by Brown, Tara
“You, ya tit.” She scoffed. “Don't be mad at me. I don't know why, but I love this dorky Fin-Clubber more than anything in the world, and I would die without him. I have to be with him. Don't make me say anything else. It’s making me nauseous. And I’m already under the weather. I got my period and I’m feeling nasty.”
“I don't care. How could you plan to go to Madrid and leave me and not even tell me?” My pride was wounded.
“Because I didn't know how to tell you.” She had no defense so she sighed. “I’m so sorry. I’m shit. I know it. We don't leave until after Christmas, so we’ll just enjoy the next month then worry about how we’ll manage to still see each other every single week in the new year?”
“Fine, but I don't love you right now.” I wasn't giving in.
“That’s okay. I love you enough for the both of us right now.” She yawned. “And I’m going back to sleep. Nighty night.”
“I hope the bedbugs bite,” I said with a bitter tone and tapped the phone off.
Lying back, I contemplated how our lives had turned and changed in the last four and a half years of knowing Aiden. Linna was with an international soccer star. She was an influencer on Insta for cataloguing our lives and adventures visually, and was nearly done a degree in art history. Jess was nearly done her degree and dating a prince. Our closest friends were royals of varying kinds. Carter and Bea would be the next engaged. He had the ring, something he’d bought at Tiffany’s in New York via FaceTime with Linna and me last month. And Dee had stopped taking birth control. And now Aaron was married. Friggin’ married.
We were older and hopefully wiser, and even if we weren’t, we sounded smarter from living in the UK. And yet somehow, I didn't feel any different than I did the summer high school ended. I didn't want to commit to a job. I didn't really want to move to Andorra permanently. And I wasn't a fan of the idea of never coming back to the US, or even Canada, without a heavy entourage. The restlessness of my mother’s spirit haunted me. I saw that now. Her severe case of FOMO that I’d inherited was going to be the death of Aiden and me, if his mother wasn't.
All of it whirled around in my mind, spinning and tormenting me with the harshness of growing older and being forced to choose something, anything. Committing to one thing and making a life in one direction. It was terrifying and I was mid second-guessing getting back together with Aiden when I realized one of Linna’s sentences didn't make sense.
She had her period.
I glanced down at the spot under the covers where my stomach was and my eyes widened.
Where the hell was mine?
18
The brighter side of things only works on stupid things. No one needs a positive spin for tragedy, Karen.
The end of days
My eyes were drying from not blinking as I stared out my bedroom window at the Scottish fields around the castle. The little tester lay in front of me, two blue lines. It didn't even have the respect for me to make one of the lines faint so I might doubt the results. It was the third test I’d done. Three sets of solid blue lines. Dark even.
What the hell was I going to do?
What would Blair Waldorf do?
“I think we need to call him,” Linna whispered. “This isn’t something you should try to figure out alone.”
She and Jess sat on my bed, the terror on their faces showing in the reflection of the window.
“I’m such an idiot.” I shuddered. “I stopped taking the pill after we broke up, it was making me fat. We weren’t seeing each other for months, so I didn't think. Clearly . . . I’m so stupid.”
“You’re not stupid. Honestly, you had almost no chance of getting pregnant. How many times have you had sex in the last three months?” Jess asked.
“Four,” I whispered. “Five.” I’d almost forgotten the seedy basement sex.
“Did you have a period last month?” Linna asked, getting up to pace.
“I don't know. I don't remember.” Had I had a period?
“Obviously, you didn't have a period, Fin. You haven’t seen Aiden since September,” Jess said. “I think it’s basically a guarantee you got pregnant when he came to do the ashes.”
“Right. And the last few months it’s been spotty with all the running and weight loss and stress. I don't remember the last one I had.” I turned and gave her a worried look. “Fuck, what if I didn't have one in September either? What if this is from August? What if I got pregnant from that weird sex in the basement?” I gagged. “That would make me just over three months pregnant.”
