by Kris Bryant
“Is this okay?” It was my turn to ask the question and her turn to nod. My confidence was off the chart at the moment. My caresses grew bolder. The unguarded look she gave me was pure with a hint of vulnerability. I stared into her eyes and tried to convey that I was okay with this. That I was ready for us to try new things. Hope was waiting for me to make the first move.
I scooted up and faced her so that we mirrored one another. She touched me wherever I touched her. It wasn’t a game, really, but more a consensual willingness to explore one another. I leaned on my elbow and ran my fingertips up her side, her arm, and back down. Chill bumps popped up on her arms and legs. When her nipples hardened, I couldn’t help but want to touch her breasts. I touched her stomach and moved my hand slowly, carefully up to her breast. Hope moaned when my palm grazed the hard pebble and impatiently wrapped her hand over mine and pressed it to her body.
She was so soft, so full, so responsive to my touch. She arched her back so her body was closer to mine and captured my lips in another possessive kiss. I cupped her breast, massaged for a few seconds, then closed my fingers around her rock-hard nipple. I wanted that softness and hardness in my mouth. I broke our kiss and slid the thin tank tops straps down so they rested on her arm. I kissed the top of her cleavage and gently pulled the double layer down until I freed her breast. Her hand found its way to the back of my head and guided my mouth down. We both wanted the same thing. She let me be gentle at first. I sucked the soft roughness of her areola and her nipple into my mouth and swirled my tongue in circles over it. Her loud moans and writhing body were encouraging. I felt her hips push against me the harder I sucked. She pushed me up and, for a split second, I thought she was rejecting me again.
“Did I do something wrong?” My heart picked up speed as I thought I’d hurt her, or embarrassed her, or even made her feel uncomfortable.
She touched my face in a soothing gesture. “Not at all.”
She sat up briefly and removed both tanks. I stared at an almost naked Hope. She reached to pull me back to her, but stopped and dropped her hands to her sides. She wanted me to see her, to take my own time. I was in awe. She had such a tiny waist and full breasts. I rested my palm on her flat stomach and caressed up to the underside of her breasts and back down to the top of her shorts. I bravely dipped my fingertips in the waistband and ran them back and forth from hip to hip. She hooked her leg over the back of the couch. I didn’t know where to start, but I knew Hope had given me permission to do whatever I wanted. She was ready.
“I have touched a lot of beautiful things in my life, but you, Hope D’Marco, are by far the loveliest.” I spoke from the heart.
Caressing her was better than any instrument I’d played, held, and mastered. I was fascinated with the smoothness of her body and the way her breath caught when I reached a sensitive spot. My hands caressed her skin. I was making music out of her sharp intakes of breath and soft moans. I stroked the soft skin on the inside of her thigh. She lifted her hips the closer my hand got to her core. I wasn’t ready for that, so I skimmed up her shorts and placed my hand comfortably on her stomach. She was holding back for my sake. I leaned over her and kissed her.
She reached for me and moved my hips so I was resting completely between her legs. It was erotic being dressed while Hope only had a tiny pair of shorts on. Her legs wrapped around my waist for just a moment and our cores touched. I gasped. She slid her legs back down so they were still entwined with mine, but we weren’t as connected.
“I’m sorry about that.” She paused, her voice barely audible and very raspy. It sounded so sexy. “You make me forget about things.”
“Don’t be sorry. I love all of this. I’m serious when I say you are beautiful.” I kissed her swollen lips.
My body was blossoming with the need to release, but it was so amazing to share this with another person, I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to stay on this plateau of sexual excitement where everything was sensitive and new, but I had this desire to please Hope. I knew what I liked on my body, but I didn’t want to assume she enjoyed the same things. I moved back down to her breasts, giving both equal attention. Her body was flushed with desire. I kissed her again and again until I got lost in our motions. Then I forgot about everything except pleasing her. I couldn’t help but rock my hips into her as much as she couldn’t help pushing back into me. My dress had ridden up somewhere between my knees and thighs so when our skin touched, I almost lost control. She was so warm and silky against me. Hope dug her fingers into my back and slid down until she cupped my ass. A new sensation and one I thoroughly enjoyed.
