by Kris Bryant
“Are you okay?”
I felt soft hands on my upper arms and started to shrink away. She immediately released me when our eyes met.
“Um, yes. I was just headed back to the table.” How long was I gone? The same people were sitting in booths around us, so I guessed not very long. “I’m sorry about that.”
She nodded and walked behind me, careful not to touch me, but close enough that I could reach out to her if I needed to. “I just wanted to make sure you didn’t bail and stick me with the bill.” She winked at me. Hope was the first woman who made me feel both completely nervous and at ease at the same time.
“I can be a jerk, but I would never do that to you,” I said.
She reached out and carefully touched my hand after we sat back down. It took all of my energy not to shrink away. Not because I didn’t want her to touch me, but because I did. I wasn’t used to contact unless it was Clio. I found that I wanted it desperately, and that scared me. I looked down at the rose-colored manicured nails that rested on the knuckles of my left hand. I felt the soft calluses on her fingertips and knew they came from a guitar or a cello, something she had recently picked up after a long absence or just started to play. Chill bumps raced up my arm, and I prayed that she didn’t see them.
“You are not even close to being a jerk, okay? You’re sweet and kind. Just a little nervous,” she said.
“I…um. I’m just not used to people. I know that makes me sound weird.” I had no other explanation.
She squeezed my hand. “Not weird. I get it. Not everybody is an extrovert. There are some days even I don’t like people.”
I frowned when she pulled her hand away from mine. I missed her warmth immediately. “That’s why Clio is so good for me. We understand one another.” My appetite was gone. I wanted to go home and curl up with him.
“Maybe you have room in your life for one more.” She said it with such conviction that for a few moments I believed this could happen. That somehow, someway, this woman could be, wanted to be, a part of my life.
Chapter Six
When Banks & Tyler had a company barbecue, they went all out. They opened up the large conference room, and every single employee brought something to eat. I brought potato salad from the deli near my house. At first I wasn’t going to participate, but Josh kept asking until I committed. I had no idea why we were having a barbecue, but it put everybody in a good mood. I was slinking back to my office after fixing a plate but stopped when Amanda blocked my path.
“Did you make this potato salad? It’s scrumptious.”
“I wish I could take credit, but I don’t cook. What’s the occasion today?” I wasn’t on the office email system, so I wasn’t sure why or what we were celebrating. I figured if it was important, somebody would tell me. Several of the guys went up on the roof to grill burgers, hot dogs, and chicken. I didn’t even know we had roof access. Apparently it was a nice setup. I would have to check it out sometime.
“It’s the company anniversary. We do this every year. With the weather so nice, it’s hard to keep everybody indoors. You should head up there and check it out. There’s a bar, shuffleboard, life-size chess board, and an herb garden. It’s really cool.”
I nodded and skirted around her, anxious to get back to my office. I shut the door and called my boss over at Banks Corporation. I told him I would be done by this time next week. I was even stretching out the time because I knew he was going to be disappointed at how fast I’d done the job. And, truthfully, I felt pangs of sadness because I was just starting to make eye contact and smile with some of the employees here. Banks & Tyler was an easier place to work. There was a level of comfort that didn’t exist at Banks Corporation.
“Hoyt says he’s pleased with your analysis,” Gene said. Even though he couldn’t see me, I nodded. I knew my work here was solid. “Why don’t you take a few days off when you are done?”
“I don’t mind the work,” I said.
“If only all of my employees could be like you, Lily.” He hung up and I leaned back in my chair. This project, however simple it was, had changed me. I’d done consulting projects before, but I felt another shift happening inside me. Slower this time, and definitely positive.
I was sure it was because of meeting Hope. Our dinner the other night was nice and gave me a sliver of confidence. Maybe there was something there. Hell, I was happy to just develop a friendship, but I was also hopeful. When was the last time I kissed a woman? I tried online dating one night years ago. At the end of the date, the girl practically threw herself at me. The kiss was sloppy and almost made me gag. The time before that was college. It wasn’t that I didn’t want a relationship, because I desperately did, I just never thought I could survive the courtship. Hope had a way of calming my nerves while keeping me teetering on the edge of an unknown abyss. I could slip at any time. Would falling be a good thing? I didn’t want to crush on her. I was twenty-seven years old.
My office phone rang and I answered without even looking down at the display. “Lily Croft.”
“Hope D’Marco.”
I gasped and sat up straight in my chair. “Hope. Hi.” I had no idea what to say to her other than hi, which I said a few times in a row. Settle down, Lily.
“Next Friday is the monthly concert, and I wanted to invite you to it. Maybe this time you can stay a little bit longer.”
“How did you get my number?” I asked. My lack of filter with Hope was ridiculous.
“When we had dinner the other night, you said you worked at B and T, and I looked it up. I hope you don’t mind. I gave you my number, but you haven’t called me yet,” she said.
I heard her smile through the phone. She was teasing me. I gripped the receiver harder and tried to sound like a normal person. “I didn’t think you really wanted me to call you,” I said. Normal people said that, right?
“I wouldn’t have given you my number otherwise. So, what do you say? Will you attend? I’ll save the seat in the very back row, closest to the door for you.”
