by Dakota Lee
Tiffany turns around to talk to me, and I catch Marina’s eye in rear view as I get them caught up on what’s been happening in my life. Minus the part about dating and breaking up with Logan. That’s a story that needs to be told over drinks. We’re on our way to a local hangout where the staff doesn’t look too closely at the ID’s of the college crowd, as long as we don’t get destructive.
There are quite a few people I recognize at the pub and I shake off the melancholy feeling I have that seven weeks have already gone by. This is the halfway mark and next semester I’ll be back here full time. Sure, things will be different because I’m not with Robbie anymore, but my educational and career goals haven’t changed.
Who would ever have thought I’d be single twice-over before the start of winter break? At the rate my relationships are imploding, I have time to start and end one more before the year is out. As if the thought of my exes was a magical spell to summon them, Robbie appears in the doorway of the pub. He spots me right away, and I shift in my seat under the scrutiny of his gaze.
I feel out-of-place watching him hug Tiffany and Marina, and finally he offers me a stilted hello. We’ve spoken a few times since the breakup, but seeing him now, stabs at my heart. I miss him. I miss my friend. Marina invites him to sit, but he declines, saying he’s meeting someone. I stop him as he turns to walk away, wishing him luck on his upcoming exhibit. The smile he gives is genuine and I feel good, hopeful that I’ve maybe made a first step in forgiving him.
When we’re alone with drinks in front of us, Tiffany leans forward on her elbows. “Okay, Jordanna. Spill.”
No lead up. No preamble. I just let it all hang out. “I think I’m ready to date again. Well, I was dating, but it didn’t work out.”
“Why not?”
“For the same reason it didn’t work out with Robbie, I guess. My V card got in the way.”
Marina waves her hand dismissively. “That’s an easy fix. Rip that sucker up.”
Tiffany chimes in. “She means that. Literally.” A second later, they both erupt in laughter, bumping fists.
“Girls, be serious.” I say, flicking my wadded up straw wrapper at them.
“We are.” Marina sips her Mai Tai, then continues. “Seriously Jordanna. Why are you still holding on to it, anyway?”
“Because the person I was gonna give to and I aren’t together anymore.”
They look at me like that’s not a good enough reason.
“Think of how many years it took for me to decide Robbie was the one. Shouldn’t I at least devote the same amount of time to the next person?”
“Hell no,” They screech in unison.
Tiffany snorts, pointing at me. “And that’s your problem. It’s not about the other person. It’s about you, and what you want, and what you’re ready for. If this guy makes you feel tingly and you want more. Get more.”
“Just like that?”
“There are guys I meet and date and it takes weeks. Then there’s the one-night stands. I do what I feel comfortable with. You should too.”
“You sound like Kassidy.”
“Who’s that?”
“My roommate. She always saying how she listens to her body’s cues and doesn’t let anyone shame her for it.”
“Sounds like a smart woman.”
Marina eyes me as if she’s looking for clues. “Is he hot?”
“Who?”
“The guy that’s been warming up your lady parts. Is he hot?”
“Yeah.” I nod, biting my lip as an image of Logan swims before my eyes.
“Damn, it’s like that, huh? Got you all flushed and frustrated just thinking about him. Girl, you definitely need to tap that.”
“Wait, you two were all team, take your time, with Robbie. Why the change to team put out now?”
They share a look and Marina sighs, because she clearly lost whatever silent argument they were just having. “You and Robbie were friends for a lot of years, and when you became a couple, we supported it because you seemed happy. But for real Jordanna, we never got the whole I want to fuck him vibe from you. Not like you’re giving off now.”
Tiffany tilts her head. “Yeah, you been letting this one get real close. Haven’t you?”
“He goes down on me.” I can’t believe I just confessed that out loud.
“Girl. Yes. That’s what I’m talking about.” Tiff leans forward. “Now have you gone down on him?”
“Uh, no.”
Marina asks, “Gave him a hand job?”
“Uh, uh.”
Tiffany narrows her eyes at me. “Let him jerk off and cum on you?”
“Nope.”
She sits back, looking disappointed. “So he ate your pussy one time and got mad because you said you wanted to wait? Sounds like he was just doing it for sex. Maybe you shouldn’t give it up to him after all.”
“It wasn’t just one time. It was all the time. I just hadn’t reciprocated.”
My two best friends sit back in their chairs, mouths agape. “What’s wrong?”
The two of them share another look, and this time Tiffany speaks first. “This dude was eating you out all the time, and never pressured you about getting off, and you broke up with him?”
“He broke up with me because he said I was selfish for not making sure he was satisfied, and he thought it was best to end things so he could fuck someone else.”
Marina holds up her hand, signaling for another round. “That’s cold, but he has a point Jordanna. We know Robbie at least got hand jobs, and unless you were holding out on details, his mouth never went below your belly button.”
It’s true, it didn’t. He fingered me, and I gave him hand jobs sometimes. Mostly we made out and stopped before it got too heavy. “I’m so confused you guys. What do I do?”
Marina shrugs. “Shit, if I know. I guess talk to him about how you really feel and listen to how he feels. Relationships are about compromise. If you still want to be with him, ya’ll are gonna have to figure out where that middle ground is.”
