“I’m going then,” Percy said quietly. “Just wanted to let you know just in case you ever wanted to do something with the rest of your life.”
“Fuck you very much too,” Sean muttered, but he grinned. “Thanks, Percy. Have a good one, man. As in a good rest of your life. It was nice knowing you and having you as a brother.”
Percy rolled his eyes. “No it wasn’t. No one liked me. I scared the hell out of everyone I met.”
“Still though. You really did look out for me, more than once. I appreciate it. All of it. Thanks for coming here today. You didn’t have to.”
“Yes I did. You took a knife for us. You got us all out of this shit that went south so fucking fast. I have you to thank for that and since I never say thank you to anyone, I came to tell you myself.”
“I get it. Go on then. Ride off down wherever you were meant to be. Enjoy the coconuts and the girls and the beers and the sun and whatever else they have down there.”
“And you’ll go to Miami then? Because if I find out you didn’t, I might come back up here and give you a second cutting, just to make sure you wake the hell up and get back on the right track.”
“Percy…”
“Just fucking go, Sean. Man up and go. The worst you can do is try and see her again. She can tell you no again, laugh in your face, kick you in the balls. Whatever. At least you gave it a shot. Then you can go. You can go and live in a shitty motel and work at a shitty job or whatever it was you had planned on doing here.”
“I- she doesn’t need me around. I’m only going to fuck things up for her.”
“That sounds like a cowardly thing to say. Like I said, man up. Give it a shot. Let her tell you no. And then try real hard not to be a dick and fuck things up. Try real fucking hard.”
“Her dad will kill me if he ever sees me again.”
“It’s not like someone didn’t already try. Rick would have got you good if he’d been just an inch over to the other side. You’re not that same person. You’re like a ghost. You should have died, but you didn’t. Use that. Use that to make yourself a new person. Then she doesn’t have to give you a second chance… you feel me?”
“I… I’m tracking.”
“Right. You’re not Sean Ryan. You’re not Peter, you’re not any of those old people. You’re a new person. A whole new person. So go out and act like it.”
Sean could only shake his head. He couldn’t help the slow grin that spread over his face. “I never would have pegged you for a romantic, Percy. I never would have pegged you for someone who cares.”
The guy shrugged before he turned. He marched right out the door, but flung a few parting words over his shoulder. “I’m not. And I don’t.”
Chapter 23
The Return
Carrie
One day blended into another. She didn’t even notice when the summer evaporated and all of a sudden it was November and people were starting to talk about Christmas. She was amazed that after something so monumental, a shift in her entire world, that very world could go back to normal.
Her dad went to work every single day. Jennie grew a little older and stopped fussing so much. She still was awake most of the night, but she figured the sleeping thing would kick in with time. Carrie tried. She tried so very hard to enjoy life. To make the most of every single moment.
It was hard. It was so damn hard without Sean.
Every time she heard the dull rumble of a bike, she’d turn her head. Her ears were trained for it, for that low grumble. Every single time she saw a broad-shouldered man in a leather jacket, her heart skipped a beat. She looked for Sean everywhere. She saw him everywhere, though he was never there at all. She wondered, if there would ever be a time when every single one of her senses wasn’t attuned to remember and feel the immediate pain of loss. If there was, she hadn’t quite got to that point yet.
Carrie buried herself in being a good daughter and the best mom she could. She found a new joy in her daughter, in all those moments she hadn’t enjoyed before. Even the most sleep deprived moment was filled with thankfulness that Jennie was with her and that she was hers. They were alive and they were well, safe, happy, healthy. She never realized before Sean, what a blessing even those things were.
She was attempting to lay Jennie down for a nap, attempting for the fourth time, when a loud knock sounded on the front door. Even from her room down the hall, at the back of the house, she heard the pounding.
Jennie, who had finally started to drift off, was instantly alert. She screwed up her face, but Carrie picked her up before she could let out a wail.
