Before Noah (Daniels Family Book 3)

by KL Donn

  Drawing the piece of paper I’ve been holding onto all day out of my back pocket, I gently place it down in front of her. “I started writing these because I knew you didn’t want to listen to my voice, to hear my excuses. I thought, if I could put onto paper what I was feeling for you, then maybe you would grant me an opening to tell you how much I love you because Em, baby, you’re my world.”

  “I know, Noah,” she croaks, and I wince at how much pain she must be in. Rolling backwards, so she’s staring up at me, the bruising on her face physically hurts me. Makes me wish I’d pounded his face a little harder than I had.

  Her one eye is swollen shut, she has stitches along her eyebrow and jaw. Her lip is split open, and her cheek sports butterfly bandages. Bending down, I lay light kisses to each injury before gently capturing her lips. “I love you, Em.”

  “I love you too, Noah.” Looking down at the paper in her hand, she unfolds the ends and begins to read quietly. “I seek your forgiveness, hoping it exists.”

  “I’ll wait a lifetime if that’s what you need from me.”

  “Oh, Noah.” When she raises her other hand, I frown when I see the cast around her palm and wrist as she gently strokes my face. “I’ve already forgiven you.”

  It’s not until she says those words that I realize how much I needed to hear them. “Thank you, Ember.” I kiss each finger before placing her hand back down on the bed.

  “I have to tell you something, Noah.” Her tone is grave, but there’s nothing she can say that would make me flinch.

  “I never intended to keep it a secret. I just found out a few days ago, and I’ve been processing it. Trying to figure out how I feel and how I could make it all work.”

  “Whatever it is, I’m here for you. You’re not alone.”

  “I know.” She nods and looks away quickly. “I’m pregnant, Noah.”

  Okay. Maybe I was wrong.

  I flinch a little, and I’m glad as hell her eyes are still downcast because it’s not for the reason she would think. I’m surprised, but not totally. We weren’t careful, and frankly, I was hoping for it if I’m honest with myself. Because then she would be tied to me forever.

  “And is he/she okay? Did he…?” Fuck. The more I think about it, this asshole not only hurt Ember but our baby. I’ll fucking kill him.

  “No. As far as the doctors can tell, everything is fine.”

  “Ember, look at me,” I demand, and she shakes her head. “Why the fuck not?”

  “Because I don’t want to see…”

  “See what?” Lifting her chin up with a finger, I search her wistful eyes. “What do you think you’re going to see, Ember?”

  “Disappointment,” she finally mumbles.

  Cupping her face in my hands, I lean my forehead against hers tenderly. “Never in a million years could I be disappointed about creating a life with you.” It’s in this moment that I realize she has no idea just how long I’ve been in love with her. I’ve done her an incredible disservice.

  “But couldn’t you? I’m such a mess, and now this, this attack has my mind scrambling.” I can feel the desperation rolling off of her in murky waves of anxiety. Ember has only ever craved a family of her own.

  “I will always love you, Ember. You make me feel a lot of things, but disappointment has never been one of them. A baby is a surprise, but a welcome one. There is no one on earth I’d rather have a child with than you.” Kissing her lips lightly, I pull back so I can stare into her eyes. “I’ve been in love with you longer than either of us even know. When Katrina and I fell apart, all I could feel was relief because it meant I could finally be with you. You were nearly an adult then, and I had to wait, but fuck has it been the sweetest reward.”

  “Did you love her?”

  Chewing on my bottom lip, I think about how to answer. “Maybe. I don’t know. What I felt for Katrina was never anything compared to what I feel for you. She didn’t drive me crazy and make my heart skip a beat when she smiled the way you do. She didn’t make me want to become a better man so I deserved her the way you do. If she made me feel anything, it was regret.”

  “I’m scared, Noah.” Fresh tears roll across her temples, and I know we’re past my previous marriage. The torment in her eyes is all about what’s happening now.

