“As wild as expected, I’m sure.” Mason pumps my elbow, and a low laugh leaves me.
“She’s sweet. It was a good conversation.”
Ari looks over her shoulder then and my chest inflates.
“What uh, what were you looking for?” I wonder, peeling my jacket off and setting it over the chair. I push my sleeves up, cautiously making my way around the side of the island.
I pause beside her, and a nervous smile pulls at her lips.
“Ma was looking for some peppers,” Mason offers.
I nod, trying to keep my breathing steady because I think I know where this is going. “There’s some jalapenos in the fridge.”
“You think that would be okay?” Ari wonders, glancing my way briefly.
“It might, but what kind were you looking for?”
“Crushed peppers.”
I purposely don’t say a word, and she looks to me. “You know, like pizza peppers?”
I fight a grin, my pulse flipping. “Right, right. Pizza peppers.”
Ari’s hand freezes mid stir, her head snapping my way. A small frown builds over her brow, but a small smile slips in the next second. “Wait!” She walks over to the side drawer and digs around, pulling out a few packets of peppers from Benito’s pizza. She holds them up in triumph. “I knew these would come in handy.”
She comes back, tears them open and pours them inside.
I lean my elbow on the counter, facing her. “That should give it a nice little kick, huh?”
Her smile is wide. “Exactly.”
Her eyes freeze on mine and a knot forms in my throat.
God, she’s so beautiful.
“Oh, shit!” Brady comes in with a shout and damn it if it doesn’t break the spell. “We got fire extinguishers, right?”
“And homeowners’ insurance?” Cameron adds.
“Ha, ha.” Ari shakes her head. “They swear I’m useless, Noah.”
I slip a little closer, her elbow brushing along my chest as she stirs, and her chest rises with a full inhale.
Her eyes lift to mine, her long, dark lashes fanning along her cheekbones.
“Looks like you’re doing just fine.” My tone’s a bit huskier than I’d have liked, but I don’t care.
She blinks, a flicker of something flashing across her face and then she tips her chin, that sweet shyness I love coming through.
I miss you.
She frowns, but quickly washes it away, jerking her head over her shoulder. “Yeah, I’m doing just fine. Maybe I don’t suck so bad after all.” She pauses. “Mother.”
“Hey.” Mrs. Johnson leans against her husband, pulling a coffee mug to her lips to hide a smile. “I didn’t say it.”
The room laughs, and before I look away, Mr. Johnson catches my eye.
He winks and goes back to his reading.
My eyes don’t move off of her after that.
She’s working off of memory, one that I gave her, and she doesn’t even know it.
Mason and I are tossing the football around in the street when Ari stumbles out of the house, tripping over Mason’s shoes.
“Shit, Mason!” She laughs, catching herself on the chair by the door.
“My bad!” he shouts, glancing behind him when the roar of Nate’s Hummer grows near.
“Crap, tell them to wait. I forgot my phone!” She hustles back inside, and we turn to face the girls.
The windows are rolled down, the music is loud, and Lolli doesn’t press the brake until she’s right in front of the house, finally coming to a screeching halt.
Payton and Lolli’s cousin Mia smiles from the back, leaning half out the window.
“Sup, boys?”
“Not much, playing some catch.” I point to Mason, who walks up with a frown.
“Where’s little D?” He tucks the ball beneath his arm.
Payton looks to him, her eyes briefly flicking past mine. “Ari seems to be keeping her distance from him so I—” Her eyes flick to mine, and her lips press into a tight smile. “Sorry, Noah.”
A sharp pain stabs at my chest, and it doubles, knowing Ari is avoiding being around Payton’s son, but I shake my head, not wanting to make her feel guilty when she shouldn’t. “It’s okay.”
“I didn’t want to make her uncomfortable, so I left him with my brother.”
“I could have helped,” Mason argues.
Payton’s cheeks turn red. “I didn’t need your help.”
Mason turns to me, tosses the ball, and jogs back into the house.
Lolli flips round in the front seat, lifting a brow at Payton.
Payton busies herself in her phone.
“Sorry, ready.” Ari rushes over, her hair dripping wet and tied in a knot on her head.
“Girls’ day?” I wonder.
“Yes. It should be fun.”
I grin, happy to see her getting out for some fresh scenery. She hasn’t left the house much since we got here, other than to walk down and be near the water.
“I’m here by force, in case you were wondering.” Lolli frowns.
“Shut up, Lolli. We’ll feed you Patron. Don’t worry,” Mia teases.
“We’re going into the city to look at some boutiques,” Payton says, without looking up. “Kenra heard about the ‘gala’ and lost her mind.”
My muscles lock, and it takes effort to pry my lips open.
I look to Ari. “Gala?”
She smiles. “Yeah, your team event is coming up super-fast, so I’ve got to go find something now or I’ll be screwed.”
My stomach stirs, my limbs tingling.
“You—” I swallow.
She remembers?
I must look crazy because she giggles.
“At first, I wasn’t sure I was up for it, just in case, you know?” she says, and I eagerly nod, desperate to reach out and brush the loose hair from her face. “But then I decided, screw it, I need some fun.”