The drinks come, and Tiffany lifts her glass. “Okay, let’s toast.”
“To what?”
“To Jordanna finally getting some tongue action down there.”
We all laugh, clinking our glasses together. I’m glad I came here. A weekend with my girls is just what I needed.
I'm back to sitting alone in class and in the cafeteria. I didn't mind it before, but now, without Logan's larger-than-life presence around, I'm keenly aware of how cold and alone I am at this school for the stupidly rich.
I try to settle back into my old routine and bury myself in my art, but none of it is working. The girls asked why I'm waiting. I've thought about that question all week, and the truth is I don't know anymore.
Logan wasn't forcing me to do anything I didn't want to do. And there were moments when I wanted more. I just panicked because… because I'm afraid I won't measure up. I know Robbie wasn't a virgin, but I at least thought I stood a chance at satisfying him.
Logan is so much more experienced. What if I do this and he doesn't like it? I'd never be able to look at him again.
Out of habit, I sit in the seat that gives me a straight view of the door. Before I can move Logan walks in, the BP's following close behind. Our eyes lock and I feel two things. Sadness that we're over before we had a chance, and awareness. My body comes alive, remembering his touch.
"Take a picture, charity, it'll last longer." Shauna sneers. I ignore her. My world full of Logan and the way his eyes darken as they look at me.
He steps in front of me, and hands me a stack of papers. "Here's my latest revisions."
I take the papers without looking at him. "Thanks."
"Just doing my share. We can work the rest of this through emails. And we need to make arrangements for you to get your canvas out of my studio."
This is really it. Not only are we not dating, but he doesn't want to be around me. Isn't that the suggestion I made when he was pursuing me? Why am I havi
ng trouble hearing those words repeated back to me now? "Um. Sure, I'll come get it tomorrow, if that's okay."
"Fine."
I stare at him for a second longer, committing his face, his body, the way he moves to memory. Because after this, I have to forget about him.
Chapter Forty-Three
I slam my mallet against the metal, hard enough to crack it in half, but it won't budge. Fuck. I'm losing this bet, and Bella knows it. I warm the metal with the torch and pelt it again. How did I screw this up so badly?
I had her in the palm of my hand and with one stupid party, things went off track. And how the hell am I going to break this news to my dad? The VP spot is mine to give away, but this isn't how the decision was supposed to be made.
An hour later, I'm showered and dressed, heading out for the night to meet the guys. A cab pulls up to the curb as I step onto the sidewalk. The door opens and Jordanna gets out.
"I expected you hours ago. I didn't think you were still coming."
"Yeah, I got held up at the studio. Noel was helping me."
Noel. Always fucking Noel.
"You're obviously heading out so I can come back another day to get my canvas."
I turn and unlock the door. "Let's take care of this now."
We ride the elevator in silence. My hands clenched at my side to keep from grabbing her and asking why she's so drawn to that bastard Noel. I fight the urge to push her against the wall and punish her for costing me this win.
"I read your edits and I really liked-"
"We don't need to make small talk."
The car stops and I push up the gate, leading her down the hall. I quickly unlock the door and flick on the light so she can gather her things. If it were anything else, other than her artwork and tools, I would have tossed them out on the curb.
"Well, I think that's everything."
"I said, don't fucking talk." I growl, stalking towards her. "Why can't you for just once do what I tell you?"
"Who the hell do you think you are, talking to me like that?" Her pupils dilate as she steps towards me. "I'm trying to make this less awkward, but I see you insist on doing it the asshole way. So I'll get my shit and leave. Hopefully, the next girl you're with will be more to your liking with no personality of her own."
She's pissed. Well, so am I. "What girl?"
"Whichever one you decided to keep after you fucked them at the party."
I grip her arms, pulling her closer. "Is that why you keep running after Noel? Because you're so broken up about who's been riding my cock? You had your chance, but you didn't want me, remember?"
She tilts her head back, glaring at me. "Oh, spare me. It's obvious that you didn't want me. If you did, it wouldn't have been so easy for you to hook up with someone else that night."
The tension in the air is so thick you could cut it with a knife. I let her go at the same time she moves forward. She initiates the kiss, grabbing my face, demanding a response. I grip her ass, pulling her back against me, giving in. She yanks my shirt up, and I break off our kiss long enough to take it off.
"Unh," I grunt when her tongue swirls around one nipple while her nails graze across the other. Her mouth trails lower, kissing a path from my chest to my belly button and back up again. She reaches for my pants, undoing the button and zipper.
My vision swirls when her hand brushes against my cock. We're shedding clothes and moving towards my bed. I step out of my shoes and jeans so I don't fall on my face.
We make it onto the bed, and somehow she winds up on top of me. I reach my hand between her legs and feel the damp spot on her yoga pants. Her eyes are hooded as she rocks against my hand. "I love how wet you get for me."
She leans forward, sucking my bottom lip into her mouth. This night is going to end the same way the others have, but even knowing that, I need one more taste. I flip her onto her back, slipping her leg over my shoulder, kissing along her folds. Her hands grip tufts of my hair to hold me in place.
