But as Tracy sat on the beach, enveloped in Paul’s love, she wondered if maybe she was ready. She loved Paul. She loved his kindness, his strength, his character. She loved everything about him. And if he asked her to marry him, she thought that perhaps she would say yes.
“Here,” Paul said, reaching around her and handing Tracy a sparkler.
Tracy turned and smiled up at him as she took the sparkler out of his hand. She shifted her attention back to the fireworks in the sky, the ocean and the sound of the children. The sparkler danced and spit as she watched with fascination. Then a spark flew off and landed on her leg.
“Ouch,” she yelled as her leg jerked back and her consciousness returned back to reality. Tracy realized a spark had flown off the flare and burned her leg.
A puzzled look washed over her face as she looked around and tried to get her bearings. She was on the beach. No, that couldn’t be right, she thought. There were no fireworks. Okay, she’s with Paul, he just handed her a sparkler. She turned and saw only the damp dirt wall of the dark cave. Fear crept up in her as reality came back. She was in the cave, alone, and it was getting dark.
Tracy’s arm shook as she held the flare out to her side, careful not to burn herself again. The red glow illuminated the cave floor and Tracy quickly remembered the scorpion and the snake. She sat up as best she could and scanned the cave floor for animals or insects. Her eyes scoured the cave entrance, the ground by the dwindling fire, the wall where the stick was. That’s when she saw it.
“Food,” she said. “Yes, food.” Tracy spoke in short phrases, unable to put together complete sentences. Her brain worked hard to process her thoughts, and she could only verbalize the simplest of things.
Tracy wedged the flare between two large rocks and grabbed the berries Paul had left for her. She propped herself up on one arm as she ate, unwilling to lie down for fear she would fall asleep again. She didn’t want to risk a lethal bite during her sleep from some strange animal or insect. She ate slowly, letting each berry melt in her dry mouth before swallowing the juice and seeds. Her stomach growled loudly in anticipation of the sustenance to come. By the fourth berry, Tracy was full. Even though she was barely rational, a part of her mind told her not to eat the rest of the berries. It knew she might need them later if no help arrived.
Tracy reached out for the water but stopped and whipped her head toward the cave entrance. “What was that?” she yelled toward the darkness.
Her eyes darted anxiously toward the cave entrance as her pulse pounded in her ears. “Who’s there?” she said, quieter this time. She picked up the flare and held it like a knife toward the cave entrance. Seconds later, she heard it again, this time louder.
Tracy kept her eyes glued on the cave entrance as her other hand reached for the stick. The flare cast a long shadow against the cave wall, but the space in front of the cave opening was barely visible, lit only by a dark orange hue cast from the already set sun.
“Who are you? What do you want?” Tracy asked more forcefully as her hand clamped tighter around the stick. “Paul? Is that you?”
She loosened her grip on the stick as a smile took over her face. All her features relaxed, and she let out a long, slow breath. “Thank God! I knew you’d come back,” she said to the empty cave.
Tracy watched as Paul came closer, his face clean and his eyes bright. His scars were gone, and he wore freshly laundered clothes. He walked toward her in a ray of white light, carrying a tray full of fresh fruit and a pitcher of ice cold water.
“Oh, thank you, Paul! Thank God!” Tracy smiled broadly and reached out her hands, with stick and flare, to take the tray from Paul. She waited but felt nothing. Then she watched as Paul transformed from a clean, healthy Paul to a battered, scarred and bloody one.
Chapter 4
Within seconds, he morphed further into nothing but bones and tissue.
“Paul!” Tracy shrieked as she clawed at the air. The tray Paul had been holding tumbled to the ground and its contents of rotted meat and spoiled fruit spilled onto the floor.
“No!” she screamed, shaking the flare at the scar of a man that was Paul, as he walked toward her, his skeletal hands reaching out to take her.