“Why don’t we go see who that is?” She cooed at Jennie. “It’s probably the post man, bringing me the package we ordered. I can’t wait to see that little jumper on you. You’re going to look so incredibly cute!”
Jennie actually gifted her with a rare smile and Carrie’s heart melted. She tucked her daughter into her arms, arms that were heavy with lack of sleep as her eyelids currently were, and headed down the hall. She didn’t bother to check the peephole, she was so sure it was her package being delivered. She threw open the door and was already shifting Jennie so she could sign for the package.
She actually let out a startled gasp and took a quick step back. “Sean!” She gasped. She blinked hard, sure she was seeing things. Her sleep deprived brain was probably playing tricks on her again. She was so sure she’d seen him before, at the grocery store, at the bank, at the mall, on her walks with Jennie… it was never him. Never.
No amount of blinking could banish him. She wanted to reach out, to set a hand on that dark leather jacket, and assure herself it was really him. That he was real and solid and actually on her doorstep.
“You’re not the mail man at all,” she breathed.
“Sorry to disappoint. I- I’m probably not as exciting.”
“Are you kidding me?” She realized that it was a stupid thing to say. A dead giveaway. Her words were so loaded, so thick with months and months of agony and longing and regret, that she could practically taste them as they tumbled form her mouth.
“No. No, I don’t think so…”
“I- uh- do you want to come in?”
Sean stared past her, as though debating with himself whether it was a good idea. Those sea swept eyes finally landed on her face and she wanted to gasp again. She hadn’t forgotten how intense his eyes were, or the exact shade of blue green. It was forever engrained in her mind. And in her heart.
“I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”
“Are you just going to stand on the front step then? Should I come out with Jennie and let her toddle off into the road while you say whatever it is you came here for?”
“I…” he stopped when he realized she was joking. “Oh. What if I didn’t come here to tell you anything? What if coming here was a huge mistake and I should turn around and go?”
She looked past him, out to the curb. She was surprised that his bike wasn’t there. “Where did you park?”
“Down the block,” he admitted sheepishly. “In case your dad was home.”
“My dad is always at work during the day. You should know he never misses work.”
“Still. I- maybe I thought if you heard me coming you wouldn’t open the door. So I decided to be smarter about it.”
“Sneaky you mean.”
“I don’t know. I meant smarter, but maybe it was underhanded.”
Carrie sighed. Jennie began to squirm in her arms. “I have to set her down. So please, come in. I meant that part when I said she isn’t safe on the front lawn. She’ll go right for the street and she’s fast. Way faster than any six-month-old should be.”
“You’re sure? Your dad…”
“Isn’t home.”
“He’ll know I was here.”
“He won’t.”
“He will.”
“Sean. Just come in. Before I change my mind. You’re here. You obviously came for a reason. I’m not letting you leave until I know that reason
is.”
He hesitated. He actually looked behind him, like he thought, for a minute, that it was better to leave than stay. His reaction made Carrie’s heart hurt. She couldn’t say what it was exactly that struck a chord. It was mostly fear, but she was afraid for so many different reasons. Fear. Fear that he’d disappear and she’d never see him again. Fear that this time he’d truly be gone for good. Fear that it was her that made him not want to stay. That even though he’d come, something about her wasn’t good enough. Fear that his past wasn’t over, that he had come to warn her about something again, not just to- to- well, whatever it was he was there for.
“Carrie, I…” he trailed off and glanced behind him again, towards the street.
She resisted the urge to slam the door in his face, just to protect herself from the hurt of possible rejection. It was irrational, since everything inside of her sang out to the fucking rooftops at seeing him again.
“Sean. Are you coming in or not? Or maybe it’s because I haven’t asked you properly.”
“What do you mean?” He drew a blank, his rugged features, features that had hardened and grown thinner and sharper since she last saw them, pulled into a tight frown.
