Elizabeth was astonished too, partly on account of his visit, but largely because she could not comprehend how Mr. Collins had found his way into her mother’s favour despite the entail which had hitherto caused him to be the object of much hostility.
She and Jane were introduced, and to her mortification, he said, “Yes, of course these two fair ladies are my cousins. I see now the elegance of dress which marks the superiority of their companions. I had not expected to meet with such fashionable ladies, but it is very gratifying to know that my cousins have such distinguished friends.”
He bowed to Miss Bingley and Mrs. Hurst, whose contemptuous expressions added to Elizabeth’s embarrassment. In another moment, her discomfort was further increased by Mr. Collins addressing them without even waiting for an introduction. The man was socially inept.
“I must apologize for my intrusion into your home without having any previous acquaintance; however, I flatter myself that my presence here is justified by my relationship to the young ladies who are your particular friends, and whom I was eager to meet without delay. I have come into this neighbourhood for the purpose of establishing a better connection with my relatives, with whom my late father was not on good terms. I shall not delve into the reasons why he chose to be at variance with them, or my own agitation as to whether or not the breach should be healed, or if it would be disloyal to his memory to seek a reconciliation, but suffice it to say that I decided upon that course, as is evidenced by my current presence in this neighbourhood, as well as my very agreeable companion this morning.”
He turned to give Mrs. Bennet a nod which had a hint of being a bow.
Averting her eyes from her newfound relative, whom she would have preferred to remain lost, Elizabeth saw derision in Miss Bingley’s and Mrs. Hurst’s expressions, doubt in Mr. Bingley’s, disdain in Mr. Hurst’s, and disgust in Mr. Darcy’s. They were now introduced, and to each of them in turn, Mr. Collins bowed as low as one could. His compliments to the ladies were repeated and elaborated upon. Then there was the humiliation of hearing Mr. Bingley complimented on the elegant style of his drawing room, and Mr. Hurst on the elegant style of his wife. Could it be any worse?
It could indeed.
“Mr. Darcy?” the dreadful man queried. “Would you happen to be the illustrious Mr. Darcy who is related to Lady Catherine de Bourgh of Rosings in Kent?”
“She is my aunt,” Mr. Darcy replied with a coldness which was evidently not apprehended by Mr. Collins.
“This is the most wonderful coincidence,” he cried. “Such a remarkable occurrence. I am in the happy position of being able to inform you that her ladyship was in excellent health just two days ago. You may be wondering how I come by this information. It is through your aunt’s beneficence that I have the great honour of holding the living of Hunsford. I consider myself extremely fortunate to have such an excellent lady as my patroness, and I am very glad of an opportunity for testifying my respect toward a gentleman so closely connected with her.”
He gave another bow. As his head plummeted toward the floor, Elizabeth wanted to sink into it. Mr. Darcy made a very brief reply, which should have concluded this discourse, but she doubted that her ridiculous cousin was done speaking. He appeared to be particularly fond of this activity.
Mr. Collins was indeed not finished. “I can assure you,” he said upon straightening up, “that I have never met any person of rank who was more affable than Lady Catherine. Her generosity and condescension are unequaled. She graciously approved of both the discourses which I have had the honour of preaching before her, and she has twice asked me to dine at Rosings. Just this past Saturday, she sent for me to make up her pool of quadrille, and in the course of the evening, she condescended to give me an excellent piece of advice. ‘You must marry,’ she said to me with the greatest concern for my welfare. ‘Choose properly for my sake,’ she said, which was quite right of her. In selecting a wife for myself, I would be negligent if I did not take into consideration that the recipient of this honour must be the sort of person with whom Lady Catherine would not be ashamed to associate.”
Elizabeth wondered if he had given any thought to the lady’s privilege of choice. Could there be any person in England who would find pleasure in being selected by Mr. Collins? If there were, she could not have all her wits about her, but perhaps sense was not one of Lady Catherine’s requirements. Her choice of parson seemed to indicate that it was not.