She shoved the flare in front of her, and Paul changed again, this time into a large, snarling island groundhog. It stood on its hind legs, just inches away from the flare. The red glow of the stick lit up its brown face and Tracy could make out two, very long front teeth.
She squeezed her eyes shut, hoping the wild animal was just a figment of her delirious imagination, but when she opened her eyes, the groundhog was still there.
“Go away! Get out!” she screamed as she swung at it with her stick. The groundhog took a step back and snarled as spit flew out of its hungry mouth. Its black eyes shone like coal in the glow of the flare.
“Go! Get out of here!” Tracy screamed, realizing she wasn’t dreaming. She flailed the stick wildly and poked the flare in the air toward the groundhog. But nothing could scare the animal. Finally, Tracy reached around and grabbed a large rock and threw it at the animal. The rock scraped the front of the groundhog. It jumped back, hissed at Tracy and then turned and darted out of the cave into the darkness of the island brush.
“Go, get out! Get out of here!” Tracy kept screaming, long after the groundhog left. “Go!” The hysteria took over and Tracy wailed loudly, letting all the fear and terror come out in angry, loud bursts. She screamed at the top of her lungs, knowing no one would hear her.
“Paul! Get out of here!” Tracy was no longer sure if she had scared an animal away or if she scared Paul away. Or was Paul the animal? Was Paul a snake? Snakes were evil, they couldn’t be trusted. Maybe she couldn’t trust Paul. Maybe he just drove the Jeep off the cliff so he could hurt her like she had hurt him. She thought that he planned it all, planned on the crash, planned on leaving her here in the cave, planned on never coming back. At least, not for four years.
Tracy looked around and saw the water Paul had left her. There were two coconuts full and one water bottle. “That’ll never last four years,” Tracy said sadly, convinced that Paul was a snake and had done all of this to get back at her. Her mind finally succumbed to the wild stories of her delirium, driving out any sense of rationalization.
As the delirium took control, Tracy felt the fear leave. She was no longer in the dark cave, alone with little chance of rescue. She was safe. She was back under the tree. The bees that had scared her so badly were gone. But her father was there, telling her everything would be alright. Tracy heard Courtney’s little girl voice in the distance, but couldn’t quite make out what it was saying.
Her father scooped her up in his big strong arms and carried her to the car. Tracy heard him soothing her from the front seat as Courtney rubbed her hair in the back seat.
“It’s going to be okay, baby. I’m gonna get you help. You just hang on,” Randall said from the front seat.
As Tracy lay in the cave, she felt her father pick her up and put her on the hospital bed. The bed was cold, and she felt her body shake against the hard mattress and itchy sheets. Then the lights came on, and she heard another voice.
“It’s okay Tracy. Come over here, with me,” said the voice from beyond the lights.
Tracy sat up on the floor of the cave and looked down at her leg. “I can’t. I can’t walk,” she said.
“You can. Trust me. Just get up and walk, my child.”
Tracy listened to the voice and saw an outstretched hand coming from behind the hospital lights. She reached out and grabbed the hand and pulled herself up. To her amazement, Tracy felt no pain at all. She looked down and saw her body lying on the cave floor.
“Wow, I’m a mess,” she said to the voice.
“Yes, you are. But look, over there,” the voice directed Tracy to another spot. She looked and saw her little girl body on the hospital bed. “See, you were quite a mess then, too.”
“Oh yeah, I was.” Tracy saw her young self, lying on the
bed, squirming in pain and shaking in fear. Her father held her hand as Courtney sat on the chair and cried.
“But,” said the voice, “Do you remember how that turned out?”
Tracy smiled. “I do,” she said, still holding the hand of the voice. “I remember you being there, telling me everything would be okay. And I became very calm, very relaxed. And I knew it would be alright. And it was.”
Tracy looked down at her young self as she spoke. She watched as her little body relaxed on the bed and the shaking stopped. A look of peace came over her small face as the doctors began working on her broken bones. She turned her attention to her other body, the broken, bloody body on the cold cave floor.
