by Cathy Gaitan
“Why not today,’ he asked because he’s Titus and he has to question everything.
“Because tomorrow is always better. Get off my back,” it had to be said. He’s aggravating.
Titus looked at Pink for clarification. The answer he got was, “Just go with it.”
“What he said,” I said hooking my thumb in Pink’s direction. I grabbed a baseball cap to cover most of my blue hair and headed for the door. “I’ll be back later.”
I needed some personal time away from annoying male Zombies invading my space. We’re only about a mile or so from town. I welcomed the time to clear my mind.
There are houses in the area but they’re spaced pretty far apart. Nobody seems to pay any mind to who we are or what we’re doing which is just the way we like it.
I passed a woman working in her garden. She waved absentmindedly but didn’t even seem to really look at me. I waved back and continued on. A couple of dogs barked. I think they were just happy to have something to do. They looked kind of bored.
When I got to the bakery the smell of fresh baked goodness filled the air. It’s like my mothership calling me home. As I stared at all the lovely treats in the display window I feel myself begin to relax.
I couldn’t decide between the pink glazed donut buried in colorful sprinkles or a slice of the triple layered chocolate cake topped with strawberries. Of course there was also the lemon and blueberry cupcakes. I’m pretty sure the person who invented cupcakes designed them with the specific purpose of making the world a happier place.
I’m sure you can guess what I ordered. All three of course! I struggle with making decisions so I avoid them at all costs. Especially if the cost is having to gobble up three servings of heavenly deliciousness.
I took my treats with me to the park and grabbed a seat on one of the colorful benches. The sun was shining, the sky was a beautiful blue and the clouds looked like an endless row of white marshmallow Peeps. Zombie life after death was good. Sure I had disaster looming on the horizon again but this moment was good. Sometimes you just have to savor the sweet when you have it. Right?
I know you’re probably wondering why I’m freaking out about that stupid blog. What is it about and how bad could it be? Well, to me it’s not bad but I don’t know if the others will feel that way.
Okay that’s not altogether true. I’m pretty certain they will hate it. Well, maybe not Mary Mary. Julia will most likely rage and try to get me to take it down. Pink will look for some dirt on me. Titus will try to stare me down. It won’t matter. I’m standing my ground. By standing my ground I mean I plan on running away and hiding out in the Human world under an assumed name. What do you think of the name Joan Arc?
When I first came up with the idea of a blog I originally intended it to be about the Zombie sisterhood. How badass females were leading the revolution. The thing is, once I started writing the blog it took a strange turn.
Somehow I found myself writing about Carmony and her ‘eating disorder’. I wrote about Julia being the strongest female I know but is still vulnerable to emotional pain just like everyone else. How Pink resists emotional attachment yet still can’t seem to cut the ties of a relationship as toxic as the one he has with Grandma Roses. And Titus who mocks everybody else’s vulnerabilities and ignores the fact that his chest is a tattooed tribute to Julia Caesar.
I wrote about every single member of our group but the most humiliating part was what I wrote about myself. For some reason I found it necessary to chronicle all my insecurities. My fear of falling, failing, losing, living, dying and loving.
I don’t know why I wrote all that stuff. I started out wanting people to see how cool being a Zombie was. But somewhere along the line it changed and I just wanted them to know that we could be emotional messes with a lot of baggage and still be cool on occasion. That we could have personal issues and still be badass.
For some reason when I was writing the blog I felt it was really important to detail our flaws. All these things that contribute to who we are. I wanted people to understand that we are more than just brain eating Zombies.
I wrote about more than just flaws though. I wrote about the sisterhood, brotherhood and Zombiehood in general. How, even though we argue more frequently than average, we accept each other and support one another no matter the circumstances because that’s what families do.
As I sat on that bench in that park eating my lemon and blueberry cupcake I felt a tear slide down my cheek. With a sniffle I wiped it away. I guess I’m allergic to the combination of lemon and blueberry. It must be a Zombie thing.
