“Sean…” The wild look on his face cut off her words. Her heart hammered wildly. It had been since the second she realized it really was him, but it kicked up painfully. Dread unfurled in the pit of her stomach. Something was wrong.
“Carrie,” he breathed. “You have to listen to me. I don’t have a lot of time. Please, don’t ask questions. I can’t give you answers right now. It’s very important that you believe me!”
“What- Sean- what is-”
“Just listen.” Sean glanced around wildly, like the hounds of hell were nipping at his heels.
He put out a massive hand and pushed the door open. She stepped back in time to avoid being shoved backwards in his hurry to get in the house. He actually slammed the door shut and slid the deadbolt in place.
“What is going on?” Carrie’s shoulders were heaving in time with Sean’s, wild and uncontrolled. Fear crept up her throat until it felt like she was being strangled. She stepped back and wrapped her arms around herself, as though that could protect her from the evils of the world.
“I’m sorry. Please, I want you to know that. You have to know that.”
“For what? Sean…”
“I can’t explain, Carrie. There isn’t time. I came here to tell that you that you’re in danger. You and your daughter and your dad. You have to leave. Now. Take only what you need. Pack up and leave town. Go somewhere far. At least a day’s drive. Or go to the police, but do it immediately.”
“How- what- how did you even know where to find me?” Her fear turned into out and out horror. What the hell happened to make him tell me I have to leave?
“I broke into the office. Found the pay-stubs. Your dad’s address was on his. Now, listen to me.” His hand closed painfully around her wrist, but she didn’t jerk her hand away. Despite the gravity of the situation she didn’t fully understand, she felt the shock of his touch right to the marrow of her bones. “Leave. Now. Pack just what you need. Don’t take longer than an hour. Don’t tell anyone else where you are going, but the police. They may tell you what to do or find a way to keep you safe, but don’t count on it. I need you to know that I’ll contact the police, or Jay or Rone will, once it’s safe to come back. I’ll find a way.”
“What- what are you talking about? Why do I have to leave? What trouble are you in, Sean?” He said no questions, but she couldn’t stem the tide of words that flowed out. The hand on her wrist tightened.
“I’m sorry. I never should have come here. I never should have got involved with you.”
“Are you sorry you did because of whatever has happened or just sorry?”
“How can you even ask me that?” His eyes flashed.
His hand fell away from her arm and before she could even process his words, his hands gripped her face. He slammed his mouth over hers. The kiss was aggressive, all-consuming, not at all reassuring. It was desperate, as desperate as hers had been when she promised him it would be the last time they were together.
When he broke away, all she could do was pant. She brought a shaking hand up to her lips. She stared at him and he stared right back. They stayed that way, staring far deeper, into something like the soul, until a loud wail from the dining room broke them apart.
“Hurry,” Sean urged. “Please, you have to be safe. I’ll never forgive myself if something happens to you. Don’t let your dad convince you to do anything other than what I said. Take him with you. Please.”
“I thought you guys all hated my dad.” It was a stupid thing to say, but she couldn’t seem to help herself. She was nearly frantic, the panic taking hold. She took a deep inhale in an effort to keep it from getting the upper hand.
“I don’t hate your dad. I don’t hate anyone. I- Carrie… I feel the exact opposite for you. I’ve never had this with anyone. Whether I should or shouldn’t have got involved with you, I can’t regret the time we spent together. You might, but I can’t. Even if it shouldn’t have happened. Even if I should have done the exact opposite, left town right away to keep you safe, I can’t regret it. I… please just know that.”
She understood what it was he wasn’t telling her. She’d felt it too- the way he completed her. The way the world seemed to just finally make sense when they were together. The pain of their parting. She knew it wouldn’t last. She’d told herself it was the last time, but she didn’t want it to end. Ever. It didn’t make sense, her feelings for him. Irrational or not, real or imagined, she felt it all the same. It felt real to her.