I couldn’t tell if she was joking or being serious. “Um, yes. I’ll attend.” I knew I was going to be a wreck. Seven days to think about it.
“Great. Hopefully I’ll see you before then, but if I don’t, would you like to do dinner after that? We don’t have to go anywhere. I can cook us something instead. My place isn’t too far away.”
I stood up. Did Hope just ask me out on a date or was this a friendship thing? I started pacing, but my steps were severely limited by a short phone cord. I was sure I looked crazy to anybody watching me. “Sure. That sounds great. Next Friday is my last day here, so I might get out early.”
“That’s even better. You can help us set up. I’m not going to lie, though, I’ll miss you lingering out front.”
I was quiet for a few seconds because I wasn’t sure how to process that. Was she teasing me or had I actually become a stalker?
“Hey, I’m kidding. I love that you enjoy listening. I just wish you were going to be around longer. Your advice is immeasurable.”
“I’m sorry about that. I should have done a better job of explaining myself.” I cringed recalling my direct advice. Hope had been nothing but sweet and kind and I’d been such a jerk. I had a week to read up on interacting with people, specifically beautiful ones who made my heart beat faster and made me sweat like a teenager. If I wanted any kind of meaningful relationship with her, I was going to have to do a better job communicating.
“Will I see you before then?”
I gulped. Did she just ask me out again? How could one phone call result in two dates?
“This weekend is going to be nice and I thought maybe we could go do something fun outside. There are a few outdoor events, or we could go to the Lincoln Park Conservatory. Their flowers are in full bloom and it’s nice and relaxing.”
“Yes. That sounds nice.” I finally sat down. This was going to happen. I wanted it to and she was trying. It was time to take a deep breath, count to ten, and submit
.
“Great. Would you like to meet there? At noon tomorrow? I’ll bring lunch,” she said.
“I’ll bring dessert, then.” I couldn’t show up empty-handed.
“You bring a blanket for us to sit on. Leave all the food to me.”
“Okay.” I was so nervous and stressed that I hung up and forgot to say good-bye. I held my head in my hands and groaned. How was I so bad at this?
***
I saw Hope across the fountain and watched her for a few moments before I walked to her. My heart drummed against my chest, the beat fast and furious, and I took several deep breaths to calm down. She was wearing capris, a thin scoop-neck T-shirt, and flats. Her hair was pulled back, too, and I smiled when she looked down at her wrist for the time. She was thinking about her grandfather. Realizing that I was close to being late, I stepped away from my hiding place.
“You look great,” she said when she saw me.
I looked down at my summer dress and sandals. My hair was pulled back and out of my face. “Thank you. So do you.” She really did. I offered to carry the basket for her, but she waved me off.
“It’s pretty heavy,” she said.
“Did you just call me a wimp?” I asked.
She smiled at me. “I believe that you, Ms. Lily Croft, just made your first joke with me, and that makes me happy,” she said. At least I knew she was here because of me. Me. No other reason. She was willing to give me a chance at something. “And no, I just have it perfectly balanced on my arm like Little Red Riding Hood. I scoped out the area and found a really nice place over there.” She pointed over to an area far enough from the roses so that the bees wouldn’t bother us, but close enough that we could enjoy the fragrance of them. We had the shade of a Japanese maple tree so the sun wasn’t so hot. It was perfect. I wiped my hands across my dress several times before I felt Hope’s fingers still me. “There’s no reason to be nervous. It’s just me.” Her eyes were so trustworthy that I forced myself to relax. I counted to ten slowly before I responded.
“It’s because it’s you,” I said honestly.
“Well, then it’s the good kind of nerves. At least it is for me,” she said and pulled her hand back. “Now let me show you what we have.” Hope pulled out different containers of pasta salad, fruit salad, bread, and a tiny bottle of wine. “I know you drink beer, so I hope you are okay with wine. It’s red, so it’s not too sweet.”
“Confession time,” I said. Hope stopped and gave me her undivided attention, which unnerved me and excited me at the same time. I fidgeted with the hem of my dress. “I can count on one hand how many alcoholic drinks I’ve had in my life.”
“We don’t have to drink anything at all. I also have water.” She was so sweet.
“I’m sure you know this already, but, well, I’m kind of a mess.” My nervous smile couldn’t find a place to land, so it went from one corner of my mouth to the other until I gave up and shrugged at her.
“I don’t think you’re a mess at all. I think you are a very shy, beautiful woman who doesn’t like a lot of attention. I completely understand. All big thinkers are one step ahead of the rest of us.”
She busied herself by fixing plates. I tried hard not to stare at her but was failing miserably. Hope said I was beautiful. I was plain. I wore very little makeup, my hair had zero style even though it was long and wavy, and my clothes were plain. I smoothed down the tiny hairs I felt curl out from the back of my neck. Being this close to her made me even more nervous, so I started the list in my head. Deep breaths. Count to ten.
“Close your eyes.”
I turned and looked at her. “What?”
