by Peter Meyers
For more details on language modality, see the following chart:
SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF YOUR LISTENER
Style
Audience Says
You Say
AUDITORY
Did I hear you right?
Sounds exciting.
That’s music to my ears.
Your message rings true to me.
Talk me through this ...
Use auditory metaphors: “music to my ears”
Respond with words like “hear,”
“sounds,” “rings true” .
Focus on what people said and what it sounds like.
VISUAL
We are seeing eye-to-eye.
I’m not sure I see your point.
The future looks bright.
It appears as if we have a long road ahead of us.
Draw a picture or use an image to make a point.
Respond with words like “see,” “looks,” “catch sight of” .
Use visual metaphors.
In stories, describe what you see in the environment.
KINESTHETIC
I feel like we are getting somewhere.
It seems like a rough road ahead.
He’s carrying a heavy load.
Let’s get a handle on this.
Can we smooth this out?
Use feeling metaphors:
Respond with words like “feel,” “sense,” “intuit” .
In stories, describe texture.
Get them on their feet and use an active exercise.
DIGITAL
Let me show you how we came to this ...
We have three options.
This makes sense because ...
We can double our returns with
10 percent more resources.
Show a graph.
Give numbers and facts.
Use language that quantifies.
Go in chronological order; use sequence and logic to organize thoughts.
Another useful technique in Q&A is the paraphrase. Sometimes you’ll get a question that isn’t clear. The questioner is rambling on and on, and by the end of the question, everyone is completely confused. It’s your job to create clarity here. You do this by hearing them out, and then paraphrasing the question: “So, what you’re asking here is whether or not we have the funds. Is that right?” Generally, the questioner will sigh with relief, and say, “Yes, that’s right.” They may even thank you!
In the Case of an Aggressive Question
Take the teeth out of an aggressive question by acknowledging the listener. Find something in the question with which you can agree. This is a powerful aikido principle of defense that teaches us to meet the aggressor not with opposing force, but by redirecting the oncoming energy in a way that protects both you and the opponent. 9 Your impulse may be to attack back. Don’t do it. Your audience will not forgive you. Remember that they identify with the questioner, and not with you. If you take advantage of your superior position to bully a member of the audience, they will all resent you. Avoid getting defensive. You’re in the spotlight; you’re expected to take the high road. An example of acknowledgment might be, “That’s an important question, and I’m glad you asked it.”
Avoid getting into a one-on-one with the questioner. Do not square off with him. If you turn your body full-on to face him and look directly at him, it can be perceived either as an act of aggression, or a signal that he has succeeded in taking you hostage and forcing you to leave the group. After acknowledging the questioner, move your eyes and body away to include the rest of the group in a polite way. This keeps the questioner from getting too much power in the room, and prevents the two of you from getting locked into an “alpha dance” of superiority. Remember that you must preserve both his dignity and your own. If you don’t, he’ll keep coming after you. In the case of an aggressive question, DO NOT EMBED the question in the answer. For example, if he asks, “Why is this project wasting so much money?” you DO NOT reply, “We’re wasting money because . ” All you’re doing there is reinforcing the hostile message of the questioner in the other listeners’ minds! Richard Nixon ended his career the day he said, “I am not a crook.” Famed linguist George Lakoff, in his book Don’t Think of an Elephant!, explores the concept of “framing.” 10 The idea is that you evoke the thought patterns associated with something as soon as you bring it into existence with language. In other words, if you say, “Don’t think of an elephant,” the listener can think of nothing else. If you don’t want them to think of an elephant, don’t say the word. If you do, you’re accepting the negative frame, or presupposition, in the question (for example, that the project is wasting money) and reinforcing it in the minds of the listener.
Instead, reframe. The reframe takes the question to higher ground by identifying the real core issue behind the question. You might say something like this: “ This is a question about the additional investment needed to complete the project. As we investigated this project, we found that there were problems in the foundation of the building that would have cost us three times more had we not dealt with it up front.” If the aggressive question is, “Why is this so overpriced?” You might reframe it this way: “This is a question about quality . . .”
A few examples of useful reframing phrases: “This is a question about value / about long-term investment / about credibility / about personal ethics / feasibility / timing / leadership / resources.”
Note: Reframing is not about trying to evade the question. What you’re doing is lifting the discussion out of the level of personal attack. This allows you to address the issue that listener was actually raising, without taking his emotional bait.
