by Cathy Gaitan
Pinkerton makes a gagging noise and jumps out of the car before the witch can take issue with him. Wise decision. She doesn’t seem to like him much.
“Why are you so mean to Pink,” I ask her while we’re alone in the car.
The witch sniffs and says, “He had it coming. He kicked sweet Titus in the knee.”
“Sweet?” Now I’m gagging.
Bibidee Bea chortles. “Not really but I’m trying out endearments. It really annoys Queen Z.”
“Well, eliminate that one. Even Julia wouldn’t buy it and she loves him for some reason.”
“Hey,” she objects. “The endearment I used is fake but the affection I feel is real. Titus the twisted rocks my world.”
She really does have a troubled soul and if she’s attracted to Titus her mind is messier than mine.
“I heard that you know.,” she sang. “I guess everyone’s entitled to their opinions. I just feel bad that you have such poor taste.”
Damn it! I need a Magneto helmet pronto. Maybe Amazon has one or E-bay.
“Good luck with that,” chirps the witch.
16
Chapter Sixteen
If I had a superpower I would totally be unstoppable.
-from the mad ramblings of Mercy Mayhem
Bibidee Bea
Hanging with my Homies
This rescue is on like Donkey Kong! Queen Z ordered me to wait by the car. Um, okay. Not! I’m not afraid of bullets. This witch has mad skills! They don’t get it yet. But they will. It really doesn’t pay to doubt me.
The night is lighting up like the 4th of the July. Bullets are flying, explosions are rocking the warehouse, people are screaming and making a fuss. It’s like any Saturday night in a Wiccan crib. We call it chaos and cackles. Get your brouhaha on!
I flick my ponytail over my shoulder and head for the action. Watch and learn Zombies. This party is about to get good!
A Human raises his AK 4o-something at me and accidently shoots himself in the head. Weird right? Another pulls a pin from a grenade. He tosses it and it lands right at his feet. Yikes! The winds were not in his favor.
The doors are flying open on their own. It’s a sign I tell myself. The Universe wants you to go get yours. So I do! Bibidee Bea burning it up tonight. I lift my phone and take a selfie in front of the blazing building. It’s important to document your achievements.
Inside it’s mayhem and Mayhem. Figuratively and literally. That girl is working it! She’s fighting a Human twice her size and giving him a run for his money. Honestly, she’s exhausting me. I flick my wrist and the Human falls on his own blade. She earned it. She’s the only one in this group that treats me decent.
I see Titus kick open a door on the 2nd floor. Be still my wicked heart. That Zombie is just too much!
Julia is fighting a couple of Humans and I reluctantly admire her fighting skills. She’s okay I guess. A male lifts his gun to shoot her in the back and I watch him do it. Titus would be mine, mine, mine! The bullet drops to the ground with a ping. It was a nice fantasy but it wouldn’t have killed a Zombie. It would just have given her a reason to have Titus fawning on her. Barf. Not on my watch!
Pinkerton makes his way to the door Titus kicked in. He knifes a bad guy then shoots another in the shoulder and kicks him over the landing. I appreciate his combat abilities so when a sniper tries to shoot him in the head I make sure it just grazes him. Its bleeding pretty badly but no real harm.
I know what you’re thinking. Why didn’t I stop the bullet altogether? Let me remind you. He called me crazy! There is one thing you need to understand about me. I hold a grudge! And my memory is long. This Zombie is going to have to earn my forgiveness. Luckily for him I like his partner. Mercy Mayhem might just be the key to his salvation.
I clear the first floor and make my way to the 2nd floor. I need to make sure Titus is safe. Oh, yeah and help rescue the captives.
I don’t waste time with individuals. I just cast a quick spell and send those combative Humans hurtling over the side.
Pink raises a brow at me. “You couldn’t have done that in the first place,” he asks sarcastically.
I send an invisible slap to his bullet wound and march past him ignoring his groan of pain.
When I walk in the room Titus is standing beside what looks like a slab of meat but I assume is the body of one of his Zombie brethren. He’s still alive. I can hear him moaning in pain. As I get closer I can see his eyes have been removed. He’s bleeding everywhere and it looks like his skin was peeled off.