Mr. Collins continued to speak with a dreadful willingness to share his personal concerns. “Her ladyship was very considerate of my interest as well. ‘For your own sake,’ she said, ‘let her be an active, useful sort of person, not brought up too high and able to make a small income go a good way.’ That was her ladyship’s excellent advice to me, given at the most propitious moment. Then she had the goodness to say, ‘Find such a woman as soon as you can, bring her to Hunsford, and I will visit her.’ That is the generosity of Lady Catherine de Bourgh. I count her notice and kindness among the greatest of the advantages that I have to offer my future wife.”
As he concluded this ghastly speech, Mr. Collins glanced toward Elizabeth, who saw everything in that brief look. He was eager to follow the advice of this lady whom he held in such great esteem, and she had been singled out for the dubious honour of being acceptable to Lady Catherine and useful to Mr. Collins. Extraordinary though it was, he had apparently come to Netherfield this morning with his intentions already formed. This was his interpretation of ‘marry as soon as you can.’ Nothing would do for him but to act upon her ladyship’s advice with the utmost haste.
It was now obvious what had caused her mother’s change of opinion. There was nothing more important to Mrs. Bennet than settling her daughters as advantageously and as expeditiously as possible. Mr. Collins had presumably apprised her of his plans in his very open way, and she had probably told him that her daughter would be delighted to accept his offer.
Her excessively hasty suitor and her overly enthusiastic parent were both in for a disappointment, however. Elizabeth was capable of forming her own intentions just as swiftly. She needed no additional time to increase her acquaintance with Mr. Collins or to contemplate the honour of being selected by him. Indeed, from her perspective, it was more of a horror.
Unfortunately, privacy and discretion had been denied her. Miss Bingley and Mrs. Hurst were looking highly entertained, and they smiled gloatingly as Mr. Collins sat down beside Elizabeth, saying that he very much looked forward to knowing her better. And then her treacherous mother said, “You will like Mr. Collins, Lizzy. He is such a clever man.” It was too mortifying.
He made no attempt at being clever, which might have been a small relief, except that his idea of conversation continued to be embarrassing. In a loud voice, which could easily be heard by everybody, he said more about Mr. Darcy’s family, including some ridiculous praise of a cousin, which was probably meant to be overheard. Then he began to describe his parsonage in excessive detail, congratulating himself upon the improvements which he had made to increase the comfort of the dwelling, glorying in Lady Catherine’s approval of those changes, and practically recommending the place to Elizabeth.
To make matters worse, nobody else was talking except for Mrs. Bennet, who was asking about the play, and Mr. Bingley, to whom her questions were directed. With Elizabeth’s role in her own conversation limited to saying the occasional yes, no, or how very interesting, she was able to give half her attention to this other source of embarrassment. Her mother was also distressingly transparent.
“So Jane and Lizzy will be staying here for a nice long time,” Mrs. Bennet said upon hearing that they had not yet begun rehearsals, and her expression was one of great satisfaction.
Even if that had not been perceived by everybody, it was followed by her excessive excitement at learning that they were expecting Colonel Fitzwilliam to arrive on the following morning. Such eagerness was not likely to go unobserved, but to make matters worse, it was coupled with an obv
ious request.
“Lydia very much enjoys acting, Mr. Bingley. Have you any part for her?”
Mr. Bingley looked taken aback, but he politely replied, “Unfortunately, not. We have exactly the right number of ladies already.”
“And have you enough gentlemen?”
“I believe so. Some of the officers will be joining us tomorrow, which should suffice.”
“Just in case it does not, you had better have Mr. Collins as well. I am sure that he would be happy to oblige.”
Mr. Bingley’s mouth fell open. He closed it, then opened it, looking as though he was about to speak, but after a moment, he closed it again. His sisters looked at him with shock which Elizabeth shared. Being in a play with Mr. Collins was even worse than being in one with Mr. Darcy.
“I am sure we can manage very well with our current arrangements,” that fastidious gentleman said, but his thinly disguised objection was disregarded by Mrs. Bennet.