The cupcake was delicious it would have been a shame to toss it out. So I went ahead and finished it for shame. Sometimes you do what you have to do.
I guessed I wouldn’t be hiding after all. I was pretty sure I was going to catch hell from everyone but for some reason the thought of leaving held no appeal.
“I’m made of sterner stuff,” I reminded myself. “Zombies are forged in fire. We have to die to be born again.”
8
Chapter Eight
Is it possible to glue your bangs back on after you’ve cut them?
I’m asking for a friend.
-from the mad ramblings of Mercy Mayhem
Pinkerton Floyd
2 days after Mercy’s blog detonated
My temper has been on simmer since I read Mercy’s blog a couple of days ago. A good portion of that anger is self-directed. I should have anticipated something like this. Instead I expected something like a cooking blog with recipes on pickled brains or brain and Nerd casserole. Maybe something like a Zombie movie guide with all her recommendations based on ‘hours of research’ or even a Ninja nerd how-to blog.
For some reason I never considered a Zombie blab fest on the bent minds of our group members. My first instinct was to find a way to get even. What can I say? Revenge is my default mode.
I’m finding it difficult to remain angry with her. I was supposed to monitor her blog instead I encouraged her to go renegade. Act don’t ask. Take a risk. I forgot who I was dealing with.
I know Mercy’s anxiety is amped up to a thousand right now. She’s been munching on junk food around the clock and avoiding eye contact.
When Julia found out she hit the roof. She tried to pressure Mercy into shutting down the blog but Mercy held tough and refused. I was pretty impressed. If I hadn’t been so angry I would have told her.
We’ve received complaints from every member with the exception of Mary Mary. Of course nobody expected her to complain.
The funny thing is the general public seemed to love it. The number of requests to be recruited has increased exponentially. Apparently people find us relatable.
The real rub is that everything she said was true. It’s hard to argue with facts. We all would just prefer to keep those kind of details to ourselves which is what I intend to tell her when I can speak without yelling. Maybe tomorrow.
Am I still planning on getting back at her? Of course. You can’t fight instincts. Well, maybe you can but I choose not to. I like the taste of revenge. It’s sweeter than candy and stronger than moonshine. Hard to resist so why bother?
I won’t do it right away. I’ll let her wonder about it. It will drag out her anxiety. She won’t know when it will come or how.
Titus isn’t upset with Mercy any more. He gave her the stink eye that first day but got it out of his system by tweeting about it. It went something like this:
Yeah, I’ve got Julia Caesar’s face tattooed on my chest.
I’m not ashamed to admit it.
She’s the baddest Zombie in the land.
One day her face is gonna decorate your currency.
Mark my words!
Mercy still thinks he’s angry and Titus hasn’t bothered to tell her otherwise. He thinks it’s funny that she avoids him. He’s got a bent sense of humor.
Julia hasn’t said one word about the blog since she blew up at Mercy. That day the initiates were on the rece
iving end of her bad mood. Well, nobody said it was going to be easy. I guess it’s best they understand that now.
I think Mercy’s flaking out again. She gave herself an unfortunate haircut. I’m pretty sure bangs are not her thing. For once Titus didn’t laugh. He kind of winced which may have been worse. She pretended she didn’t notice and hasn’t looked him in the face since.
Julia looked at Mercy’s hair and rolled her eyes. I think she may be having as a hard a time as me staying angry. She’s not a novice though so she’s blocking out forgiveness like a champ. I don’t think Julia will be able to hold out much longer but she’s fighting the good fight.
“Mercy,” Julia says out of the blue. “I need you to come with me. We need to talk.”
Mercy actually looks relieved. I think she can see her exile coming to an end. Maybe she’s right.
Titus doesn’t seem convinced though. He grabs Julia by the arm and whispers something to her. She just shakes her head and yanks her arm free. Whatever it is they are not in agreement.