I can’t help it. I lean over and puke on the floor. I’m pretty sure Pinkerton did too but I don’t turn to see.
Titus is looking at me with desperation. “Can you help him, witch,” he asks hoarsely.
“He can be helped,” I answer. It’s the truth. He’s a Zombie. He won’t die but the healing is going to be long and painful. I have skills but I’m going to need help with this one. I could try to do it on my own but it would be easier on the Zombie if I didn’t.
I whisper a quick chant and pull a small vial from my pocket. It takes me a while to locate his mouth but eventually manage to pour the liquid down his throat.
“This will numb the pain,” I tell Titus.
“How many do you have,” he asks. I shake my head in confusion. How many what? Titus indicates the vial in my hand. “How many vials. We need ten more.”
He points to the far wall. I realize in horror that this poor Zombie must have been the last one they were working on. The others are all strung up by their arms against the wall.
When tremors rock the building I realize my anger is getting the best of me. I close my eyes to calm myself then reach out a mental hand to my sister circle.
We don’t do this often. It uses too much energy. And why bother when you can Skype? This is an emergency though.
I can feel the sisterhood’s power coursing through me. It feels like love. Pure, undiluted and more powerful than anything you can imagine.
I walk over to that wall of pain racked bodies and slide my hands along every single one of them. I stay with each one until the trembles leave them and I’m sure they’ve dropped into a dreamless sleep.
Once the last is completed I thank my sisters and relinquish their powers back to them. I’m so exhausted I can barely stand.
My lovely camouflage is sweat soaked and stuck to my body. My hair is a tangled mess. I don’t care about any of that. All I can think about is revenge.
I felt these Zombies’ souls. I tasted their fear. I tasted their pain. I tasted their rage. And one day soon, I promise myself, I will taste their victory.
“Are you alright,” asks Titus. I realize Pinkerton is holding me up. I decided he’s earned my forgiveness. I have bigger fish to flay.
I pull away from Pink’s grip. “I’m fine. Let’s get these Zombies to the big rig parked in back of this warehouse.”
It takes a long time but we finally manage to get everyone out. Titus carries out a container filled with the injured Zombie’s eyes. Mercy is weeping silently, Julia is shaking, Titus is cursing and Pink is emotionless.
Me, I’m so furious I’m bleeding flames. Literally. The warehouse is an inferno. I burned that mother down!
Titus and Pinkerton take the rig. Julia, Mercy and I follow in the SUV. We’re heading to a nearby coven. Titus wanted to drive back to Happyville but I told him it would be better if the injured Zombies didn’t travel so far.
It’s a total lie. They could have made the trip but the truth is the scent of danger is in the air. I can feel it coating my tongue. This witch has well-honed survival instincts and right now they are screaming at me to run for cover. There is no place safer than a witch’s lair.
Let the Humans try to find us. I dare them. I double dare them!
The road we’re on is so narrow the rig the male Zombies are in barely fits. Visibility is zero but luckily I’m at the wheel. Figuratively speaking that is. Titus and Julia think they’re in control but let’s b
e honest. They’d both be lost without me. Literally. I’m letting them keep their hands on the steering wheels because it makes them feel useful. What can I say? I’m a giver.
Lightning flashes across the sky and I yawn. When thunder cracks the air my eyes roll back in my head. It’s so predictable. I love my sisters but this coven is kind of embarrassing me. I look at Mercy and her eyes are huge. At least she’s buying it.
When huge pieces of hail start pounding the windshield I almost cheer. That’s what I’m talking about! Mercy is shivering and Julia is cursing. I’m sorry I doubted. The sisters are doing me proud!
I climb over the seat and start searching underneath. “Ah-hah,” I say when I locate the bottle. Time to really set the mood. I pop the top and grin as the mist starts to form in the car.
Once I’m satisfied with the special effects I take a long chug. “Oh, yeah! That’s the stuff.”
I bounce back over the seat and shove the bottle between them. “Join the party girls.”
Mercy stares at the bottle horrified confusion. “Why is it steaming like that?”
