This Wandering Heart

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by Janine Rosche


  * * *

  Wood-grilled salmon. Our salmon is ethically sourced from Prince William Sound and brushed with our Fifth Summit brown sugar bourbon glaze,’” Robbie read the menu in his best Teddy Woodward impression, and Keira’s heart swooned.

  “That’s one of the better impressions of me I’ve heard.” Teddy Woodward had a unique and distinguished voice, rich and smooth. Over the years, he’d lent that voice to documentaries, commercials, and movie narration. The sound of it immediately inspired trust and confidence.

  Robbie rubbed the back of his neck. “You know, on dates in high school, I used that impression to win over the mothers.”

  “That smile of yours likely helped. You know who he looks like, Teddy?” Angela asked.

  “Don’t say Redford. I’ve been compared to that man my whole career.”

  “There are worse folks.” Angela winked at her husband.

  Teddy waved the waitress over to request a platter of their finest desserts. Afterward, he turned the focus back on Keira. “Kat, has television been your dream for long?”

  “Not television, but traveling, yes. My childhood wasn’t the best. It was Robbie who showed me that just because the world is big doesn’t mean it has to be feared. Now I want to see and experience as much as I can. It sounds cheesy, I know.”

  Angela laughed. “Not at all. What about you, Robbie? What do you hope for out of life?”

  “For me, if I could wake up next to this beauty every morning, catch some trout on the river, and be a good daddy to Anabelle”—Robbie glanced down at Keira’s stomach—“and maybe a couple more, that’s my dream. Honestly, I’d be happy spending my whole life on one square mile.”

  “I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but those don’t exactly align,” Angela said.

  Robbie’s smile fell. “I guess that’s what faith is for. God wove a thread of adventure in Keira’s heart when he first knit her together. Who am I to stand in the way of God’s calling for her life?” His eyes flickered to Anabelle, scribbling in a coloring book. “As for me, I’d sacrifice almost anything for Keira. Even that one square mile.”

  Emotions swirled in Keira’s heart. Good ones. And bad ones. Was she doing the right thing, stealing him away to be by her side? Did that mean she was in love? Or selfish?

  “Where’s home for you?” Teddy asked.

  “My family owns a fly-fishing resort on the Madison River in Montana.”

  “No kidding.” Teddy’s voice shook the timbers. “No wonder you’d be happy never leaving that place. Angela and I are headed that way next month. We’re looking at property for a cabin.”

  “If you need a builder, Robbie is extremely talented. He built a cabin for himself and Anabelle, and it’s a marvel. I keep telling him he should start a business building luxury cabins in the Yellowstone area.”

  “I’d like to see your ideas,” Teddy said.

  While Teddy and Robbie launched into a side conversation about fly-fishing on the Madison, Keira turned her focus to Angela. “Do you still take photos?”

  “Only for myself and our family. Not for a career.”

  “Is that hard for you?”

  Angela thought a moment. “Sometimes. But I don’t regret it. You know, back in the eighties, I was at the height of my photography career. My book sales had taken off. This was back when Adventure wasn’t a channel but a magazine. They offered me a gig traveling the world to take pictures for them.”

  “I had no idea.”

  “I said no. I was pregnant with our son. Our daughter was only eighteen months old. And I knew how much I’d be sacrificing to leave. Our marriage was stable and likely could’ve handled the separation, but I actually enjoyed life with Teddy. I could have lived without my love by my side. I just didn’t want to.”

  Keira bristled. This woman, this stranger, didn’t know Keira’s history or her future. Who did she think she was?

  “Kat, I only tell you this for one reason. Your story isn’t my story. And it isn’t Margot’s or anyone else’s, either. But life is full of difficult choices. There may come a time where you have to choose your path. And you’ll have many voices directing that choice. But if you lift it up to the Lord, he’ll tell you which choice is best for you.”

  “God doesn’t speak to me like that.”