I know every curve and corner of her untouched petals. She clenches down as I ease two fingers into her tight opening. I let out a raspy groan, imagining how tight the fit would be. She keeps begging for more, and I work her over until she falls on the bed writhing, pleading for me to make the torture end. "It's not enough Logan, please don't stop."
"Jordy, don't you get it? Your body is telling you there's only one thing that's going to satisfy it." I slowly add another finger and suck on her clit. She bucks against me as I pump my fingers in and out. She's close, and I withdraw my hand, scrambling up the bed, wanting to hold her close as she comes apart.
I grind against her. A draft hits my ass, as she works my boxers down my legs. I hiss when my shaft slides against her wet folds. My hands grip underneath her hips, lifting them, angling them higher. This is as close as we'll ever be and I'm taking a little pleasure for myself. She locks her legs around my waist, digging her nails into my ass.
"Shit," I groan. The heat of her pussy is calling out to me. "I want to fuck you so bad. It's been months since the last time I was with anyone, and you're the only one I want. But since I can't have you, the way I want, I'm gonna jerk off and cum all over your tits."
I lean up on my knees, taking my shaft in one hand. Stroking her clit with the other.
"I want you inside me." She whimpers.
I look up from my hand, searching her face, not sure I heard her correctly. "What are you saying Jordy?"
"I want you, Logan. I want all of you."
I push her legs open, eating her pussy again. If she wants this, really wants this, I want her ready for me. She's close. I smack her clit and her back bows off the bed as she falls apart.
As she's sliding down from the crest of her orgasm, I sheath my cock with a condom and settle my hips between her legs, lining the swollen head to breach her opening. I feel her stiffen beneath me and whisper soothingly in her ear. "You want me to stop?" God, I hope she doesn't want me to, but I will.
A small tear leaks from the corner of her eye, and I lean down to kiss it away. "We should stop."
"No. I want to do this."
"You still can another time."
"No, I want to do this now. With you."
I pull back and slip in a little more. Biting my lip against the sweet pain of her enveloping me just these few inches. I give her time to adjust and give her more of my length. My muscles strain as I hold myself back from taking her like my body demands.
"Just a little more Jordy." I hiss through clenched teeth.
I readjust for leverage and push all the way through. I feel her breath leave her body and I wait. Wait for her to unclench her eyes. Wait for her to unclench her jaw. And wait for her to unclench her pussy. The latter, I need done, because she's gripping me so tight, I'm ready to blow and I haven't even had any time inside her yet.
Slowly, her breathing steadies. "Okay?" I huff through gritted teeth.
She nods and I start to move, giving her a chance to get used to the feel of me on her. Around her. In her.
"Oh," she gasps, when I circle my hips adding friction to her clit. I do it again and her hands slip from my shoulders to the small of my back. I thrust against her and her legs open wider. Soon, she's rising up to meet me. When her hands reach around me, nails digging into my ass, I claim her mouth, swirling my tongue with hers, letting her taste herself on my lips. I pull out to the tip and push back in.
"Oh, shit" she moans and my cock doubles in width. I read her cues and give her what she wants. Giving myself over to the feeling of being one with her. It's like swirling the brightest paints together and creating arcing strokes through the air. Like reaching deep to find the true meaning behind a portrait, seeing beyond the colors the artist used. Sex with her is like finding out that the coolest gift is in the box you never thought to look in.
I thought I was prepared for this, but I wasn't. Not for the way she's clawing at me. Or writhing underneath me. Begging me to take what she's offering. Her body is open to me and with min
e I'm staking claim to it.
A sheen of sweat breaks out on my skin and she dips her tongue into the curve of my shoulder, lapping at the tiny droplets. My body is all need and desire, and I'm succumbing to its will, its demands. Only one thought pushes through the haze of lust I'm ensnared in. Mine. And my body knows it needs to ruin her for anyone else.
She's given me her innocence, and I'm going to make sure that every first she experiences is with me, and the pleasure my body gives her will be the bar that no one else will ever reach.
I push deeper, searching for that spot to claim as my own. Planting the head of my cock against it. Equivalent to planting a flag on some undiscovered planet.
Her whimper into my mouth and the quiver of her walls around me let me know I’ve found what I'm looking for. I press against her g-spot again and her back leaves the mattress, her shoulders and head are the only parts of her body left touching it. She won't make it much longer and the way I'm being hugged by her silken heat, neither will I.
I slam into her again and again. My strokes quicken, my sack rises and my lower back tightens. I reach my thumb between us, stroking her tight bud. She bucks against me, grasping at the sheets. Her bottom lip is between her teeth and her eyes are shut.
The weight of my body pushes her into the mattress as I try to get even closer. She buries her cries in my neck, shaking in my arms, as her walls clamp around my cock.
I let out a series of unintelligible grunts against her hair as I deplete every drop of semen in me. Our shaky breaths are the only proof we're still alive, though I can't be certain because holding back during sex with Jordanna almost killed me.
I wake in the middle of the night needing air. I slip out of bed and go to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water. Jordanna's sleeping on her stomach, her left knee and right shoulder exposed.