Sometimes you will come across a seriously hostile questioner who is trying to entrap you. We call these people “sharks.” Generally the shark in the audience will ask a question that is loaded with a presupposition. Like a mine in a minefield, if you step on it, you will unleash it. Questions like this might be: “Why are you lying to us?” “Does it bother you that you’re not a good parent?” or “How do you deal with the fact that you don’t spend enough time with your team?” Here are some tips for dealing with a shark:
1. Don’t repeat their language.
2. Set the record straight. Asked, “Do you still cheat on your taxes?” you might respond this way: “Let me set the record straight. I take my fiscal responsibility very seriously, I have a perfect record with the IRS, and I intend to keep it that way.”
3. Move on. Turn away from the questioner firmly but politely, and make it clear that you are not going to engage with him any further. As Peter’s father used to say, “Never wrestle with a pig. You both get dirty—but the pig likes it.”
Barack Obama offered a masterful example of reframing during the 2008 presidential election, when he came under fire for his association with Rev. Jeremiah Wright. While delivering a speech on race, he was asked this question: “How do you defend your association with this man and his ‘anti-American’ sentiments?” Obama turned the question into an opportunity to talk about bigger American ideas—the ideal of striving for a “more perfect union” and continuing “the long march of those who came before us, a march for a more just, more equal, more free, more caring, and more prosperous America.”
Always tell the truth in a Q&A (and everywhere else, for that matter!). The listeners can tell when you’re trying to baffle them with BS—don’t do it. If you don’t know the answer, say so. “I should have that information in front of me, and I’m afraid I don’t. If you’d like to give me your card after the talk, I’ll find the data and get it to you before Monday.” Not knowing every answer is human, and admitting it will earn you respect and credibility. But nothing makes an entire audience single-mindedly loathe a speaker more than listening to someone squirm and try to avoid admitting their ignorance.
And finally, keep circling back to your refrain. “And that’s why we’re asking for approval for the project today.” “And that’s why
going to college is probably the best choice if you want to make money in music.” Each question offers an opportunity to reinforce your initial point.
Part Two
* * *
DELIVERY
DELIVERY
THE WORLD IS filled with smart people whose ideas will never be heard. Why? They lack delivery skills.
How many times have you watched an intelligent, talented person, with great content and insight, take a well-prepared presentation and turn it into a disaster because he fell apart when he stood up to speak? Your ability to create impact with your words is primarily determined by the way you deliver them.
Watch any election. You can generally predict the winner based on one thing: not their ideas, or their party, or their positions, or their home state—but their ability to deliver a message. Your good ideas are not good enough. The facts will not speak for themselves. It’s your job to make the facts come alive. Think of the words as notes on the page. It’s only sheet music—until you play the instrument. What people see and hear is just as important as what you say. In fact, at the beginning of a speech, the sound of your voice, the look in your eyes, the expression on your face, and the tone of your voice will trump content every time, because that’s when the listener decides whether or not he’s going to listen. We advocate using both —combining your great ideas with the ability to bring them alive through warm, personal delivery.
In today’s environment, all bets are off. The rules have changed. Technology and the pace at which audiences are viewing and experiencing things in their everyday lives have accelerated everything. The attention span of the listener has contracted dramatically. 1 The forty-minute presentation showing slides in a logical order is dead. There are infinite ways to get your message across. Burying people with sixty-six text-heavy slides is no longer the best option.
If you’ve been through the content preparation section, you should have a message that is lucid, relevant, and the right length for your listener. Now you’ve got to get your message across. The instruments you have available to deliver your message are your voice, your posture and movement, and your face and eyes.
4
VOICE
MOST PEOPLE TELL us that they hate their own voices, particularly when they hear recordings of themselves. One reason for this may be that our voice reveals what we’re not saying. Our voice reveals our inner state.
In an organization setting, this can be uncomfortable. In an effort to be more opaque, we flatten out the sound, hoping that people won’t be able to tell how we really feel. The problem is that we have to absorb a huge amount of information from one another. This becomes much more difficult when the speaker’s delivery is flat.
We’re not suggesting that you start singing and turn the whole thing into a theater performance. What we are suggesting is that you learn to use the basic nuances of voice to your advantage.
You might think you don’t have a “good” voice. But that’s like someone who never exercises complaining that they don’t have a “good” body. Your voice is what you make it. When you use your voice intentionally, you are making it easy for your ideas to be understood. You need to be conscious about how you are formulating the sound. Think of it as sculpting the sound to hold up the meaning.
Sound too much like hard work?
We’ve spent many years studying voice, because as actors and radio hosts, we have to. That’s how we make a living. But here’s an interesting thought—it’s the same for you. You also make your living with your voice. Your voice is the vehicle through which your thoughts are made visible.
Great actors spend years working on their voices, and then applying the techniques to text to make it sound real. But most people have never spent a single hour developing the one instrument through which we communicate our thoughts and feelings every day. We’re born, we start screaming, and we’re off. We rarely think of being intentional with our voice, and shaping it, the way we do with other muscles in our body.
