“I won’t be that for any of you,” he said, pushing himself up out of his seat and his slitted eyes flashing with anger. “My brother already died for you people, I won’t do the same!”
All the anger in Malcolm evaporated in an instant at the reminder of Travis. He’d been a good man. He had followed Malcolm out and not come back. He’d given his life helping others and none of them would soon forget his sacrifice, especially not his older brother.
“Alan, I’m not asking you to sacrifice your life for us, I’m just asking you to fight with us,” Malcolm said.
“Isn’t that the same thing?”
Malcolm shook his head. “No it isn’t. It also means that we fight for you. Together we’re stronger than we are alone. We wouldn’t have left you to die like you did to us.”
For the first time since Malcolm had met him, he saw shame fall over Alan’s features. It was only a quick flash though and then Alan was turning away from him. His hands went to the back of his neck, squeezing until his knuckles turned white.
“It wasn’t like that,” Alan said, his voice timid as he tried to excuse what he had done but Malcolm was having none of it.
“Then what was it, Alan? Because from my perspective, that’s exactly what it was.”
He whipped back around to face him. “I was scared, okay? Fuck! I’m still scared. All I’ve been since this started is fucking scared.”
Malcolm saw actual tears collecting in the corners of his eyes. It was seeing those tears that had everything clicking into place for Malcolm. All the blustering, the dickish behaviour, the rankling against his leadership…all of it had been about Alan trying to hide his fear.
“All I can think of is Jenny and the baby. I have to be here to take care of them. Travis is gone, my parents were over in Europe, and her parents are living in Arizona. I’m all they have now.”
“That’s not true. They have us. No matter what happens, Jenny and the baby will be looked after. None of us are in this alone, that’s what I’ve been trying to get you to understand. We’ve become a family in the last few weeks and if you’d get your head out of your ass once in a while, you’d see that.”
Alan scoffed. “You all might be family but I’m not. I know everyone hates me. They hated me even before today. You all just tolerate me because of Jenny. If she hadn’t been with me, you would have left me back on the highway.”
“Well, you won’t be winning any popularity contests anytime soon but you’re still part of the family,” Malcolm said. He couldn’t believe that this had turned into a pep talk for Alan. “You’re like that uncle that gets drunk at every family get together. Yeah, he’s annoying but he’s still family.”
“You really mean that?” Alan said, sniffing his nose in a pathetic display.
“Jesus Christ, yes. Now get your shit together because I’m supposed to be pissed at you, not feeling sorry for you,” Malcolm said, clapping him on the shoulder, “And you’ve got some apologizing to do to the others.”
“They won’t care. They hate me and apologizing won’t change that.”
“Yeah, nobody is going to be throwing you a birthday party any time soon but apologizing will help, trust me. You’ve got this habit of being too big for your britches. You show the others you actually know how to be contrite, it’ll help.”
Alan shook his head. “They won’t care. You saw Jackson and Quinton. They want to kill me.”
“Start with Lorraine first,” Malcolm suggested. “She cared enough to help patch you up so she’ll be the easiest one to face. I’ll talk to Quinton and Jackson first, make sure they understand where I stand on this. You might also want to ask Jenny to come with you when you apologize. Everybody will probably be more understanding with your pregnant wife at your side.”
Alan nodded and Malcolm had to admit that he felt a tiny bit of admiration for the man as he squared his shoulders. He never thought he’d associate that feeling with Alan but after watching the man admit his fears and prepare to make amends, he had to give the guy a little credit.
The two of them walked out of the building and Alan headed over to Jenny and Lorraine while Malcolm scanned the camp looking for Quinton and Jackson. He spotted the doctor still at the station wagon with Craig, who was up on his feet and letting Quinton tape a new bandage over his torso.
“Can’t believe he pussyed out like that,” Craig was saying to Quinton when Malcolm walked up to join them. “Totally pathetic.”
