a mental institution because of them. When they met me, my Mom had just got married and we’d just moved to Beverly Hills, in this big mansion. I was still grieving my Dad’s loss so intensely and the move didn't help. I guess that to my Mom it was a needed fresh start but for me... I felt eradicated from everything I knew. New family, new school, new house...”
While I talk, we spread the blanket on the grass and we sit down.
She takes my hand again.
“I met Alex the day my Mom was called urgently to BHPA because I refused to talk. At home they hadn't noticed that I’d stopped talking days earlier. I don't remember much about why but I remember that I couldn't sleep at night because of the nightmares. I kept seeing my Dad, saying that we betrayed him, replaced him. I was barely eating too. Mom was talking to the principal of BHPA elementary and while I was sitting there, right outside the office, Alex walked by. He had a football in his hand and when he saw me, pale and withdrawn... He threw the football violently, aiming for my head.”
I think Ayla imagines where this is going because she smiles and whispers:
“Typical Alex.”
I nod.
“Yeah. I had a knee jerk reaction: I caught the ball and told him to stop being a dick. Those were the first words I’d said in days. I said them right when my Mom was leaving the principal’s office. I wasn't told until years later but they were getting me committed to a psych ward. My Mom decided not to when she saw me talk to Alex. That night, Alex slept over and after throwing that same football around until dinner time, it was the first night I really ever slept since my Dad died
. Alex had a nanny, because his parents where always gone and she was obviously happy to be relieved of her duties. So after a while, Mom contacted Spencer, Alex’s Dad and he agreed to let Alex stay with us. He basically lived in my house until sophomore year.”
“I’m sorry to interrupt your story, honey, but why aren't his parents around?”
“His Father’s always away for business and his Mom... She's constantly in rehab. This is why he actually calls my Mom, Mom. He calls his mother Janet. By the way, you’ll have to ask him more about his parents but he really doesn't like to talk about them.”
“So this is how you and Alex became best friends?”
I nod.
“What about Tuna?”
“He and Alex were already best friends and shortly after that first night, Tuna started to come round and we’d spend the night at my house or Tuna’s. We’d become inseparable. I owe those two guys everything, Ayla. They gave me back my will to live after the biggest loss.”
Ayla scoots closer and hugs me.
“I’m so glad that you found them.”
She whispers.
I look at her without saying anything for a long moment and then I explain:
“We’ve all helped each other overcome some huge, painful loss. This is our bond, Ayla. This is why we never let anyone in. The A-Team was a silly idea we got in Middle School when popularity started to matter. Now, it's just something we use to keep others at a distance and yeah, I mean... We don't complain that people want in and want to basically be us. They just don't know that our bond isn't about fast cars, girls and the football team.”
I take a bottle of Mountain Dew out of the basket and pour it into two solo cups.
I pass one to Ayla:
“It was my Dad's favourite drink. I always bring him some. You know, he would've really liked you, Ayla. He would've loved how smart you are and he would've told me that I better do everything right with you, because you're also so beautiful. Thank you for coming to meet him.”
Ayla
SAM TAKES ME OUT TO lunch and then when we get back to LA, he tells me that he doesn't want to leave me yet and asks me if I wouldn't mind spending the afternoon with him.
The Initiation: A High School Light Bully Romance (Beverly Hills Prep Academy Book 1) Page 15