“Just like that, Lily. Just like that.” She breathed her words into my mouth. I had no idea what she meant, but I didn’t stop moving or kissing her until I felt her body tighten and stiffen under mine and she broke our kiss to cry out. Never in my life had I experienced something so raw and powerful. Her entire body shook, and the only thing I could think to do was hold her. She clutched me until her body settled against mine.
“That.” She paused and continued after catching her breath. “That wasn’t supposed to happen. I’m so embarrassed.” She covered her face with her hands.
“Are you kidding me? This is the best night of my life.” Pride made me want to jump up and dance, sing, yell with happiness, but the look on Hope’s face kept me grounded. “Hope, look at me. You did absolutely nothing wrong.”
“But I made this big production the other night about waiting until we were both ready,” she said.
“We are both ready.” I kissed her softly.
She gave me a quick, tight squeeze and nodded.
I jumped guiltily when we heard loud knocking.
“Why aren’t you answering your phone? I know you’re home.” The voice on the other side of the door was deep and demanding and scared the shit out of me.
I watched as Hope yanked on her tank tops and adjusted her shorts. “Fuck.”
“Who is that?” I was in full panic mode. I went from gentle, tender first-time lover to paranoid freak in the span of two seconds. The banging didn’t stop. I started pacing.
“Calm down, Bobby. I’ll be there in a second,” Hope called.
Who the hell was Bobby? My panic turned into jealousy. Who was this guy and why was he here? Hope walked to the door, unlocked it, and opened the door to a very tall, very muscular man who grabbed her and swung her around right in front of me. My hands balled into fists as I watched their exchange.
“Well, well, well, little sister. Pardon the interruption, but you should’ve answered the phone. We’re in town this weekend and I wanted to surprise you. Who is this beauty?” He reached out to me and I shrank back in fear. My mind processed that this was her brother, but why was he here? And why right now? I glanced at the clock. It was early, only eight.
“Bobby, this is my girlfriend, Lily. Lily, this is my older, obnoxious brother Bobby, who lives in New York and I miss him, but whose timing stinks.”
Hope pulled on a T-shirt she had conjured out of thin air or from some hidden place I missed. It wasn’t as if I was concentrating on her. My attention was solely on her brother. I was the worst judge of human behavior, but even I knew their vibe was off. Wait a minute. Did she just introduce me as her girlfriend? I turned to her.
“You look familiar,” Bobby said to me, then turned to Hope. “Has she been to one of our dinners before?”
“No, Bobby. You’ve never met her,” Hope said. She was irritated, hopefully at his intrusion only.
That was my cue. I couldn’t be there any longer. “Hope, I’m going to go now. I’ll just see you tomorrow, okay?”
She looked at me as though she couldn’t believe I would leave right then. I leaned toward her so only she could hear. “He’s here to stay. I’m perfectly okay. Call me later?” I placed a small, gentle kiss on her cheek.
She wasn’t happy about any of this—well, maybe what happened between us, but not about her brother showing up. I didn’t want her to have to decide. T
his brother was from out of town. I lived in the same city.
“It was nice meeting you, Bobby.”
He smiled and muttered something responsive, and I bolted. My dress was a wrinkled mess, my hair had unraveled into something unmanageable. I practically jogged to the station. Friday evening, albeit early, was still iffy for me on the train. Not because I didn’t feel safe, but because a different crowd took it on the weekends and nights out. I opted for a cab because I just couldn’t deal with any more stimuli. I needed time to process everything that had happened before Bobby banged on the door. I gave the cabbie my address, buckled in, and closed my eyes. Tonight was incredible. So many things happened, but the most exciting thing was that I had a girlfriend. One I was proud of and deliriously happy to have in my life. She was so sweet, and gentle, and made me feel like I was the only person in the world who mattered to her. I was half of something perfect. The other half, my half, still needed serious work, but I was trying even though that meant stepping out of my comfort zone. The reward was totally worth it.