  “Maybe you aren’t listening for the right sound.” Angela squeezed Keira’s hand. “He speaks in whispers when all the world is loud. Just remember—mountains, oceans, prairies? They may give beauty to our eyes and depth to our experience, but it is God who gives peace to our soul. Don’t lose sight of him and don’t forget where or with whom your home is.”

  CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE

  I’m being paranoid, right?” Robbie’s nerves were on edge this morning for many reasons. Not even a reassuring smile from Keira could settle them.

  “Parents hire babysitters all the time,” Keira said. “You didn’t freak out when we left her at the hospital’s KidWatch.”

  “Yeah, but that place was licensed by the state of California. I met Willa three days ago. And she’s never looked up from her phone long enough to tell me anything about herself.”

  “She’s an intern on this show. I’m sure she’s responsible enough. And it’s only for a few hours. Besides, would you really want Annie to walk on a glacier with us?”

  “Good point.” It had broken his heart to leave Anabelle behind, knowing how much she wanted to see the “glaitser,” as she called it. But she was his daughter, after all. Her gumption surpassed her common sense too often for her own good.

  Besides, he was nervous enough as is. For the hundredth time since he’d left the hotel room, he slid his hand over the left front pocket of his jeans. With his fingertip, he traced the ring’s circle and vintage diamond. Still tucked away, waiting for the right moment.

  Isaac strode through the front door of Denali Grand Tours. He looked around until his beady eyes pinned on Keira.

  She angled her shoulders to the man. “Hey, Isaac. How responsible is Willa?”

  He held up his hand flat and rocked it back and forth. “Eh.”

  Robbie groaned. “That does not make me feel better. I should head back to the lodge.”

  “Kat, big news. It’s showtime.” Isaac grinned. “You’ll be interviewing a park ranger up on the glacier for a clip.”

  Keira gripped Robbie’s hand hard enough to hurt. “Really? But what about Margot?”

  “She’s not here. I guess she wanted to see Kodiak or something and took off. Phil’s had enough.”

  Outside in the sun, Phil, the producer, paced. The helicopters had been scheduled to take off thirty minutes ago, and Margot was hours away.

  With the same fervor she’d used to squeeze his hand, she now choked Robbie’s neck in an enthusiastic embrace. “Anabelle will be fine. You can’t leave me now. After all, you are my assistant.”

  Therese broke them up, squeezing in front of Robbie to start on Keira’s makeup. She highlighted and bronzed, brushed and sprayed Keira’s face until she looked like a porcelain doll. Thanks to Keira’s own styling that morning, her hair only needed to be placed around her face. A new Patagonia coat arrived next.

  Keira shrugged into it.

  Robbie stood by with nothing to do. Some assistant he was. “Can I get you anything?”

  “All I need is prayer.” She grinned at him.

  With a hand in his pocket, Robbie blew out a shaky breath. She’d say yes . . . if he got the chance to ask her up there on the glacier. What better place to ask her to marry him than on top of the world, which was how he felt when he was with her.

  But first, she had a job to do.

  When it was time to load, Robbie made one last call to Willa. Apparently, Anabelle had thrown a fit about not getting to go up on the mountain with them, even telling Willa that she could run up the mountain to join
Robbie and Keira. It had taken a Princess Patty Cake video to settle her down. But Anabelle was fine now. They’d eaten lunch and would be heading outside to play in a few minutes.

  Keira was whisked away by Isaac, a guy who appeared to get his fashion advice from Jeff Goldblum’s character in Jurassic Park. He held her hand as she boarded the plane with Phil and the pudgy camera guy. Dusty, maybe.

  Robbie got corralled onto the third plane with the other intern, the lighting girl, and a guy whose entire job seemed to be writing on a tablet all day. The seats weren’t comfortable, and it quickly became apparent that someone didn’t believe in deodorant.

  On the ride up, he could have marveled at the sights through the window. Instead, he prayed for the Lord to put his hand on Keira today.

  Once they arrived on the glacier, production went into high gear. Microphones and light kits clashed with the otherwise natural landscape. Keira, in all her glory, stood before the camera with the national park ranger. While the cameras rolled, they bantered back and forth, discussing the age and depth of the glacier. With her questions and responses, Keira seemed to be best friends with the guy, knowledgeable while still flirting with the camera. It was masterful.