“Here is a wonderful opportunity for you to know your cousins better,” she cried to Mr. Collins, who stopped talking of closets upon hearing the word opportunity. “They are performing a play, and Mr. Bingley was just telling me that there are not enough gentlemen for all the roles. I was certain that you would be willing to offer your assistance.”
“I am very willing indeed. Nothing will please me more than to be of service to my cousin’s friends, not to mention the nephew of my noble patroness. She would wish me to place myself at his disposal.”
“How kind of you,” Miss Bingley said in a voice devoid of gratitude. “But there is the matter of time to consider. How long will you be in the neighbourhood?”
“I shall be returning to Kent at the end of next week.”
“Oh, that is a shame. Our rehearsals will certainly take longer than that. It is a great pity, but you will not be here long enough to be of use to us.”
Elizabeth felt grateful for this reprieve, but the feeling was short-lived.
“I shall write to Lady Catherine,” Mr. Collins said. “I have no doubt that she will allow an extension to my visit for such an important reason. You may count upon me. I shall be here tomorrow morning.”
Miss Bingley looked dismayed, but words seemed to fail her. Elizabeth looked at Mr. Darcy, believing him the most capable person of raising an objection. For once, she would have welcomed his arrogance, but it was not forthcoming.
“I would not want you to risk incurring my aunt’s displeasure on my account,” he said, disappointing her with the weakness of his protest.
Mr. Collins only looked delighted by it. “You are just like her ladyship,” he declared. “This is the same magnanimity with which she treats me. The same wonderful condescension and generous concern for my welfare. There is no need for you to worry, however. I know how highly Lady Catherine regards you, and I have often heard her say that she can deny you nothing. It is guaranteed that she will want me to lend my assistance to your endeavours. Nor will there be any difficulty about having my duties covered for an additional Sunday. My request will undoubtedly be granted.”
Mr. Bingley made the next attempt. “There is no need for you to go to so much trouble. If we find ourselves short tomorrow, we can probably just recruit another officer, or ask one of the Lucas brothers.”
“They have gone away,” Mrs. Bennet informed him. “Both of the elder brothers went to London just yesterday, and they will not be back until the end of next week.”
“I do not think of it as a trouble,” Mr. Collins said. “Indeed, I am quite determined to be of use to you.”
There was little which could be said in the face of such insistence. Elizabeth wondered if it would be this difficult to refuse his proposal. It was not a far stretch to imagine him declaring that he was determined to be of use to her. Perhaps even that he was determined for her to be of use to him.
Accepting the inevitable, Mr. Bingley made a half-hearted expression of gratitude. Miss Bingley was looking at the newest member of their cast with disgust, but then a sly smile came to her lips.
“You must be Dogberry,” she said to Mr. Collins. “It is the perfect role for you.”
From his delight at this suggestion, Elizabeth guessed that he was not familiar with the role, but she understood the slight which was meant. Besides being ridiculous, Dogberry had an inflated sense of self-importance. Miss Bingley was enjoying a joke at her cousin’s expense.
Oblivious to this, he expressed his gratitude at length. After that, he was eager to tell Elizabeth how much he looked forward to acting with her.
She was painfully aware that everybody was looking at her: Mr. Collins with anticipation, Miss Bingley and Mrs. Hurst with amusement, her sister and Mr. Bingley with sympathy, and her mother with great satisfaction. Mr. Hurst only looked bored now, but Mr. Darcy’s repugnant expression was particularly painful to Elizabeth. She very much disliked being in a ridiculous situation under the gaze of that fastidious gentleman.
CHAPTER 7
Is ‘t possible that on so little acquaintance you should like her? That but seeing, you should love her? And loving, woo? And wooing, she should grant?
AS YOU LIKE IT, SCENE V, ACT II
First the officers, and now this fool. Thank goodness there is not a role for Mrs. Bennet as well.
Mr. Darcy was certain that she would gladly have joined their cast and brought the rest of her daughters too if only there were parts enough for all of them.