“I mean, I don’t know your real name. Maybe I should use that instead.” She waited, Jennie squirming wildly in her arms. “You know, if you take any longer to decide I’m going to shut the door and not let you in. I need to set Jennie down and I’m not going to do that with the front door hanging wide open.”
Sean still hesitated. He seemed torn between following his heart and following his head. Maybe they were the same. She had no idea what was actually going on behind the frown that creased his forehead.
“Maybe I’ve decided to keep that name. It suits me better than my old one did. I don’t know how that guy is anymore. I- I feel like I’m Sean now.”
“Oh.” She waited. He still didn’t move. “I- well- maybe you came all this way for nothing? Maybe you came no way at all. Did you ever leave Miami? Maybe you were just right around the block this entire time.”
“No. Definitely wasn’t. I did leave.”
“Then why did you come back? Why come here if you can’t even come inside and talk to me?”
He shook his head violently. Regret was written plainly all over his face. “I- I came because I wanted to tell you- I- I wanted to talk to you. I wanted to ask you if there was any way that you- but I- I see now that it was a mistake. I’ll just- I’ll go. I’m sorry.”
He turned and Carrie’s heart leapt up into her throat. She couldn’t let him leave. She promised herself that one day, if she ever did see him again for real, it wouldn’t matter that he had a past or that she didn’t know who he was. She was damn well going to find out. She wanted to know him. The real him. The Sean that she thought she’d known all along. Even if she didn’t know his name or know anything about where he’d been before, she knew it was real. What they’d shared, what she felt, it was real.
“No!” She stepped forward and he halted so quickly he nearly fell down the stairs. He righted himself and turned so slowly it was like time froze. Carrie’s breath caught in her lungs. She closed her eyes, almost afraid that she’d hear Sean’s boots scraping over the sidewalk as he walked out on her for the last time. “Don’t go.” The words spilled from her throat. Her eyes flew open. “Please, don’t leave. I want you to come in. I want you to- god, Sean, I… I’ve thought about you all the time. Non-stop. If you leave now, I don’t know what I’m going to do. Please, just come in and talk to me. It’s going to be okay. I’m not going to judge you. I… just please, come inside before I lose my mind.”
“That’s not all you might lose,” Sean mumbled as he turned. “You might lose everything. Everything if you let me in that door. Because if you do, I might not want to leave.”
“What if that’s alright with me?” Carrie shifted Jennie into her other arm and her daughter squirmed and whimpered harder. “What if I don’t want you to leave?”
“I’m sure your dad would have something to say about that. Hell, I might have something to say, being that I’ll probably just fuck up your life.”
She nearly laughed. “Why don’t you let me be the judge of that. Now, please. I can’t contain this kid for much longer. Get inside already.”
She was amazed and relieved and a hell of a lot of other things, when Sean finally took that first step forward. She backed up, bouncing Jennie, her heart beating up into her throat, jumping wildly there. She didn’t dare take a breath. She didn’t dare pinch herself. If she really was dreaming, there was no way she wanted to wake up.
Sean was there. There, with her. He was real, she was sure of it. No matter what he’d done, no matter what his past was, no matter how hard they might have to fight in the future for whatever it was that was growing between them, she was willing to fight. She’d regretted that day at the hospital ever since she’d walked away. It was wrong. She knew she’d made the wrong decision. She vowed that if Sean ever came back into her life, she’d fight against the odds and she’d beat them. She’d fight for him and she’d succeed. She just didn’t ever think it would happen.
He closed the door gently behind him and when their eyes met, she knew it wasn’t over. Nothing was over. That same sparkle was in his gaze when it landed on her. He stared at her with all the feeling and all the emotion in the world. It was the same way he’d always looked at her. She didn’t know what it was, the emotion, the feeling, everything between them, but she felt it. She felt it and there was no way she was letting go again.