  “Of what?” I try to coax the answer out of her with a soothing tone.

  Wincing when she sucks her lip into her mouth, Ember quietly says, “What if he did rape me? How will I ever be able to move on from that? Just the idea makes me revolt in protest.”

  Sucking in a sharp breath, I have no idea how to help her here. This is new territory for me, but I know I have to say something. “How does not knowing make you feel?”

  “Petrified,” she answers instantaneously.

  “Why?”

  Ember

  Why?

  How do I even answer that without sounding like a lunatic?

  Obliviousness keeps me innocent. But knowledge? It makes me a victim, and I don’t want that.

  I want Noah.

  I want this baby.

  I want my life to return to normal.

  “I don’t want to be a victim, Noah,” I confess.

  His gaze softens as he stares down at me. “Baby, you’re not. You’re a survivor, and no matter what you decide or what did or didn’t happen, that will never change. It’s because of you that we caught this prick. You saved countless other women from becoming his prey.”

  A survivor?

  A savior?

  Neither of those feels right.

  I feel bruised, broken, and ashamed.

  But ignoring his possible violation just might ruin me.

  “Would you stay with me?” I ask Noah.

  “Of course.” His voice is husky with emotion.

  My voice cracks with emotion as I ask, “Will you call the nurse in here then? I’d like to get it over with.” With an understanding nod, I watch Noah leave to grab the woman who was so kind to me earlier.

  After I refused the first rape exam, she acquiesced and requested that I not shower until I had more time to think about it. I agreed because I know how important evidence is.

  That doesn’t make what I’m about to do any easier.

  If he did rape me, will it change me? Will I sink deeper into depression than I was already falling into? Or will I persevere and come out stronger?

  What if he didn’t touch me, though? Will I feel relief?

  I want to.

  “Miss Daniels?” The nurse comes in a few minutes later with a small kit and another female nurse. “Noah tells me you’d like to do the procedure?” I nod, and she gives me a consoling smile.

  “He can stay, right?” I ask, because if he can’t, I don’t know that I’ll be able to get through this.

  “Of course. Why don’t you grab a seat beside Ember, Noah, and we’ll get set up.” He does as she suggests and grasps my uninjured hand in his as he sits.

  Noah’s gaze never leaves my face as they bring in a padded table. Like the ones at the doctor’s office with the stirrups. After they transfer me from my bed, they begin to set up their tray, lock the door, and pull a curtain around us to give maximum privacy.

  “I told you this before, but it was a rather hectic moment. My name is Glory, and if at any time you feel any pain, discomfort, or simply want to stop, do not hesitate to say so, and we’ll be finished. You are in control, Ember, okay?”

  “Thank you.” I barely get out the words because I’m overcome with emotion. I’m nervous, afraid, tense as she places my feet in the stirrups and lifts the sheet above my knees.

  I start to shiver and drop my head back. Closing my eyes, I ignore everything happening around me and focus on the warmth of Noah’s hand holding mine.

  I can hear Glory speaking, explaining everything she’s doing, but her words don’t register in my mind. I don’t want to know, and if that makes me selfish, so be it. Dread weighs heavily on my chest as I wait for her to finish, with Noah’s soft
voice in my ear, whispering loving words.

  All I desire is for this to be over so I can shower and begin to learn how to heal. My world crashed down around me right as I had it at my fingertips, and I have to learn to become this new fractured Ember. The one who is quickly becoming afraid of her own shadow.

  “All finished,” I hear Glory say some time later as she releases my legs and covers my lap with the blanket.

  Closing my eyelids tighter, I fight back the stinging tears because I don’t want to hear the answer to the question we’ve all been wondering.

  “You weren’t raped, Ember.”

  My tension leaves me in a huge whoosh of air as my eyes snap open and meet her assuring gaze. “I wasn’t?” I swallow harshly.

  She shakes her head. “There is no evidence of trauma, no semen, nothing to indicate he did more than pull your shorts down and rip your panties.” The reminder of how I was found makes me shudder.