It was going to be an uphill battle for Alan with the group but Malcolm could try and ease the way for him.
“How you feeling?” Malcolm asked Craig.
Craig smiled. “Better than Alan, I’d wager.”
“So what are you going to do about him?” Quinton asked without any preamble.
“I talked to him and he wants to apologize to you and the others.”
Quinton scoffed. “He thinks saying sorry is going to make what he did okay? He left us to die!”
“No he didn’t.”
“Really? Because if I remember correctly you’re the one who said he bailed on you when you were fending off the freaks.”
“I talked to him and I get why he did what he did,” Malcolm said.
Quinton looked at him like he had two heads. “What reason could he possibly have?”
“He has a pregnant wife. He was scared. He’s basically some pampered kid with zero life experience,” Malcolm said. “It was my fault that I trusted him to act like a soldier. I should have known he was a weak link. Not everyone is cut out for this world.”
“That’s not a viable excuse,” Quinton replied.
“Isn’t it? I’m the one who picked the people who went today, I’m the one who has known him the longest,” Malcolm said. “This one was on me and it won’t happen again.”
“You don’t have to take this on,” Craig said.
“Yes I do,” Malcolm replied.
“It doesn’t mean he shouldn’t be punished,” Quinton said.
“He already has,” Malcolm said but Quinton wasn’t having it.
“A couple of punches aren’t enough, as far as I’m concerned.”
“The Wakefields already made a sacrifice for this group when Travis gave his life to protect your sisters,” Malcolm said. “That’s something we’ve forgotten.”
Quinton had no reply to that.
“I know that Alan screwed up today and that’s on me,” Malcolm said, taking advantage of Quinton’s silence. “I get that you can’t trust him now but I made a promise to his brother that I would take care of Jenny and her baby. I tell Alan he’s out of here, Jenny goes with him. I won’t let that happen, so Alan stays.”
“He wants to apologize to all of you,” Malcolm continued. “I’m not telling you that you need to accept his apology but give him a chance, for me.”
“For you and for Travis, I’ll listen,” Quinton said, “But I won’t trust him and if something like this happens again, it’s on your head.”
“Yeah, I know that,” Malcolm said as he walked away from them.
He wound his way through the cars, looking for Jackson. He found him under the hood of the minivan, checking the oil.
“Can I talk to you?”
“If ya wanna have a go at me for hittin’ Alan, don’t wanna hear it,” Jackson said without turning around.
“Just want to make sure it won’t happen again.”
Jackson put the dipstick back in and moved over to check the transmission fluid. “S’long as he doesn’t bail on me again.”
“Just like that?” Malcolm asked, suspicious of how easy it was to get Jackson to agree.
“Not like I can sit here and say nobody deserves a second chance, can I?” Jackson replied. “Not after ya speechifyin’ for me ‘bout payin’ my debt and what not. ‘Sides, man is gonna have to live with everybody givin’ him shit and somethin’ tells me that not bein’ Mr. Popularity is gonna hurt him more than anythin’ I can do to him.”
Malcolm rocked back on his heels, not sure what t
o say now. He’d been ready to give Jackson the hard sell but apparently it wasn’t needed. “Well, alright then. Good.”
Jackson smirked at him. “Did I throw off yer rhythm there?”
“Little bit,” Malcolm admitted with a grin. “I had a speech prepared.
“Sorry. Ya wanna say it or…”
“Nah, I’ll save it,” he replied. “Glad to have you on board.”
Jackson nodded. “Not lookin’ to make waves here but ya know if he does it again, yer gonna have a revolt on yer hands.”
He sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. “Yeah, I know.”
He could give Alan a second chance but not a third. Not when it meant that it would put others at risk. He just had to hope it didn’t come to that. He didn’t want to have his hand forced on this because if he had to make that call, he would have to do what was best for the group, promises to a dead man be damned.
Whether he liked it or not, it was part of being their leader.
Subject File # 750
Administrator: Do the girls talk about their parents?