“And this time, will it be okay?” Tracy asked, unafraid of the answer she would get. Weird, she thought. I should be afraid. I look like crap down there. I’m all alone. And I very likely could die. Why am I not afraid? She thought all these things, but the voice heard them anyhow.
“Because I am with you. And no matter what happens, no matter what happens to your body, your spirit and soul will always be with me,” the voice said.
Tracy watched as her older body relaxed on the ground of the cave. She saw the tension leave her bones, saw the muscles in her face soften and watched as her chest rose up and down steadily and slowly. She smiled and squeezed the hand of the voice as she turned in its direction.
She felt her breath come in and out of her lungs, but this time there was no pain. Tracy listened to the sound of the crackling fire that had died out hours before and smiled as it warmed her body. She heard Paul’s voice as he chattered mindlessly, talking about how many kids they would have and how he couldn’t wait to be fire captain. She smelled the aroma of the luscious island flowers and the delicious fresh roast coffee.
The flare spit and sputtered next to Tracy as she floated in and out of consciousness. She was in no pain, feeling none of her injuries or the bone chilling dampness that had again taken over the cave. She didn’t feel her lung rip and ooze with every breath and scrape of the broken rib that punctured it. She felt nothing but peace.
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.” Tracy listened to the voice and smiled.
“I will strengthen you and help you;” she finished, remembering Isaiah 41:10 well. “I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
She went on. “Psalm 56:3, When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.” Tracy continued reciting Bible verses, digging them out of her memory like tiny bits of treasure in the bottom of a coat pocket. She knew they were there, but she just needed to pull them out.
“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” Tracy smiled to herself. “That’s my favorite.”
The night grew darker and the cave dimmer as the red sparks of the flare flew like oil from a hot pan. Tracy laid still, listening to the sound of her own breathing and feeling safe and secure in the warmth of the cave and the comfort of God.
“Thank you, God,” she said from her position back on the cave floor. “I know everything will be alright now.” A smile formed on her lips as she watched a cloud of darkness approach until it finally consumed her, taking her to a faraway resting place, a place without pain.
Chapter 5
“Where am I?” Paul said from his hospital bed. The words came out slurred from the medication he had been given.
“It’s okay, relax,” said Kenneth as he put his hand on Paul’s shoulder. “Just lie back and stay still, it’s okay.”
“Where’s Tracy?” Courtney demanded as she shook Paul’s arm from the other side of the bed. “Where’s my sister? Is she alive? Is she okay? Is she dead?” She covered her mouth with her hands.
“Woah, honey, slow down,” Kenneth reached across and took his fiancée’s hand. “Let him wake up. We’ll get our answers.”
“That’s easy for you to say!” Courtney spat the words at him as if it was Kenneth’s fault. “You know your brother is alive. But what about my sister? You never liked her anyhow! After what happened with her and Paul, I know you’re probably still mad!”
Courtney knew she was making no sense but couldn’t stop herself. The words just spilled out of her. She was terrified that something awful had happened to Tracy. When Paul had been found on the side of the road, he was alone. No one knew where he had come from. He had just appeared. And Kenneth and Courtney had been down that road with rescue parties at least a dozen times in the past four days. They never saw Paul once. How could that be?
The day of the excursion, Kenneth, Courtney and the rest of the wedding party assumed exactly what Paul and Tracy had thought. They figured the two of them snuck away and spent the day alone. When neither of them showed up that night after the storm, they were a little concerned.
But Kenneth had reminded Courtney that Paul and Tracy were experienced outdoor people and knew how to handle themselves. They figured the two probably sought shelter somewhere until the storm cleared. However, when the second day rolled around and there was no call or no sign of the couple, Courtney started getting worried. At first, Kenneth reassured her, reminding her that Paul was a paramedic. He told her that if anything had happened, he would be able to take care of them and get them to safety. But Courtney insisted they go looking for them.