Chapter Fifteen
“I’m so sorry my brother showed up.” The strain in Hope’s voice was clear.
It was eight in the morning, and even though my sleep had been punctuated by me waking up every half hour to check my phone, I was up and ready for the day.
“It’s okay. Really. I know your family is important to you, and I know Bobby doesn’t get in town as much as you would like.” I nodded at my answer as if I was trying to convince both of us. My eyes burned from lack of sleep. I rubbed them and pressed my cool fingertips to my eyelids, providing a few seconds of relief.
“He didn’t leave until late. We had a few things to discuss.” She stumbled over her words. Before I could ask the details, my manners kicked in. Hope would tell me if she wanted me to know. I trusted her.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I just hate that our night got ruined. I’m sorry about that,” she said.
“Last night was great. It didn’t get ruined. I told you, it was the best night of my life.” It really was. Better than any concert I’d seen or performed.
“Do you want to get together for breakfast this morning, or do you have plans?”
I almost snorted. She was the only person I hung out with. “Yes. There’s a little breakfast shop a few blocks from here that I want to try. Can you come this way?” I’d wanted to try it now that I was back to working from home, but I was thinking of placing an order to go. But I’d much rather have a sit-down meal with my girlfriend. I smiled. Of course a Saturday morning meant a two-hour wait. I went online and made reservations for nine thirty while Hope tried to figure out what time she could be ready by. “If you want to meet me there at nine thirty, we should have a table ready.”
“That sounds great. I will see you soon.”
We hung up and I raced to my closet. I decided on navy capris, a white sleeveless top, and sandals. Very neutral, very plain. I was going to have to rethink my wardrobe. I wanted to look good for Hope, not be boring, but almost everything in my closet was earth toned. I had very little color. I felt bland. I’d worn all of my nicer casual clothes around her, and my wardrobe was beginning to cycle. I needed to go shopping.
Of course I got to the restaurant early, but I checked in and waited outside for Hope. It was a nice, sunny day and I was too excited to sit. The place was packed, but I didn’t feel too out of place, yet.
“Do not burn that beautiful skin.” Hope slid her arm around my waist and kissed me in front of all of Chicago, and I didn’t mind. For the first time, I wasn’t worried about what people thought or if they were looking at me.
“Good morning.” I had the cheesiest grin on my face and I didn’t care.
“It is now,” she said and kissed me again.
I leaned into her. Just a few short hours ago, I had this woman almost naked in my arms. “Are you hungry?”
Her eyes narrowed sexily at me. She tilted her chin up a bit and raised an eyebrow. “Definitely.”
I smiled. “Great. Let’s go inside.” I looked at my app. “We’re next.”
She touched my arm to get my attention. “Are you going to be okay inside?”
“I’m feeling pretty good this morning.” Even though I didn’t sleep the greatest, I was on cloud nine. When we walked in, we were seated almost immediately at the back of the restaurant. I sat in the chair with my back against the wall. “So, your brother came by.”
She laughed. “At the worst possible time.” She reached out and squeezed my hand. Unspoken words passed between us.
“Is everything okay?”
She shrugged and sighed. “No. Not really.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“Leading Note is losing money from the company my brother works for. Every year they pick a charity or organization to help, and we’ve been the recipient for the last two years. I knew we were going to lose their funding since the company relocated to New York, but I was hoping for another year during their transition. It’s just a hard hit.” She stirred her coffee until the sound drove me crazy and I had to reach out and touch her hand.
