Jackson cursed, struggling against Malcolm’s hold, but she was the one who stepped up to face off with her brother.
“You ever call him that again and I’ll take you down,” she said, her voice low and dangerous as she pressed her index finger into his chest. “I’ve done it plenty of times before, little brother, don’t fucking test me.”
“Hey!” Malcolm yelled to gain their attention. “Whatever personal issues you’ve got going on, I can’t allow it to affect the group. We’ve got a mission and I can’t let anything compromise that. Quinton, you accused Jackson of stealing and you were wrong. Judging by the new bruise on your face, Jackson got you back for it. Far as I’m concerned the matter of stealing is settled. Any further concerns about anybody in this group are to be brought directly to me and I will handle it. Now, stay in separate corners tonight and this shit doesn’t follow us when we leave in the morning, got it?”
Both men nodded but they didn’t look happy about it. Quinton was quick to make his exit, stomping back to the camp but not before glaring hatefully at her. He was going to be pissed at her for a while for not backing him but she didn’t care. The stunt he pulled was way over the line and she wasn’t about to start backing that kind of idiocy.
“Are we going to have a problem?” Malcolm asked Jackson.
“I ain’t gonna hurt the doc if that’s what ya askin’,” Jackson replied. “‘Less he touches my shit again, then he gets a beat down.”
“Fair enough,” Malcolm said. “As long as you don’t sit here plotting revenge, I’m good.”
“He ain’t worth the effort,” Jackson said. “‘Sides, it ain’t like I’m a stranger to people lookin’ down on me. Pretty much used to it by now.”
She watched as Jackson bent down to start picking up his belongings that had been scattered around during the fight. It was a sad scene and her heart broke for him. Malcolm watched it for a moment as well before their eyes met and held.
“I’ll calm any choppy waters back at the camp,” he said and then leaned in close to her ear. “You look after him.”
Veronica nodded and as Malcolm left them, she realized she didn’t know what to say to Jackson. How did you make someone feel better about being accused of being human garbage?
So she did the only thing she could think of and bent down to pick up a shirt that was crumpled in the dirt, shaking it out and folding it up neatly.
“Here,” she said quietly, holding out the shirt.
“Thanks,” he muttered, stuffing it in his canvas pack.
“Look, I’m sor--”
“Don’t,” he growled, cutting off her apology. “Don’t apologize for someone else. It ain’t yer fault, ya got no reason to be sorry, so don’t say it.”
“But he’s my brother.”
“So? Sharin’ blood don’t make ya responsible for what he does,” he said.
“But maybe if I had told him before, we could have avoided this.”
He sat back on his heels and studied her. “Why didn’t ya tell him? Ya’ll are thick as thieves. I’m surprised ya didn’t tell him straight away.”
She shrugged her shoulders as she reached to retrieve a pair of socks that had rolled over by one of the willow trees. “Because it’s your personal business. Your past, that’s for you to tell people, not me.”
“‘Preciate that.” He looked back towards the camp. “Not that it matters much now. Everybody’s gotta know with the way Alan ran outta here.”
“Nobody’s going to care,” she reassured him, though she wasn’t actually sure if she was speaking the truth. While she might trust him, the rest of the group didn’t know him the way she did.
Seemed like Jackson wasn’t buying it either by the way he scoffed and shook his head.
“They’ll care. I don’t fit in with ‘em and people don’t like when things don’t fit. Ya don’t get it because ya don’t get what it’s like to be an outsider.”
Now it was her turn to scoff. “You don’t know anything about me. I’ve been the outsider plenty. I told you how I grew up.”
“Ya lived in a cabin in the woods, huntin’ and trackin’ with your pop,” he said.
“Exactly. You really think that after we moved back into town I fit into high school?” She didn’t let him answer. “Of course not! I was the weirdo homeschooler who had never heard of N’Sync or Dawson’s Creek. But you know what I did? I went and bought CDs and watched reruns and I learned how to fit in with them. Nobody just belongs somewhere. We’ve all got to figure out how to fit in, not just you.”