Subject: From time to time.
Administrator: What do they say?
Subject: That they miss them. That they wish they were here. The same thing I say about my parents so I guess you never grow out of it, huh?
Veronica wandered over to the van where Jackson was bent under the hood. He had a flashlight in one hand and some mechanical part in the other that he was glaring at intensely.
“What did it do to piss you off?”
Her question had him looking up and she tried to hide a smile at the grease smudges he’d managed to get on his cheek and chin.
“Spotted some coolant under her,” he told her. “Took a look at it, found the rad’s got a crack. Gotta replace the whole thing or it’s gonna burn out the engine. That happens on the road, we’re dead in the water.”
“Can you replace it?”
He shook his head. “If I had the part, sure, but ain’t no late nineties minivans ‘round to pilfer.”
He tossed down the part and pulled a rag from his pocket to clean off his hands. “Think we’d be best to leave her behind. We can take one of the SUVs we brought back.”
It made sense, especially if the van was on its last legs, but they were forgetting one big problem.
“The girls.”
He closed the hood and leaned back on it, letting out a long sigh. “Yeah, thought ‘bout that too.”
The girls had lost their parents. They’d been taken far from their home. They’d lost everything familiar in their lives except for the van. It was their last link to their parents.
He scratched at his chin. “Just not so sure we can afford to be sentimental.”
He was right. Their new world meant they had to be practical. But that didn’t mean they had to be heartless.
“I think we should ask the girls what they think. They’ve had so little control over everything that’s happened to them so far. If we give them a chance to choose, it might help.”
He considered her suggestion for a moment. “What if they want to keep it?”
“Then we drive it until it breaks down. It’s not like we’re going to be on our own. Something happens, we can join up with the others.”
“Yer too sentimental,” he said and she smiled.
“Maybe,” she replied, sitting down on the hood beside him, “But I think it’s the right thing to do.”
He shrugged. “Ya got a soft heart.”
She bristled. “I’m not weak.”
“Ain’t sayin’ yer weak. Soft heart ain’t a bad thing.”
Maybe it wasn’t but she still felt guilty. Like she was failing at survival. Then again, earlier today she’d been ready to charge into danger to save Quinton and Claudia. So maybe he was right. A soft heart wasn’t a bad thing at all.
“Go sit with them,” she said. “I’ll get our dinner and we’ll talk with them.”
Chicken noodle soup and crackers was on the menu tonight, warmed on the propane stove and served up in red Solo cups. Tonight they had foregone a fire, in case it was spotted by anyone drawn to the area by the explosion.
When Veronica came back with dinner, the girls were stretched out on a blanket in front of their tent, Jackson perched on the cooler facing them.
“McClane goes to change his clothes so when Hans Gruber shows up, he’s able to hide,” Jackson was saying when she joined them.
She passed out the cups and crackers before sitting down between the girls. “Die Hard, huh? I expect to hear you do a German accent for Gruber’s lines.”
He ducked his head and though she couldn’t see in the dim moonlight, she was pretty sure she’d managed to make him blush.
He’d done the same when she had teased him about the Stallone impression that he had pulled out for Rocky. The girls loved his movie talks and they had made him tell them the entire Rocky series, wrapping up Creed just before arriving at the paver’s.
Apparently the action-packed adventures of John McClane were next on the menu.
“Think it’s best we put a pause on the movie and talk ‘bout that other thing,” Jackson said.
She nodded and took a moment to consider her words before she spoke.
“Aud, Han, there’s something we need to talk to you about,” Veronica said. “We still have a ways to go before we get to the island and we want to get there as fast as we can. The van, it’s not in the best shape and it could break down at any minute. If that happens at the wrong time, all of us could be in real danger.”
Veronica glanced at Jackson and then back to the girls. “So, we think it’s best that when we leave tomorrow, we go in one of the SUVs and leave the van here. What do you think about that?”