  “Now what?” I ask. I was prepared to feel violated and dirty.

  I feel relief.

  I’m still traumatized. The man broke into my home and beat me for who knows how long and intended to do worse. But this huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders, and all I want to do now is shower.

  To be clean again.

  Dissolving the feeling of his hands off my body.

  “Now, I write up my report, send this kit off to the evidence lab, and you wait for charges to be laid against your attacker and everything that comes after. I’m sure Noah can fill in the blanks.” The nurse smiles before giving the report she has to write her attention.

  Noah’s hand rubbing gently along my back is soothing. “What are you thinking?” he asks.

  “I’d really like to shower,” I murmur, nuzzling his hand when he cups my cheek.

  “Go right ahead,” Glory answers. “I’ll be here a few more minutes to finish this, then I’ll be out of your hair. You should be discharged in the morning. We'll keep you overnight for observation due to the restriction of oxygen, but until then, you can do as you please. If Noah wants to grab you some real food, I suggest going now.”

  “What do you want?” he asks me before I can get a word out.

  “A milkshake.” I laugh. “And fries.”

  “You’re going to dip them, aren’t you?” He shakes his head when I shrug my shoulders. Super hot fries are perfect for dipping in a milkshake.

  “Chocolate, please.”

  Nodding his head in reply, Noah leaves, and silence invades the room again. The only sound, that of Glory’s pen as she writes her assessment.

  After another minute, she places everything into a sealed envelope and hands it to the nurse that was with her before turning to face me.

  “Do you want a hand getting back into your bed?” I respond with a nod. Movement is hard with all the bruising and the broken wrist.

  Helping me slide off the exam table, Glory supports me with an arm under my elbow and her other around my waist until I’m sitting on the bed again. After ringing for assistance, she sits beside me until the nurse comes in and removes the exam table.

  “I know the news of not being sexually assaulted is good, but I want you to remember that you are still going to experience feelings connected with everything else. Nightmares might be frequent, jumpiness around loud or strange noises is to be expected.” She touches on all the things I was trying not to think about. “This is going to be a long road to recovery for you, Ember, and I encourage you to speak to someone when you feel the need. Don’t bottle things up because you think you can fight past them or you don’t want to burden your loved ones.”

  Swallowing around the lump in my throat, I nod, but I can’t speak because I don’t know what to say.

  “It’s okay to not be okay. Just remember that.” Patting my hand, my nurse stands to leave, and I feel a moment of panic about being alone. “Your family is still outside, waiting to see you. They refused to leave until they could. Can I send them in?”

  “Yes, please,” I croak out.

  A minute after she leaves, Kol and Arsen enter the room tentatively. “Kid.” Arsen, my oldest brother, stumbles on his own emotions as he sees me. “What the fuck did that asshole do to you?” he growls.

  “I’m okay, Arsen,” I try to comfort him as he sits next to me.

  “The fuck you are. He’s lucky I didn’t find him, or he’d be six feet under.”

  “I don’t think you’re supposed to say things like that.” My heart warms at the thought, though.

  “Noah gave him a good beating before I could. You’d be proud.” Kol beams as he sits on my other side.

  “She said you weren’t–” Seeing my big brother stutter out his words has tears springing to my eyes again. “You weren’t raped?” I shake my head no. “Good. That’s good, kid.”

  “It doesn’t feel that way,” I confess. “I have this sinking feeling in my heart that this is still going to get worse before it gets better.”

  “It will.” Kol places a gentle hand on my knee. “You remember how you helped Thea when she struggled to tell me what was going on with her? She had those horrible nightmares. A high wind would make her jump.”

  “I remember.” Helping my best friend through that was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.

  “She got through it all because of you, Em, so it’s our turn to help you. Don’t hold back from us.” Leaning forward, he kisses my cheek as Glory enters again.