“Why even bother?”
“I don’t know, you tell me. You’re the one who cares so much about what everybody thinks.”
“I don’t care what any of ‘em think ‘bout me.”
She laughed. “Of course you do or we wouldn’t be having this conversation. It’s okay to care, you know?”
“Fine, I care,” he growled at her. “So what?”
She held up her hands in surrender. “So nothing. We’re just having a conversation as people tend to do. I’m not accusing you of anything.”
His tense shoulders relaxed and he ran a hand over his face, tugging on his goatee.
“Sorry, I just…” he trailed off, seemingly at a loss for words to explain but she was pretty sure what was going on.
“You don’t have to be on the defensive with me. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you. That earned you my trust and my loyalty. I’m on your side, okay?”
He nodded and gave her a small, sheepish smile. “I ain’t used to havin’ many people on my side so it’s gonna take some gettin’ used to.”
“Fair enough,” she replied. “Don’t worry about Alan turning the others against you. You’ve got me, Malcolm and Kim on your side. Anybody thinks anything bad about you, we’ll set them straight.”
He was staring at her, his brow wrinkled as he seemed to consider his next words. “Ya know I wouldn’t hurt the girls, right?”
“Of course I know that. Why would you even ask me that?”
Her shock was genuine. Sure, when she had first met him and found out he was chauffeuring around a couple of orphan girls that were no relation, she had questioned his intentions. But that was ages ago, at least in apocalypse time. Since then she had shown him time and again that she trusted him.
“Just what he said, ‘bout me hurtin’ ‘em, I mean.”
She reached out for his hand, twining her fingers with his as she spoke. “Jackson, I believe you would do anything to keep those girls safe. I will never worry about them as long as you are around.”
He smiled that small half smile of his and his gaze dropped to their joined hands. She remembered that Jackson wasn’t much for physical affection, even the completely platonic kind, and she went to pull her hand back but his grip tightened to stop her.
“I know ya would do the same for ‘em,” he said, “And I know ya got my back. I ain’t had many people I could trust to do that.”
They stared at one another in silence as that damn tension grew between them again. The one where she knew she should say something but she didn’t know what because the only thing she wanted to say would completely change their tentative friendship.
“We better get back,” she finally said, going for the safe option. “Dinner will be ready soon and then I’ve got the eight to midnight watch.”
He let go of her hand and stood up, shouldering his pack as she began to lead the way back to the centre of the camp. “Who ya got shift with?”
She groaned. “Shit, I forgot, I’m with Quinton tonight. That’s going to be fun.”
“I’ll get Malcolm to switch me and him,” Jackson offered.
“You sure?”
He nodded, a smile tugging at his lips. “Yeah, I got shift with Alan tonight.”
She smiled at that. As much as she loved her brother, he could be a real asshole when he wanted to be. Stupid too.
Quinton had let paranoia get the best of him and it had threatened his place in t
he group. It was a stupid move and he knew better. Revealing that he knew how he ranked above others because he was a doctor? Completely stupid. All that would do was breed resentment for him among the others.
Maybe four hours with the most resented member of the group would help clue Quinton in on how to behave.
“I think you should definitely switch your shift,” she said, a mischievous smile pulling at the corner of her lips.
Subject File # 745
Subject: Growin’ up, I always used drugs to fit in. All my friends were users. Once I got sober it was hard to figure out where I fit in. Got frustrated and just kinda gave up tryin’.
Administrator: You seem to have found a place in this group. Why’s that?
Subject: Guess ‘cause I actually tried with ‘em.
The group had gathered around the fire after dinner was finished, none of them ready to go to sleep even as the sun began to set. Though the day had been long, sitting in their cars hadn’t been physically draining. The gathering had happened naturally, everyone just gravitating there after they had finished their final evening chores.