“Close your eyes. Trust me.” My eyelids fluttered shut and I took a deep breath. The walls that were tight around my heart started to wobble. This woman was getting through to me in just a few short weeks. “Okay, tell me what you hear.” I lifted my eyebrows in surprise. She was playing my game. I took a deep breath and held it before I answered.
“I hear birds singing, which is a nice change from the pigeons that coo on the windowsills. There are children laughing nearby, possibly playing a game of hide-and-seek. I hear the chain links on the swings creak with the breeze. Every few seconds the wind picks up and twirls the leaves. That sound makes me the happiest.”
“Because it’s a relaxing and calming noise. What else do you hear?” Her hand touched mine. The struggle to pull away from her touch and the desire to lean into it was real. I concentrated hard to answer her.
“I hear you. You’re humming. It’s so low and sweet.” I opened my eyes and looked at her. “Or maybe I can hear you through your touch. Does that make sense?”
“Completely. You definitely listen better than most people do. That’s why I trust what you tell me about my playing and getting the pauses right. Your sensitivity to sound is a gift. Thank you for sharing it with me.”
I sighed when she pulled her hand away. I wanted to tell her why I listened, but I wasn’t ready. Jillian Crest was a lifetime ago. One I didn’t want to revisit on a date. “Have any more kids signed up for lessons? How’s the organization going?” It was a safe topic.
“Eh, we are kind of struggling. It’s hard to get the kids in that location. We are hoping to generate more attention via social media, and we’ve visited nearby schools. Some counselors still believe in music programs. I guess it’s just a matter of time.” Hope furrowed her eyebrows.
“I’m sure it will pick up. At least half of all adults played an instrument growing up. Once they realize it’s free and available for their children, then maybe there will be more attendance. What about a flyer sent home or however parents get information? Email?”
“That’s a great idea. Instead of the counselors, maybe I should talk to the principals and vice principals,” she said. I liked the way she nibbled at her bread while she was deep in thought. We were sitting close enough that I could reach over and wipe the errant crumb off her upper lip, but I didn’t have the nerve. I was just getting comfortable sharing a blanket with her. I couldn’t imagine reaching out and touching her, especially her full, beautiful lips. Hope would run away screaming. Or would she? My adrenaline at the prospect of Hope kissing me made me stand.
“Do you want to go for a walk?” I looked down at Hope, who was completely relaxed on the blanket. The food was still unpacked and half of her lunch still on her plate. “I’m sorry. That was rude.” I sat back down.
“Don’t be silly. That’s fine. Let me just clear up this stuff. It’ll just take a minute.” She didn’t seem bothered by my request.
“Why are you so agreeable with me?” I blurted out.
She didn’t hesitate. “Because I like you and I want to get to know you. I know you are skittish around me and I think it’s because you like me, too. I find you refreshing. You are pure and sweet, even if you struggle with communicating.” She was direct, but I suddenly needed her to know everything about me, well, except the whole music thing.
“I’m bad at this. I don’t know how to read people. I’ve never had a girlfriend or a best friend before. I’m more awkward than you think I am.” I looked down at the blanket and started playing with a piece of grass that had blown onto it. Did I really just confess all of that out loud to the one person I actually liked? I groaned.
“Hey, I don’t care about that. It’s just us here.” She touched my arm again, but this time I felt a slight shake in her fingers. Great. I just scared her off. I watched as she rubbed her thumb across my forearm a few times. “Lily.” I looked up at her. “We are just two people enjoying a Saturday afternoon at the park. I have no expectations other than to see you break out of your shell a bit more. I already worked one joke out of you. I wonder how many more I’ll hear before this date ends.”
We really were on a date. I smiled at the fluttering butterflies inside my body, thinking I would float away if my hands weren’t clutching the blanket, tightly holding me in place.
Chapter Seven
“It was an actual da
te, Clio. She said it.” I picked him up and swung him around high up above my head. He wasn’t amused. As a matter of fact, I wasn’t sure I’d ever seen that look of disdain on his face before. I felt a rumbling against my thumbs and figured he was two seconds away from scratching the shit out of me, so I carefully dropped him on the couch. He bolted. “Yeah, sorry, big guy. I got a little carried away.”
When Hope walked me to the train station, I’d been a complete mess. Was I supposed to kiss her? Were we supposed to make plans? Did I completely blow my chances with her? When my train showed up, she gave me a quick hug and I felt her lips brush across my cheek when she pulled away. I almost melted right there. She said she would text me later.
“How is somebody so perfect as Hope D’Marco interested in me, Clio?” I asked an empty room.
My phone buzzed on the table. Did you make it home safely?
I held my breath and froze. It was Hope.
I did. Thank you for checking on me. The good news about texting was that I had time to filter what I said. Maybe texting was the ideal form of communication for me. I had fun today. Thanks for the invite. I deleted the second “thank you” and opted for the more casual “thanks.” I’d already confessed I was awkward. I didn’t want her to think I was a complete freak.
How’s Clio?
He’s mad at me so he’s hiding. I didn’t want to tell her the reason why, so I kept it vague.
Oh, no. What did you do? So much for keeping it vague.
I hugged him a little too hard when I got home. I forget he’s not a stuffed animal sometimes. I swiped through the photos on my camera and sent her one of Clio.