  “And that’s a wrap!” Phil called. “Excellent way to introduce Keira to our viewers. They’ll love her. Now, go rest up, because tomorrow we head to Brussels, with stopovers in both Seattle and Frankfurt. We’ll have to see if Margot decides to join us.” He approached Keira and spoke to her.

  She nodded and brought a hand to her mouth.

  Boy, Robbie wished she’d stop covering up her smile. At least she was happy. All her dreams were coming true, except one.

  Again, he felt for the ring.

  This wasn’t ideal. There were too many people. Maybe if he waited, they’d all head back to the helicoptors, and he and Keira could be alone.

  For the first time in nearly two hours of filming, she looked in Robbie’s direction, and they locked eyes.

  “Do you ever feel like you’re watching history being made?” Isaac asked Robbie, nodding to Keira. He was kneeling on the ice, looping the length of audio cable in his hand. “She’s a natural. I’ve only been working in television for about ten years, but I’d say she’s got quite a career ahead of her. It’s cool that you’re so encouraging of it.”

  “If you saw where she came from, you’d understand.”

  “I hope you’re hanging on to her tight.” Isaac hooked his arm through the wound cable and set it on his shoulder before clapping Robbie on the back. “Because she’s about to soar.”

  Isaac’s words, or perhaps the look of adoration on the guy’s face whenever he looked at Keira, clenched Robbie’s stomach like a vice grip.

  The time had come.

  Robbie jogged to Keira, still standing on the vast Yanert Ice Field.

  “How was I?”

  He bear-hugged her. “I’ve never been prouder of you.”

  “Thanks, Robbie.”

  The crew was still milling about.

  Except for Isaac, who was watching them. No, this was not ideal, but Robbie had missed his chance once before. He wouldn’t do it again.

  “Kat, I’ve wanted to do this for so long.” Robbie raised her gloved left hand to his lips. He kissed each knuckle, then held his lips a moment longer on the spot where his ring would soon rest. Slowly, he tugged each finger of the glove, until the entire thing yielded.

  Her bare hand trembled slightly. Her cheeks, tinged pink from the cold despite Therese’s constant reapplication of powder, made her eyes appear as blue as the sky above.

  “My love for you is as wide as—”

  “Hey, guys, sorry to interrupt.” Even the sound of the glacier breaking in half couldn’t be as irritating as Isaac’s voice at that moment. “I need to get some things straight as Adventure Channel announces the new staffing. For liability reasons, we need to make sure no one on our payroll has any skeletons in the closet that the gossip rags will latch on to. Kat, you have your blog and Momentso account as Kat Wanderfull. That’s it, right?”

  “Yeah, that’s all. Isaac, can you give us a minute, please? We’re in the middle of something.”

  “Almost done. Robbie, you said you aren’t on social media.”

  Robbie felt the rumble of a tremor in his legs. He gave a small nod.

  “We did a search, and you’re linked to an inactive Momentso profile. There’s no problem with it. You kept it clean. Hardly posted at all. It was under the name, uh, MR—”

  Robbie silenced him with a raised hand.

  Confusion warped Keira’s features.

  He should have told her long ago.

  Understanding turned her confusion to sadness. In her eyes, Keira’s dream of love shattered, leaving shards of glass to rain down on their joined hands.

  He didn’t dare let go.

  Her breaths grew heavy. Finally, she opened her mouth to speak. “MRCustom?”

  Robbie nodded. “Madison River Custom Homes. The name of the business I had planned to start.”

  Isaac backed away, but Keira did not. She had promised Robbie she wouldn’t flee.

  Robbie almost wished she had. Seeing her back as she fled would be easier than watching the pain of betrayal rippling across her face. Her lips struggled to pair sound with their movement. Finally, after a long minute of silence, she asked one question. “Why?”