It had started with Janet and her kids who were joined by Jenny after she had sent Alan off to take his watch shift with Quinton. One by one, everyone had joined them, even Craig, who had hobbled out to sit in a lawn chair. Soon it was practically a party as they talked and laughed.
Jackson stood outside the circle, watching but not participating. Though everyone had been polite to him when he had come to dinner, he could feel their eyes on him when he wasn’t looking.
Not that it bothered him. People judged ex-cons. People judged addicts. He was both and so he was used to it. It was why he liked being alone.
Better alone than being stared at like he was some sideshow.
All of them thinking he didn’t belong here.
Thinking he was dangerous.
Thinking that he should go.
The snap of a twig to his left caught his attention and he was surprised to see Lorraine standing there. She stared at him silently, looking like a ghost with her pale skin and white blonde hair.
“Whatcha lookin’ at?” he growled out.
“I get what it’s like to be an outsider.”
He scoffed, eying her up and down. “Looks like ya fit in to me.”
She let out a soft laugh. “I try as best I can but it’s hard. We’re a lot alike, you know.”
Jackson let out his own laugh but she ignored him.
“We’re the only ones who have nobody. No siblings, no spouse. We came into this group all alone.”
“Ya got Craig.”
“I barely knew him before all this started. We lived in the same building. We said hello in the elevator, the laundry room, that was it. Really, I’m all alone.” She sighed as she stared at the others. “It’s always been that way for me. Never had a lot of friends, only child and my parents died years back. It never really bothered me though, or maybe I just tried not to let it bother me.”
“Why ya tellin’ me this?”
“Because I wanted you to know that we aren’t really outsiders, at least not here.” She gestured towards the group around the fire. “Not with them. All you’ve got to do is just try.”
She nudged his shoulder as she passed him, heading towards the camp fire. “Come on.”
He hesitated, watching as she walked over to the group and took a seat beside Malcolm. It was easy for her. Sure, she might be alone or feel like she didn’t have anyone but that didn’t make her like him. She didn’t have a past that put her in a lower class than the rest of these people.
But a part of him knew that staying on the outside, watching and creeping, just made him stand out. It was one of the lessons his lower class past had taught him. Inside prison, you kept your head down and did your best to blend in. Standing out made you a target. Same thing here.
He walked over to the circle, sitting down on the other side of Veronica. She smiled and leaned over to whisper to him.
“Good to see you here.”
He nodded, pulling his knees up to his chest and wrapping his arms around them. “Figured it couldn’t hurt.”
“Okay, I got mine,” Jenny called out from the opposite side of the fire. “A hot bubble bath.”
Murmurs of agreement went up from the others and a few of them nodded. Jenny turned to her left where Kim was seated next to Malcolm, her head resting on his shoulder. “Your turn.”
Kim smiled. “Easy. Clothes fresh from the dryer.”
He leaned over to Veronica as the others voiced their agreement. “What’re they talkin’ ‘bout?”
“Just a game. Name the one frivolous luxury we miss the most. Claudia said she missed having ice cream after dinner and that got everyone thinking what little extras they miss.”
“Malcolm’s turn,” Kim said, patting the man on his chest.
“One thing I always treated myself to was good scotch. Every night, after dinner, I’d have myself a glass of Lagavulin. I miss that.”
“Lush,” Janet quipped and the others laughed, Malcolm included.
Lorraine was next in the circle and she didn’t need any prodding. “My bed. I splurged on one of those fancy, posturepedic, pillow top mattresses. It was like sleeping on a cloud.”
For all her talk, Lorraine sure didn’t seem like the outsider as the others gave her the same appreciative murmurs. But maybe this was what trying looked like. Fitting in was all about appearances after all.
Veronica didn’t wait for anyone to ask her before she jumped right in. “I miss the BLTs from this little cafe down the street from my apartment. They’d fry the bread in bacon grease and use this garlic mayo. Amazing.”