Oh my God, the world was ending.
My entire world was over.
Three months pregnant?
“Well, you skipped the worst trimester that most women struggle with.” Jess couldn't fight the brighter-side bullshit. “That’s sort of amazing.”
“Skipped it? I’ve felt like ass all fall. I haven’t had an appetite for at least a month. Remember Halloween when I said my drink tasted funny? I dumped it and didn't even drink. And I swear I’ve gained like three pounds even with not eating and running like a demon. Though I haven’t felt like running.” I was panicking. How could this be happening? I closed my eyes and shook my head for a second, trying to figure this out.
“Why did I quit smoking?” Linna moaned, clinging to her stomach. “This is too stressful.”
“Agreed,” Jess added.
“We have to call him,” Linna said again.
“No!” I lifted a hand. “This doesn't need to happen—”
“Fin”—Jess tilted her head—“you can’t even suggest that.”
“Yeah, I’m all for pro-choice but this is the future heir of a country. I don't think this is a decision you can make without him.” Linna’s eyes pierced my soul. The worried stare coming from her and Jess made me ashamed I’d even thought of it.
“You’re right.” I scowled. “I just—I don't know what to say or do.” I bit my lip. “What if he’s angry? Or he doesn't want me to have it?” My hands lifted to my stomach instinctually. “What if he does? Oh my God. I can’t be a mom.” I was going to be sick.
“There’s no what-ifs. Just this is the situation, you need to deal with it.” Linna was firm. “I’m getting Mary.”
“No!” I shouted. “He should know before any of his family. In case. Tell no one. You bought the pregnancy tests. The worst that will come from this is people might think Riley and you are pregnant.”
“I stole them,” Linna admitted. “I didn't have the heart to buy them. I left twenty quid on the counter and ran out before the shopkeeper came.”
“Twenty quid? You stole three of them. That’s probably half the cost.” I laughed weakly.
“Linna!” Jess groaned, “We can’t be shoplifting pregnancy tests. The shops all have cameras.”
My snicker turned into a sob as the ridiculousness of it all hammered me in the heart.
How had I been this careless?
“I don't have time to think on this. I have to be at the Gardens in twenty minutes.” I grabbed my sweater and jacket off the bed, my fingers shaking and my stomach feeling foreign, as if it no longer belonged to me. “I’ll see you guys after.”
“Okay.” Jess jumped up and hugged me tightly. Linna joined in. “It’s going to be fine, Fin. Better than fine. I swear.” Jess kissed my cheek.
“Love you guys,” I whispered and left the hug, hurrying to the front of the castle, a six-minute walk, to meet Tracy.
“Ready?” he asked.
“Yeah.” I followed him out, hurrying to the car.
“You all right?” he questioned me in the rearview as he drove away from the castle.
“What?” I lifted my gaze and popped out of the hellish nightmares my mind was creating as scenarios for Aiden finding out.
“You’re in space today.”
“I’m fucked, Tracy,” I blurted accidentally. I’d never been great with secrets, but he was the smartest person I knew in the whole world. And the trustworthiest. “I’ve made a huge mistake and it’s
irreversible and I don't know what to do.”
“Are you pregnant?” he asked, his lips falling into a scowl.
“How the hell do you already know?”
“I didn't know for certain.”
“Does he know?” My stomach tightened.
“I have to assume there’s a chance he suspects.” His eyes stayed on mine as he drove like a typical ninja. “One thing you can count on, when you have as many servants as you, everything is being tracked. And nothing is missed.”
“The servants track my periods?” I didn't know how to respond to that. It was laughable but also a serious violation of personal space. My entire body was pins and needles.
“They track everything. And they work for him. If they mentioned to me yesterday that it’s been months and no period from you, they might have mentioned it to him.”
“They report my periods? Why did they tell you?” My entire body was frozen.
