“You’re a dumbass. Chicks like Ryan don’t come around often, and you just pissed away your chance at having something most of us would kill for.”
“You have got to be kidding me.” That pissed Brick off. “You of all people. You fucking warned me off her, and now you’re saying I should have kept her, putting her in danger. She almost got blown the fuck up because instead of getting to safety, she stayed on the damn computer, trying to help us out. What does that say?” Roo shook his head and started walking away.
“It means she’s a ride or die, asshole. That shit is rare. What you aren’t stopping to think about is she was also smart enough to figure out a way to save her own ass. Ryan is like a sister to me, and I don’t want her in danger any more than you do, but I also know she isn’t going to stop, especially if she knows Tiny’s alive. You think seeing him fucked with your head? Imagine what it would have done to hers. Yeah, she’s never going to give up. The only question you have to ask—would you rather her risk her ass where you can be close enough to save it when and if she needs it, or if you’re okay with her doing it all on her own. Because there will be no half measures with a chick like her—you’re either all-in or all-out. You just have to decide where you want to be in the lineup.”
Roo stopped walking altogether when Brick said, “What if I don’t know where I want to be in that lineup?”
He knew he cared for her, wanted her like nobody’s business, but long term was never something he pictured himself doing with a woman, but even he had to admit if one woman could bring him down on his knees, it would be Ryan.
“Then you’re an even bigger dumbass than I thought. Come on, let’s get out of here.” They walked down the stairs and took a convoluted way to get back to their bikes, neither one of them feeling like they were out of the woods yet.
“Do you think Tuck knows?” Brick asked. “About Tiny?”
“Fuck if I know, but Caine is going to flip his shit. Did Ryan get the video?”
“What?” Brick said, but his mind was already going overtime. None of them had thought about the video.
“The video, man, the reason I’m fucking here in the first place. I tried to get the last sequence done, but all hell broke loose, and I had to drop the laptop. Damn, dude, the stuff on there is messed up, and I only saw seconds of it. I hope she got it because if we’re looking to buy some time with minimal damage, it might be just the ticket. We need to get the ball rolling.”
Brick started up his bike and cruised out of the parking lot behind Roo. The three-hour trip back to Caine, Brick ran everything over in his mind. Junior pulled in behind them about ten miles from Caine’s. This used to be what Brick lived for—riding for hours on his bike with his brothers from one destination to another. Now, he was just damn tired. When they pulled down the drive, Caine was waiting for them on the porch with Axel and London. A part of him wished Ryan was standing there, glaring at him, ready to kick his ass and welcome him home. At that moment, he realized home wasn’t about the place—it was about the person. They had given Axel so much shit in the service when he would go on about going home to London, but Brick finally got it, and Roo was right. He had thrown it all away because he didn’t know if he loved her, but he damn well knew he needed her. Shit.
Junior had already parked his bike and gotten off, and Roo was walking toward Caine and the others, but Brick was just sitting there. Junior stopped and looked at him.
“You finally figured it out, didn’t ya? Freedom, true freedom, isn’t about going from one party to the next or even how many chicks you can get in your bed or riding for hours, not knowing where you’re going to land. Hell, it isn’t even about this club. It’s about finding that one person who will support you, even when you’re a dumb ass, will fight for you when you can’t get your head out of your ass or do it on your own. The person who will twist you up, fuck up your head, and make you willing to give up anything for just another minute of the wild ride, only they are capable of taking you on.” Junior’s hand landed on his shoulder, slapping it hard. “She’s at her mother’s. I hope you didn’t fuck it up. She’s one of the good ones, and I think you’re only going to get one more chance with her. Be smart.”
Fuck, yeah, she was, but he didn’t have the first clue what to do about it. Right now, Ryan was safe, and he needed to work.
Chapter Twenty-Two
“Ryan Morganna Lowe, get your ass up out of that bed!”
Ryan sat up quick when her mom ripped her blanket cocoon off her abruptly.
