by KL Donn
She nods her head in agreement.
Brushing a hand through her hair, I cup the back of her head and drag her closer to me. I need to feel her heart beating against my chest.
“Staying silent these last three months was the wrong move. I see that now. I should have reached out and explained what was happening and why I was putting the distance between us. I thought I was doing the right thing, Em. I thought I was keeping you safe. But I can see I’ve only made you miserable alongside myself.”
Her breathing evens out, and I have to wonder if she’s fallen asleep on me. Continuing on, I don’t care if I have to explain this all again. I’ll do it every day of my life if it means I get to keep Ember.
“My goal was to make certain we could be together without restriction. I knew that while I took Katrina to court for the divorce, she would do everything she could to make your life miserable if she knew I had someone important in my life. She would do and say things to make you doubt my love and loyalty, and I couldn’t have that between us.” When an arm tightens around my ribs, digging nails into my back, I'm sure she’s asleep now.
Sadly, at this moment, feeling the way she has, Ember wouldn’t be holding me so tightly. She’s angry with me, and rightly so. Checking the time, I see it’s only mid-afternoon, but with the dark circles under her eyes, I know it’s been a while since she’s properly rested.
Standing, I place Ember on the couch. Her body listless and exhausted as she settles into the cushions as I place a blanket over her body.
Kissing her forehead, I whisper, “I love you, Em,” before straightening and striding to the door where I left her note and chocolates. After moving them to the table in front of the couch, I grab a bottle of water from the fridge and leave it for her for when she wakes up.
As much as I want to stay, I know she’ll be upset that I didn’t respect her boundaries. Locking the door as I go, I stroll back to my truck, hating leaving her and knowing I have to.
For now.
Ember
My eyes pop open in panic, and I abruptly sit up on the couch where I fell asleep in Noah’s arms. Listening as he told me who Cali was, what happened with his ex-wife. He was apologizing for his silence after explaining why.
I was too wrapped up in the feelings of safety in his arms, and I couldn’t hold my eyes open any longer, but I heard him, and while I don’t feel as lonely as previously, I’m still not entirely certain what this means for us. If there even is an us. I want there to be, desperately. More so now that I know a baby is coming.
Our baby.
And maybe today was a step in the right direction towards that.
But if I tell him about this, how will I know he’s staying out of love and not duty? I don’t even know if he wants children.
Grabbing the water bottle from the table, I twist the lid off and take a long swig. The water helps ease the tension brought on by my sudden panic attack.
Exhausted still, I see it’s dark outside and decide to grab a muffin before heading to bed, pausing when I see a note and chocolate. I think back on the last message Noah left me.
Not as frightened to open this one, I carefully peel back the sealed flap and let the paper slip free. Unfolding it, I press my fingers to my lips. Remembering that first time.
Then we moved to a kiss.
If I didn’t know better, I’d think Noah has written me a poem, and he’s giving it to me one line at a time.
I can’t help but sigh at how romantic it is.
Lifting the corner of the chocolates' box, I see my favorite salted caramel treats waiting to be eaten. Grabbing one, I pop the delight in my mouth before taking the rest to the fridge to save for later. The milk chocolate melts on my tongue as the caramel oozes out of the center, causing a moan.
His thoughtfulness encourages me to give him another chance. We barely got started before we finished, and now that I’m more informed about the reasons for our emotional ending, I believe I owe it to this baby and us to give it another shot.
Slow and steady, though. I can’t jump in head first if I’m not entirely sure I’ve forgiven him. Noah and I have so many hurdles to cross before we can settle in, and right now, my mind is so fragile that I worry about my ability to handle the stress if we can’t make it work.
With my thoughts splintering in a million different directions and indecision weighing heavily on my shoulders, I head to bed with the hope of a clear mind in the morning.
4
Noah
“We need to talk.” Kol stands over my desk, arms crossed, eyes narrowed. I know exactly what he wants to talk about too. The fact that it’s taken three months to happen surprises me.
“Lead the way,” I say. I won’t hide from Kol. He’s been my best friend for a long-ass time, and while he never warned me away from his sister, I don’t think he expected us to fall in love with each other either.
Closing the door as I enter his office, I sit in the chair across from his desk, waiting for the conversation to begin.
Kol has never been very good at hiding his feelings, and right now, I can tell he’s tortured over his sister's feelings and how she’s been handling these past three months. I feel the same way only ten times more because I love her, and I know I’m her most incredible pain.
“She’s hurting, man," he starts. "Ember is in fucking agony, and everything in me says to kick your damn ass, but I know you didn’t do this on purpose.”
“I didn’t,” I confirm. “I’m working on building her trust again. I love Em, and after running into her at your party, I know I fucked up worse than I feared.”
Pinching the bridge of his nose, Kol leans his head back in his chair. “She’s never been so distant. It’s not just you, Noah. She isn’t out on the town with Thea like normal. She’s not the fun-loving girl she once was.”
Digging the heal of my hand into my aching heart, I hurt more now than an hour ago. I fucking ruined Ember. “What are you saying, Kol?”
Steadying his breath, he stares me dead in the eye. “I want you to back off. Leave her alone completely.”