They didn’t want to worry the parents. So the young people made excuses for Paul and Tracy and then set out to find them. They spent the entire second day retracing their path from the day before. They weren’t sure when they had lost sight of the Jeep, but knew Paul and Tracy had never made it to the first sightseeing stop. But instead of assuming the two had gotten into an accident, they figured Tracy and Paul had taken another route altogether.
The island was full of hidden roads and island trails. Paul knew how to drive a Jeep and certainly could have taken it off road. That meant they could be practically anywhere on the island. When they arrived back at the hotel without Tracy and Paul on the second night, the parents became concerned and demanded to know where they were. When the truth came out, they all agreed to send out a formal search party first thing in the morning when the rain finally let up.
They organized at the break of day and discussed their strategy over coffee. With cell phone service unreliable, each group was given a radio with which to communicate. They broke off in teams, each with their own vehicle, and began searching sections of the island. They got the call about an hour after they started searching. A delivery truck had just found a man passed out on the side of the road and brought him to the hospital. From the description, they knew it had to be Paul. But where was Tracy?
Courtney had conjured up a million scenarios, none of them good. A few even involved Paul doing something horrible to Tracy. She thought that if Paul was truly still angry at Tracy, maybe he orchestrated the whole thing. Maybe he planned to have all the tourist vans full so he could get Tracy alone in the Jeep. Then, under the pretense of getting lost, he could take her to an isolated place on the island and ... and ... do horrible things to her. Maybe even kill her to get back at her for ruining his life.
Kenneth had tried to calm Courtney down after she had first presented these theories to him when they began the search and rescue. “Babe, you’re getting carried away. I know Paul was mad. But that was four years ago. And besides, if he wanted to kill her, he could have just throw her off the plane.” Kenneth tried to lighten the mood, but Courtney wasn’t playing along.
Paul listened as Courtney cried, fearful for her sister’s life. “She’s alive,” he said in a hoarse voice.
“What?” Courtney stopped arguing with Kenneth and shot a glance at Paul. “She’s alive? Is she okay? Where is she?” She grabbed Paul’s hand hard as if she could squeeze the information out of him.
He winced in pain and Courtney looked down. “Oh, oh my gosh. I’m so sorry Paul.” She realized she had been squeezing his broken arm.
Paul trie
d to clear his head. His eyes still had trouble focusing, but he could see the tubes and wires running from his body to the apparatus beside his hospital bed. He thought hard, trying to remember exactly where he was and what had happened. Images of the Jeep came to his mind. He remembered that he and Tracy were in the Jeep, following the van. And then Tracy had gotten sick.
“Well, where is she Paul?” Courtney demanded.
“Court, give him some time. He’s been in a coma for two days. He might not even have his memory back yet,” Kenneth said to Courtney in a tense tone.
“You’re awake!” screamed Margo as she bolted into the room. She and Howard had been out in the lobby getting coffee. They had been at Paul’s side ever since he had arrived at the hospital and had finally taken a break to get some food and air.
Margo rushed to Paul’s side and shoved Kenneth out of the way. “Oh my baby,” she said, cooing over him like a new mother. “I’m so glad you’re awake. Thank God, you’re alive!” Tears streamed down her face as she ran her hands over his head and arm, careful not to pull on the wires or touch his injured wrist.
Paul smiled weakly up at his mother. “I’m okay,” he said through his own tears. He could only remember seeing his mother cry once in his life. It was right after Tracy had left him at the altar. Margo watched with horror as Tracy disappeared and left her son, her baby boy, standing all alone in front of his closest friends and family, heartbroken. She wanted nothing more than to run up and take him in her arms and kiss away his pain. But she couldn’t. He was a grown man. All she could do was sit in the wooden pew and cry. The pain of being left at the altar was nothing to the pain Paul felt watching his mother cry.
Unfailing Love Page 3