“One of the head maids asked if I knew if you were on a shot to prevent pregnancy and monthly cycles. I said I didn't know.” He did not want to be having this conversation. He was not alone.
“Oh my God. What if they ask him that? He knows I’m not. The shot makes me psycho.” I cringed. “More psycho. They can’t tell him before I do, he’ll think I kept this secret from him.” And I was already keeping something secret from him. Something huge. And I’d promised to never do that again.
“You need to tell him straightaway.”
“This isn’t exactly a phone call sort of conversation. You know what he’s like. He’ll panic and come here.” I couldn't get full breaths, I was the one panicking.
“Perhaps you should go to him. You don't have classes on Fridays; we can be back by Monday for your afternoon class.”
“You’re right. I’ll need a flight to Andorra. But first I need to stop at the Gardens and explain that I’m leaving.”
“Of course. When you run inside, I’ll book something.”
“Okay. Thanks. Don’t warn him we’re coming. I don’t want him to know anything or have any reason to talk with the staff.”
Tracy flinched but agreed with a single head nod.
When he parked, I jumped out before he could get the door for me.
“Janet!” I called as I entered the building, sounding as frazzled as I was.
“Fin?” She popped her head out the door. “You all right?”
“No, I need to go. I’m heading to Andorra quick for the weekend.”
“You were just off for American Thanksgiving.” Her tone rose.
“I know. And I am so sorry to leave you in the lurch.”
“There she is.” Carmen walked into the front room. “Did I hear that correctly? You’re off then, Fin?”
“Yes, I’m leaving in about ten minutes. I’ve got a small crisis.” It was a massive crisis, but I didn't want them to worry. “Andorran shit,” I sort of lied.
“You and your king.” Janet swooned, losing all the annoyance at my unreliability. Aiden had a funny effect on her. “Let me guess, a helicopter is coming to the roof of your castle to whisk you away to Andorra where an entourage of reporters await you? As they step to the side, the handsome king stands up in the carriage, smiling and the sunlight glints off his teeth?”
“Not quite.” I laughed nervously at her Harlequin Romance version of my life. “A car takes me to Glasgow, and it’s going to be the late side of morning rush hour by the time I get there and then I’ll have to wait on a plane to Toulouse, in the airport. Hoping no one notices us. Then it’s hours gate to gate. Then a helicopter picks me up. When I finally arrive in Andorra, it’ll be dark so the moonlight will be glinting off the teeth of the guard sent to fetch me because my king will be far too busy to meet me.” I sighed, making a small joke.
“Disappointing,” Janet lamented, leaning on the top of the cubicle wall.
“However do you manage with such subpar conditions?” Carmen teased.
“It’s really hard.” I forced a laugh.
“No one pities you. You’re dating one of the sexiest royals in all of Europe. You’re the luckiest little brat I have ever met.” Carmen waved me off.
“Absolutely not. So off ya go then.” Janet rolled her eyes.
“I will be back on Monday. I’ll pop in when I’m home.” I hugged them both and hurried back outside, sending Linna and Jess a text to tell them the change of plans, minus the “creepy maids snooping my trash” bullshit. That would send Linna over the edge. And with the day’s revelations, I imagined she was already quite close to it.
I was. My fingers trembled as we drove out of St Andrews, and my heart was beating a mile a minute.
“I called a friend. We’re borrowing a jet. I’m heading to the small airstrip in Dundee. They’re meeting us there in half an hour,” Tracy said as he headed north.
“Okay.” I had to admit I was relieved. Hours spent at the airport would have been awful. People taking my picture, me wanting to throw up with nerves, Tracy trying to be cool. Avoiding that would be awesome.
My mind raced back, hitting the sex in the basement, our making up in the fields, the ashes, and his mother’s weird attempt at sabotage. I would have to tell him that.
My brain didn’t stop jumping around the whole journey, which ended up being much faster than I’d expected.
In fact, it wasn't long enough.
19
Why do people hate on dudes who like to wear dresses but chase down guys in kilts? Who decided plaid was the only material suitable for bros?
