I guess I thought that once I got to know them better, my decision or whatever would be easier to make. One I would fall madly in love with and the other would kind of just fade out. Unfortunately, it is the exact opposite. The more I get to know them, the more impossible a decision seems. Henry is the obvious choice, but for some reason, I just can’t fathom saying goodbye to Lyncoln.
If I said goodbye to Lyncoln, I would miss his knowing and fiery stare and the way he knows me better than I even know myself. I would miss the way he smells and his glorious muscles. I would miss the way he stares into my eyes and I know, without a doubt, that he would take a bullet for me.
But if I had to say goodbye to Henry, I would feel like I lost one of my best friends, if not my best friend, and a part of my soul. I would miss the way he always remembers the little stuff and the way he always wants to be near me. I would miss those smooth green eyes and his killer dimples and smile. I would miss just asking him about his day. I would miss laughing and joking around with him, not to mention the way he makes me feel when he kisses me…completely cherished.
With everything going on in the last week, this is the first I have seriously reflected on our situation and only because I’m waiting for my turn for another panel with the Board of Directors. This last week has flown by with simulations and trying to figure out who the traitor is. In addition to our socials finishing up, we have that big test over each other and two big simulator tests coming up, and then another cut will be made.
I’m not ready to leave yet. I kind of wish I would just be sent home before I have to make a choice about Henry and Lyncoln, but the only thing worse than falling for both of them would be being without both of them. Neither is an option. The thought of having to go back to Omaha and marry someone else makes me want to hurl. The thought of marrying anyone at this point makes me want to hurl, but I will do my best to try to kick butt at these tests so that there’s a better chance of making it far enough to get to stay in Denver and maybe eventually marry one of them.
I glance in the mirror, finish touching up my makeup, and sigh. I straighten out my skirt suit and put my hair behind my ears. I’m dreading this panel, even more so than last time. I’m not sure what they will tell me this time and I don’t even want to know. What I do want to know, is who the traitor is. I can’t count the number of times in the past week I have had nightmares about something bad happening to Henry or Lyncoln or both. Why haven’t they figured it out yet?
I think of home and feel better knowing that my family is safe and has round the clock security watch. If anything happened to them, I would feel responsible. It’s hard to believe I’ve been gone almost seven weeks now. A lot has changed in seven weeks.
As Sarge drops me off at the panel room, I can’t help but feel that something is off. There seems to be a cloud hanging over my head that I just can’t escape from. Something isn’t right and I can’t put my finger on it. Does it have to do with the traitor, or is it something else?
I hear them call my name from just outside the room so I enter and sit down properly as I have been taught to do. The nerves kick in and I hope with everything in me they aren’t about to send me home.
Elle smiles, “Ms. Scott. We are pleased to announce that you continue to both surprise and impress us,” she starts us off.
“Your basic reasoning and logic are exemplary,” Mr. Winters adds, looking down at me from behind his glasses and holding back a slight smile.
“Your etiquette may not always be perfect,” Dougall smiles a little too eagerly, “but you have a way with people and putting them at ease. You are a natural charmer due to your wonderful sense of humor. And emotionally, you are very perceptive.”
“Your marks on your testing put you among the top in the class. Even your shooting tests and simulators are proving that you are hardworking and deserving to be here for a shot at the Madam Presidency,” Professor Zax chips in.
They are all silent a moment and looking at the papers in front of them.
“Why do I get the feeling there is a huge ‘but’ coming?” I ask honestly, trying hard not to fidget my feet. My hands are sweating as they lie clasped together in my lap.
The evil tester man, Mr. Alexander, speaks this time. “The one area that is still of concern lies in your interactions with people. You are loyal to a fault. In the simulators, you keep taking a bullet for Henry. You literally take a bullet for him and get in his way when he is perfectly capable of making a shot and saving you both. You love people.” He stops for a moment. “Which is not a bad thing, but can be when you never think of yourself as having any value. As Madam President, you will have to put yourself above the lives of others. Your country depends on it because your country needs you. There isn’t a point in your becoming a leader if you take yourself out of a position to lead.”
A few of the others nod. I guess this isn’t anything I haven’t heard before, and I can kind of see where they are coming from. The way Mr. Alexander describes it, I’m almost being like Lyncoln and running into unnecessary danger. I find myself nodding with them in acknowledgment that it is an area I need to work on.
“Now, unfortunately, we need to address the elephant in the room.” Elle smiles empathetically.
I look at the floor, not wanting to look any of them in the eyes out of embarrassment. “The boys?” I feel the heat in my cheeks signaling my blush.
“Yes,” Professor Zax nods. “You have yourself in-between some pretty remarkable candidates. I’m sure it wouldn’t surprise you much to know that both Henry and Lyncoln are in the top five of the boys.”
I know they aren’t supposed to tell me that so I don’t know why they did. “It doesn’t surprise me at all,” I shrug.