  “I didn’t know it was you. Not when we were talking about books or your goals in life. I fell in love with you when I thought you were a stranger. It wasn’t until you told me about your two names, Kat and Keira, that I realized the truth. When I brought your atlas to you, I planned to tell you. But you were still bleeding from John’s betrayal. I couldn’t deepen the wound.”

  “Why not after that?”

  “You were looking for any excuse to run from me. After seeing you with Annie. After seeing you paint that school in South Dakota, holding babies in California. After falling for you all over again, I couldn’t tell you.” He caressed her cheek. He trailed his hand to the locks spilling over her shoulder from the nape of her neck. They were as soft as the first day they’d kissed in the library.

  Keira’s eyes fluttered closed.

  It would be okay. She’d forgive him. “Kat, I’m sorry. So sorry. I was wrong to hide it from you once I knew. Forgive me. I love you too much to lose you.”

  “A simple apology can’t fix this. I told him things.”

  “Those are things you’d tell me now, aren’t they?”

  “But not then. He was my friend. You were not. How could you betray me like that?” Keira’s words pierced the flesh around his heart. Her eyes narrowed to slits. “You aren’t much better than John. Maybe my father was right about you all along.”

  The world became void of sound, save a ringing in his ear. His hand dropped to his side. He stumbled back a step, expecting, hoping a crevasse would swallow him whole.

  Someone caught his arm, keeping him upright. Producer Phil.

  “Matthews, we need to get you back to the lodge. It’s your daughter. She’s gone missing.”

  CHAPTER FORTY

  I don’t know what happened. She was running around the clearing pretending a troll was chasing her or something. I looked down at my phone. Next thing I knew, she was gone. I called to her, but she didn’t answer,” Willa said, wiping her nose with a tissue. “I think she might’ve been trying to find you guys.”

  Robbie couldn’t look at her. He never should’ve left Anabelle. He needed to think. Make a plan. His mind, though, had turned to mush the moment he’d learned his daughter was missing.

  “How long ago was this?” Keira asked.

  “About two hours. The lodge already called the Denali Rescue Team. Then they sent out some guys on ATVs to look for her. So far they haven’t found anything.” Willa’s red-rimmed eyes spilled more tea
rs down her cheeks. “Oh, I hope an animal didn’t get her.”

  The image was too much. Robbie’s stomach heaved. He bent over behind a shrub and got sick. Afterward, when he opened his eyes, the scenery warped. Robbie was falling backward. His body thudded against the ground, and pain shot from his tailbone up his spine.

  He sensed movement around him as he lay on his back, looking at the spinning clouds. What he wouldn’t give for a ray of light to appear. If ever he needed the help of angels, this was it. Lord, I need you. Anabelle needs you. Protect her from cold, fear, and harm. Please.

  A shadow loomed above him.

  His eyes finally focused on Keira’s face.

  She rolled him a bit and withdrew his phone from his back pocket. She handled it carefully. Had he crushed it just now? Not that it mattered. Nothing mattered except finding his baby girl. A minute later Keira held the phone to her ear. “Thomas? It’s Keira . . . No, everything’s not okay. Anabelle’s lost . . . A couple of hours . . . Would you mind? . . . Thanks, Thomas . . . I’ll tell him.”

  A breeze kicked up. What had Anabelle been wearing? Was she cold? Hungry? Scared? God, please don’t let her be hurt or—

  “Thomas will search from the air. He should be here in about two hours. The tour place is sending their helicopters up, too. The forests aren’t too thick up at this latitude. They’ll be able to see her. She’ll be okay, Robbie.” Her voice had been stripped of all grace. “I’ll call your family so they can be praying.”

  “We need more people on the ground to search.” Robbie forced himself into a seated position. He swallowed back a new wave of vomit. “I’m calling the police.”

  “But if you call them, Vivian, the lawyers, the judge—”

  “I know. But I’d rather have Anabelle alive and only see her four days a month than never see her again.” Dread washed over him, and he wretched on the grass once more.

  * * *

  * * *

  Thank God for a midnight sun, eh?” Therese handed Robbie and Keira each a coffee. Although the clock read nine p.m., the sun still flushed the land with light.

 

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