Julia marches to the door and holds it open. “Are you coming,” she asks Mercy impatiently.
After they leave Titus kicks the table over.
“Why are you so angry,” I ask him. Lumina hisses at Titus before exiting the room. She’s obviously not happy with him.
He takes a long time to answer. Finally, he rubs his hands over his beard and confesses, “Julia is about to do something I know she is going to regret. We all are.”
“What do mean? She already ripped into Mercy. Is this a rehash of that? I’m a little confused. She didn’t seem as angry as she was when she first found out.”
Titus looks at me like I’m an idiot. “She’s not going to yell at her. She is going to kill her. Literally kill her,” he speaks slowly, carefully. “Mercy is not walking away from this.”
“That doesn’t make sense,” I think I’m shouting but I can’t tell with all the ringing in my ears. “It’s just a blog. It doesn’t mean anything.”
“Julia doesn’t see it that way. She says Mercy revealed our weaknesses. She thinks it makes us vulnerable which is unacceptable while we’re in the middle of a revolution. In Julia’s mind Mercy compromised us,” Titus explained. “That’s not something she is willing to forgive.”
I’m up and heading for the door. “Where did they go,” I ask over my shoulder. When he doesn’t answer I turned and glare at him.
“Where was Julia taking her,” I want to hit him so bad right now but I don’t have time. “Titus where are they?!”
He shakes his head sadly. “I don’t know. She wouldn’t tell me. She said it was better if I didn’t know.”
I’m not sure what to do. I think for a moment then head for the other room and grab Lumina.
Titus just looks at me in confusion. “What are you doing?”
“I don’t know! I figured if dogs could follow a scent maybe cats can too.” I slam the door behind me and place Lumina gently on the ground.
“Lumina, I need you to find Mercy,” I tell her. She looks at me but doesn’t move. “She needs us, Lumina. You need to find her.” Mercy is always telling me how smart her cat is. I guess this is the test of all tests.
Lumina stares at me with her mismatched eyes then turns and sniffs the ground. After a couple of moments, she begins to walk then run. I’m chasing after her hoping to hell she’s not on the trail of some other critter. I’m quietly praying to myself though it doesn’t really make sense. I don’t actually know any prayers.
Lumina pauses at the edge of a wooded area then turns as though to make sure I’m following. Of course I am! No way in hell am I letting her out of my sight.
I can hear something that sounds like voices. It’s too faint to be certain. We’re still too far away. Lumina’s running but I find myself running past her toward the sound.
We’re closer now. It’s definitely voices I hear. There’s a shout then Mercy’s voice saying one word again and again, “Why?”
I think she’s crying. I increase my speed. I hear Julia’s voice, hoarse and broken. “You betrayed us, Mercy. There’s a price for everything and this is yours.”
When I finally reach them I see Mercy lying on the ground the blade of her own dagger embedded in her heart. The same dagger I left for her under my pillow. The one with her Ninja image painted on the handle.
Blood is everywhere on the ground around her. Julia is covered in it.
When Julia hears me she turns slowly, tears on her cheeks and what looks like a broken nose.
“What have you done,” I can hear myself ask but it sounds like someone else’s voice. I must be numb because I can’t feel anything.
“I did what I had to do,” she insists. “Weakness cannot be tolerated and she exposed every one of ours to the whole world. She did this to herself.”
I kneel down next to Mercy’s still body and reach for the dagger. Julia stops me with a hand to my shoulder.
“Leave it. A soldier should always be buried with their weapon,” she informed me.
I shove her hand away and reach again for the dagger. “She wasn’t a solder and she would have hated being referred to as one.” That was the absolute truth. “She was a Ninja.”
I yanked the blade from her heart and gripped the handle tightly in mine. I thought about sinking it into Julia. It almost would have been fitting. Mercy had such a crazy obsession with the ‘sisterhood’. The literal death of the ‘sisterhood’ would have been almost poetic.