Professor Bennett takes over. “So, the matter then is what you are going to do. It may be of interest to you that through the simulator tests, you are a better pair with Lyncoln. Through the personality tests, you pair better with Henry. This isn’t a decision we can make for you. You will need to think about it long and hard. Who you chose may very well end up being the next president. Part of the reason we are giving you this leeway and not making a decision for you, or rushing it before now, is because they are so closely ranked and at the top. Another part of it is that if we forced your decision, or made it for you, you would forever harbor animosity to the State for not being given an opportunity to choose. But do not be fooled, your lack of decision making is doing them a real disservice and making you look silly. They both should be in the final four theoretically.” He pauses. “And despite our urging and nagging, both of them have stubbornly decided that it is with you or not at all.”
I feel my hands get even sweatier and the blood drains from my face. I don’t have to decide right now, do I?
“Taking all things into consideration, we have decided to give you a bit more time,” Professor Dougall looks serious and I let out the breath I was holding. “However, a decision will need to be made by the first live interviews. You are normally quite decisive so your lack of decisiveness in this area is causing us concern.”
There is a moment of silence as they let that sink in.
Elle pipes in with her kindness after Dougall’s blow, “Think of the boys. If the country had to vote today, for the three of you uncoupled, the votes would be split and all three of you would more than likely be sent packing. You want all the votes going to you and whichever one you choose, as a pair, not split three ways. The voters won’t vote you in uncoupled, no matter how much they like you. They want to vote for a couple, as it is the only way they know. And it gives you the best shot to win.” She pauses a moment then adds, “Normally the panel would help you in making such a big decision, but the truth of the matter is that either of them is completely capable in this case. It just comes down to who you want to be with.”
“Makes sense,” I nod, glad that she pointed that voting part out. It isn’t just about me and my feelings. It’s about Henry and Lyncoln. I don’t want to jeopardize the
ir shot at the presidency just because I am a confused girl. They each deserve a solid partner who doesn’t waver.
“Plus, it doesn’t reflect well on the Madam President to be between men and unable to make a decision about it,” evil tester man says harshly.
“Excuse me?” I feel the heat in my face again and my temper roars to the surface.
“Like it or not, the Madam President must act in a certain manner. She must be a role model,” Professor Dougall comments.
I take a deep breath. “What I don’t like is that President Walters, our first president, had the same issue and yet he wasn’t forced to decide until he was ready. The Culling was extended a month while he figured it out and dated three different women…and although I don’t expect that sort of special treatment, it’s different for me because I’m a woman, isn’t it?” I squint at them letting my anger be clearly seen. The longer I am in this, the harder it is to rein in my temper. My fuse seems to be getting shorter and shorter.
“Well...” Professor Zax looks uncomfortable and fidgets in his seat.
“Yes,” Elle says before he can make an excuse. “Yes, it is.”
That infuriates me. If it was Henry with two girls, he would have all the time in the world. For Trident showing us that everyone is equal, for some sick and twisted reason, women are still unequal. We are probably valued more due to being able to bring new life into the world, but because of that, our expectations and standards are even higher. It wouldn’t reflect well on the country if a woman had two suitors. Heaven forbid we consider for a moment that I am a person with real feelings instead of just a candidate. And I’m only eighteen freaking years old.
“This may seem harsh, but with the country in its current fragile state, we now more than ever need a strong new and vibrant couple to take over the country. Their bond needs to be unbreakable. The sooner you make a decision, the better and the more comfortable you will become with your choice,” Mr. Winters sympathizes.
“In just two weeks from today, on a special Tuesday evening broadcast, we are introducing the couples to the country.” Elle smiles politely. “The entire country will be watching. You’ll want to have made a decision by then.”
“You have two weeks, Ms. Scott,” Professor Dougall reiterates sternly.
Chapter 19
Afterwards in the hallway by the elevator, I meet up with October, who has been oddly quiet and missing from action as of recently. Although I talk to her here and there, she always seems busy. The life of a double agent, I suppose.
“Hey,” she greets me, “You look like you just got the crap kicked out of you. Rough review?”
I shrug. “I have to make a decision soon.” I know she will understand without prying. “On the way to yours?”
“Yeah. And Ouch. That sucks, I’m sorry, girl.” She gives my arm a squeeze. That means the world to me since I know she’s not a huggy person.
Pulling me aside, farther out of ear shot of our guards, she whispers, “Listen. Hadenfelt is after the presidency with a vengeance. The more I snoop, the more power I find out he has. The President hates him and wants him gone, but he has something over him too. I don’t think he’s a drifter or anything, but there is something going on here. He will stop short of nothing in order to have Marisol win.”
“And the good news keeps on a coming,” I mumble sarcastically.
“He has one of my guards spying for him so I haven’t been able to talk to you much. I’m probably going home soon since he’s making my job difficult.” She sighs.
“I’m sorry, October.” She’s been sacrificing her time and efforts to help someone else win. That says a lot about her character.
“Don’t be. But do whatever is needed to win. Be as ruthless as she is if you have to. Just promise me you will give it your best shot, even if you have to stoop to her level. Take them down, whatever it takes,” she whispers.