“I don’t know anything about you, do I? This is what you were trying to warn me about. Those few times you said those things. About your past…”
“Yes.” He nodded hard. “Yes, about my past. My name isn’t even Sean. That was a lie, but the way I felt with you, what we had… that was true. You understand that?” He stared at her hard and she couldn’t do anything but nod.
He brought his face to hers and kissed her again, hard, searching, wanting, unyielding. He bruised her lips with the force behind it.
Finally he broke away. He whirled and fled out the front door. She watched him go, watched him slam his helmet on top his head, back his bike out and tear down the street. After he had gone she raised a hand to the air.
“Be safe,” she whispered. She couldn’t say his name, since she didn’t even know what that really was. “Come back to me.”
Despite everything, she meant it.
Chapter 18
The Call
Sean
Nothing had ever mattered so much in his life. Nothing. He’d never felt panic like he felt at the moment. He was frantic, not for himself, but for Carrie. He’d endangered her because he couldn’t stop seeing her. He couldn’t stop wanting her. The pull to her was so great, he’d lost his head. He’d gone against his better judgment, against everything, everything he promised himself he wouldn’t do.
And now she was in danger.
After he left Carrie, he drove down the block. He parked his bike in a back alley behind a row of nondescript houses. They were small, war time kind of buildings, the kind with two bedrooms and one bathroom. Most of them had the same design, as though they’d been put up by the same builder as those decades ago.
He produced his phone out of the back pocket of his jeans and dialed a number he’d stolen out of the office when he stole Carrie’s address.
“Hello?” Jay’s voice drifted over the line.
Sean had never been so thankful to hear anything in his life. He fucking wanted to break down and weep like a child. He swallowed back the urge. He swallowed back the waves of panic and worry. He stuffed all of his emotion down inside himself, where he was used to it being. He’d done it for years. For so long, ever since he got involved with the gang in the first place. There was no room for emotion there. No room for regret or weakness, compassion or feeling of any sort.
“Jay…” The name came out in a hard rush. Sean slowed himself down. He forced coherent words out of his mouth. He would be no good to anyone if he couldn’t hold his shit together. “Jay. Look. I can’t explain right now. I just- please. Will you do something for me?”
“What the fuck? Sean?”
“Yes, yes it’s Sean.” He winced as he turned his head wildly from side to side. No members of his former gang appeared out of the thin air. The only sound around him was silence. Silence and the regular sounds of people living. Normal people living normal lives. Too bad it wasn’t in the cards for him. He would have liked to have a shot with Carrie. I would have liked it more than anything in the damn world.
“What the hell is up? Seriously, you sound like you’re in trouble.”
“I am in trouble. I can’t tell you about it. I don’t have time. Will you do something for me?”
“Of course, man. Where are you? I can come-”
“No. Don’t come. Don’t. Just listen.”
“Okay, okay, I’m listening.”
“There is going to be trouble. Possibly at the garage, but probably not, because I’m leaving town and I’
m not coming back. That should keep you all safe. There are some people after me. They are not good people. They’re the kind that like to fuck shit up and by shit, I mean people. Good or bad, doesn’t matter to them. Innocent or not, they don’t care. They want me though. They’ll leave you alone in their hurry to track me down. I… I’ve been with Carrie. I know she’s in danger. She and her dad and her daughter. I’ve just been to her house. Warned her to leave town. I told her to go to the police for help, but if they refuse to keep her safe, she needs to leave. I told her that myself or you- that you would call the police when it’s safe to come back and they would get in touch with her.”
“What?” Jay paused for a long heartbeat. His heavy breath echoed into the phone. “This is crazy. Tell me what’s going on, man. Maybe I can help.”
“You can help by trying to keep Carrie safe. I know you have your own family. So do the rest of the guys. Keep them away from the garage for the next few days. It’s me they want, but it’s best to be safe. And when I contact you, please, get a hold of the police or Carrie yourself. Please. Tell me you’ll do it.”