“There are so many companies where you are now that would surely give Leading Note funding.” My mind went into overdrive. I thought of Banks Corporation, B&T, and knew they were rolling in the dough. They most likely had money set aside for charity. It was all about tax breaks with most corporations. “Are you the one who reaches out to companies?”
“Yes, but I don’t know that I love this location. In all fairness, Bobby’s company leases the building. That’s how we were able to get it for a steal this year, but since they moved and their lease ends, if the owner allows us to stay, the price will probably triple next year. I would much rather find something where we were before. We lost a lot of kids when we were forced out.”
“What happened to your last place?”
“The building sold and the new owner converted it into condos.”
“That’s crazy.” I was shocked. There was so much money in the city and why more companies couldn’t—no, wouldn’t give more was beyond me.
“Yeah, so we’ve been limping along this year. If I can’t come up with more money, we’ll probably have to either close or move to the suburbs where the whole idea of the center is wasted.” She was crushed.
“I’m so sorry.” I had walked away from my life and everything I worked hard for because they weren’t my dreams, but to love something that much and have it taken away because of funding was disheartening.
“Enough about that.” She waved her hand like her life wasn’t in turmoil and her dreams weren’t about to go up in smoke. “Tonight there is this little jam session at a club that isn’t technically open to the public until next weekend. It just popped up. I’d like to take you. It’s very informal and will only be a handful of people. It’s jazz, and I know how much you enjoy it. Will you go with me?”
I waited two seconds, picked up my coffee cup with both hands, and said yes over the rim. The way her face lit up, especially after the hardships she just shared with me, showed how good her heart was. I would be wallowing in self-pity if faced with half of Hope’s problems.
“It sounds fun.” And it really did. I was at a point where I thought I could handle it. I pictured a small round table in the back of the room where we sat shoulder to shoulder and could touch one another discreetly. A candle rested on the table and cast shadows of our silhouettes on the wall behind us. I romanticized it, a new trait I was discovering about myself.
“And whenever you want, we can leave. I’m not under any obligation to be there.”
“You probably know a lot of musicians in town, huh?” I wasn’t jealous, just curious. I had a list of instrumentalists and conductors in my head that I liked but never contacted. My meltdown was very public and very embarrassing. Once I decided to pick myself up, I was an adult and wanted nothing to do with that life. Now I was starting to rethink things. Music was always going to be a part of me
whether I wanted it to or not.
“Some locals like what we are doing and want to help out. Plus, I love live music, all kinds, and whenever there’s an opportunity to play, I do. You can meet all kinds of people, and some of them are really into what the center is about.”
“Wait. Are you going to play?” I was shocked. I knew what a jam session was, but I just thought we’d be in the audience.
She shrugged at me. “Maybe. Just depends on how many people show up.” Hope had no fear. She was my polar opposite. I was breaking out in a sweat for her, and we weren’t even at the venue. “I think it will be fun.” Her eyes were on me, gauging my reaction. I tried to keep my anxiety from showing, but tapping my spoon on the table was a dead giveaway that I was worried. “And I think it will be good for you to be around this kind of music.” She reached out and held my hands. “We’ll be okay. I’ll be right there with you.”
Hope was a genuinely good person without a selfish bone in her body. Her will and determination was inspiring. I fell in love with her in that moment. The waitress topped off our coffees and told us our food would be out in a few minutes. I stood. Hope did, too.
“Are you okay?” Hope asked.
I stared at her as the realization of the moment seeped into my bones. It was both frightening and exhilarating. My heartbeat drummed in all of my body parts. I throbbed with fear and an unidentifiable emotion that finally showed itself as love. Worst timing ever.
“Um, yeah, yes. I’m fine.” I sank slowly in my chair and avoided stares from the people around us.
“Do we need to go?”
“No. No, I’m fine. I’m sorry about that.” Weirdo me showed up at the worst possible times. I reached for my tiny glass of water and downed it fast. The food arrived, but I wasn’t hungry. I could barely look Hope in the eye.