“Uh, because it’s witch’s brew. It’s supposed to do that,” I remind myself to be patient. I shove the bottle at her nose. “Are you a Zombie or a chicken because I could have sworn I just heard you cluck.” Hey! That’s me being patient.
Mercy glares at me hard. If she were a witch I’d be writhing in pain but she’s not. Sucks for her! When I make a wing with my arm she grabs the bottle and knocks back a huge gulp. Then almost goes into convulsions. Oops. I guess I should have warned her how strong it is. My bad.
I reach behind her and pound her on the back. “Geez, I didn’t realize Zombies were so weak,” I mutter under my breath. Okay, it was a little louder than that. Whatever.
“You better hope that doesn’t kill her,” Julia growls at me. That Zombie is so uptight. What the heck does Titus see in her?
“It won’t kill her. What part of ‘Zombies don’t die’ eludes you?” My patience doesn’t extend to Queen Z. She has Titus, sniff. As far as I’m concerned that’s the biggest boon in life.
I grab the bottle from Mercy’s hand and offer it to bossy lady. I miscalculate my reach and end up ‘accidentally’ hitting her in the nose with it. “Sorry,” I apologize. “Not sorry,” I whisper into my forearm.
Of course Queen Z doesn’t take the bottle. She shoves my hand away hissing, “I’m driving, witch. Back off!”
I roll my eyes. “Oh, for goddess’ sake. Let go, Julia! When are you going to realize I’m in control?” When the car starts weaving from side to side she grips the wheel so hard her hands start to tremble.
“The hail must be messing with the engine,” she mutters to herself.
I snort in laughter. “Yeah, ‘cuz that’s a thing,” I reply sarcastically.
“You are not helping anything,” Queen Z rages at me.
“Are you kidding me right now,” I finally lose my cool with her. “You are the one not helping! Let go of the steering wheel, Julia.” When she doesn’t listen to me I send a jolt of electricity into the wheel forcing her to comply.
Her hands are off the wheel and the car is holding steady. “You don’t always have to be the one in control,” I tell her. “Now take a damn drink and relax. I’ve got this.”
Queen Z grabs the bottle in frustration and chugs like a boss! When she comes up for air she doesn’t choke, sputter, or even cough. She just says, “It’s kind of strong.” Vodka, whiskey, and bourbon are strong. Witch’s brew is like mixing kerosene and gasoline together and lighting a match. It’s combustible.
Okay, maybe Queen Z has some redeeming qualities. She fights like a Valkyrie and holds her liquor like the wickedest witch. In case you were wondering, that’s me!
By the time we reach the veil Julia and Mercy are sitting in the backseat on either side of me. The car is swaying to the radio and we’re singing along. Good times!
Julia’s phone rings and she puts it on speaker. It’s twisted Titus. “We can’t see a damned thing,” Titus warns.
“Just let go,” Julia sings. Mercy starts giggling.
“What,” he shouts. “I said we can’t see where we’re going!”
He’s yelling s though he thinks Julia doesn’t understand what he’s saying.
“Titus the twisted! Let go of the wheel,” I command. I’m going for solemn but it’s ruined when Julia howls with laughter.
“Why the hell are you laughing? We’re going in blind,” he growls.
These Zombies are so stubborn. “It’s a witch thing. Just let go of the steering wheel. I’ll guide us home.”
“That’s crazy,” I hear Pinkerton say. “Don’t listen to her.”
I send a jolt straight into Pinkerton’s spine. I grin when I hear his roar of pain.
“Let go of the wheel Titus,” I say once more. “Don’t make me fry you like I did Pinkerton. It hurts.”
“Fine but if we crash and burn it’s on you witch!”
Julia snorts out a laugh. “He’s really not happy with you.”
I sigh and whisper to myself, “Oh, but he could be.”
“Don’t make me kill you witch,” warns Queen Z. I admit it. I’m whisper challenged.
Mercy nods at Julia’s words. “She’ll do it too.” She rubs at the spot over her heart where Julia sank her own blade.