“I…”
“I don’t have any time that I can waste here, Jay. Just promise me.”
“How long do you think you can run?” Jay’s voice dripped with annoyance. Sean couldn’t believe it. His mouth actually hung open, but he slammed it shut real fast.
“I… I’m leaving to keep everyone safe, Carrie especially.”
“And when do you think it will be safe for her to come home? Because I’ll tell you. Never. It’s never going to be safe. If they want you and they know you were connected, she’s going to be a target. Now and in the future.”
Sean slammed his eyes shut. The pounding that had been throbbing there since Percy and Jack showed up at the garage an hour before, turned into a bright hot pulsing that nearly blinded him.
“I know that. I fucking know that. I shouldn’t have done it. But I did. I can’t change it. I just need you to help me keep her safe.”
“You’ve fucked up her life now, Sean. You can’t run forever.”
“What the fuck do you think I should do then?” Sean ground out, his temper flaring to life. “I don’t need you to give me a god damn lecture. I don’t have time for this.”
“Then stay here and face whatever you’ve done. Stand up for yourself.”
“How do you think I should do that? If I stay I’m going to end up with a bullet in my head.”
“Oh. I see. It’s that kind of trouble, is it?”
“I don’t honestly know. Before, I would have said no. I don’t… I can’t tell you much. Just that I was in a gang of sorts. Their leader is bat shit crazy. It’s the reason I left. A lot of the other guys feel the same way. They don’t murder people, just fuck up shit for them. Break a few bones for people who can’t pay for their smack or who steal it. The kind that steal bikes and shit, move product. They’ve never killed anyone that I know of.”
“So you might not end up with a bullet through your brain.”
“Maybe not, but I wouldn’t bet on it. The guy who runs the thing, Slim Rick, he’s gone off his rocker. Started doing his own product and- god- I can’t get into this. A few guys from the gang were sent to find me and make sure I didn’t skip town. Slim Rick and the others are coming. They’ll be here pretty damn soon, I’m sure. I would say normally they would just break my legs or some shit, but hey… this one’s personal. I’m the first guy who actually skipped out. I’m sure Rick wants to make an example of me.”
“Are you sure that the other guys want out too? How many?”
“Look- Jay, it doesn’t matter.” The white hot pain turned into a fist that threatened to squeeze his brain out of his ears. His fear and desperation were replaced by annoyance and exasperation.
“It does matter. How many wanted out?”
“I don’t know. I didn’t take a fucking poll.”
“But you’d know. How many? Most? All? Or just a few.”
Sean blew out a hard breath. He wanted to crunch his phone or throw the damn thing, but he couldn’t He needed to hear Jay promise he’d do what it took to look after Carrie when he himself couldn’t.
“I would say most. They’re tired of shit. Tired of hurting people. Tired of what the drugs do to families. We didn’t sign up for this. Most weren’t in favor of starting to move it. I joined up because I loved bikes. I wanted to work on bikes. I wanted to live bikes. There was a guy there who taught me everything. I got that and I got a hell of a lot more I didn’t bargain for. When it was just stealing bikes and cars and stripping them down, we were good with that. I was one of the few that had a family and a home. Most guys didn’t. Most guys had a past. They were looking for a family, a place to belong. Just because they were told to do something doesn’t mean they liked it or wanted to do it. Most guys would be glad to go back to cars and bikes. Most of us are established now. We don’t even need this shit. We joined up at a time when we needed that in our lives, needed it to make sense of everything. That was years ago. Most of us don’t’ need it now.”
“So why don’t they just leave?”
“You don’t just fucking leave.” Sean opened his eyes and glanced around again. There were still no murderous members of his ex-family waiting in the alley to kill or brutalize him, but he was losing time. “Jay, I have to go. Just promise me.”
“No.”
“What do you mean, no?” Sean yelled. He barely managed to keep from slamming his phone down on the crumbling pavement of the alley.