“What the hell, Momma!”
“You have been moping around here for three days, Ryan. THREE days! It’s time for you to either tell me what happened, so we can figure it out or for you to go home.” Ryan’s mouth fell open in shock, but her momma just pointed a finger at her. “Don’t you give me that look. This is not what Lowes do. We do not hide under the covers and avoid life. We face it head-on! What has gotten into you?”
Ryan scrubbed her hand over her face. Her momma was right. This wasn’t her normal behavior, but damn it, she was nursing a broken heart. That should at least buy her a couple of days. Ryan wasn’t going to go all-in, but if she didn’t give her momma something, the woman was like a pit bull and would never let up.
“I met someone, and I thought it was going one way, but he had other ideas, end of story. I came home to my sweet, loving mother to regroup. Guess I made another bad choice.” Getting up, she went to the dresser, jerked open the drawer, and pulled out a pair of shorts and a tee. They were at least a size too small, but she hadn’t exactly come with any luggage, so cameltoe and an extreme wedgie just got added to her crappy life. Wonderful.
Her momma sat down on the bed.
“Let me guess, Baden Wahl?”
Ryan turned to face her mother, eyes glaring.
“No way in hell did you pick that name out of the minutiae of the universe.”
“Nope,” her momma said, smiling. “Rooster called to check up on you and wanted to make sure you were all right. I didn’t need your IQ to put two and two together. You’ve been pinning after that man for years. What did you do, Ryan?”
Ryan, mildly offended, put her fists on her hips.
“I’ve dated, Mom. I haven’t spent my life, panting after Baden Wahl.”
“True, but let me ask you this. All those guys you dated, did any of them measure up to what you convinced yourself Baden represented? And don’t lie.”
Defeated, Ryan dropped the clothes on the floor and sat beside her mom.
“No, but you’re supposed to be on my side, even when I do stupid shit.” Ryan’s mom wrapped her arm around her.
“I am, sweet girl, but you are one of the most hardheaded people I know. Let me guess what happened. You went there for whatever reason, which we will be talking about another time, and went balls to the wall. When he didn’t get in line, you got butthurt.”
Ryan leaned forward, cradling her head in her hands, splitting her fingers enough for one eye to look at her mom. “Probably.” Tears gathered in her eyes but not because of Brick and the cluster fuck of whatever they had, but because even now, she wanted to tell her mom about Donovan but couldn’t—not yet.
“Tell me what you really want, Ryan, not what you think you are supposed to have, but what you want.”
“Huh?”
“Oh, don’t give me that. You and Tiny are so much like your father.”
“Whoa!” Ryan stood up quickly. “That is not cool, Momma. I…”
Her mom reached her hand out, taking Ryan’s and pulling her back to the bed.
“Stop and listen. Did you ever wonder why I insisted on you doing crafty stuff? I knew you hated it, would have rather been off in your computer world exploring and finding new things, but you needed something to ground you, to bring you out of the adventure and into reality.”
“Oh, I don’t know, Mom, we had plenty of reality going on. You working all the time, Tiny raising me like his own child, still a child himself, no food in th
e cupboards, collecting cans, garbage picking, and everything else we could do just to make the last bit of money we needed to keep the lights on. That man took off, leaving you to do everything. I’m not like that, and neither was Tiny. We stick.”
“See, that’s the problem. You only looked so far. That stuff was my choice, not your father’s. Would it have been easier if he stayed? Maybe, maybe not, but what you don’t know, and I should have told you about years ago, is I knew he was never going to stay in the first place. I made my choice. I wanted you and your brother with all my heart. I made my decision and accepted the consequences. Having babies and raising them was my dream, not your father’s. Some people need to be wild and free, others long for hearth and home, while others land somewhere between. What you have to ask yourself is, what do you want?”
Ryan sat there for a couple of seconds. Ten minutes ago, she would have said with complete certainty she knew what she wanted.