Epilogue
You Just Know
Sean
People said that when you met the one, you just knew. He’d always thought that was a load of crap, until he met Carrie. It was the only way they could explain it. That they both just knew. They knew that they were meant for each other and after he’d come back to Miami, she refused to let him go again. No matter how colorful his past, no matter how rough things got, no matter how hard they had to fight, at the beginning, to get people to understand, especially Carrie’s dad, it was worth it. No matter how rough some days got, they always knew that they’d still be together at the end of it. He was there for her and she was there for him.
And finally, after two long years of waiting, Carrie was going to be his wife.
They’d decided on a small ceremony in her dad’s backyard. Surprisingly after the guy came around, he was on board in a real way. He supported them wholeheartedly. Carrie said it was because ultimately, her dad just wanted her to be happy, and he could see that she was. After almost losing her, Sean vowed that day he’d come back to protect her. He wanted to give her everything he had, every single ounce of his heart and soul. It might have been corny when he said it out loud, but she never laughed at him. Not then. Not ever.
Though they were just doing a small backyard ceremony with friends and close family, he was nervous as hell. He didn’t like standing up at the front of the yard, with all eyes on him. There were twenty odd people gathered. The guys from the garage and their wives, his parents and siblings, Carrie’s dad and a few of her close friends.
He found a smiling face, oddly enough Jay’s, and focused on it. The guy flashed him a thumbs up sign of all things and somehow that gesture made it easier to swallow back the nerves, stand up straight and wait for Carrie to make an appearance.
Jennie sat snuggled in her grandpa’s arms in the front row of lawn chairs they’d put out early that morning. Their wedding truly was low key. They didn’t have to spend more than a couple hundred bucks on the whole thing and that included groceries for the dinner afterwards. He wouldn’t have it any other way. Neither would Carrie. She was low key when it came to their wedding. What really mattered was their love and that couldn’t be bought.
As Sean shifted from foot to foot, swallowing back the nerves that were currently causing his hands to tremble violently, sweating away in a suit that was too hot for a summer Miami day, he caught sight of Carrie. She stepped out of t
he back door of the house onto the deck. She paused to close the screen behind her and flashed their guests a huge grin.
She had a small bouquet of sunflowers in her hand. She was absolutely stunning in a simple white lace dress that fell to the knee. She didn’t overdress it and had on a set of gold flip flops. That made him smile. She’d threatened to do it. Her dad begged her not to, but obviously she hadn’t listened. Not that it mattered. Carrie was so beautiful she literally could have worn a paper bag and still outshone every other woman on earth. Her hair was curled but left down. It hung down her back and swayed when she started her walk down the small makeshift path between the lawn chairs.
“Hey,” she said, when she reached the front. She turned to face him. She had minimal makeup on and two twin spots of pink appeared on her cheeks. She blinked at him shyly.
“Wow,” he breathed. “You look so beautiful. You… you take my breath away.”
“Stop.” Her blush deepened. “I didn’t do anything special. You’ve seen me dressed up a hundred times over the years.”
“But this time you’re going to be my wife. That alone- god, I’m so lucky.”
She giggled. “Seriously, stop.”
“I can’t stop. I’m never going to stop telling you that you’re beautiful. And amazing.”
“Sean!”
He laughed. He followed Carrie’s gaze to their JP. The guy was young. He was dressed casually, in dark jeans and a plaid shirt. He grinned at them both.
“If you’re ready, you can go ahead and join hands.”
“I’m ready.” All the nerves disappeared when Sean took Carrie’s hand. Her slim fingers threaded through his. He squeezed gently and she squeezed back.
The look in her eyes, when they swept back to his, stopped his heart. He didn’t know what he’d done right in his life to deserve Carrie. He knew that he’d done a hell of a lot wrong. Despite it all, Carrie loved him. She gave him endless chances. She opened her arms and welcomed him back. It had nothing to do with deserving it and everything to do with grace and the kindness in her heart.
Hard and Dirty: Bad Boy MC Romance Page 12