“I mean, no. I’m not going to let you do it. I’m not going to let you run. Let Carrie get out of town if that’s what you told her. It’s probably for the best, but you and I, we are not going anywhere. We are going to stay and fight. They can’t take all of us on. You’re not alone, Sean.”
“Are you… are you fucking crazy? You don’t know the first thing about these people.”
“I know that you’ve told me that they likely won’t kill anyone, so they probably can’t kill us all. They probably won’t even try. I know that you said that most of them are ready for a change. Which makes it just about right for a real good mutiny to go down. I bet if we hold together, if we meet at the garage and give them a run for their money, chances are they turn on their leader and they get to go free. And you do too.”
“That is never going to work. I have to leave. I can’t risk you or any of the other guys getting hurt. Not when you have so much to lose. You all have wives and families…”
“Vinnie doesn’t.”
“Jay! This is no time to fucking joke.”
“Okay. Okay, I’m sorry. Seriously.” Jay cleared his throat. “I can’t help it. I’m an asshole by nature, even under the worst circumstances.”
“I can’t stay.”
“You will fucking stay. You will stay and face this, or you’re going to be running forever. If you want Carrie to be safe, ever, you need to stay and deal with this. You aren’t willing to risk something happening to her, are you?”
“Of course not! It’s the reason I called you.”
The line was silent for a moment before Jay said anything. Sean knew, deep down, that he was right. The guy was fucking right. It wasn’t that he was a coward. He just wasn’t able to take on the whole damn gang by himself. It wasn’t like he could organize a revolt in the ranks. They didn’t operate like that. Word would have got back to Slim Rick in time if he tried. Jay might be right. No matter how much he wanted to keep everyone safe, staying might be the only way.
“Then get your shit together, put on your big boy panties and meet me at the garage in an hour. We’ll be there for you. All of us. We’ll face this shit together.”
Chapter 19
Truly Matter
Sean
There were few times in his life when he felt he truly mattered to someone. Even growing up over the years, a member of a family with parents who cared for him and siblings, he never really felt like he belonged. His parents loved him, he knew that, b
ut they’d never forced him out of the gang. They’d never fought for him. They’d never gone to battle, probably because they didn’t know how. If anything, they’d given up on him and left him to his own fate.
Pulling up to the garage and seeing all the guys assembled, standing there, arms crossed over broad burly chests, ready to take on the world and win… it was- it was something Sean couldn’t even begin to describe. They were all there. Vinny, Jay, Rone, Sam, Leo and Shane. They looked a little like a gang of their own, dressed in jeans, leather jackets and black t-shirts.
“How much time do we have?” Jay stepped forward. Clearly, being the one to organize the meeting, he felt that he was in charge.
“I don’t know. Probably not more than an hour, I would guess. He’ll check here first, in hopes that I was dumb enough not to have fled.”
“Then we have time to arm ourselves.”
“You didn’t…”
“No, no one brought guns. No one is going to kill anyone. No one is going to jail.”
“I can’t promise that they have the same intentions.”
“You said this was small time. The kind of guys who break legs. I took that to mean no one is going to get a bullet in the forehead.”
Sean shrugged, trying to keep calm. What he truly felt was panic. Panic rising, cutting off his air supply, building in his chest, getting ready to strangle him. He choked it back so that the other guys wouldn’t see. He didn’t need it spreading. He knew that fear was contagious and it was the last thing any of them needed at the moment.
“No. No one is going to get hurt. I’ll make sure of it.”
“How are you going to do that exactly?” Rone raised a brow. He wasn’t mocking, just asking, because he really wanted to know. Because he deserved to know.
“I don’t know,” Sean admitted. “But you have my word.” He glanced around at all the somber faces assembled. “If things turn ugly, I want you all to promise you’ll get out. Get out and get away. It’s me they want. They have no beef with you. Don’t get in the way if it comes down to having to use violence.”
Hard and Dirty: Bad Boy MC Romance Page 9