I figured that was coming. “I won’t do that, Kol. I love you; you’re the brother I never had, but Ember is mine, and I won’t back off again. I have no intention of ever letting her go, and after last night, the way she let me hold her while she slept, I don’t think that’s what she wants either.”
A satisfied smile spreads across his face, and I could hit the man. “Good. If you backed off, I’d definitely have to kick your ass.” Relief rolls off both our shoulders. “How was she last night?”
“Exhausted. Sad. I wanted to give her space, but when I held her, she wilted in my arms and trusted me to keep her safe while she slept.”
“Em's too tough for her own damn good,” Kol mutters as he pulls out a set of keys from his drawer. Removing a key off the ring, he reaches across the desk with it. “This is for the house. Let her know you have it, but you’ll always knock first. She might protest, but I know Arsen and I will feel better if someone else has access to her and the house.”
Flipping the metal object over in my hand, I know how concerned he must be about his sister. “Are you saying you want me to invade her space? She asked me for distance.”
“And it’s killing you, isn’t it?” I can only shrug because, right now, my feelings don’t matter nearly as much as Ember's do. “Whether she knows it or not, Em needs you. She needs to know that you’re there for her. No more walking away.”
Shit. “And if I make her worse?”
“You won’t.” His crooked grin makes me think he knows more than he’s letting on. “I’ve known for a long time how the two of you feel about one another; the only ones holding either of you back is you.”
Scrubbing a rough hand down my face, I nod. He’s right, and I know it. I’ve been the damn problem for so long and haven't wanted to admit it. Shielding Ember by pushing her away while I should have been pulling her closer.
“Thanks, man.” I shake Ko
l’s hand and exit his office.
Dropping into my chair with a heavy sigh rattling my chest, I attempt to focus on the break-in report sitting in front of me, but I can’t. All I do is think about Ember. She consumes me in a way I’ve never experienced before. She’s embedded in my blood; my heart beats solely for her now.
Taking a few calming breaths, I clear my mind, needing to get this asshole who's targeting single women off the streets and behind bars before he kills someone. He’s broken into six houses, all while the owners were sleeping. All women living alone. He’s injured the last four. The most recent victim wound up in the hospital with a concussion, broken wrist, and four stitches on her eyebrow. The escalation is ramping up to rape or murder. Hell, possibly both.
It doesn’t escape my attention that Ember perfectly matches the description and lives only six blocks from the latest victim. But she hasn’t reported her wallet or license as missing so far. All of the victims had previous to their attack.
While skimming through the reports, one recurring action catches my interest, and I can’t believe I didn’t identify it before now. Each victim had a run-in with someone in or just outside of a parking garage. Nothing untoward happened at any of the exchanges, but it’s the only similarity connecting all the cases.
Printing out a list of each garage and their address, I knock on Kol’s door. “What’s up?” He doesn’t look up from whatever he’s staring at on his computer screen.
“Got a lead on these break-ins. I’m going to spend the rest of the afternoon scoping them out. Interested in joining me?”
His head darts up at the invitation. “Fuck, yes.” He’s been bitching like crazy about all the paperwork his new position entails. I don’t envy him. “So, what’s this lead?”
Exiting the building, I explain, “Each of the women reported their license or wallet missing, but they didn’t know how or where. In the corresponding reports, their account of the days leading up to the assaults all reveals that they bumped into someone in or near a parking garage. I’m thinking this could be our guy. He hits them hard enough that they drop their purses, and he snatches it then. Probably apologizes and helps them clean up, so when they go to file the missing item report, they don’t even think about the kind stranger that bumped into them.”
“Good theory.” Kol gazes down at the paper I’ve handed him with the locations of each garage. “Got a map in the car?”
Curious, I nod and grab the city map from my glove box, laying it on the hood of my car. “What are you thinking?” I ask this time.
“I say we put the homes and the garages on the map and see what kind of radius he’s working in.” After marking the structures up in different colored Sharpies, we’ve gained a clearer picture of his comfort zone.
He’s mostly been working from downtown to the northwest side of the city. Ember's side of the city. And that more than anything terrifies me.
Ember
Exhaustion tugs at me as I pull into the grocery store parking lot. I’ve put off shopping for days because I honestly hate doing it, but with so many things changing, I know I need to take better care of myself.
It’s not just me anymore.
I have a baby to think about now.
A baby.
It still doesn’t feel real.
Maybe if I share my secret, I’ll feel like it is? I don’t know. I’m in unchartered water here and have no idea what I’m doing.
Noah’s arrival yesterday left me even more emotional because I both love and hate the damn man. He angers me, and he makes me feel worthy all at the same time. And now that I’m having his baby, I know I have to figure out where he’s going to fit into our lives. I can’t just ignore him now.
After learning who the gorgeous girl with him at Kol’s party was, the constriction on my heart has eased some, but I still don’t feel like I could be a priority to him. He never confessed he was married. He remained silent for three months, and now, suddenly, he’s asking for something I’m not even sure I can give him.
I’m fragile and highly emotional right now, and trusting in what Noah makes me feel when he holds me in his arms might not be the smart decision.