  “Alright, boys, Noah is coming down the hall, and I’d like to have our girl here in bed and settled within the hour, and she still needs to shower. So out with you. Come back in the morning.” She doesn’t give them a chance to respond before turning and leaving. Noah enters before the door can close completely.

  “You good?” His eyes never leave me, and even though I was freezing a minute ago, he warms me up just by being in the same room.

  “Yeah, Noah. I’m good.” And I realize that I really am. For now. Tomorrow might be a different story, but with the three men I love most in this world at my side, I know I’ll get through anything life throws at me.

  7

  Noah

  Three times, Ember woke up with nightmares of her attack. Screaming, kicking, pleading for the life of our baby. Each time, I was there to assure her that she and the baby were fine. Each time, she cried herself back to sleep.

  I stayed awake all night watching over her, holding her in my arms, and whispering in her ear when she would become restless. After helping her shower and facing all the damage her attacker inflicted on her body, I felt a rage far worse than when I found him with his hands around her neck.

  It was quite terrifying the amount of anger and hatred I felt brewing inside of me. I would not be upset for a second if death found him. After what he’s done to Ember and the women before her, he would deserve it.

  Kol and Thea visited first thing this morning, bringing a bag of clothes and personal items for Ember, so when she’s discharged, she’ll have her own things to wear home. It’s been fifteen minutes since she entered the bathroom, and I’ve been pacing around the room since. I don’t like her out of my sight. My body is tense, and my veins are on fire with the need to hold her in my arms.

  “You’re going to wear a hole through the floor, Noah.” Em's soft voice has me stopping and spinning mid-step. Her hair is a mess on top of her head, she’s wearing sweats and a sweater that are two sizes too big and a pair of slides, but she’s never been more beautiful to me.

  “I don’t like not being in the same room as you,” I share, not caring that I sound like a possessive asshole.

  “I’m fine, Noah.” I see the vulnerability in her eyes. She isn’t convinced of that.

  “You might be, Em, but I’m not.” Moving towards her in long strides, I gently pull her into my embrace. “I don’t know if I ever will be again.” Lifting her chin, I gently kiss her lips. I can’t stop doing that. Having my hands and mouth on her body is the only thing keeping me sane right now.

  “You
have to go back to work eventually,” she says, and I frown.

  “Says who?” Her smile lightens the moment, but I’m not kidding. I’d be perfectly fine to be her slave if it meant I got to spend every waking moment of every day with her.

  “Me,” she replies, laying her head against my chest. “We have to get back to normal, or I’ll keep living in the past.” I hate the truth in her words.

  “Next week,” I mutter, and she nods before repeating the words back to me. “You ready to go home?”

  “Very.” She pulls back, and I can see she wants to say something else.

  “Say it,” I demand.

  I wait as she bites her bottom lip. “Could it be your home? I’m not ready to go back to mine yet.”

  “Yes.” I don’t hesitate. My condo is nothing special, but it can be hers for as long as she needs it or until she’s ready for us to move in together.

  Waiting for her discharge papers, I send a text to Kol, letting him know Ember's temporary change in living arrangements. Promising to meet us there with a bag of things she’ll need, he also informs me my request for time off was approved. It wouldn’t have mattered if it was, I would have stayed home with Em for as long as she needs me.

  “Here we go.” A new nurse enters with a stack of papers for discharge and home care as well as information from Victims' Services. “Everything you need is here. You’ve already signed all the good stuff, so you are free to go.” Ember cringes at the woman’s sympathetic smile.

  Silence follows us to my truck as we leave. We have a lot to discuss, even more that I need to figure out, but I won’t push Ember until she’s ready.

  I know that as soon as I mention marriage, she’s going to think it’s due to the baby, but it’s not. Our child is a bonus that has simply come sooner than anticipated. I’ve wanted Ember to be mine for a long-ass time, and now that she’s agreed to give me a second chance, I won’t fuck it up by allowing her to believe she’s just a convenience or anything else of that nature.