Her presence here this morning was an excellent reminder of the reasons why he should make a concerted effort to quell his admiration for Elizabeth. He most certainly did not want to be connected with Mrs. Bennet. Her situation in life was very far beneath his own, and her atrocious manners and vulgar speech appalled him.
So did Mr. Collins, but the gentleman had one redeeming feature. His arrival guaranteed Mr. Darcy safety from any reckless impulse. From the look of things this morning, Elizabeth was destined to be this man’s wife. In another couple of months, she would be married and no longer a threat to Mr. Darcy’s peace of mind. He would wish her well, and in the future, whenever he was at Rosings, he would pay his respects promptly. It would be right to acknowledge the acquaintance, and there would be no more of this disconcerting temptation once she was suitably settled.
Suitably settled? What am I thinking? There is nothing suitable about a match between her and Mr. Collins. She is witty and spirited. He is stupid and tedious. She is bright. He is dull. She is a prize, and he is not worthy.
I cannot imagine seeing her as the wife of this oaf. She must not marry him. That would be a great degradation. But perhaps I mistake the case. Perhaps he will not propose to her.
Mr. Darcy looked at the pair. Mr. Collins had a lovestruck expression. It was ridiculous, but then he was a ridiculous man and probably very capable of choosing a wife with little reflection. Indeed, it was clear that he had come prepared to consider himself already in love. His intentions had been completely obvious. He was undoubtedly going to propose, quite possibly before the week was out.
He might not be accepted, however. There was hope in Elizabeth’s obvious lack of enthusiasm for such ardent attentions. She would surely have the sense to turn him down.
But perhaps she will feel that such an offer is too advantageous for her to refuse.
Mr. Darcy had heard that Longbourn was an entailed estate, and that Mrs. Bennet had little fortune. She was obviously keen upon making a match between Mr. Collins and her daughter. One could understand her reasons for desiring it. The family was in desperate need of some secure provision for the future. The unfortunate reality was that Elizabeth did not have the luxury of choice.
She looked so dreadfully uncomfortable, however. Mr. Darcy’s heart went out to her. Although he viewed her cousin with disdain, he saw her mortification with the greatest sympathy. A few minutes in the company of Mr. Collins was hard enough to bear. A lifetime with him would be torturous, especially for a quick-minded lady like Elizabeth. She must refuse him.
It
was enough that she had a fool for a mother. She should not have to suffer a fool for a husband as well. If she did, then Mr. Darcy would suffer as well, knowing that he could have saved her from such a fate. He only had to make her an offer, which naturally, she would accept, and then she need not spend a miserable life with Mr. Collins.
But this was going too far. He had never seriously considered proposing to her. His admiration did not extend to an attachment. Nor would he think of marrying so foolishly. It was not his responsibility to save her either.
Indeed, he should not feel so strongly about this. Plenty of women had to make do with matches of convenience. If she married Mr. Collins, Elizabeth would learn to make the best of her situation. She might even manage to improve the man by exerting a good influence on him. And one day she would be mistress of Longbourn, a position which she would grace far better than her mother.
In the meantime, she might appreciate being at a distance from certain members of her family, but still close enough for her elder sister to visit. He had seen the attachment between them and understood that they would want to see each other as often as possible.
He also knew that she was fond of walking, and the countryside around Rosings would afford her some very pleasant walks. His aunt, who was very often bored, would be an attentive neighbour, and his cousin might become a friend, which would benefit both of them. There were excellent reasons to think that Hunsford Parsonage would suit Elizabeth very well.
No there are not. Mr. Darcy’s inner thoughts rebelled against his attempt at persuading himself. My aunt is not attentive, she is assertive. Miss Elizabeth will find her intolerable. Anne will never rouse herself to be a friend to anybody. And pleasant countryside can be found almost anywhere. It is not much of a compensation for a miserable marriage either. If she must marry him, her lot will be an unhappy one.
Much Ado About Many Things Page 4