“Yeah. You do.” We do, baby.
“So I said I’d go.” She shrugs, tugging the door open to the back seat.
“Said you’d go.”
Said she’d go?
A knot forms in my throat.
In my gut.
In my fucking chest.
Ari nods, a sudden anxiousness drawing her shoulders in. “Um…” Confusion swims in her eyes and so I clear my throat, trying to offer a smile for her benefit, but I’m not sure I manage.
And then I spin around, heading back toward the house, but I don’t go inside.
I storm around the back, my ears ringing when voices reach me from the patio.
My vision pulses, blurs in and out of focus, but I only need one clear view.
One clear fucking shot.
And I take it.
I pull back, my fist connecting with Chase’s jaw.
He falls from his chair, tumbling to the ground, and when he jumps to his feet, his head snapping toward me, I grip him by the shirt, driving him backward until his spine hits the railing.
I trap his arms behind his back and lift his legs a bit, so he’s half hanging over the deck’s edge. I press my forearm against his chest, forcing it to hold all of my upper body weight.
He groans, trying to break free, but I press harder.
He cries out in pain this time, and Brady appears at my side, a door slamming behind us and then Mason appears.
“Noah, let him go.”
I press into Chase’s gut with my elbow and dig the heel of my palm into his shoulder blade. I could pop it out with just a little more force.
“You’re gonna break his arm.” Brady’s hand closes over my wrist.
My stomach turns. “Maybe he deserves it.”
My body shakes, my teeth clenching, and I push off of him, but I don’t step back.
Chase is forced to stand before me, right in fucking front of me.
Blood drips from his lip and he dabs at it with his thumb.
My shoulders fall and I shake my head.
A twisted ty
pe of torment burns within me; it’s a mix of anger and guilt, making it hard to breathe, because here I am angry at the guy in front of me when I’m the one who placed him there.
I did this. I tried to do the right thing, laid on the damn sword because that’s what she asked for, that’s what she needed, and being any and everything she needs is all I’ve ever wanted. It’s all I’ll ever want.
So I followed her lead, stepped back, and this motherfucker…
He slid right in.
But I don’t get it.
I shake my head. “Why you doing this?”
Chase has the audacity to wince, and he looks away.
“Really? You’re man enough to make the move, but you’re not man enough to say it out loud?”
His head jerks forward at that and he throws his hands out. “What do you want me to say, Noah?”
“I want you to tell me why I shouldn’t knock you the fuck out. Why I shouldn’t go to her right now and remind her of exactly what her life became after you, because it was better. She was happier. She was—”
Loved. In love.
She was mine.
“I just want to be here for her, Noah, and I want her to know that I… that I am here if she decides she—” He cuts himself off.
“How you going to be half the man she needs, if you can’t even admit what you want out loud?”
“I’m sorry, but I don’t have to say anything to you.”
“No, just keep pretending to be the guy she begged you to be months ago and see how that works out for you.”
“Do you think I don’t know that I fucked up?” he shouts. “Because I do, all right. I do, but I can’t walk away now. For months, I’ve watched for some sort of sign that what we did was right, that we are what’s right, and I can’t ignore the fact that this is it. This is the most straightforward sign if I’ve ever seen one.”
A humorless laugh leaves me, and I try to swallow beyond the knot in my chest. “A sign.” I nod. “You’ve been sitting around for months, years even, waiting for someone or something to come along and convince you she’s worth it?”
Again, he looks away, but I push closer, getting into his face, and finally, he brings his eyes back to mine.
“I’ve known that girl was worth the world since the moment I met her.” I blink hard, willing myself not to lose it while staring into the eyes of the asshole trying to steal my world from under me.
Mason’s hand falls onto my shoulder, but I jerk myself free, spin and begin to walk away, but I only make it a single footstep.
“She loved me once, Noah… she could again. Maybe you should start considering that.”
Ice spreads through my stomach.
I whip around so fast I feel sick, dizzy, but my knuckles crack across his nose, and the pain it creates is welcomed.
“Fuck!” Chase touches his face, blood pouring down it.
Mason hangs his head, and Brady looks away, neither says a word, because really, what can they say?
This was a long time coming, and they know it.
Needing to get away, and quickly, I take the steps two at a time, dragging myself around the property so they can no longer see me.
My body is shaking in cruel punishment. A viscous ache working its way up my throat, and it wins out.
I stumble toward the trash can in the corner, my stomach draining into the black garbage bag, taking the little bit of hope last night brought with it.
Maybe I’m making a mistake.
Maybe this is the wrong way to do this.
Maybe I need to go against what she asked.
Maybe I should hang my hat and walk away.
Chapter 45
Arianna
* * *
Rushing down the stairs, I jog out front, quickly slipping into my mom’s car.
“Sorry.” I wipe the rain from my forehead and buckle up. “Mia had me pinned up on a pedestal longer than expected, trying to get my dress to fit right.”
“When is this dance?” She pulls onto the street.
“Mom.” I laugh. “It’s not high school. “It’s not like prom. It’s basically an end of season award ceremony.”
“That is set for formal wear and in a rented-out hall from what I heard.”