In the end I chose not to kill her. Instant revenge is not my way. To do it properly you have to take your time. Mercy was impulsive. She had to work really hard at revenge and the results were mediocre at best. She didn’t have patience but I do and one day soon Julia will find that out.
I tuck the dagger into the waistband of my jeans and lift Mercy’s body in my arms.
“What are you doing,” Julia asks. “I was going to burn her body.”
If I wasn’t holding Mercy I may have tried to strangle her to hell with slow revenge. “Did you not even know her? She hated pain. She wouldn’t have wanted to be burned.”
“She’s dead, Pinkerton,” she spoke slowly, calmly. “She can’t feel anything now.”
I turned away from Julia ignoring her. Her voice was like sandpaper against my skin painful and abrasive. I walked over to the river and kept on going until I was chest deep in it and Mercy’s face was barely above the water.
I took a mental photograph. Something to tuck away in my memory and pull out on those days when I felt like the darkness would swallow me whole.
I lean over her and whisper, “For you I’ll keep fighting Mercy. I’ll be the Ninja Assassin of your dreams. I promise.” Then, I release her into the arms of the river. I watch as the current pulls her under and sweeps her away from me. I’m tempted to let it take me too but I made a promise and promises are meant to be kept.
When I turn and head back to the banks of the river Julia is standing there. Her rainbow colored eyes are wide and tear filled. I almost feel bad for her. This revenge business is gonna be painful for her. I promise.
************************************************
We don’t talk on the way home. I’m not prepared to have a conversation with her right now. I don’t think I have it in me to fake politeness right now.
When we enter the house Titus takes one look at Julia’s blood soaked clothes and his head drops to his chest. “You actually went through with it,” he asks with so much disappointment in his voice.
She murdered my best friend and he’s disappointed. I walk down the hall into Mercy’s bedroom and shut the door. I can feel the rage pounding inside my head, in my heart in every pulse point.
I don’t know why I’m losing it like this. I knew this would happen. How many times did I warn Mercy that trust was death? Trust No One! It’s my number one rule and it should have been hers too. I told her again and again but she only ever heard what she wanted to hear.
I don’t know why but I
keep think back to that stupid 5k race. Mercy was so angry when I beat her. In her mind she’d already had that win locked in. Maybe I should have let her win but I knew how she was. If she’d won, she would have checked that box and gone back to marathon watching television episodes. She never would have pushed herself to do more.
I grab the open box of Nerds sitting on her bed and toss it against the wall taking pleasure in the sound of all the bits of candy scattering. I grab the unopened bag of Twizzlers and heave them at the closed door. The loud thump was less satisfying.
I wish I hadn’t given her the cold shoulder these last two days. I wish I had paid closer attention to what Julia was thinking. I wish I could go back and tell her not to post that damn blog entry. But I can’t do any of those things. Life doesn’t give us do-overs. Not even life after death.
I lean back on the bed and try to quiet all the noise in my head. All those regrets that don’t mean a damn now. Instead I concentrate on revenge.
Julia’s a control freak. She may think it’s her heart that’s vulnerable but really it’s her mind. She might shed a few tears if you mess with her heart but I guarantee she’ll writhe in agony if you play with her mind. Agony is exactly what I’ll be serving.
I smile to myself. Plotting revenge is better than a bedtime story. It relaxes me. Lumina jumps on the bed and settles herself against my chest. I pet her fur to sooth her. I fall asleep to the sound of her purring and with visions of Julia’s pain dancing in my head.
When I awaken the room is dark as a tomb. I hear the sound of the Nerds I scattered earlier crunching under someone’s feet. I try not to move or change my breathing.
I can barely make out a dark shape. It’s not Titus or Julia. This person is too short to be either of them. They reach for Lumina’s carrier. What the hell?
They trip over the bag of Twizzlers and hit the floor with a soft thud. Instead of getting up immediately, I hear the rustle of the candy bag being opened then soft chomping.