“You, your brother, your father, Rooster, Baden, and all those boys in that club are free spirits.”
“I don’t know, Momma, I think you might have the boys right, but I’m not that way.”
“Really, Ryan, I think you’re wrong. You never once in your life did what society would consider was right. You were handed how many full-ride scholarships for college? How many did you take? You have enough money and talent to build a house and live anywhere you want, so where’s yours? You have dated enough men to have had your pick of a husband.
“Where is the ring on your finger? Every woman wants to hear the words I love you from the man she has taken in her heart, but do you think you deserve those words so soon when you haven’t earned them? When you’re still working through the lust and learning each other? Everything comes so easy to you, you’re spoiled and forget the most important things in life, you have to work for every single day.” Her mom rubbed the creases that had formed on Ryan’s forehead. “Oh, stop it. There isn’t anything wrong with what you want, Ryan. You’re just going about it the wrong way. Earn it. Trust me, it will mean a hell of a lot more when you do.”
“Mom, what if I’m not the woman he needs, or hell, even the one he wants after one night?”
“Ryan, life is about the risks. If you never take one, you’re never going to find out what could happen. Sometimes, they hurt like a bitch, but sometimes, they are the best thing that could ever happen to you. Now, get dressed, give that boy hell if he deserves it, or take a chance and forgive him for whatever boneheaded mistake he made. Your choice.”
“Thank you, Momma.” Ryan hugged her mom, holding on just a little tighter and a little longer than was absolutely necessary. Pulling back, she asked, “Would you have really made me go home?”
“Sweet girl, I had the moonshine and two glasses sitting outside the door. Desperate times call for desperate measures.” They both laughed, and when her mom left the room, Ryan caught her reflection in the full-length mirror on her closet door and just looked at herself for a minute—no makeup, only in a pair of way too tight shorts and a bra. What do you want? What are you willing to risk? The answer was simple—everything.
Her mom was right. For three days, she’d had a pity party, she and Brick would work out, or they wouldn’t. She really hoped it was the latter, but now it was time to get back to work and do what she did best. There was something bothering her about the night the clubhouse blew up. There was no doubt Talon had been messing with her. The man was almost too cocky for his own good. The video had been a lure, and he played them, just as Ryan knew he would, had even prepared for that contingency. The actual clubhouse security hack bothered her more. Talon was good, but he couldn’t have been doing both. The other thing that bugged her was the video itself. The file was huge. The couple of seconds she saw with Talon and London were disturbing, but she didn’t think the file was purposely put in her path just for the shock value or to keep their focus splintered. She really needed to get back into that file and see what else was on it.
It also bothered her how easily they seemed to have gotten a picture of Matilda. That hit a little too close to home. Putting a screen name and style together with an actual person wasn’t impossible, but it should have taken longer than a few short weeks. Perez, Talon, and the rest of their organization could chase their tails from here to eternity, looking for Matilda, which would buy the BRMC and Ryan more time. The security system hack had her the most curious, that and her brother. Ryan hadn’t even started to examine her feelings about Donovan yet.
Now that her mind was less on her heartache over what happened between her and Brick and more on the job at hand, Ryan realized what she needed to do. She was going back to Hazard to help the BRMC, whether they wanted her help or not. Good thing she had already planned for that possibility. Ryan smiled to herself. Brick and the BRMC weren’t going to know what hit them.
Brick might be worth the risk, but first, he had a lot to answer for. She could go with the flow, see where this thing went, but what she could not do or would not do was allow him to get away with making her feel cheap and used. Nor would she let him dismiss her again, even if she knew in her heart, he had done it to protect her. She finished getting dressed, washed her face, and pulled her hair up in a ponytail. She wasn’t going to win any beauty contests, but such was life. Going into the kitchen, her mom had breakfast already on the table and was drinking her coffee.
“So, you’ve made your decision?”