“True.” I smile, looking at her. “Anyway, yeah. It’s next Wednesday.”
“Hm,” my mom muses, her eyes shifting toward me.
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“Mom…” I turn in my seat, eyeing her.
“Nothing, sweetie.” She pats my leg. “It’s just soon, is all, and school begins the following week, right?”
“Yep. The twenty-seventh is the first day back. Chase is taking me to see my dorm a couple days before. It’s so weird that I have no idea what it looks like, but I lived there for an entire semester.”
We pull into the parking lot of the hospital for my follow-up with the behavioral neurologist. Parking in front of the building, she turns to me. “You’ve been spending a lot of time with Chase.”
Heat works its way up my neck, and I shrug.
She tips her head, a tenderness in her gaze. “How’s that going?”
“It’s going.” A low chuckle leaves me. “We’re having fun. Making up for what I assume was lost time. He’s constantly asking me to go with him places, even if it’s just down the beach. At first, it made me anxious, but now it’s, I don’t know…” I trail off, a small swirl stirring in my stomach.
“Exciting?” she whispers.
A smile curves my lips, and I look to her, the creases around her eyes deepening, but she smiles through what troubles her, her hand coming out to touch my cheek.
“It’s strange, it’s like he’s the same Chase, but not. Only, I can’t figure out what’s changed about him, but I feel it, you know? Something’s different.” It’s frustrating, at times, how the invisible fog won’t clear, but constantly stressing over it makes it hard to function, let alone breathe, so I try and keep busy so I don’t have to think past the moment.
I don’t tell her that.
“Have you wondered if maybe it’s not him who has changed?” My mom smiles softly. “That maybe it’s you who’s different?”
“I—” I shake my head. “I’m not different. I lost my memories, but I’m still me, and besides, they’re coming back any time. Tonight maybe. Maybe after this appointment.”
My pulse spikes, and I dig my fingertips into the cheap leather of the armrest.
“I didn’t mean your accident changed you.” She grabs my hand, unease in her tone. “Ari, sweetie, you came into your own at Avix, and sure it might have only been a semester, but that first taste of change was good to you.”
“And soon, I’ll remember all of it.” I nod, squeezing her hand. “I should go in before I’m late. I know they said no one is allowed in the room, but are you sure you don’t want to come up to the waiting room?”
“That’s okay,” she rasps. “I’ll grab a coffee down the road and come back, read while I wait for you. I’ll be right here when you get out.”
Nodding, I slip from the car.
As I step out, my eyes are pulled left, toward a small building beside the main one with the name, Tri-City Rehabilitation Center, in large, bold letters hanging over the double doors.
Pressure falls over my chest as I stare at the dark windows.
“You okay?” My mom’s voice shakes me out of my head, and I force a smile.
“Yeah. See you in a bit.”
I walk into the building, and while it feels like hours of waiting; in reality. it’s only a handful of minutes and then I’m sitting on a velvety sofa, the man who joined Dr. Brian in explaining what might have happened to me sitting behind the desk before me.
He smiles and I sit on my hands, a little anxious all of a sudden.
“It’s good to see you again, Arianna. You’re looking much healthier.”
“Yeah, I can move without feeling like I’m being stabbed now.”
&n
bsp; He chuckles, crossing one leg, and I do the same. “So, I read over everything again and—”
“I’m sorry, not to be rude, Dr. Stacia, but can we not do any of the basic lead-up stuff?”
The man offers a small smile and sits forward. “Why don’t you go ahead and tell me what’s on your mind, and we can go from there? Does that sound all right?”
I nod, stretching past the tension in my chest.
“I don’t remember anything,” I blurt out. “It’s been a month now, and nothing. It’s like I wake up and there’s this layer of fog over my eyes, but I can see just fine. My mind is constantly running, but only with half thoughts. I look at something and lose my breath, but I don’t know why. I hear a sad song and I cry, but for what? I smell familiar scents that aren’t even familiar, if that makes sense, and it’s like my throat swells and I can’t breathe. Almost like everything is on the tip of my tongue, at the tip of my fingers, but when I move forward to grab it, there’s nothing to hold on to.
“There’s this… this feeling I keep getting.” Tears prick my eyes now. “It’s like an overwhelming sense of urgency, demanding my attention, almost like need or awareness. It keeps screaming that I’m missing something, something big. Something that’s a part of me, but I don’t know what it is. It’s physically painful, like beneath the bones painful, where I can’t touch it, can’t find it, but it’s heavy, and the desperation that falls over me when it happens is debilitating.
“It’s so often that now I’m avoiding the things I do know, and I’m afraid I won’t be able to do that soon and I’ll go crazy. I feel like I was tossed out in the middle of the ocean and if I lie back and try to float, try to remember, I’ll drown, so I keep swimming. I keep busy. But lately, I’m running on empty. My family has been amazing, but that’s because I smile all the time, and I don’t know how much longer I can do that.”
I take a breath, looking up at Dr. Stacia.
The man nods, considers everything I have said, and as he begins to speak, breaking down what I’ve expressed and relating it to my situation in a way that medically makes sense to him, a weight falls over me.
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