“Can we take the blue one?” Hannah asked, her eyes sparkling with excitement. “It’s my favourite colour and it’s got a DVD player.”
Well, apparently the youngest one had little sentimentality. Then again, she was probably too young to understand what would be left behind. Veronica focused on Audrey, knowing that she would get it. Judging by the frown on her face, she did.
“Audrey, this is your choice, okay,” Veronica continued. “We think the SUV is going to be safer and more reliable but if you want us to stay in the van, we will.”
A crease formed between the girl’s eyebrows as she stared down into her cup of soup, mulling over the choice. Veronica exchanged a worried look with Jackson.
“We need to do the safest thing.” Audrey nodded her head as she made her decision. “If the van isn’t safe, my parents wouldn’t want us to take it.”
Veronica wrapped the girl in a hug, proud of her for making the right call, even if it was difficult.
“We can take the stuff out of it and bring it with us though, right?” she asked and Veronica nodded.
“As soon as we’re finished eating, we’ll go move our stuff from the van to the SUV.”
“The blue one, right?” Hannah asked, still excited.
“Yes, the blue one,” Veronica agreed, “But we don’t have any DVDs to watch.”
“Oh,” Hannah said, her face falling.
“Hey, thought ya liked the movies I tell ya ‘bout,” Jackson said. “We still got four Die Hards to go through.”
They ate while Jackson continued to tell them about Gruber’s plan to use terrorism as a cover for a robbery. Soon they were done with their meals and it was time for Jackson to take his turn on watch while she led the girls over to begin the process of cleaning out the van.
It went quickly at first as they moved their weapons, packs and camping equipment over to the SUV. Once their everyday supplies were out of the way, they were faced with the bags that their parents had packed when they had been preparing to flee to the evacuation centre.
Veronica had opened the bags the first night she had spent with them but had only found clothing. She had quickly zipped the bags back up, not wanting to rifle through their parent’s personal belongings. Now she passed the bags to
Audrey, who pulled open the zipper on one of them.
She opened the bag and leaned down to look at the grey jacket that was folded neatly on the top. Veronica heard the girl inhale deeply and then she let out a small laugh before burying her face in the jacket and inhaling again. When she lifted her head up, she had tears in her eyes.
“It still smells like her,” she said, hugging the bag closer to her. “It’s her favourite jacket.”
Veronica smiled, trying to hold back her own tears. “I think you should wear it.”
Audrey eagerly pulled the jacket out of the bag and Veronica helped her pull it on, smoothing out the lapel and her hand caught on something pinned there. It was a silver angel, hands folded in supplication as its wings spread out.
Audrey lifted a hand to finger the pin. “She said it was her guardian angel.”
“And now it’s yours,” Veronica said, placing her hand over Audrey’s.
“Audrey, look.”
Hannah had opened the other bag and now held out a picture frame. Audrey took the picture from her and Veronica leaned over to take a look. It was a family portrait, Audrey and Hannah standing arm in arm in front of their parents, who had their arms around each other and the girls. All of them were smiling and Veronica could feel their genuine love and happiness through the photo.
“I didn’t know we brought any pictures,” Audrey said, running a finger over her mother’s face.
“I think you best put that in your own pack,” Veronica said, doing her best to blink back tears. “That way you’ve always got it right there with you and you won’t ever lose it.”
Audrey nodded, sniffling as she let her tears fall and Hannah looked over at her anxiously.
“Audrey, are you sad ‘cause you miss Mama and Daddy?” she asked, her innocent voice tugging at Veronica’s heart and getting more tears to fall.
Audrey nodded.
“Me too,” Hannah said. “I wish they didn’t have to go away.”
The little girl frowned and looked at her older sister with worry in her eyes.
“Audrey, promise you won’t go away too.”
Audrey pulled Hannah into a fierce hug, the picture frame pinned between them. “I promise you, Han. I won’t ever go away. Never ever.”
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