“Aw, your sweet to warn me,” I tell Mercy. Leaning close to her I say, “But I’m gonna let you in on a little secret.” Both Julia and Mercy lean it. “While Zombies can’t die Witches won’t die. Even if we want to our desire to live is stronger. It’s instinctual. You can’t fight instinct. Some have tried and they’ve lived to tell the tale. Every. Single. Time. Witches survive at any cost. Never forget that.”
The car rolls to a stop. “We’re home,” I holler. Mercy opens the door and I shove her out. What? She’s slow when she drunk!
“What kind of mess have you gotten us into now,” complains Hildie with a smirk.
I step over Mercy’s prone body. “You should be thanking me! I’ve brought you some Zombies to play with.,” I announce as I embrace her. I lean close to her ear. “Fix your hair and one of them might actually find you attractive.”
Hildie does as I tell her. She tries finger combing her hair and her hand gets snagged in the knots. When she frees her hand the curls are stretched out and frizzy looking. They’re standing in every direction. “Better,” I say. What? I’m not lying! Natural is the bomb!
When Julia comes around the car Hildie leans close and whispers,
“Hubba-Hubba,” under her breath.
“You’re not her usual type but don’t let that stop you,” I say. “I’ve got my eye on her Zombie male.”
“Sweet,” Hildie grins. “Sounds like a win-win to me!” She holds out her hand for a fist bump.
“We need to get our injured team members moved to some beds,” Queen Z reminds me. I guess the brew wore off. My respect for her increases. Usually only witches can shake it off that fast. I glance at Mercy snoring on the ground where I dropped her. That’s more like it.
“Hildie will show you where to take them,” I give Hildie a push to get her moving in the right direction.
“I was thinking the east wing,” Hildie says to Julia as she grabs her arm and guides her to that area. I roll my eyes but she doesn’t see. Hildie’s quarters are in the west wing. What is she thinking? She has to know Julia would never take a room away from her soldiers.
I think about it for a moment and accept the blame for that. I failed to explain what a control freak Queen Z is. It doesn’t matter anyway. I’m witch enough to admit, to myself at least, that nothing short of an explosion will separate Titus and Julia.
“Where are we housing the injured,” Titus asks me while Pink picks up Mercy from the ground.
“What did you do to her,” Pinkerton asks accusingly. This Zombie never learns! If he wasn’t holding my second favorite Zombie I’d be frying his ass.
“You better watch your tone wi
th me! I didn’t do anything to her. She just can’t hold my liquor.” I turn to Titus and wink. “Witch’s Brew is powerful strong. You should try it some time.”
Titus chuckles, “As strong as it is I’m sure Julia’s right hook is stronger.”
I sigh in exasperated resignation. Always Queen Z. “Let’s unload the rig. I’ll show you where to take the injured.”
Today didn’t go the way I’d planned but that’s okay. Tomorrow is another chance to turn things around. Persistence is a witch’s greatest skill. Well, that and a power shot. Just ask Pink.
17
Chapter Seventeen
Just think of me as the Zombie Guardian Angel.
Only way cooler.
-Bibidee Bea’s twitter feed
Mercy Mayhem
Boom Hildie’s house of hexes
I think I’m going to puke again. My stomach is still queasy from last night’s introduction to the witch’s brew. Also, Bibidee Bea is sorting through the jar of eyeballs and it is so gross.
She’s matching them together like socks. Blue, blue, brown, brown. She wants Pink and me here to help identify which pair belongs to which team member. The thing is we don’t even know which team member is which. They kind of all look the same with no skin. I feel my stomach heave and race to the trash can once more.
I usually have an iron stomach. It’s just I know them. It makes me sick that tortured like this. I start to cry and Pink pats me on the back.
“Get it together, Mercy,” the witch orders me. “We need to get this done so I can drop their eyes in and they can start the healing process.
“How will we know who they are,” I ask.
“I can tell you who they are,” she informs me. “I’m wicked smart like that.”
I can see Pink wants to say something sarcastic but she’s already jolted him twice this morning.
“Okay, all sorted. Come take a look. I’ve sorted by color. Hopefully you’re good at distinguishing variations.” She sounds really proud of herself. Come to think of it, she always sounds like that.