“I promise,” I nod as I turn back toward the elevator.
She stops me. “By the way, the thing with Benjamin was a test too. They put Marisol up to it and she agreed as long as she got the information from it. They played right into her hand and so she obviously went along with it, though what she did with the information was a test for her. But, they made Benjamin betray you to see what you would do and to also see if he would actually do it. You passed and he failed,” she says quietly.
“What?” I ask surprised. I was so hard on Benjamin. But they asked him to do it? Why would they do that?
She shrugs. “They were testing his character to see if he would betray someone he cared for. He did. He’s too easily swayed so he isn’t what they are looking for. Technically, since Marisol tried to manipulate you with the information, she failed too. Not that it matters what she does.”
She then starts talking more loudly about her review and asking me about mine even though she already knows all about it. I’m sad to think that October will be going home soon. Happy that she can be with her boyfriend and back to her love of teaching but sad all the same. It also worries me because she and Lyncoln were the only ones not paired.
They told me I have two weeks.
It isn’t even about winning anymore. That’s on the back burner.
What the heck am I going to do?
****
At dinner that evening, Benjamin and Renae are nowhere to be found and then again at breakfast the next morning. I’m not surprised about that with what October told me, although Renae could be fun hearted when she wanted to be and I will miss her bluntness. I feel a bit of hurt and a little guilty at the fact that Benjamin was so close to being in the final eight couples. If he would have made it just a little farther, could he have made more of a difference in his mom’s illness?
I guess some things never change. He wouldn’t stand up for a boy when faced with losing his popularity, and he wouldn’t stand up for me when asked to betray me. I do wish I could talk with him to make amends. I wonder if his mother hadn’t been sick if he would’ve chosen to betray me. I guess we will never know. Either way, you always have a choice, to take the high road or stab people in the back.
That afternoon, Lyncoln and I have a scheduled sim back at DIA. It’s fairly usual now that we can have sims scheduled for all hours of the day. This particular simulation is that we are surrounded and outnumbered by enemies in black while in the woods somewhere. It is clear they will kill us. Most simulations take a while to get going, but this one is a shootout from the start. We stand back-to-back and start shooting our way out as more enemies pop up and surround us.
I use my instincts when I see a fake, somewhat transparent hand of a sim person move and I shoot that person before they can shoot me. We have to terminate them as quickly as we can and try to not get terminated or hit ourselves. It seems impossible since we are greatly outnumbered. We don’t have time to talk or strategize who is going for what guy, we just shoot, the quicker the better.
We have four of the ten or so down when one charges at us. Lyncoln moves to shoot him and protect me. Seeing someone move behind him, I reach to protect him at the same time. The result is that we are nose to nose, glasses to glasses, right arms raised, shooting around each other. We don’t even need to look at each other, we just use our instincts and take them all down.
As we finish firing our weapons and the last fake body slumps to the ground, Lyncoln takes a small step back and lowers his gun.
“Nice shooting, babe.” He grins a huge grin.
Although his real smile is rare and intoxicating, I see movement behind him. There is another shooter coming from around a tree. Moving without thinking, I reach down and grab a lifeless simulator guy’s body, picking it up. It’s obviously a simulator body because it weighs nothing, and I don’t even know if it will work, but I am banking on it being a shield of sorts. I mean, if we can hide behind stuff in sims, why can’t we pick stuff up?
I step in front of Lyncoln with the simulator guy’s body in front of me and shoot at the same time the bad guy shoot
s. Lyncoln turns with his gun drawn but it’s too late. The bullet from the shooter hits the simulator body in front of me as my bullet hits him square in the chest and kills him. I successfully saved Lyncoln without having to be terminated myself.
Boom! Take that, panel. I can save us both.
I move my hands to drop the weightless simulator body and look around for movement which would indicate more shooters. Lyncoln does the same.
“I can’t believe I fell for that one,” Lyncoln groans.
“What, not used to a woman saving your butt?” I tease.
“Well no, but you aren’t an ordinary woman either.” He says it affectionately though his eyes never move off the surroundings as we look for more intruders.
Just when we are unsure why the simulator is still on if there aren’t any more enemies, a random sim turkey walks out from the trees in the distance. I look at Lyncoln incredulously as he looks at me with a smirk.
Without talking to one another, we both raise our guns and shoot it at the same time. It isn’t like it’s real anyways.
Our bullets hit the turkey at the same time and I immediately find it hilarious. Not that we killed a turkey, but that a turkey was in our sim. Why a turkey? They must have personalized this for us. I start giggling as I feel the simulator shutting off around us and then laugh harder. I’m tired and exhausted, which is why I find it so funny, but I can’t stop.
Lyncoln seeing me almost in tears starts laughing too.
“At least you hit that one this time, babe. You know, the one you actually aimed at.” He grins as the woods scene fades back to the black rubber-looking walls. “Think that will count as a kill?”
I laugh even harder, removing my glasses to wipe the tears from my eyes.
The Culling: Book 1 (The Culling Series) Page 38