Weary from my circling thoughts, I step out of the car into the crisp night air. The nip helps wake me up a little as I enter the building. Grabbing a cart, I leisurely stroll up and down the aisles, picking out some fruit, crackers, and a bunch of soups. I don’t have the energy lately to cook anything time-consuming.
As I reach the check-out and begin unloading my items onto the belt, I search through my purse, unable to find my wallet. Flustered as the cashier starts ringing in my items, my panic begins to spike a bit until I realize I must have left it in the car after I bumped into that guy yesterday and my purse spilled everywhere.
Pulling up Apple Pay on my phone, I’ve never been more grateful for the system I’ve seldomly ever used. After finishing up, I quickly get back to my car, needing to know where my wallet has wandered off to.
Placing the bags in my trunk, I begin a short search under the front seats for my wallet before giving up with no luck. Frustrated, I slam the passenger side door before sitting behind the wheel and wondering where in the fresh hell it went.
All I can think is, that man must have stolen it. He was curt, hurried, and wouldn’t look me in the eye. Annoyance clenches my jaw. I was so distracted that I hadn’t even thought to check if anything was missing. Now, I’m paying for it.
The drive home is filled with nineties pop music on the satellite station I listen to, and the minutes blend together until I reach home.
Noah is leaning against his car as I pull into the driveway, and I’m so shocked by his presence that the mystery of my missing wallet is swiftly forgotten. Unprepared to deal with him while feeling so tired, I take my time gathering my purse and popping the trunk of my car before exiting.
He saunters over with his sexy cop swagger, and every piece of me is begging to be held in his arms again. He’s a drug, and I’m more than hooked on him. I’m addicted.
“Noah,” I greet him, trying my best to remain indifferent, but I don’t think it works since I’m hyperaware of him standing behind me as I lift the trunk lid.
I freeze when his rough hand brushes my hair to the side of my neck, his fingers grazing my flesh as he does it. “I missed you.” His possessive words feather warm air along the back of my neck, and I can’t halt the shiver if I tried.
One hand settles on my hip while his other presents me with a gift. The same envelope as twice before, along with a small box, piques my curiosity.
“This is for you. I’ll bring the groceries in. Go on inside.” Gathering the items from his hand out of sheer politeness, I don’t hesitate to do as he says when he gently nudges me forward. It’s not the gift in the box that has anticipation rushing through my veins with the speed of a freight train.
It’s the note.
Each one has been intensely personal, and I have no idea what he’ll profess this time.
Unlocking the house, I stride to the sofa and place the offering on the table before gently easing open the envelope. As I shake out the paper, tears sting my eyes as I read.
We share a passion I couldn’t resist.
It’s nothing fancy or poetic, but it’s Noah. He’s showing me with choice sweet words that he never forgot about me during the months we didn’t speak.
“Have you eaten dinner yet?” Noah asks as he enters the house, closing and locking the door behind himself.
“No,” I call out. Unaware of the emotional breakdown I’m edging on, he walks to the kitchen with the grocery bags and begins to put them away. Gazing at the box, I’m almost afraid to open it. I know he’s sorry for his silence, the secret omission, but I don’t want Noah feeling as though he has to buy me things for me to forgive him.
That’s not how I am.
I have this desire to make things clear, but I’m not certain how to go about it.
“Can I make you something?” he
calls back, and I get the feeling his actions are forced because Noah is not a domesticated man. But he’s trying to accommodate me with the things he believes I want.
I think.
“I was just going to have soup,” I say, standing with the gift box in my hand. Slowly walking into the kitchen, I take a seat on the stool at the island and stare at it as I turn it over in my hands. “I don’t want gifts, Noah.”
“I know.”
Looking up at him, he has still not stopped moving. “Do you?”
Sighing, he turns to face me, crossing his arms before he speaks. “Open it.” Knitting my brow, I do as he says and slowly lift the top off the box.
Letting out a gasp, I then inhale sharply at what I see. Emotion stings my throat as I gently remove the small plaque, lacquered with twigs of lilacs and lavender to frame my parents’ names and the day they died.
“How?” My voice is hoarse as I try to speak.
I see him shrug. “I’ve had some time on my hands.” He’s so nonchalant about such a thoughtful gift.
“Thank you, Noah.” Rising, I hurry around the corner of the island and wrap my arms around his waist. Placing my head against his chest, I listen to the thumping of his heart as he embraces me too.
“You’re welcome, Em.” I feel him kiss the top of my head, and it’s in this moment that I know we’re going to be alright. I’ve already forgiven him for his silence, but I haven’t made that clear to him, and I know I have to.
Tilting my head up, I don’t hesitate to lift up to my toes and place my lips against his. He’s still at first, not wanting to break the connection, but as soon as my tongue brushes across the seam of his lips, Noah takes control.
Gripping my hips, he lifts me onto the counter before stepping between my legs. The girth of his erection isn’t missed as he slowly thrusts against me. Friction from the rigid movements has me moaning into Noah’s mouth, and he doesn’t let up. If anything, it only reinforces his actions.