The voice responds to conscious development just as any part of your body does. You can craft it. Consider famed CEO Jack Welch, who was a serious stutterer, but became a master presenter through hard work and determination. 1 Actor James Earl Jones, who provided the rich bass voice for Darth Vader, also struggled with a stutter so painful that it rendered him nearly mute for eight years. Grammy Award–winning singer Carly Simon overcame a speech impediment with the help of rhythm and music.
Imagine the return on investment if you were to spend a little time and energy working on your voice, the same way that you would work on your muscles in the gym. Your effort will be repaid many times over.
BREATH
When we work on voice, we begin with breath. Your voice is carried by your breath. Put one hand on your chest, and one hand on your belly. When you breathe, notice which part pushes out. If, when you inhale, your chest goes out and your belly goes in, you are doing what we call “chest breathing.”
Now practice breathing so that when you inhale, your belly pushes out against your hand as it fills with air. When you do this, a powerful muscle called the diaphragm flexes down, allowing the oxygen to reach the lower capillaries in your lungs. When you breathe out, the diaphragm flexes up, emptying your lungs. This is called abdominal breathing, and it is the type of breathing that professional singers and actors use to support their voice.
When some people get nervous, their chest and throat tighten up like the neck of a balloon. This will impede your airflow. As you breathe, consciously relax your chest and throat. You can drop your volume, speak very quietly, and still have a round, fat sound that is easily heard.
You don’t have to speak louder; you just have to be more generous. Focus on taking in more air and releasing your breath with the sound. The opposite of generous is stingy, and it comes from holding your breath, as if you were keeping the idea to yourself. The tension in your breathing creates tension in the audience. Release your breath fully, and it will carry the idea.
VOCAL VARIETY
The most important thing you can cultivate in your voice is variety.
Boredom comes from sameness. The number one complaint that we hear people make about listening to a speaker is monotone. When you speak to someone you know, chances are that you don’t speak in a monotone. But when you give information or data, which comes from the left side of the brain, the delivery tends to become monotonous. It’s gray. You doubt it? Listen carefully in the next meeting you attend.
Whether you’re talking on the phone, face-to-face, or before a group, the sense of what you’re saying comes through the sound. No matter what note you play, you must vary it. Does this mean you have to become a different person or change your personality? Is your voice broken? Do you have a bad voice? Absolutely not. The good news is that you already possess everything you need. Your instrument is fine, as shown by the beautiful way you use it when you’re not even thinking about it.
If you tell a friend about your river rafting trip, or your daughter’s flute recital, your voice will sound all the notes and express your feelings as beautifully as any professional singer. Unfortunately it is when you most need your voice, when you’re under the spotlight and the pressure is on, that it tends to go flat.
So, how do we bring color and interest to the voice? The opposite of sameness is variety. Imagine that your voice is like a PA system with different sliders and knobs, including
1. volume
2. pitch
3. tempo
(See the illustration below.) They can all be changed up or down, independently. The trick is to learn to work with each slider, one at a time, and then use them all to create vocal variety. We will discuss staccato, legato, and pause on page 114.
Vocal variety is not about making your voice pretty. It’s about taking care of the listener. Here’s a quick overview of the vocal qualities that you can use to introduce variety. On the audio track called “Vocal Variety” (available for free download at www.standanddeliver
group.com ), we’ve given you some suggestions on how to develop your voice and expand your vocal range. These are techniques drawn from professional theater, developed for the executives who take our training.
Volume means how softly or loudly you’re speaking. Where are the places where you can drop the volume down? Contrary to popular opinion, getting louder is not the only way to bring emphasis to a point. When you lower your volume, you are signaling that what comes next is important.
Imagine that you are doing yoga with your voice—go to the extreme. See what happens when you get unpredictable. How soft can you go and still be clearly heard and understood?
Practice speaking very softly, and then increasing your volume until you are speaking very loudly. This is called a crescendo, and it is used to build to a climax.
Now start at a high volume, and bring the volume down until it is very quiet. This is a decrescendo. It can be very effective to use a decrescendo, and make your most important point in a voice so soft that it is almost a whisper. Be aware that volume tends to flatten out over the phone. Cultivate the ability to use variations in volume to demonstrate levels of passion. Be unpredictable.
Pitch is how high or low the tone of your voice is. Pitch is one of the key indicators of the emotions of the speaker.
When the voice goes up, it signifies the more tender emotions: joy, compassion and sympathy. Imagine talking to a baby; your pitch will automatically rise. We naturally drop the pitch down to demonstrate confidence, certainty, power, and strength. Most men commonly use a low D in terms of pitch, and tend not to vary much. This means they tend to be automatically perceived as authoritative. 2