Ryan took a seat and put cream and sugar in the coffee her mother had already poured for her.
“I’m going back to Hazard, but I need you to do something for me, Mom.” Ryan knew this was going to be tricky. Her mother refused to leave her home in case Donovan came home. Sure, she went to work and continued with her daily life. She wasn’t a recluse, but she was also just as stubborn as Ryan about certain things, and this was one of them.
“What?”
“You know that vacation I keep trying to make you take? I think it’s time you took me up on it.”
“Ryan,”—her mom put her cup down and sighed—“we’ve talked about this. I don’t want to go anywhere.” Ryan reached her hand forward, and her mom took it.
“I know, Mom, and I can’t go into a ton of details, but I would feel safer, and it would give me peace of mind if just this once you bent for me, just a little.”
“Is it that bad?”
Ryan nodded. “Someone blew up their clubhouse with them in it. I don’t think there will be backlash for us, but I would just feel better if you were less accessible right now. Just for a couple of weeks, maybe a month. It also wouldn’t hurt if you stopped by to see Uncle Ajax and Joss.”
“And who is going to be looking out for you, Ryan?”
Ryan laughed. “An entire club of badass bikers. What could possibly go wrong?”
Chapter Twenty-Three
Doing the right thing, or rather figuring out the right thing to do, then having your hands tied, sucked. Caine’s house also sucked. The plumbing was crap, the air conditioning was nonexistent, and if they tried to plug in more than one thing at a time, the damn breakers blew every damn time. Not to mention, although they would never be men who demanded luxury, having at least a bed had become requirements for all of them. Another thing that sucked was attending the funerals for their fallen brothers. Four men, all prospects for the Blacktop Renegades, had lost their lives in the attack on their clubhouse, and it pissed him the hell off. It shouldn’t have happened at all. They had set up in Caine’s dining room. One thing his place did have to offer was space, lots of empty space.
Tapping his pen against the table, Brick said, “We need to figure out our next move, instead of sitting here with our thumbs up our asses. All the data Ryan printed off is gone. We’d begun the leg work, but again the servers and backups are gone as well. That’s now a dead-end, but we can at least call in some favors.”
“Ryan would have planned for that.” Junior was standing against the wall. “I think we should contact her and see if she
had a backup to the backups.”
Caine looked at Brick and only offered a slight shake of his head before Caine replied, “No, we agreed to leave Ryan out of this.”
Brick was glaring at Junior but kept his mouth shut for now. Hell, he wanted Ryan back here more than any of them, but he didn’t feel now was the right time. Maybe after they figured out what their next move was or after Perez was six feet underground.
“No, you and Brick had a come to Jesus moment. We didn’t agree on shit. She is still one of our best assets right now, and I think we should use it before we get caught with our pants down again. Word on the street is Perez is getting ready to make a big move, but I’m not getting a feel for what it is. It could be against the club again while we’re down, or it could be something else. There are also rumors running rampant about him deciding to offload his flesh stock.”
“I’m getting the same thing. If we can get the details, we can use the information to cause him some problems, but ultimately, it’s nothing new and probably wouldn’t amount to much. The information we had would better serve our end goal. We want to keep the cartel off-balance and second-guessing themselves. We also know Perez has informants in every law enforcement agency in the states and several in other countries. If we don’t play this exactly right, a major hit all at once to get them scrambling, we’re just doing more of the same. Whatever you, Tuck, and Cin did all those years ago was a one-time hat trick. I’m with Junior. Ryan is our best bet right now, but I’m not sure I want to bring her back in, either. Just the few financial files London was able to go over showed the cartel and Perez personally are flush. We, on the other hand, are burning resources. The move here tapped them, the bomb, rebuilding, and paying off the right people to keep this as an unexplained gas leak is straining them.”
Roo had been sitting back and listening when he dropped forward. Brick never expected the man to say what he did.
Brick: Blacktop Renegades (BRMC Book 2) Page 14