My baby trumps your castle
By the time Tracy and I landed in Toulouse, the sun wasn’t even close to setting.
The helicopter ride was the fastest part, and when we touched down in Andorra la Vella, a flash of movement caught my eye. The familiar face made me want to turn around and go home. It wasn't a guard picking us up this time. He had actually come.
“You called him?” I asked, nervous about seeing him.
“I didn't, but I have to assume someone told him your location had changed.” Tracy gave me a look. “It’s going to be okay. It’s not the end of the world. Not even close.” He squeezed my hand before I climbed out of the chopper.
Aiden beamed, striding toward me looking too happy to see me, which made me that much more worried. There was no chance he was smiling that wide and knew about the baby, meaning I would have to break the news to him.
“What a wonderful surprise,” he said, rushing me.
“How many guests can say the king greets their landing?” I asked nervously, trying to be my normal self as he swept me into his arms, hugging me tightly and smelling like home in my heart. The sensation of safety in his arms made me feel like a traitor.
“Absolutely none. I meet no one here.” He pulled back and lifted his regal chin. “I prefer them to meet me in my study, to ensure the angles are right for the best first impression.” He turned his cheek slightly. “This is my good side.”
“You’re an idiot.” I was an idiot.
“You’re going to spend the night in the dungeons if you don't watch it,” he warned against my cheek as he pressed a kiss.
“Pshh.” I waved it off, almost making a joke about the mother of his child not sleeping in dungeons. “Won’t be the first time. I’ll tell Father Michel you send your regards,” I said as he kissed my neck.
“You and that priest. I swear, ever since the coronation you’ve been obsessed with his robes. It’s been three years, Fin. Time to move on.”
“You forced me to go to school in Scotland. What did you think would happen? Men in skirts have kinda become my thing. You ever watch a parade of sexy Scottish men marching through the streets in kilts, playing the bagpipes on a gusty day?” I lifted an eyebrow, not sure how I was managing to be so normal while my heart was beating out of my chest. “I’m just saying.” This dancing and joking and testing the water told me one thing: he definitely didn't know. The maids hadn’t told him yet. I should’ve been relieved but how could I be?
“That’s it. You’re getting homeschooled for your final semester.” He wrapped an arm around my shoulders and kissed the side of my head.
“I can think of worse fates,” I kidded but the possibility of finishing here was suddenly becoming quite real. Once he found out, he would never let me leave again. “Though I expect a full display of kilts and bagpipes as incentive for me to maintain my GPA.” I forced a laugh as Tracy strolled up to us.
“Tracy, how are you?” Aiden offered him a hand.
“Excellent, my king.” They shook hands before Tracy hurried away. Of course, he was running away. I wished I could.
“Now, to what do I owe this surprise?” Aiden asked as we strolled to the car.
“I’ll tell you at the house.” I didn't know how to say it, and I suspected we’d need to be alone.
He sat across from me in the limo, the way he liked to do, but something was off. Something mischievous in his stare. Maybe he already knew. And maybe he wasn't angry.
“What?” I finally asked when he grinned at me for the fourth time.
“What?” he asked with too obvious a sparkle to his stare.
“Why do you look that way?” Dear God, please let him already know. And please let this be the reaction he has.
“What way? This is my face. I thought you’d be used to it by now.”
I was going to die from the suspense. “You’re up to something. You’re smug about something. Just tell me, whatever it is.” Or was he going to make me tell him? Why couldn't he let me off easy and just confess he’d been tracking my periods. But then, why would he be excited? Why wasn't he angry? Or worried? Or stressed? Adding a baby to a new job for normal people was intense. And there was nothing normal about us.
“Can’t a king just be excited his girl has randomly come to see him? It’s been months. How many?” He tried to play it off as nothing, but I wasn't buying what he was selling. Was he asking how many months pregnant I was? Would he actually torment me like this?