She looked at Jackson, letting him have his turn but he hesitated, not so sure about all of this. She wasn’t going to press him though and when he didn’t jump in, she leaned further out to look at Audrey.
“Audrey, do you--”
“I miss my Harley,” he blurted out. He hadn’t meant to but it just came out and now everybody was looking at him. His tongue stalled in his mouth under their gazes but he remembered Lorraine’s advice.
Just try.
“Restored it myself. Took a coupla years but I always liked workin’ on it, even the maintenance. Miss doin’ that.”
He looked around at the group and saw all of them giving him the same nods and smiles like they had with the others. The judgement and the suspicious looks he thought he’d felt before were gone now. He wasn’t the odd man out. He was fitting in with the rest of them because he tried, like Veronica and Lorraine had said.
“Okay, Audrey, your turn,” Veronica said.
“I miss this video game I used to play,” she said.
“Which one?” Trey asked.
“Quest for the Dragonstone,” she answered tentatively.
“I love that game,” Trey exclaimed. “What character do you play?”
“A wood elf,” she replied, her voice more confident now that she saw his interest. “I got to North Essex and was ready to take on the Ivory Mage before the power went out.”
“Oh man, how’d you get past the Beast Knight?” he asked. “I’d been trying to get by that one for weeks.”
“I got it on my first try,” she said, smiling.
“No way. Man, I wish we had it here so you could show me.”
“So I take it your answer is going to be video games, Trey?” Kim said.
He nodded. “Yep, nothing better for turning off your brain when you need some mindless entertainment. But no first player shooters, got enough of that in the real world.”
Though the kid hadn’t meant to do it, the mention of what they had now seemed to dull everyone’s high spirits. Silence took them, everyone staring into the fire or out into the darkness around them until Ruthie let out a loud yawn from her seat in Janet’s lap.
“Okay, I think it’s time for the kids to get to bed, it’s late,” Janet said.
“She’s right,” Veronica said, standing up
and holding out a hand to Hannah. “Time for you girls to get to bed.”
“I’m not tired,” Audrey said.
“Ya heard her, time for the kids to get to bed,” Jackson told her.
“I’m not a baby,” Audrey said glaring at him. “If Trey and Claudia get to stay up, I can too.”
“I don’t wanna sleep alone,” Hannah said, frowning.
“See, now ya got your sister upset,” he said. “’Sides, ya need your sleep. Can’t have ya draggin’ ass tomorrow ‘cause yer tired.”
“Yeah, I’ve got to be well rested for all the sitting in the van I’m going to be doing tomorrow,” Audrey replied with a roll of her eyes.
Before he could get into it any more with the angry pre-teen, Veronica stepped in.
“It’s fine. If she’s not tired, she’s not tired.”
He was ready to argue that point but the glare Veronica gave him, along with a slight shake of her head had him stopping.
The hell was her problem?
“Hannah, why don’t you sleep in our tent with the boys and Ruthie,” Janet offered. “It’ll be like a sleepover.”
“See, that sounds like fun, doesn’t it?” Veronica said and Hannah nodded eagerly.
“Claudie, will you read a story, please and thank you?” Ruth asked, tugging on Claudia’s sleeve and Claudia laughed.
“You got it, munchkin,” Claudia said, lifting the little girl up and heading off with Janet and the other kids after they had said their goodnights.
“Mom, I’m going to go look over those maps again,” Trey said, standing up from his place at the fire. He looked at Audrey. “You want to come? I can show you where we’re going.”
“Sure!” Audrey said, jumping to her feet. She had a smile a mile wide plastered on her face and Jackson wondered where the death glares from a second ago went. She turned back to look at him and Veronica. “I can, right?”
“Sure, go ahead,” Veronica said and grinned like an idiot as she watched Audrey and Trey walk away.
Jackson saw Veronica exchange a look with Lorraine and Kim, all the women grinning right along with her.
Sanctuary Page 4